Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Something to Think About

Tomorrow I'm going to Vanderbilt to have my yearly MRI to see what's going on with my brain tumor but for today I'm meditating on verse of the twenty third Psalm, "The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack." This bold and positive statement that David made wasn't based on a life that had been lived at ease. David knew what it was to suffer, his own son had sought to kill him after publicly humiliating him. Why then why would David make this statement that he had no lack?

David found his encouragement not in his position or situation; David encouraged himself in God. David had been a shepherd and he knew that the well being of the sheep depended on the shepherd. "The main thought," says one commentator, "is that of not lacking--not being deficient--in proper care, management or husbandry." At the heart of what David is saying is that no matter what hardships or difficulties he encountered in life he was confident that he would not lack the expert and tender care of the Good Shepherd. This is where I choose to center my thoughts as well.

This picture of God's care for his people is seen when He shepherded the children of Israel in the wilderness and led them to the Promised Land. "'Do not be afraid of them. (This is what He said because the children of Israel were afraid of the people who were greater and taller than they were and the people who lived in cities that were great and fortified.) The LORD your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the LORD your God carried you, as carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. Yet in spite of this word you did not believe the LORD your God, who went before you in the way to seek you out a place to pitch your tents, in fire by night and in the cloud by day, to show you by what way you should go."( Deuteronomy 1:29-33) The threats we face in life are real and they can consume us but we find comfort when we recognize that though our shepherd is leading us through the valley of the shadow of death He is with us.

Even if the LORD is your shepherd it can still be possible to not be aware of his presence and his provision. Again in Deuteronomy 29:4 Moses speaks of the signs and wonders God did for his people. "But to this day the LORD has not given you a heart to understand or eyes to see or ears to hear. I have lead you forty years in the wilderness. Your clothes have not worn out on you, and your sandals have not worn off your feet." Mercy and Grace had been following them but they were unaware of these blessings. So my payer is that God would open the eyes of my understanding so that I might be aware of how he has provided for my every need.

The benediction in the book of Hebrews speaks of Jesus as the great shepherd of the sheep who was able to equip us with every thing good that we might do his will. Here again is the assurance that because the Lord Jesus is my shepherd there is nothing I lack. Jesus encouraged his followers by saying, "Fear not little flock it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom."(Luke 12:32) There is no need to fear when the Shepherd is near!

A Shared Memory

"Mom, do you know what one of my favorite memories of having you as a mother is?" I was talking to my daughter on the phone and her question caused me to go into a dream like state as I momentarily went back in time. As a mother I considered creating special memories with my children not only part of my mothering job but also one my my greatest privileges. So in my mind I leafed through some of the special things I had tried to do to create those special memories. I thought maybe it was the time I made her and her teddy bear matching dresses, maybe it was when I took her away for the weekend so we could have time to be just the two of us, or maybe it was the tea parties I had for her and her friends.

"Mom, one of my favorite memories of having you as a mother was when you went to my Girl Scout leader and told her you had lied." Not only was NOT one of MY favorite memories but it was also one I had tried to block from my mind. My daughter continued with her memory, "I remember that the leader had asked if you's signed the permission slip and you immediately replied, 'Yes,' and then went out to the car and signed the paper." Then later you came back and told her that you had lied.

My daughter's memory didn't just include my confession of lying it also included the reaction of the Scout Leader. She told me how the woman had been stunned and how my confession had become a topic of conversation. She was bewildered that I would consider my failure to be honest with her worthy of humbling myself before not only her but my daughter and confessing to the lie that I had told. The question really being asked was what is the value of truth.

What my daughter saw in me that day was not a paragon of virtue because the fact was I was wanted to appear better than I was by lying. I am tempted sometimes to seek refuge in a lie. It's as if the enemy of my soul, the Father of Lies, offers me sanctuary and I take him up on in. However, it is from the heart that the mouth speaks and because I know that Psalms 51 teaches that God delights in truth in the inmost being I pray, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."(Psalm 51:10)

Even more than creating memories for my children I wanted to point them to God. Thinking about the memory Elisabeth shared with me reminds me of Micah 6:8 where it says, "O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

A Vision of Grace

The words were familiar, so familiar that I didn't really know what meant. So I asked. Lord, what does it mean to grow in grace. As I sat there on the porch I saw rather than heard the answer. In my mind I saw the radiant face of 81 year old Louis Zamperini carrying the Olympic Torch for the Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan.

Nagano, Japan was not far from the POW camp where he had been held during World War II. While there Louis had attempted to meet with the man who had been his chief and most brutal tormentor during his time as a prisoner. Just as he had carried the Olympic Torch in the relay he also wanted to carry the light of the world to the man who had so hatefully abused him. He came offering forgiveness. He could only do this because he had encounter the grace of Jesus Christ.

As I sat watching this vision in my mind I began to understand the meaning of growing in grace. Before Louise became a christian he was bound by hatred and haunting memories of the things he had endured at the hands of his captors. Though he was no longer a prisoner of war he was a prisoner of hatred and revenge. When he surrendered his life to the incarnate love of Jesus Christ he was truly free. Free to live, free to love, free to forgive.

Louis Zamperini was a man of unusual strength. He was an Olympic runner. He survived 47 days on a raft after his plane crashed. He survived the brutal treatment he encountered at the POW camps in Japan. He was a man of unusual strength. However, his greatest accomplishment in life was done not by might or power but by the Spirit of God. Louis grew in grace by accepting the challenge to do what he could only do by the grace of God. He went back to Japan carrying the message of forgiveness and the salvation of Jesus Christ.

How do you grow in grace? This had been my question asked in prayer. The answer came with a vision of someone who had not only been willing to forgive those who had tormented him but had also been willing to share with them love incarnate. Now it is my turn how to I make the love of Jesus concrete and real to those who have wounded or hurt me and those I love? I know for sure I cannot do it in my own strength but as I surrender to the grace of God. When I give myself to be a prisoner of Jesus Christ I choose to live my life for his purposes and not my own. I choose to accomplish his will by growing in grace.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

When it Rains in April

I think April is one of the most beautiful months of the year but there sure is a lot of rain! The rain softens the earth for the flowers to grow. On this particular week in April my heart is softened because it is the anniversary of the death of three people who were very dear to me. Just as the rainy days of April make me look forward to the coming flowers, the tenderness that comes with grief makes my spirit look with anticipation to the time when the perishable body will put on imperishable and the mortal puts on immortality.

Today at church I was surprised to hear a hymn that I had never sung before and yet I was very familiar with. The first words of the song are etched in marble on a bench that in the evening faces the Sunset. Three years ago this week Pa Pa and I sat where the bench is now and watched as the Sun sank behind the mountains. We talked about eternity because six days earlier his wife of over sixty years had died. The next day he joined her in eternity. The bench is engraved with these words, "For all the saints who from their labors rest."

The last verse of that song reminds me of that last night I spent talking with Pa Pa, "The golden evening brightens in the west; soon, soon, to faithful warriors cometh rest. The sweet calm of Paradise is the best." That night we spent together there was a quiet hush and we watched as two butterflies were dancing in the evening light.

The loss of Ma Belle had brought grief, the sudden unexpected death of Pa Pa a week later was crushing. I went to find solace the night he died in the beauty of nature. I went to place he and I had watched the Sunset the night before. As the Sun sank bathing the night sky with color once again I saw two butterflies. I saw the colors of the setting Sun reproduced on the wings of the butterfly and hope whispered in my heart, "Death is swallowed up in victory."

Friday, April 24, 2015

More than a Joke

She mocked what she didn't understand and invited others to join her in what she considered to be a joke. A passage from the book of Leviticus had been lifted out of context striped naked of meaning and was now on display for ridicule. I understand that Leviticus is a difficult book to understand, there are many things I find difficult to understand as well. However, I think there is a better approach than mocking God's word. The Scriptures says, "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." (2 Timothy 2:15)

The Bible goes on to say, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching , for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16,17) This is also true about the book of Leviticus. I believe that if this book is approached with humility seeking to understand the word of truth that you might just find yourself inhaling the breath of God.

Why was this book written in the first place? It was written by a holy God who desired to dwell in the midst of his people. But there was a problem. They were sinful and impure. Leviticus 11:44 says, "Be holy, for I am holy." To be holy is to be set apart for God. The book of Leviticus shows what that looks like.

This book points to more than just the holiness of God. I mean, why would a holy God want to dwell with unholy people? I think this book also points to the love of God. In this book we get a glimpse of our sin nature from God's perspective. In Leviticus God tells us what He considers perversion. This is a book that invites you to look at the world through the lens of God's holiness.

This is not a book about God's condemnation, a book to simply expose what God considered to be abominations. Instead, this is a book about God's gracious invitation to have sins and impurities dwelt with. This is also a book that will point those who study it to Jesus. If you look you will see him in the sacrifices, you will see him in the feast days. If you seek for him you will find Jesus in the Day of Atonement where there is total cleansing of sins and uncleanness. Those who mock Leviticus mock God's holiness and his love because they do not understand it.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

A Quiet Time Hijacked by Distructo Pup!

The hummingbird was silently hovering around it's feeder, the Sun was just beginning to rise as I sat on my front porch having my quiet time. I have been memorizing and meditating on a portion in Ephesians that that talks about how God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places. I was letting this thought bathe my mind when I heard it....distructo pup had struck again!

Between his paws was a sentimental paper I had tucked into my Bible for safe keeping. When I screamed he looked up at me with his quizzical brown eyes the freshly ripped paper still clinging to his mouth. Any peace, serenity or quiet was destroyed; I was furious! I wanted my day to begin with quiet and serenity instead it had begun with rage and fury.

Does how the day begin dictate how the day will be, only if you let it. So how could I keep these negative emotions from dominating me? First, I had to deal with them in a healthy way. I just have one question, why is that so hard!?! My mind felt like a war zone full of anger.

I needed to refocus so I went back to Ephesians where I had been before I found the dog tearing up my paper. I thought to myself that if I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places surely I can ask God to help me sort out my hijacked emotions. So I prayed the prayer I so often pray. "God help me."

I went outside and sat on the porch steps Solomon, otherwise known as distucto pup, came and put his head on my lap. Solomon is simply a puppy who needs training. My mind went back to the rest of the verse I've been meditating on in Ephesians "he chose us in him before the foundations of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him." I smiled and though to myself how God can use even a puppy in the process of sanctifying those he has chosen.

Friday, April 17, 2015

The Night I Wrestled with God

It began as academic curiosity. I was studying the story of Jacob wrestling all night with the angel of the LORD and I wanted to find out what the the angel meant when he said that Jacob had wrestle with God and prevailed. I looked up the Hebrew word for prevailed used in that verse and was amazed to discover the transliteration for the Hebrew word is sarah. In Hebrew sarah used as a noun is a princess but when it is used as a verb it means to prevail. Suddenly as I sat pondering my name in a new way this ceased to be an academic exercise and became very very personal.

The year was 1983 and the story of the abduction and murder of  six year old Adam Walsh was very much in the news. One night I was awakened by the screams of my own child. I watched in horror as a car drove away with my little girl in the back seat. I could see the car clearly I could see my daughters face and then suddenly I woke up. I was barely able to breath as I ran to my child's bedroom. There she was sleeping peacefully but there would be no sleep or peace for me that night!

That was the night I wrestled with God. I realized that if God had allowed this to happen to Adam Walsh that he might also allow this to happen to my child. I wanted to trust God with the life of my child but the truth was I didn't. I couldn't get the image of that car out of my mind. I couldn't stop pacing, I was totally terrified. There were two things that night that kept me painfully awake, God might allow something bad to happen to my child and as much I really wanted to trust God I really really didn't.

The only way I could find to handle my deep anxiety was to pace and pray. I wasn't very eloquent, my prayer was simply, "Oh God I don't trust you! I want to trust you but I don't! I don't know what to do! Help me!" This lasted most of the night. There was no sleep that night just a desperate plea for faith to believe that I could trust in the love of God.

I wondered if the night would ever end, I wondered if I would ever be able to rest again. The night sky was just beginning to give way to the light when relief came. I recognized the still small voice in answer to my prayer saying, "Can you trust me while your child is safely sleeping in her bed?" I went back to my little girls room and stood there watching her sleep peacefully. Listening to her deep rhythmical breathing I began to feel myself relax. "Yes Lord," was my response. "Sarah, I will give you the grace each day to face the trails I send you." I had wrestled all night with God and had encountered the Prince of Peace.

to be continued....


Thursday, April 16, 2015

Welcome to the Wilderness!

"You saw with your own eyes the great trials and those great signs and wonders. Yet to this day the LORD has not given you a mind to understand, eyes to see, or ears to hear. I lead you 40 years in the wilderness; your clothes and the sandals on your feet did not wear out; you did not eat bread or drink wine or beer--so that you might know that I am the LORD you God." (Deuteronomy 29:3-6) My prayer is a simple one; Lord give me a mind to understand, eyes that see and ears that hear and grant me the courage to persevere.

Welcome to the wilderness! It is not a destination but it is very much part of the journey. The wilderness is a place where you will be able to experience God's provision in a unique way. The wilderness is a place of discovery. It is a place where we can discover who God is, who we are and the relationship between the two. But there is a catch, if the Lord doesn't give you a mind to understand, eyes to see, or ears to hear, all you will experience is bewilderment.

God leads us into the wilderness. I think this is important to know because when we find ourselves in situations that expose our vulnerability one of the first questions often asked is,"How did I get here!" It is in the wilderness that we discover that our hoarded resources are inadequate. I personally have found this to be an uncomfortable experience.

We live in a world of instant answers but when God leads us into to the wilderness it is not only a time a becoming empty of self reliance it also a time of waiting. This is the place were we wrestle with our fears and our doubts. Although this time of wrestling and waiting can cause you to feel very alone this is actually the place where where you can come to know God in a more intimate way.

God leads us into the wilderness so that we can experience him. As long as we are able to depend on ourselves we will depend on ourselves. But when our endurance is exhausted and our strength has failed us and we cry out to him, he answers us. God has promised that we will find him when we seek him with all our hearts. And if we ask he will give us understand, opening our eyes to see and ears to hear inviting us to enter into his rest.


Sunday, April 5, 2015

A Sense of Wonder

When I became a mother something I wanted to share with my children was a sense of wonder. On Easter morning I would wrap them up in blankets and we would sit together on the porch steps looking towards the East waiting for the Sun to rise. The mornings were cool and we would all cuddle close together under the blankets. We were all filled with quiet,

We would watch the Sun take possession of the sky like a groom coming out of his wedding chamber. We would listen to our world as it responded to the awakening of the day. Then, I would ask, "Do you think it was a morning like this?" I would free my hands from the warmth of the blanket and open the Bible and read the story of when Mary Magdalene went to the tomb blinded by grief. We talked about what it must have been like to have her eyes open as Jesus called her by name.

From my earliest memories I have read the Bible with a sense of wonder. Perhaps it began when I was a little child cuddled up in the bed with my Grandmother. I could feel the beating of her heart and the rise and fall of her chest as she took each breath. Her love and passion for God's Word encircled me in the mystery that this book unlike any other was alive. When she read to me about Jesus her voice became tender and I would close my eyes and wrapped in her embrace I would let the words penetrate into the depth of my being.

Once when I was a teenager I went to see my Aunt Ellen. My mother had told me that she was dying and this would be my last chance to say goodbye. I slowly opened the door to her hospital room; it was filled with a deep quiet. She gave me a welcoming smile and invited me to sit beside her bed. Then she said,"Sarah, I want to pass to you the baton my mother passed to me. The Bible tells us that one day Jesus will return. My mother taught me to watch for his return and I have. Now it is your turn. Watch." This was the last time I saw her. Her words filled my soul with a sense of wonder.

This morning I woke up before the Sun and bundled myself in the warmth of my blanket. My memories drew my now grown children close to me. In the quiet I could hear the echo of my grandmother's voice reading to me again the story of the Resurrection. With my chair facing East I watched as the Sun arose and I remembered Aunt Ellen's last words and the promise they held. I am filled with a sense of wonder as I remember what Jesus said when he was on trail and the High Priest asked him if he was the Messiah the Son of the Blessed One. He said, "I am, and you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven." With a sense of wonder I whisper, even so come now Lord Jesus.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

In the Midst of the Storm

I have several friends who are going through trials that don't make since to me. They are suffering, their families are suffering and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. When we pray together I hear them by faith holding onto God's promises, yet, what they are experiencing doesn't seem to match up to what they are believing. And sometimes even in the midst of all this suffering God seems to be silent. I find myself grappling to understand God in the midst of suffering.

One of the books of wisdom in the Bible is the book of Job. I have read it many times and to be honest I have found myself wrestling trying to understand how a just God could allow a righteous man to experience so much suffering. The book is forty two chapters long and sometimes when I'm reading the conventional wisdom of Job's friends I find myself thinking that they sound right to me. When the mind is crippled by grief and life ceases to make sense I find myself asking the same questions that Job asked. "Where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding?" (Job 28:12,20)

The story of Job begins by describing a man who was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. In this book we not only have an earthly vantage point of this man but a heavenly one as well. This is a man who is known by God. The LORD himself points Job out to Satan by saying, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth..." In these scenes from heaven I find the temporal reality linked to the spiritual reality.

In life human wisdom is often silenced because we simply cannot understand the ways of God in the world. Often when we come to this place of silence we find what Job found. We discover that God speaks to us out of the midst of the storm. Ultimate wisdom belongs to God and God alone. When God speaks to us trough the storms of our lives the end result isn't necessarily that we have all our questions answered but instead that we have a deeper awareness of who God is.

Today is the Saturday between the observation of the Crucifixion and the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus. I imagine the devastation the followers of Jesus must have experienced on the Saturday between these two life changing events. They had believed that Jesus was the Messiah who had come to set up his kingdom then they had watched him die a humiliating death. From earth's vantage point his death was unfathomable. Ultimate wisdom and understand are found in God alone. God speaks to us out of the storms of life and we know that though we observe the Crucifixion it will be followed by the Resurrection.


Friday, April 3, 2015

Not in Vain

Somethings are just hard to understand. I remember standing at the graveside of my thirty three year old brother in law. My nephew was only four and was desperately trying to make since of where his father was, I don't remember where his two younger brothers were. The transitory nature of life is summed up in Ecclesiastes with the Hebrew word hebel. Hebel can be translated as vapor, breath, meaningless, fleeting, futile, vanity of vanities. James 4:14 says, "For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."  So does that mean that when the mist has vanished we are finished?

Somethings are just hard to understand. In my minds eye I see her there in agony watching her son die. My own son is almost thirty three, the thought of watching him die would be more than I could bear. The thought of watching him be nailed to a cross, humiliated and mocked in his suffering makes my heart ache. But Mary had believed when the angel told her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy--the Son of God." (Luke 1:35) Now she stood at the foot of the cross watching her son as he struggled for every breath. She who had heard his first cry now heard his last cry. "'It is finished,' and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." (John 19:30) Did her heart shatter with her hopes when she heard the words, "It is finished?"

What did Jesus mean when he said, "It is finished?" In the beginning, "the Lord God formed man of the dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and he became a living creature." (Genesis 2:7) God called His creation "very good." The transitory nature of life that causes our time on earth to be described as meaningless and a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes is a result of sinful rebellion against a Holy God. Death is the curse that resulted from that rebellion. However, even as the curse was spoken a promise was given that one day a son of man would come who would put an end to the curse.

Both wisdom and hope can only be found when we see life with spiritual eyes. Jesus was the lamb of God who took away the sins of the world. When Jesus cried, "It is finished!" the veil that separated a Holy God from unholy people was ripped from top to bottom. The curse of death was a result of man's rebellion the breaking of the curse was finished because, "God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

Somethings are just hard to understand, in fact somethings are a mystery. The mystery is that Jesus not only died but rose from the dead. Because Jesus conquered death by his resurrection he has promised us that one day this mortal body will put on immortality. When that happens death will be swallowed up in victory. By faith we look beyond the temporal to the eternal knowing that in the Lord our lives are not lived in vain.