Every year it's the same. I smile as I look at the clean blank pages in my journal and my planning calendar. In my journal I write my hopes and my dreams for the coming year. In my planner I write the goals I want to accomplish. Each year begins the same--but I do something else as well; I read through my journals from the year that has just passed.
In retrospect I am reminded, "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps" (Proverbs 16:9). As I closed my journal and calendar for this past year, I sighed. Last year was a hard year for me. I watched as my granddaughter took her final breath so soon after her birth. My heart ached with the grief as I stood at her graveside beside my daughter and her husband. I woke from brain surgery with half my face paralyzed and a total and unnatural silence from the ear whose auditory nerve had been severed. The steps that the Lord had determined for me to walk last year were difficult.
When I was a teenager I learned, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths" (Proverbs 3:5,6). As a young person I was quite sure what those "right paths" were. I thought surely they had to do with my own fame and prosperity. Trusting in a God who is going to lead me into a bright and glorious future isn't very hard.
I now have a bookshelf full of journals from my past. Many of the pages are tear-stained. I found through the years that trust was something I had to learn, and often it was learned best when the path the Lord had chosen for me to walk was difficult. When I look back over the years represented in the pages of those books, I don't see any bad years; but I do see many that were perplexing. If I had only had my own understanding I would have been lost in the labyrinth. However, when I turned my mind to think about the Lord, my mind was filled with light and peace even though my eyes were filled with tears.
"Lord, You are my portion and my cup of blessing; You hold my future. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance" (Psalms 16:5,6). Today if I looked at the blank pages of both my journal and my planning calendar with only my earthly understanding, I would not be smiling. But I have learned to surrendered my confusion to the Lord. And because I trust the one who holds my future I approach the unknown with a smile.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
There is a Thirst
There is a thirst.
Some try to quench the thirst with pleasure; some with possessions; others try to find satisfaction in their work or in an endless pursuit of knowledge. But this thirst was given as a gift from God to cause those whom He created to seek Him. Those who look for a source of satisfaction under the heavens and apart from God only find emptiness at the end of their pursuit. They come to the end of life and find that they have been chasing the wind. What they thought would quench this God-given gift of thirst only proved to fill them with a since of futility. The pleasures, possessions, work and pursuit of knowledge will, at the end of life, prove meaningless.
There is a thirst.
When this thirst causes us to look beyond our earthly quest for satisfaction we find an invitation from God to be loved and to live a life full of abundance and meaning. "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His faithful love towards those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him, for He knows what we are made of, remembering that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass -- he blooms like a flower of the field; when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known. But from eternity the Lord's faithful love is toward those who fear Him" (Psalm 103:11-17).
There is a thirst.
Some will spend the few days of their lives building cisterns only to find that their cisterns are broken and will not hold water. Others will hear the voice of God calling, "Come, every one who is thirsty, come to the waters; and you without money, come, buy, and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost! Why do you spend money on what is not food, and your wages on what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and you will enjoy the choicest of foods. Pay attention and come to Me. Listen, so that you will live" (Isaiah 55:1-3).
There is a thirst.
There is a thirst and there is a God who loved us so much that He was willing to experience our thirst so that we could experience His life, His abundant life. "Jesus stood up and cried out with a loud voice, 'If anyone is thirsty, he should come to Me and drink! The one who believes in Me, as the Scriptures has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him'" (John 7:37,38). When Jesus accomplished His mission to provide for us what we could not provided for ourselves, He said, "I thirst." For His thirst He was given bitter wine so that for those who believe in Him they could receive His Spirit to satisfy the deepest longing of the soul.
There is a thirst.
There is a thirst that is so real and so deep that it is spoken of on the last page of the scripture. This thirst is a gift from God because along with the thirst comes an invitation. "Both the Spirit and the bride say, 'Come!' Anyone who who hears should say, 'Come!' And the one who is thirsty should come. Whoever desires should take the living water as a gift" (Revelation 22:17). If you have read these word and you are thirsty, then you have also heard the invitation of God to "Come."
Some try to quench the thirst with pleasure; some with possessions; others try to find satisfaction in their work or in an endless pursuit of knowledge. But this thirst was given as a gift from God to cause those whom He created to seek Him. Those who look for a source of satisfaction under the heavens and apart from God only find emptiness at the end of their pursuit. They come to the end of life and find that they have been chasing the wind. What they thought would quench this God-given gift of thirst only proved to fill them with a since of futility. The pleasures, possessions, work and pursuit of knowledge will, at the end of life, prove meaningless.
There is a thirst.
When this thirst causes us to look beyond our earthly quest for satisfaction we find an invitation from God to be loved and to live a life full of abundance and meaning. "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His faithful love towards those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him, for He knows what we are made of, remembering that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass -- he blooms like a flower of the field; when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known. But from eternity the Lord's faithful love is toward those who fear Him" (Psalm 103:11-17).
There is a thirst.
Some will spend the few days of their lives building cisterns only to find that their cisterns are broken and will not hold water. Others will hear the voice of God calling, "Come, every one who is thirsty, come to the waters; and you without money, come, buy, and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost! Why do you spend money on what is not food, and your wages on what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, and you will enjoy the choicest of foods. Pay attention and come to Me. Listen, so that you will live" (Isaiah 55:1-3).
There is a thirst.
There is a thirst and there is a God who loved us so much that He was willing to experience our thirst so that we could experience His life, His abundant life. "Jesus stood up and cried out with a loud voice, 'If anyone is thirsty, he should come to Me and drink! The one who believes in Me, as the Scriptures has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him'" (John 7:37,38). When Jesus accomplished His mission to provide for us what we could not provided for ourselves, He said, "I thirst." For His thirst He was given bitter wine so that for those who believe in Him they could receive His Spirit to satisfy the deepest longing of the soul.
There is a thirst.
There is a thirst that is so real and so deep that it is spoken of on the last page of the scripture. This thirst is a gift from God because along with the thirst comes an invitation. "Both the Spirit and the bride say, 'Come!' Anyone who who hears should say, 'Come!' And the one who is thirsty should come. Whoever desires should take the living water as a gift" (Revelation 22:17). If you have read these word and you are thirsty, then you have also heard the invitation of God to "Come."
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Communion in the Wilderness
I have read it over and over again. I think I feel drawn to it because I find comfort there.
"He led you through that vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its fiery serpents and scorpions" (Deuteronomy 8:15). Perhaps it seems like a strange verse to draw comfort from, so I'll explain. For the last several months I have felt like I've been in some sort of a wilderness. But there is a difference in finding myself somewhere just by chance and being led someplace on purpose. In the barren places of life I learn who I am but I also learn who God is.
Why? What is the purpose of a wilderness? "Remember that the Lord your God led you on the entire journey these 40 years in the wilderness, so that He might humble you and test you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands" (Deuteronomy 8:2). God's children were humbled when He let them go hungry and then fed them with manna. They were humbled again when He led them to a place where there was no water and then brought them water from a hard rock.
When all is well in my world I find it easy to daydream about who I am; but when I am led into the wilderness I also am humbled and find that my heart is tested. When I was in school I never enjoyed tests, but the purpose of the test in school was to reveal what had been learned. The purpose of the test in the wilderness is to reveal what we really believe. In this vast and dreadful wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and its thirsty ground because there is no water, do we really trust the God who led us there?
When I have been humbled, can I be satisfied with Jesus, the living bread that came down from heaven? When the desires of my heart have been exposed, can I find my thirst quenched by accepting the invitation of Jesus to come to Him and drink? In the wilderness, when I have been humbled and tested, I seek communion with the God who is leading me through this experience. In this communion I taste and see that God is good.
"He led you through that vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its fiery serpents and scorpions" (Deuteronomy 8:15). Perhaps it seems like a strange verse to draw comfort from, so I'll explain. For the last several months I have felt like I've been in some sort of a wilderness. But there is a difference in finding myself somewhere just by chance and being led someplace on purpose. In the barren places of life I learn who I am but I also learn who God is.
Why? What is the purpose of a wilderness? "Remember that the Lord your God led you on the entire journey these 40 years in the wilderness, so that He might humble you and test you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands" (Deuteronomy 8:2). God's children were humbled when He let them go hungry and then fed them with manna. They were humbled again when He led them to a place where there was no water and then brought them water from a hard rock.
When all is well in my world I find it easy to daydream about who I am; but when I am led into the wilderness I also am humbled and find that my heart is tested. When I was in school I never enjoyed tests, but the purpose of the test in school was to reveal what had been learned. The purpose of the test in the wilderness is to reveal what we really believe. In this vast and dreadful wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and its thirsty ground because there is no water, do we really trust the God who led us there?
When I have been humbled, can I be satisfied with Jesus, the living bread that came down from heaven? When the desires of my heart have been exposed, can I find my thirst quenched by accepting the invitation of Jesus to come to Him and drink? In the wilderness, when I have been humbled and tested, I seek communion with the God who is leading me through this experience. In this communion I taste and see that God is good.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Being Seen
"It's really hard to go to church. I wish I could be invisible." This is the text I sent my husband Sunday morning.
One of the reasons I share on such a personal level is because I don't think I am alone in my struggles. The other reason is because I am trying to process my pain through the eyes of faith. My goal is to be sure of what I hope for and confident about what I don't see, but I'm not always sure how to do that. So,, if you're reading this, you're reading about a work in process.
When I had my brain surgery my facial nerve was tangled up in the tumor, so I ended up with half my face paralyzed. I wanted to be invisible not because there is no improvement but because there is. After two eye surgeries I can finally close my eye. The last time they did surgery the doctor even made it so my eye brow stays where it's supposed to be. I look better, but I have a bruised soul.
A paralyzed face is hard to hide, but a crushed spirit and a wounded heart are not always easily detected. So I wanted to be invisible. I didn't know how to respond to the duplicity I was experiencing, so I prayed to the God who really sees. When I go before God I go just as I am--broken, wounded, waiting. I wait with anticipation because in His presence I know that I am understood.
After the service my friends gathered around me. They encouraged me because they looked past my face and inquired about my heart. Because I knew they cared, I was able to put my struggle into words.
I believe in a God who dwells in the Highest Heaven and with those who have a crushed spirit and a wounded soul. It is hard to be vulnerable and wounded and to admit that your heart is hurting. But there is a deep healing that takes place when the Spirit of God touches you through the hands of other believers.
One of the reasons I share on such a personal level is because I don't think I am alone in my struggles. The other reason is because I am trying to process my pain through the eyes of faith. My goal is to be sure of what I hope for and confident about what I don't see, but I'm not always sure how to do that. So,, if you're reading this, you're reading about a work in process.
When I had my brain surgery my facial nerve was tangled up in the tumor, so I ended up with half my face paralyzed. I wanted to be invisible not because there is no improvement but because there is. After two eye surgeries I can finally close my eye. The last time they did surgery the doctor even made it so my eye brow stays where it's supposed to be. I look better, but I have a bruised soul.
A paralyzed face is hard to hide, but a crushed spirit and a wounded heart are not always easily detected. So I wanted to be invisible. I didn't know how to respond to the duplicity I was experiencing, so I prayed to the God who really sees. When I go before God I go just as I am--broken, wounded, waiting. I wait with anticipation because in His presence I know that I am understood.
After the service my friends gathered around me. They encouraged me because they looked past my face and inquired about my heart. Because I knew they cared, I was able to put my struggle into words.
I believe in a God who dwells in the Highest Heaven and with those who have a crushed spirit and a wounded soul. It is hard to be vulnerable and wounded and to admit that your heart is hurting. But there is a deep healing that takes place when the Spirit of God touches you through the hands of other believers.
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