The older I get the more acutely aware I am that I am not in control. Recently I experienced vertigo. I was standing still but when I opened my eyes it looked like my world was spinning. It made me feel sick. I like to be in control, I don't want my world to spin without my permission.
When my world is spinning I feel like a small paper boat without sail or rudder tossing on the waves. This could be a terrifying experience, this feeling of not being in control, but it's not. It's not terrifying because early in my life I met the one who is in control. I found this promise in His Word, "You will keep in perfect peace the mind that is dependent on You, for it is trusting in You." (Isaiah 26:3)
I also found this invitation to, "Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." (James 1:2,3) Every time a wave washes over me exposing the truth that I am not in control I find that I am invited to experience a deeper truth. I am invited to know the One who speaks to both wind and wave and can calm any storm.
The sensation of being a small paper boat without sail or rudder tossing on the waves is not necessarily a pleasant one but it has forced me to put my faith in something other than myself. "The LORD is my portion, therefore I will put my hope in Him." (Lamentations 3:24) Hope is symbolized by an anchor. Hope is a confident expectation of good based on the promises of God. Hope silences the storm inside me even if the storm outside rages.
Heavenly Father, thank You for inviting me into this place of perfect peace. Thank You for inviting me to know You more intimately by showing me that though I am not in control, You are.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
Sometimes in the Silence
My house feels strangely silent today. It's the kind of silence that comes after a house has held a celebration and it's walls have echoed with laughter. I stood watching my children drive away one by one and walked into the quiet only to find my children had left sweet memories behind in every room.
I went into my bedroom and picked up the letter my little girl had written for me. She gave me the letter Saturday just hours before she walked down the aisle and became Mrs. David Agostino. She had curled up in my lap the way she used to do not so long ago. I stroked Abigail's hair and I listened as she shared her heart. In the letter Abigail wrote me she had penned the words to a lullaby I used to sing to her.
"Mommy, will you sing me this song for me one more time?" And so I did. "Where are you going my little one, little one? Where are you going my little one, my love? Turn around and your a baby, turn around and your grown. Turn around and your a young wife with babies of your own. Turn around, turn around, turn around and your a young wife with babies of your own." Sitting now alone in the silence I could hear again in my memory the sound of my little girl's voice as she pledged herself to be David's wife.
I think I have found in every room of the house slips of paper where Elisabeth, one of Abigail's sister, wrote lists and notes. Elisabeth came home three weeks early to help with wedding planning. Thinking now about all the work she did leading up to the wedding I'm not sure what we would have done without her. As I watched her help her little sister memories of Elisabeth's wedding came flooding into my mind.
I went into the garage to get something out of the freezer but then gave up, that is where Faith put all the flowers. I looked again at the beautiful bouquet Faith had made for her sister to carry down the aisle. In the quiet of the moment I looked more closely at all the flowers Faith had used. Then I closed my eyes and let my memory paint the picture once more of the bridesmaids flowers, the flowers at the wedding and at the reception all arranged for Abigail with love by her big sister.
While sorting through the pile of cards and gifts I found the prayer Andrew had written for David and Abigail.
O Lord,
May your blessing rest upon this couple
Let their home be filled with joy.
Let them enjoy children and grandchildren.
May your blessings rest on all those gathered around
Let their joy in You touch the hearts and lives of friends and family
Let the fullness of your love spill into the lives of all they meet
Let them share life together
Fill our hearts with grateful love
When we see your reflection in this union
When they see your reflection in each other
When their family extends
For Christ's name sake, Amen
When Abigail had been curled up on my lap the morning of her wedding she had looked across the room and wept when she saw the picture of her grandparents on their wedding day. In the picture they are walking down the aisle gazing lovingly into one another's eyes. Today their love and their lives are just sweet memories. Thinking back to Andrew's prayer, Let them enjoy children and grandchildren, I wonder if someday in the future there will be another bride sitting on her mother's lap looking at a picture of her grandmother and her grandfather on their wedding day and see the love in Abigail and David's eyes. Sometimes in the silence I can hear the stories of love.
I went into my bedroom and picked up the letter my little girl had written for me. She gave me the letter Saturday just hours before she walked down the aisle and became Mrs. David Agostino. She had curled up in my lap the way she used to do not so long ago. I stroked Abigail's hair and I listened as she shared her heart. In the letter Abigail wrote me she had penned the words to a lullaby I used to sing to her.
"Mommy, will you sing me this song for me one more time?" And so I did. "Where are you going my little one, little one? Where are you going my little one, my love? Turn around and your a baby, turn around and your grown. Turn around and your a young wife with babies of your own. Turn around, turn around, turn around and your a young wife with babies of your own." Sitting now alone in the silence I could hear again in my memory the sound of my little girl's voice as she pledged herself to be David's wife.
I think I have found in every room of the house slips of paper where Elisabeth, one of Abigail's sister, wrote lists and notes. Elisabeth came home three weeks early to help with wedding planning. Thinking now about all the work she did leading up to the wedding I'm not sure what we would have done without her. As I watched her help her little sister memories of Elisabeth's wedding came flooding into my mind.
I went into the garage to get something out of the freezer but then gave up, that is where Faith put all the flowers. I looked again at the beautiful bouquet Faith had made for her sister to carry down the aisle. In the quiet of the moment I looked more closely at all the flowers Faith had used. Then I closed my eyes and let my memory paint the picture once more of the bridesmaids flowers, the flowers at the wedding and at the reception all arranged for Abigail with love by her big sister.
While sorting through the pile of cards and gifts I found the prayer Andrew had written for David and Abigail.
O Lord,
May your blessing rest upon this couple
Let their home be filled with joy.
Let them enjoy children and grandchildren.
May your blessings rest on all those gathered around
Let their joy in You touch the hearts and lives of friends and family
Let the fullness of your love spill into the lives of all they meet
Let them share life together
Fill our hearts with grateful love
When we see your reflection in this union
When they see your reflection in each other
When their family extends
For Christ's name sake, Amen
When Abigail had been curled up on my lap the morning of her wedding she had looked across the room and wept when she saw the picture of her grandparents on their wedding day. In the picture they are walking down the aisle gazing lovingly into one another's eyes. Today their love and their lives are just sweet memories. Thinking back to Andrew's prayer, Let them enjoy children and grandchildren, I wonder if someday in the future there will be another bride sitting on her mother's lap looking at a picture of her grandmother and her grandfather on their wedding day and see the love in Abigail and David's eyes. Sometimes in the silence I can hear the stories of love.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Enough to Share
I was awaken by the warm comforting smell of fresh baked bread. When I came into the kitchen there was my grandmother surrounded by twelve loaves. If I close my eyes I can still see her standing there surrounded by her bread, my mind can remember the aroma that filled the kitchen. Bread was my grandmother's gift, a gift to be enjoyed and a gift to be shared.
On the day Grandmother baked bread I became her emissary taking her gifts throughout the "patch." Grandmother lived in a small immigrant coal mining community in Pennsylvania. At each home I was greeted with smiles and hands ready to receive the warm loaf. My grandmother was known for her generosity. Grandmother let me share in her joy of giving by allowing me to be her hands and feet as I delivered her gifts.
I often think about this experience when I pray, "Give us this day our daily bread." Jesus illustrated this request for bread by asking the question,"Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves, for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him.'"(Luke 11:5) The request for daily bread is not only for my needs but so that I will have enough to share.
When I was a child my grandmother invited me not only to share the pleasure of eating her delicious home made bread but she also invited me to share in the pleasure of her generosity. Even though I had nothing to do with the making and baking of the bread still I got to distribute the it. When I say the Lord's Prayer and I ask for my daily bread I think of this. I ask for daily communion by taking the living bread and I marvel that I get to be an emissary of my Heavenly Father. He not only satisfies my deepest hunger but invites me to bring to others the warm comfort of the bread of Heaven.
On the day Grandmother baked bread I became her emissary taking her gifts throughout the "patch." Grandmother lived in a small immigrant coal mining community in Pennsylvania. At each home I was greeted with smiles and hands ready to receive the warm loaf. My grandmother was known for her generosity. Grandmother let me share in her joy of giving by allowing me to be her hands and feet as I delivered her gifts.
I often think about this experience when I pray, "Give us this day our daily bread." Jesus illustrated this request for bread by asking the question,"Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, 'Friend, lend me three loaves, for a friend of mine has arrived on a journey, and I have nothing to set before him.'"(Luke 11:5) The request for daily bread is not only for my needs but so that I will have enough to share.
When I was a child my grandmother invited me not only to share the pleasure of eating her delicious home made bread but she also invited me to share in the pleasure of her generosity. Even though I had nothing to do with the making and baking of the bread still I got to distribute the it. When I say the Lord's Prayer and I ask for my daily bread I think of this. I ask for daily communion by taking the living bread and I marvel that I get to be an emissary of my Heavenly Father. He not only satisfies my deepest hunger but invites me to bring to others the warm comfort of the bread of Heaven.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
A Hunger for Shalom
She woke with a hunger and a longing deep in her soul. Her dreams had taken her back to a time when she had felt whole and complete before death had entered her world. She ached to return to the time when light wasn't tinged with darkness when truth wasn't confused and tangled with thorny lies. She was hungry for shalom.
There was silence as the story was told. They leaned forward with a craving in their heart to hear what had once been their present and now was their past, their history. It was a time of peace and prosperity when the queen of Sheba had come to see the wisdom of Solomon. She responded to what she saw by saying, "The report was true that I heard in my own land of your words and your wisdom, but I did not believe the reports until I came and my own eyes had seen it. And behold the half was not told me." (1 Kings 10:6,7) But that was a time before the darkness had eclipsed the light and the truth had been lost in the lie. They listened now and felt a yearning and a hunger for shalom.
There had been a promise given so very long ago, given on the same day the darkness fell when death and sorrow were introduced into the garden. It was the promise of shalom a promise that one day the curse would be broken, that light would overwhelm the darkness that truth would triumph over lies. And the world waited for the promise to be kept and there was a hunger for shalom.
His coming was announced by, "a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased." Here it was at last the promise of shalom. He came as the prince of peace telling all who would listen about His kingdom. He came to His own but they did not receive Him. Jesus wept and said, "Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace!" (Luke 19:42) The King has come the promise has been given. He is coming again to establish His kingdom but for now I have a hunger for shalom.
Lord Jesus, when you taught Your disciples to pray You taught them to say,"Your kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." This is my prayer as I live in a world where the light is tinged with darkness and the truth is often confused by lies. You are my king. Reign supreme in my heart You who are the prince of peace.
There was silence as the story was told. They leaned forward with a craving in their heart to hear what had once been their present and now was their past, their history. It was a time of peace and prosperity when the queen of Sheba had come to see the wisdom of Solomon. She responded to what she saw by saying, "The report was true that I heard in my own land of your words and your wisdom, but I did not believe the reports until I came and my own eyes had seen it. And behold the half was not told me." (1 Kings 10:6,7) But that was a time before the darkness had eclipsed the light and the truth had been lost in the lie. They listened now and felt a yearning and a hunger for shalom.
There had been a promise given so very long ago, given on the same day the darkness fell when death and sorrow were introduced into the garden. It was the promise of shalom a promise that one day the curse would be broken, that light would overwhelm the darkness that truth would triumph over lies. And the world waited for the promise to be kept and there was a hunger for shalom.
His coming was announced by, "a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased." Here it was at last the promise of shalom. He came as the prince of peace telling all who would listen about His kingdom. He came to His own but they did not receive Him. Jesus wept and said, "Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace!" (Luke 19:42) The King has come the promise has been given. He is coming again to establish His kingdom but for now I have a hunger for shalom.
Lord Jesus, when you taught Your disciples to pray You taught them to say,"Your kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." This is my prayer as I live in a world where the light is tinged with darkness and the truth is often confused by lies. You are my king. Reign supreme in my heart You who are the prince of peace.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Thirty Years Ago
This morning I climbed the stairs and went to my bookshelves and looked until I found the photo album and the "The Happy Birthday Keepsake." Today is my son's thirtieth birthday. I looked at the picture of the first time I held him and let the memories wash over me.
Before Andrew was born I was given a book called, "The Happy Birthday Keepsake." I filled in the pages for the first twelve years of his life. As I read through the "Highlights of the year" I relived what it was like to watch this little boy become a man.
One of the gifts I gave Andrew for his birthday this year has been a collection of "Ebeneezer Stones" or "Stones of Remembrance." The Bible speaks of these stones as a monument that the children of Israel were to make so that they could look at them and remember what God had already done for them and then gain strength to face their new challenges.
As a thirty year old man my son faces many challenges. The twelfth "Stone of Remembrance" I sent him said; "God opened doors, He shut doors. He is sovereign. He hasn't changed. He is still opening and shutting doors to direct your path. Do not be afraid. Trust Him with your whole heart, rest in Him. Do what He has given you to do, He is worthy of your trust. He already knows what He has planned for you even if it is hidden from your view. Think back at how He has been directing your path. There is a work for you to accomplish in your generation. It is His work. A holy assignment He planned for you before the foundation of the world."
Father, be with my son today. As he looks into the unknown with the new challenges that his tomorrows bring let him find rest in the truth that You who have brought him to this place of testing and will lead him through to the destination You have chosen for him. Give him courage for the future and remind him, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." May my son say with the writer of Lamentations, "The Lord is my portion therefore I will hope in Him."
Before Andrew was born I was given a book called, "The Happy Birthday Keepsake." I filled in the pages for the first twelve years of his life. As I read through the "Highlights of the year" I relived what it was like to watch this little boy become a man.
One of the gifts I gave Andrew for his birthday this year has been a collection of "Ebeneezer Stones" or "Stones of Remembrance." The Bible speaks of these stones as a monument that the children of Israel were to make so that they could look at them and remember what God had already done for them and then gain strength to face their new challenges.
As a thirty year old man my son faces many challenges. The twelfth "Stone of Remembrance" I sent him said; "God opened doors, He shut doors. He is sovereign. He hasn't changed. He is still opening and shutting doors to direct your path. Do not be afraid. Trust Him with your whole heart, rest in Him. Do what He has given you to do, He is worthy of your trust. He already knows what He has planned for you even if it is hidden from your view. Think back at how He has been directing your path. There is a work for you to accomplish in your generation. It is His work. A holy assignment He planned for you before the foundation of the world."
Father, be with my son today. As he looks into the unknown with the new challenges that his tomorrows bring let him find rest in the truth that You who have brought him to this place of testing and will lead him through to the destination You have chosen for him. Give him courage for the future and remind him, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." May my son say with the writer of Lamentations, "The Lord is my portion therefore I will hope in Him."
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Quieted
The sounds of panic were deafening. My hands hung limp and bloody from having the reins that I had wrapped around my hands ripped from them. I could almost taste the fear that came from knowing that no matter how hard I tried the truth was I wasn't the one in control.
Pray, I need to pray. How do I start my prayer when I feel so overwhelmed? I reached into the bag that I carry my Bible in and found a crumpled piece of paper. On it I read, "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let you hands hang limp. The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."(Zeph. 3: 16,17)
I have been trying to learn this lesson for a long time, there is power in praise. When I begin to feel overwhelmed by my inadequacy that is when I need to remind myself that the Lord my God is with me and He is mighty to save. I do this by praising Him. When I lift my heart, my eyes, my voice to God in praise I find that I am delighting in Him.
As I choose to delight in Him I realize to my amazement that He takes great delight in me! Suddenly, I am blanketed by peace and the deafening sirens of panic are silenced. Overshadowed by his love a deep since of quiet enters my soul. From my heart that has been silenced by love I begin to hear music. While I was singing songs of praise to Him He responded by rejoicing over me with singing.
Father, I lift my hands to You in praise. They are no longer hanging limp because of fear. Thank You for teaching me that when I lift my voice to You in praise I find that You are mighty to save. Thank You for allowing me to hear Your songs of love in the quiet that Your peace brings.
Pray, I need to pray. How do I start my prayer when I feel so overwhelmed? I reached into the bag that I carry my Bible in and found a crumpled piece of paper. On it I read, "Do not fear, O Zion; do not let you hands hang limp. The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."(Zeph. 3: 16,17)
I have been trying to learn this lesson for a long time, there is power in praise. When I begin to feel overwhelmed by my inadequacy that is when I need to remind myself that the Lord my God is with me and He is mighty to save. I do this by praising Him. When I lift my heart, my eyes, my voice to God in praise I find that I am delighting in Him.
As I choose to delight in Him I realize to my amazement that He takes great delight in me! Suddenly, I am blanketed by peace and the deafening sirens of panic are silenced. Overshadowed by his love a deep since of quiet enters my soul. From my heart that has been silenced by love I begin to hear music. While I was singing songs of praise to Him He responded by rejoicing over me with singing.
Father, I lift my hands to You in praise. They are no longer hanging limp because of fear. Thank You for teaching me that when I lift my voice to You in praise I find that You are mighty to save. Thank You for allowing me to hear Your songs of love in the quiet that Your peace brings.
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