Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A Coffee Filter in Her Pocket

Sitting across the table from my friend I simply listened as she told me how she was dealing with the sorrows she was facing. She had provided care during the last days of her mother's life. It is a heartbreaking thing to see your mother die but at this time of great vulnerability she was also hit by wave after wave of crisis.

She wore no mask to hide the pain she had endured and at times it was hard for me to see the hurt in my friend's eyes. She wasn't trying to pretend that she didn't feel the crushing weight of her circumstances or that she wasn't perplexed by the tempestuous storm that raged around her. She sat before me vulnerable yet invincible at the same time.

Her voice broke at times because of the grief in her heart yet her words were full of courage. She smiled and told me how she carried a coffee filter in her pocket. She laughed a little when she saw the confused expression on my face and then she went on to explain how she used it to remind her to filter everything that came into her life through the truth of who God is. The truth that though she was weak He was strong and that He had promised to never leave her or forsake her. The truth that though the storms were raging in her life that God is still the Lord of the Storm.

"God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."( 2 Corinthians 4:6-10)

Lord Jesus, thank you for giving me a friend in whom I can see Your light shining. Thank You that filtered through Your love even our greatest griefs and sorrows hold the promise of redemption.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Verbs Control the Action of the Sentance

The telephone rang and when I heard his voice I slipped out onto the porch to enjoy my weekly phone visit with my son. Now that he is a grown man I only get to see him once or twice a year and this weekly visit over the phone gives me an opportunity to hear what's happening in his world. This week our conversations centered around the difficulty of taking actions and doing the hard things that are required of you.

As it often happens the theme of our conversions lingered in my mind like a song that stays with you long after the music stops. I thought about the dreams I've had in my life, things I thought I would one day accomplish. Thinking about my son's words I realized dreams that simply remain dreams are like incomplete sentences that lack a verb.

Just as verbs control the action of the sentence my faith controls the action that takes me from dreaming about what I'd like to do in my life and what I actually do. When I look at Hebrews 11 I see a list of people who had faith. The Bible tells of their faith not just because of what they believed but the actions they took. Their life was complete and not fragmented because they were not afraid to act on what they believed.

In order to have a correct sentence the verb must agree with the subject. One of the reasons I have often been afraid to act on my dreams is because I have been the subject. I have felt inadequate and therefore I have been fearful and incomplete. However, when I read the eleventh chapter of Hebrews and I see the mighty deed that these men and women did I recognize they all had the same subject of their sentences. Their verbs agree with their subject, their faith flowed from their understanding of God.

Lord Jesus, I don't want my life to be incomplete or fragmented. You have taught me that not only is faith an action but, "Without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." (Hebrews 11:6)



Saturday, January 26, 2013

Thanksgiving and the Tree

"So what is your verse this year?" my friend asked. For many years I have found that there is one verse that stands out to me at the beginning of the year and that becomes my theme verse for the year. This year I kept thinking about, "Let your roots grow down deep into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thanksgiving."( Colossians 2:7)

Actually, at first I was only thinking about the last part of the verse the part that talks about "overflowing with thanksgiving." I kept thinking about that idea of not only being thankful but overflowing with thanksgiving and wondered what the context was for that verse. When I found it in Colossians I smiled because I think that unless your roots grow down deep into Christ and you build your life on him your faith can't be strong in the truth you have been taught and there is no way to overflow with thanksgiving because life is sometimes painful and not only is it hard to overflow with thanksgiving it's hard to be thankful at all.

The pictures that comes to my mind when I think of sinking my roots deep down into Christ is the root system of the tamarisk tree. These are trees that Abraham planted in the Negev. The tree can withstand heat and long dry periods because the roots of a tamarisk tree can penetrate 164 feet underground in search of water. This tree excretes salt particles on its branches causing water vapor to adhere to them. When the sun warms the air the droplets evaporate and cool. The tamarisk tree becomes a place a refreshment in a dry and arid land. When I was Israel our guide told us to put a leaf of the tree to our lips, you could taste the salt. It reminded me of taste of tears.

This is a picture of what I want my life to be like. I want to be someone whose roots have by faith gone deep into the promises and person of Jesus Christ. No matter what difficulties I face in life I want to be strong in the truth I have been taught. I want my life to overflow with thanksgiving so that I can be an encouragement to others who sojourn with me. I believe that having a thankful heart not only is a blessing to me but can also gives refreshment to those around me.

Lord Jesus, when my life is anchored in You I have all I need to overflow with thanksgiving and not only that but You take the taste of tears and redeem it and make it a place of refreshment for others.




Friday, January 25, 2013

An Unusual Baptism and A Strange Dream

I was so tired it had been a long hard day and I was looking forward to the sweet release that comes with sleep. I eased myself down into the comfort of my bed when suddenly I felt like I was being smothered by a thick darkness, I found it difficult to breath. I got up and began to pray.

Many years ago I found a Scripture that has become a pattern for my prayers in the night. "On my bed I will remember you I will meditate on you through the watches of the night." (Psalm 63:6) So nighttime has become a time when I meditate on who God is. When I do this I find the darkness illuminated by meditating on Jesus as the Light of the World. On the nights when I feel lost and fearful I remember that I have a Great Shepherd who is not only leading me but has given His life for me. When the black of night brings with it the feeling of isolated loneliness I remember that one of the names given to Jesus was Emmanuel and that Jesus Himself has promised to never leave me or forsake me. However, on this particular night I could not get past the thick black darkness that seemed to be suffocating me every time I lay my head on the pillow.

By three in the morning I was ready for sleep I decided to meditate on what it meant to be baptized into Christ. "Do you not know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life."(Romans 6:3,4) I figured I'd use the feeling of being smothered to identify with the death and burial of Christ. When I began I meditate on walking in the newness of life I was at last able to experienced the peace that released me and allowed me to fall into a deep sleep.

When I woke up I had two phone messages. One was from a man I go to church with. He had felt prompted to pray for me and was wondering what was going on. The other message was from a friend of mine who wanted to tell me about a dream she had had. My friend finally got in touch with me two days latter. She told me she couldn't get the dream out of her mind and wanted to tell me about it.

She told me how all night long she had watched as I was being smothered by a thick black darkness. She said she watched in her dream as I would fight against the darkness but in her dream every time I lay down the blackness would again smother me. She told me the dream seemed to go on all night until suddenly I had a peaceful look on my face and fell back into the darkness. Then she watched as invisible hands lifted me towards the light. How strange it was to have someone else dreaming about what I was experiencing!

Lord Jesus, You are the Light of the World. You are the Great Shepherd not only leading but protecting me. You are Emmanuel, God with us, thank You that You never leave me or forsake me. And thank You for being the Prince of Peace who has invited me to be baptized into You and walk with You in newness of life.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

"Sarah, How Are You?"

"How are you?"..."Sarah, how are you??"..."HOW ARE YOU???"

It took me a while to figure out why it was so hard for me to answer this simple question. I appreciate my friend's concern and I want to be transparent. The reality is that this has been a difficult period in my life but there is something more going on then that reality. I have also been experiencing the truth of God's presence in the midst of my struggles.

Today I read how one night the disciples were alone in the middle of the lake being battered by the waves with the wind against them. By three in the morning they were exhausted but that's when they saw Him walking towards them on the water. "Immediately Jesus spoke to them,'Have courage! It is I. Don't be afraid.'" (Matthew 14:27) Their reality was that they were exhausted  from fighting the storm all night the truth was the Lord of the Storm had come to them.

There had been another storm they had experience with Jesus. That time He spoke to the winds and the waves and they obeyed Him and were quieted but not this time. This time Jesus was walking on the waves and when Peter asked to walk with Him Jesus said,"Come!" As long as Peter focused on Jesus he could walk on the water but when he saw the strength of the wind he was afraid and began to sink. The wind was strong the storm was real but the truth was that Peter was able to walk on water with his eyes on Jesus.

"Sarah, how are you?" The storm is real and to be honest sometimes I struggle with the strong winds. But the same Jesus that called Peter to come walk with Him on the waves is with me as well. I have learned in life that storms expose my human weakness but when I put my trust in the Lord I experience who He really is.

Lord Jesus, I know that You have the power to speak to the storm and make it stop. You also can enable me to walk on the waves of the turbulence in my life. Please help me to focus more on the truth of who you are than I do on the reality of the storms I'm in. Please strengthen me with all power, according to your glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

How Do You See Yourself and Why?

"Who do you identify with in that movie and why?" This is a question that often is asked after I watch a movie with my friends and family. The character I identify with helps me understand how I perceive myself. But the reality of who I really am isn't seen on a movie screen. I find out the truth about who I really am when I wrestle with fear and doubt in the midnight hours. What I believe is uncovered in times of difficulty better than in times when every thing is going smoothly.

When he left his homeland he left with the understanding that his brother was waiting to kill him. He had fled to his mother's ancestral home and while there he had gotten married and produced a large family. But now he was obeying the command he had heard from God, "Get up, leave this land, and return to you native land." (Genesis 31:13) However, there was a problem, Esau was coming out to meet him and he was bringing 400 men with him!

After Jacob did every thing he could think to do he was alone at night and found himself wrestling with an angel until daybreak. After the angel caused his hip to be out of joint the angel asked him what his name was. "Jacob!" he replied. Jacob, the name given him from birth. The name that meant supplanter, the name that carried with it the identity of one who wrongfully seizes or holds the position that belongs to another. After his night of wrestling he was given a new name, Israel. From then on he would be known as Israel but he would also walk with a limp.

I have had nights when the circumstances I faced caused me to wrestle with who I really am and what I really believe. I didn't have to wrestle with doubt as long as I could be busy but when night came and there was nothing else I could do the wrestling began. Alone in the darkness I not only wrestle with the question about who I am I also wrestle with the question who is God.

Lord Jesus, help me to be an over-comer. In the darkness when I am faced with my weakness show me Your strength. When I struggle with not knowing who I am let me rest in the truth that I am known by the God of the Universe.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

It's More Than Behavioral Modificaiton

I decided to do some Bible memorization with my grandchildren so I started with a basic question, "Do you know what love is?" My ten year grandson was quick to reply, "Love is not rude, or at least that's what you're always telling me." That's when I realized I'd been trying to use the Scripture for behavioral modification.

"Instead of talking about what love isn't, let's start with what love is. Love is patient and kind." This time I didn't want to just be using the Scripture for behavioral modification so I also added this verse to be memorized, "God is love." (1 John 4:8) We were sitting in the car waiting for the morning bus to come take them to school and I asked them, "How is God patient and kind?" Sitting  in the car talking with my grandchildren about the patience and kindness of God was a good way to start the day.

I told the children that I was going to be thinking about what it meant to be patient and kind and that I would be praying and asking God to help me be like Him. I asked if they would like to join me in this and they both said, "Yes." I struggled all day! I was in constant prayer because having this Scripture in my mind made my self-centered impatience and lack of kindness became very obvious to me. I thought to myself, "Perhaps this is what it means to take up your cross and follow Christ." What made me impatient and unkind? It was when I was decentered. But isn't that what love is removing myself from the center and caring about someone else more than I do myself?

When they got home I told my grandchildren about how hard it had been for me to be patient and kind. I told them I couldn't do it on my own that I had to pray all day and ask God to help me and I asked Him to change my heart. Then I told them the story I had heard the day before.

In the far off land of Yugoslavia a man named Jacob had gone into a village to tell the people about Jesus. He knocked on the door of an old man. The old man told him to go away he wanted nothing to do with this "Jesus." He told Jacob that there had other people who talked about Jesus. They were cruel and greedy. They cared nothing for the poor and sick of the village.

Jacob responded by saying to the old man, "If someone stole your coat and then robbed a bank would you be guilty of robbing the bank?" "Of course not!" said the old man. "But you are doing this with Jesus," Jacob said, "You are accusing Him of the unkindness done by those who have taken His coat." The old man slammed to door.

Jacob did not leave the village. He stayed and was patient and kind to the old man. One day Jacob again knocked on the old man's door this time the door opened. "Jacob, I want to receive Jesus." After they had prayed Jacob asked the old man why he had changed his mind. The old man responded, "Jacob, it is because you have worn His coat well."

Lord Jesus, Your word teaches me that love is patient and love is kind. It also teaches me that God is love. I know the only way for me to be loving and kind is to deny myself take up my cross and follow You. This Lord is what I want to do. I want to wear Your coat well so that by my patience and kindness I will represent you well. I want this not only in relationship to my grandchildren but with all I come in contact with. Please help me Lord!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Look Down or Look Away?

"I can't understand why anyone would want to go see that!" she said. "I agree the word "miserable" is right there in the title, for goodness sake." I was riding on a bus when this conversation was taking place around me. My grandson nudged me and asked, "Mimi isn't that your favorite movie?" The movie they were talking about was "Les Miserables"

Although I was drawn to the story in the movie I was not entertained by it. I was convicted by it! I saw a story of redemption, lives changed not by law but by grace. The question is continually asked in the movie, "Who am I?" The thief whose life has been changed by grace spends the rest of his life extending that grace to others. The one who believes his life has been raised from the gutter by keeping the law spends his life condemning those who have not kept the letter of the law. After watching the movie I was left with the question, "Who am I?"

One of the haunting songs in this movie is "Look down, look down, upon your fellow man. Look down, look down show mercy if you can." This is a for cry for mercy, a hand extended upward begging for help, desperate for grace. What is God's response to this plea from mankind? "Because of the tender mercy of our God, with which the Sunrise from on high will visit us, TO SHINE UPON THOSE WHO SIT IN DARKNESS AND THE SHADOW OF DEATH, To guide our feet into the way of peace."(Luke 1: 78) The Sunrise from on high looked down and took on human flesh and became a man of suffering and acquainted with grief. We hid our faces from him but He did not hide His face from us. Our cry for mercy was met with a nail pierced hand reaching out to extend grace.

I have received this mercy and known this grace. I have experienced God's eye's looking down on me. I have felt the grip of grace, now what? For years I have meditated on and prayed through the verse,  "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection, and share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death." (Philippians 3:10) To "know Christ and the power of his resurrection" means that I have been baptized into Christ so that the life that I live now I live in the power of His Holy Spirit. But I must ask myself, "Have I become like Him in his death?" Am I willing to die to myself? Do I look at the world around me, those who are crying out, "Look down, look down, show mercy if you can!" with eyes of mercy of judgement?

Oh Lord Jesus, you showed me what it looked like to, "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." You taught me that I am not to look only to my own interest,  but also to the interest of others. You said to, "Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of man."(Philippians 2:3-8) I confess I have failed to do this. Please forgive me for misrepresenting you. Please fill me now with Your Spirit so that I can see a hurting world through Your eyes of mercy and extend to others the grip of grace with has been extended to me.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Who Holds the Reins?

I made a terrible mistake! I was handing my niece a riding helmet but the problem was she was already on the horse. The horse began to panic. My daughter Elisabeth was holding the reigns and she didn't let go. It was a terrifying experience for everyone, however, it could have been disastrous if Elisabeth had let go of the reigns. Afterwards Elisabeth showed me her bloody hands, it was only then that I realized the painful price she had paid to reign in a horse that was panicking.

Horses are animals of prey and because of this they are often very fearful. Because of fear they can respond to situations in ways that can not only be damaging to themselves but also those around them. When you gain a horse's trust you can guide him with reigns into places he would never go otherwise.

"According to Hebrew psychology the reigns are the seat of the deepest emotions and affections of man, which God alone can fully know."  (International Standard Bible Encyclopedia) The Bible teaches that, "The righteous God tries the hearts and reigns." (Psalm 7:9) I confess I am often confused by my emotions but I don't think I'm alone in this confusion. Many seek out counselors to help them understand what is hidden in the heart that can have so much power over their life.

There is something comforting to me in knowing that God fully understands who I am. I also find it interesting that the verse that follows the statement that Gods tests our hearts and our emotions states, "My shield is with God, who saves the upright in heart." I rest in this truth that the one who understands the deepest emotions and affections of my heart is also my shield and protector.

Father, You alone search the heart and examine the mind. Help me to surrender my the control of my life to You today. Show me the way to surrender the reins and enter into Your rest.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

It Really Isn't that Complicted

It just seemed so complicated even though the request was simple. "Can you help me?" That was all he said yet his simple request opened a window in my mind that was full of questions. The end result was that I just turned and walked away without a word.

I was smitten with remorse when I turned again to look at him and saw that someone was talking to him. I could't see her face but I saw his and he was smiling. She continued to speak to him for quite a while and was still there as I drove away. I realized that I had missed a blessing.

The Bible teaches in James 5:16 that we are to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other that we may be healed. I was taking my grandson on an outing so when I drove away I confessed my lack of kindness to him. I told him that I had missed an opportunity to represent Jesus well. I asked him to pray for me and he did.

When we got to our destination I took out a five dollar bill and gave it to my grandson. "You have three options. You can use this to buy a hot chocolate, you can spend it at the gift shop or you can give it away but once it's gone it's gone." His face lit up, he had made his choice. He ran to the man sitting on the sidewalk playing his guitar. He looked him in the eyes and said, "Have a good day." Later when we were on our way home my grandson said to me, "Mimi, don't feel so bad about your mistakes God can make something good come from it." I smiled and knew he was right.

Heavenly Father, I make simple acts of kindness so complicated. When I fail help me to humble myself like a child and admit my failure and ask for prayer. Also Father, thank you for sending Your Son to be the Redeemer.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Ordinary People Living Epic Lives

My son was visiting me for the Christmas holidays and every evening we watched part of an epic movie.  The theme of each movie was the battle between good and evil. I was reminded of 1 Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of faith." I also remembered that, "Our struggle is not with flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."(Ephesians 6:12)

In scene after scene the ones who overcame evil were those who based their responses not on what they saw with their physical eyes but on what they believed. A situation would appear to be hopeless but the actions taken were not based solely on what could be seen. I find this true in my life as well, if I am going to be one who overcomes the circumstances I face I must first anchor myself in the truth I believe.

One of the greatest weapons that my enemy can use against me is the lie that there is no hope. The truth is there would be no hope if I tried to battle against rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms in my own strength. But the truth is I am told to, "Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might."(Ephesians 6:10) When I recognize that that the battle is fought in His strength and not my own I am able to stand and not retreat.

The "good fight of faith" involves taking what I believe and making that the basis for my actions. When I need a dose of courage I read through Hebrews 11. I read there about people, "Who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword," These were ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances who, "were made strong out of weakness."

Heavenly Father, help me to live my life confident about what I hope for and with the conviction about what I don't see. Since I am surrounded by a great cloud of witness who chose to fight the good fight of faith help me be bold in faith and not retreat.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Diary

I have been keeping a diary since I was nine years old. I begin each day by trying to capture the essence of the day before. I write in the morning of the new day because that gives me the perspective of a rested mind to review the things of the previous day. I have always thought of the week between Christmas and New Years as the hallway between the years. I prepare for the New Year by reading my diary for the year I'm leaving.

It almost feels like time travel because when I read what I have written I feel like I'm reliving the events. This year in particular has been so full. I almost stopped reading because at one point the grief I felt over losing two special people in my life was so strong and so fresh I just broke down crying. But I kept reading and crying and remembering. Feeling grief and sorrow is part of the price of being truly alive.

As I continued to read watching the landscape of my life unfold before me I became aware of the omniscient view this gave me of my own life. I could see looking back things that were hidden from me. I saw how often God had chosen to redeem my suffering rather than removing them. I saw a theme of grace, mercy and peace because of my relationship to the shepherd of my days.

Each New Year I start a new diary. The pages are clean my future unknown. But each year I also begin my journey to read through the Bible. I find great courage as I read with an omniscient view the story of the Patriarchs.  I read how Abraham, "obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going." (Hebrews 11:8) As I write the record of my days I remind myself that the same God who was with Abraham in his journeying is with me. What is hidden from me is not hidden the author and finisher of my faith.

Heavenly Father, looking back over this past year I see Your great faithfulness to me. I see the blessings I see Your presence in times of trail and I find courage for tomorrow. What is unknown to me is known to You and I will place my confidence and trust in You.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Bon Courage!

"Bon courage, Sadah, bon courage!" I was a melancholy little girl. I spent the Summers with my French grandmother and she would tell me stories from her life and then whisper in my ear, "Bon courage, Sadah, bon courage!"

She told me about her mother and how she had died when Grandmother was only eight years old. Her life as a child was difficult but there was both joy and sorrow mingled into her stories. She was a young woman in France during World War 1. Her first baby had died as an infant. She had found the courage to leave every thing familiar and come to America. She lived through the depression and then both her sons had enlisted to fight in World War 2. Grandmother understood courage.

I have read in books where women "take to their beds" instead of facing difficult periods of their life. I have a confession to make I have felt like crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head on more than one occasion. Yesterday, for instance, I was reading through the events of last year and I felt an overwhelming desire to retreat.

I woke up this morning remembering what is felt like to be a young timid girl seeking refuge in my Grandmother's embrace. She was old but she was strong. She was, "like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."(Jeremiah 17:8)

Father, today I remember You and I take courage! I, like my Grandmother before me choose to be strong and very courageous. I choose to be like a tree planted by water sinking my roots deep into Your word.