Being Part of Someonelse's Story

In the front of her journal she wrote,"God takes the garbage of our lives and makes it into the compost from which to grow others." -unknown-

My friend carried around the weight of so much garbage. She had always felt unwanted. Maybe that's because her mother had told her she was an accident and that her birth had ruined her life. Maybe she felt that way because when she was twelve her mother had sent her off to live with her mentally ill, abusive father with a note that said, "I don't want her anymore. It's your turn to deal with her."

If often happens when a child is thrust out into the world feeling unloved and unwanted that they make choices that others who have known the tender love of a family would never think to make and so it was with my friend.

When my husband and I first began our home we took to heart the words from Psalm 68:6 "God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy." We asked God to use the family He was giving us to be a family where He could place the lonely. That is how Loraine became Aunt Loraine to my family.

Loraine came to a Bible Study I was teaching. She had already become a Christian when I met her but still she suffered with the garbage of her past. She also suffered from trust issues because she had been abandoned and abused as child by those who should have protected her.

One day when Loraine was in my home she asked if she could talk to me. We sat together on a swing in my backyard and she began to tell me things that had plagued her, things she believed that if anyone knew about them she would be forever driven away. As I listened to her I felt like I heard the Holy Spirit telling me to wash her feet. I thought this was odd but the idea would not go away so that evening I knelt before her and washed her feet.

After Loraine died I found her journal. I could hear her voice as I read,"Who am I. who is Loraine, without family identity--who am I? What can come of this quest for healing? Is healing really possible for someone questioning the power that heals? Oh God, I don't know what to believe."  But something happened on June 28th I obeyed an odd urging from God's Spirit and I washed my friends feet.

June 28th Amazing things happened to me today. This afternoon Sarah and I sat in the swing talking and sharing and I shared, risking our friendship(in my mind) I felt dirty and awful, and shamed but I needed to have someone close, besides my therapist, that I could say these things to and not be rejected by them. Sarah listened, comforted and shared some things of her own. I cried and then we went on with our activity. Later she said there was something she wanted to do after everyone went to bed. After supper I asked her what it was she said, "In response to what you told me, I'm going to wash your feet." I was flabbergasted, totally, and then so touched  I began to cry. It was an act of love I have never experienced before and I was totally humbled by the experience-- there on her knees my dear sweet friend, washed my feet. It was an experience I will never forget. It reached in and crumbled a wall of distrust I never expected to end in this life. I went to bed in tears and awed by such an act. But God blessed it because I saw a person loving me, honoring me, caring as no one ever had. It softened my resistance and broke my heart toward God. I went to bed praying praising and thanking God." 

Heavenly Father, thank You for letting me be part of another person's story. Thank You for placing the lonely in families. Thank You for setting prisoners of guilt and shame free to experience joy. And thank You for being a Redeemer who takes the garbage of our lives and for using it as compost from which to grow others.

Humbled by the Mystery

"There are those hearts, reader, that never mend again once they are broken. Or if they mend, they heal themselves in a crooked and lopsided way, as if sewn together by a careless craftsman."--Kate DiCamillo, The Tale of Despereaux So what do you do when you find your heart has become scarred?

Every year when I read through the Bible I find myself invited into the throne-room of Heaven on the day when the sons of God come to present themselves before the LORD. Every year I find myself ease dropping on a peculiar conversation. "And the LORD said to Satan, 'Have you considered my servant Job, there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?'"(Job 1:8) And every year I watch as the heart of Job is broken.

I don't really understand what's going on. I find this book uncomfortable and to be honest a bit painful. There are things that have happened in my own life that have broken my heart. Things that I don't understand. I look at Job's friends trying to make since of what has happened by blaming Job and hoping to put a little distance between who they are and who he is. They want to assure themselves that what happened to him could never happen to them.

I finished the book of Job today. I read carefully what the LORD said when He answered Job out of the whirlwind,"Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?"(Job 38:2) I'm always intrigued that the LORD doesn't tell Job what we read in the first chapter of this book. What I do see in God's response to Job is that healing, true healing can only come with humility. What I see is that I have been invited to be part of a mystery that is bigger than I am.

LORD I come before You today and acknowledge that I don't really understand everything that is going on in my life but I trust You. I want to walk humbly before You so that when my heart has become broken it won't become hard and scarred by my pride. I believe that when You heal my heart I can say like Job, "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you."(Job 42:5)

The Story Behind the Picture

It was a small black and white picture in a little photo album but the story it told was so very powerful.

Once upon a time a little girl went to live with her Aunt Rubye when she was eighteen months old. She was cocooned by the love of Aunt Rubye and Uncle Ralph. On Sunday Uncle Ralph would preach and Aunt Rubye would gently whisper to her niece while turning her to face the pulpit, "Listen, God is wanting to speak to you." In their home the little girl was safe and secure and happy but she couldn't stay there.

The small black and white picture in the little photo album is of Aunt Ruby standing in front of the little girl's picture praying. If Aunt Rubye could have kept her niece in the safety of her own home she would have, but she couldn't. The same Aunt Rubye who taught the little girl to listen to God also spoke to God on her behalf. She understood what it felt like to have your heart broken but she also knew what it meant to turn you face to the only one who could help.

Aunt Rubye rejoiced in hope praying while the tears flowed freely. Her confidence and expectation were solidly based in the God to whom she directed her prayers. She had learned long ago to hear his voice. She had learned to be patient in tribulation and to be constant in prayer and so night after night she kept her vigil.

I too am part of this story because that little girl grew up to be my friend. She has shared her story with me in small doses because with the story came the memory of so much pain. But the story I see in my friend is one of redemption. I marvel at the grief my friend encountered as a child because today she is one of the most godly women I know. For almost forty years we have walked together as friends. I am a witness to God's faithful answer to Aunt Rubye's prayers.

Father, thank you for Aunt Rubye. Please help me to follow her example. When I am faced with the things that break my heart help me to remember to rejoice in hope and be patient in tribulation. Please remind me Father to always be faithful to lift my face and my prayers to You because You are faithful to hear.

The Honor Challenge

"The cinnamon challenge is a viral internet challenge. The objective of the challenge is to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything, then upload the video to the Internet. The challenge is extremely difficult and carries substantial health risks because the cinnamon coats and dries the mouth and throat, resulting in coughing, gagging, vomiting and inhaling of cinnamon, leading to throat irritation, breathing difficulties, and risk of pneumonia." This is what I found on Wikipedia when I typed in cinnamon challenge.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a Bible verse going through my mind, actually I've been thinking about it for sometime now, but yesterday it was like a challenge. "Outdo one another in showing honor." (Romans 12:10) I decided to take the challenge, I mean how hard could it be to outdo someone in showing honor and for that matter how hard can it be to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in under 60 seconds? Some challenges are more difficult than they appear.

The first problem I encountered in my "Honor Challenge" was that no sooner had I decided to did it out of nowhere a parade of people who have offended me appeared in my mind. This was very frustrating because the very thought of them made me angry! Then into my negative thoughts came, "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."(Romans 12:9,10) My simple prayer response was, "Surely, God this can't apply to them!"

This morning I watched someone I know taking the cinnamon challenge. I watched as his face turned red and tears shoot out of his eyes, I didn't know tears could shoot out of someones face like that! This morning I have had the opportunity to put someones needs ahead of my own and I identified with the young man swallowing the cinnamon. As I continue with the "Honor Challenge" I continue to recognize my need of the transforming power of God.

Lord, I thought my love was more genuine than it is but when I try to honor others above myself the truth comes out. I can't do this in my own strength, anymore than I could swallow a spoon full of cinnamon without water in 60 seconds. Thank for Your promise that if I ask anything according to Your will I can be sure that You hear me and will give me my request.

Healing the Brain's Tranquility System

"Every body better memorize and remember this." He spoke with such authority he caught my attention. The man speaking was Archibald Hart, Dean Emeritus and Senior Professor of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. He was talking about the function of cortisol also known as the stress hormone. He explained that the function of cortisol was for "flight or fight" when we are being threatened. However, he went on to say that when levels are to high it results in depression and can also cause panic and anxiety disorders because it blocks receptors in the tranquility system of the brain.

So what can you do when life seems out of control when your brain is being bathed with cortisol and you know with certainty that the tranquility system is not only blocked but feels like it is broken?!? The answer made me smile. It made me smile because I have found this to be true in my own life. What brings healing and restoration are the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude.

When life seems out of control how can you find silence and solitude?  God gave us an invitation to "Be still, and know that I am God."(Psalm 46:10) The stillness and peace you can experience when the world around you is at rest is not what this psalm is talking about. Instead this psalm refers to not being afraid, "though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." The tranquility that is offered in this psalm is in spite of  a time when, "the nations rage, the kingdoms totter."

The Hebrew word for "be still" is rapha. It means to be weak, to let go, to release. In this Psalm I find an invitation to surrender in order to know that God is in control. I have to give up trusting in myself before I can experience the glory of knowing God's all sufficiency. Sometimes God takes me into the heart of my greatest fears and there He shows me that He is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Father, you have taught me that in all things I am to give thanks. I confess that when You lead me to places where the earth I stand on gives way and the mountains I use for navigation are moved my first response is fear. Thank You that because You are my refuge and my strength I can find stillness in the midst of the storms of this life. Because the LORD of hosts is with me I can experience tranquility of mind and a peace that passes understanding.

When Winters are Turned to Spring Yet Every Moment Holds It's Sting

"I walked one morning with my King and all my winters turned to spring, yet every moment held it's sting. It's a long road to freedom winding deep and far but when you walk in love with the wind on your wings and cover the earth with the songs you sing the miles fly by."

I learned to sing this song about the same time I began walking with my King. I was young then. I sang the words without comprehension. I was then in the springtime of my life. I smile as I hear the echo of the words in my mind. Today I now understand what it means to have my winters turn to spring.

"As for man, his days are like grass--he blooms like a flower of the field; when the winds passes over it, it vanishes, and it's place is no more."(Psalm 103:15,16) "...yet every moment held it's sting." There are those whose friendships I have cherished whose faces are now only a memory. My heart holds both the joy of our walks together and the sting of their passing.

I live my life in daily increments but the sum of my days are measured by eternity. This "long road to freedom" finds it's culmination only in eternity. As I walk in love, I see Him. "He wraps Himself in light as if it were a robe, spreading out the sky like a canopy, laying the beams of His palace on the waters above, making the clouds His chariots, walking on the wings of the winds His messengers, flames of fire His servants."(Psalm 104:2-4) These Psalms are the songs of my pilgrimage and the miles fly by.

Thank you, my King, for walking with me and teaching me to interpret my days in the light of eternity.

What Am I Supposed to Do?

The acoustics in the room were terrible! The room was filled with talking people, music being loudly played while at the same time instructions were given over the loud speakers. My eardrums vibrated with the sounds but I found it difficult to really comprehend anything that was being said. Sometimes when I tying to understand God's will I feel the same way.

"In quietness and in trust shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15) I often find that in order for me to discern what God is saying I need to find a quiet place. I make the conscious choice to withdraw. Because I believe God is speaking I step away from the noise so that I can hear His voice and in the silence I find strength.

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." (Isaiah 30:25) To be able to discern the will of God I need to be able to hear His voice. In the cacophony of voices how can I distinguish which one is God's? In order to discern the good and acceptable and perfect will of God I must make the choice not to be conformed to the world but instead transformed by the renewing of my mind.

I step outside the noisy room and wait with expectation. My spirit vibrates with the sound of His voice and I begin to understand. The will of God is so much bigger than time and space. I ask for wisdom concerning with way to turn. I hear in response not only the answer to my question for direction but because of His merciful kindness He shows me the depths of the riches and the knowledge of God. "How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Romans 13:33)