I guess my lifelong battle with overeating has governed my understanding of what it means to "deny myself". However, the more I think about the context of that verse the more I realize it has a much deeper meaning particularly if I put it together with Jesus' "New commandment".
"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24 "A new commandment I give you; that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13:34
The thing that made the commandment new wasn't that He said to love others but to love them in the same way He had loved. That kind of love involves self denial and a cross. Following Jesus' kind of love means making myself nothing taking the very nature of a servant and humbling myself to the point of death for another person. Not just physical death but the death of my plans, dreams and goals.
The reason I have trouble with over eating is that I don't want to deny myself. I see the evidence of this when I look in the mirror. My family is another mirror, in it I see how often I selfishly put my agenda before anyone else.
Jesus said if I follow His new commandment people would know I was His disciple. I understand that because there is no other way I could love like that unless I did it in the power of His Spirit. If I walk in His Spirit the fruit will be," love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness" and last but not least "self-control"Galatians 5:22,23
"Dear Lord Jesus, I want to follow you. I want to represent You well. I want to love."
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
The first step to being forgiven
"Mimi you've got to talk to her about stealing!" I looked at my little five year old granddaughter with her head bent as low as her neck would allow. I took her by the hand and led her into the bedroom.
We sat on the bed together she at one end and I at the other. "Did I ever tell you about when I stole money from my father?" Her head lifted slightly and she whispered,"No".
"I was about your age when it happened. My daddy always emptied his change from his pockets to his dresser. I would sneak upstairs to his room and take a handful of change. I always left some hoping he wouldn't notice. One day as I was going down the stairs I met my father coming up. 'Sarah, what is behind your back', my father asked. 'Nothing', I said. But my father knew better he had caught me stealing and lying."
My granddaughter's head lift a little bit more. "Mimi, what did he do to you?" She fully understood my horror at being caught.
"My father, took me downstairs and then he gathered the family together and made me tell them what I had done. I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done and when everyone gathered all I did was cry. I wanted to run away but I couldn't. Finally, I whispered what I had done. My father held me and asked if I understood stealing and lying was wrong. "Yes", I said through my tears. Then he held me and told me he forgave me but that I was not to do it again.
My granddaughter moved a little closer and I put my arms around her. "Did you know that the Bible tells us that if we confess our sins God will forgive us and take away all our guilt?" "Confess means we agree with God that we have done something wrong." "Did you steal something?" Silence....
"You know I'm not a little girl anymore now I'm a grandmother but it is still hard for me tell someone I've done something wrong. I have to ask Jesus to help me but I know that admitting I did something wrong is the first step to being forgiven." " Did you steal something?"A very soft "yes" followed.
"Come with me and lets talk to your mommy." My granddaughter followed me and stood looking so small before her mother. "What do you need to tell your mommy?" Silence....Waiting....Silence...Waiting
"Mommy, I stole your jellybeans and I lied to you." Her mother bent down and wrapped her in her arms and said, "Do you know stealing and lying are wrong?""Yes, Mommy", she whispered. The next thing I knew she was wrapped in her mothers embrace."I forgive you."
"Heavenly Father, I don't know why it is so hard for me to admit when I've been wrong. To honestly confess my sin instead of hiding it and holding onto it. I think perhaps it's because part of me doesn't want to give it up. Please help me take the first step to being forgiven and admit, confess my sin."
We sat on the bed together she at one end and I at the other. "Did I ever tell you about when I stole money from my father?" Her head lifted slightly and she whispered,"No".
"I was about your age when it happened. My daddy always emptied his change from his pockets to his dresser. I would sneak upstairs to his room and take a handful of change. I always left some hoping he wouldn't notice. One day as I was going down the stairs I met my father coming up. 'Sarah, what is behind your back', my father asked. 'Nothing', I said. But my father knew better he had caught me stealing and lying."
My granddaughter's head lift a little bit more. "Mimi, what did he do to you?" She fully understood my horror at being caught.
"My father, took me downstairs and then he gathered the family together and made me tell them what I had done. I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done and when everyone gathered all I did was cry. I wanted to run away but I couldn't. Finally, I whispered what I had done. My father held me and asked if I understood stealing and lying was wrong. "Yes", I said through my tears. Then he held me and told me he forgave me but that I was not to do it again.
My granddaughter moved a little closer and I put my arms around her. "Did you know that the Bible tells us that if we confess our sins God will forgive us and take away all our guilt?" "Confess means we agree with God that we have done something wrong." "Did you steal something?" Silence....
"You know I'm not a little girl anymore now I'm a grandmother but it is still hard for me tell someone I've done something wrong. I have to ask Jesus to help me but I know that admitting I did something wrong is the first step to being forgiven." " Did you steal something?"A very soft "yes" followed.
"Come with me and lets talk to your mommy." My granddaughter followed me and stood looking so small before her mother. "What do you need to tell your mommy?" Silence....Waiting....Silence...Waiting
"Mommy, I stole your jellybeans and I lied to you." Her mother bent down and wrapped her in her arms and said, "Do you know stealing and lying are wrong?""Yes, Mommy", she whispered. The next thing I knew she was wrapped in her mothers embrace."I forgive you."
"Heavenly Father, I don't know why it is so hard for me to admit when I've been wrong. To honestly confess my sin instead of hiding it and holding onto it. I think perhaps it's because part of me doesn't want to give it up. Please help me take the first step to being forgiven and admit, confess my sin."
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sandpaper on my soul
"And just look at this view! One thing you can be sure of you will always have this view." I loved the view out of my picture window. I choose that spot to have my quiet time in the morning. I would wake at dawn wrapped in a blanket and begin reading my Bible and talking to God.
BANG! BANG! BANG! Something terrible was happening. My neighbor bought the small triangle of land behind our house. The piece of land we had been assured that was to small to build on and he was building on it! Suddenly my view was completely blocked. The only thing I could see was my neighbor.
I was so angry I couldn't read my Bible, I couldn't focus to pray. He would be working on building his shop at dawn. Since he didn't go to church he would be out there banging all Sunday. "Hope you don't mind that I've taken you view", he said one day. "No!', I lied ,'you bought the land it's yours".
I kept trying to have my quiet time with God but it wasn't quiet. It wasn't just the lack of external quiet that bothered me I didn't have any internal quiet either. I began to pray to find relief. However, the message I heard from God did not bring comfort, it brought conviction.
"Sarah, what is more important to you, your view or your neighbor's soul." There was no question about it my view and my comfort were much more important to me that the salvation of my neighbor. In admitting this I also saw that my comfort was an idol I worshiped.
So now what was I supposed to do? I no longer had my view and my sin had been exposed? I confessed my sin and asked God for mercy because I knew I couldn't change on my own. I also knew He didn't want me just to pretend to care now that my lack of love was exposed.
I wish I could say that suddenly I no longer cared that my view was gone but it still irritated me. As I prayed about it God spoke to me. "Sarah, I have given you a visual reminder to pray for your neighbor and yourself." So my irritation became a call to prayer.
It was like sandpaper on my soul. I continually prayed that God would change both me and my neighbor and He did.
BANG! BANG! BANG! Something terrible was happening. My neighbor bought the small triangle of land behind our house. The piece of land we had been assured that was to small to build on and he was building on it! Suddenly my view was completely blocked. The only thing I could see was my neighbor.
I was so angry I couldn't read my Bible, I couldn't focus to pray. He would be working on building his shop at dawn. Since he didn't go to church he would be out there banging all Sunday. "Hope you don't mind that I've taken you view", he said one day. "No!', I lied ,'you bought the land it's yours".
I kept trying to have my quiet time with God but it wasn't quiet. It wasn't just the lack of external quiet that bothered me I didn't have any internal quiet either. I began to pray to find relief. However, the message I heard from God did not bring comfort, it brought conviction.
"Sarah, what is more important to you, your view or your neighbor's soul." There was no question about it my view and my comfort were much more important to me that the salvation of my neighbor. In admitting this I also saw that my comfort was an idol I worshiped.
So now what was I supposed to do? I no longer had my view and my sin had been exposed? I confessed my sin and asked God for mercy because I knew I couldn't change on my own. I also knew He didn't want me just to pretend to care now that my lack of love was exposed.
I wish I could say that suddenly I no longer cared that my view was gone but it still irritated me. As I prayed about it God spoke to me. "Sarah, I have given you a visual reminder to pray for your neighbor and yourself." So my irritation became a call to prayer.
It was like sandpaper on my soul. I continually prayed that God would change both me and my neighbor and He did.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Paradigm Shift
I am one of nine children. I have two older brothers and six younger siblings what that means is that I had a lot of practice in sharing. We were all born within ten years and like all children we wanted attention. My Grandmother worked at making us feel special. She had one 8X10 picture frame on her bureau and she would rotate our pictures in that frame.
The year I turned eleven I spent the Winter with my Grandmother. It was a little bit like Heaven getting to be the only child in her house. I had shared her with my sibling all my life but that year my cousins were coming from Brazil. Sharing my Grandmother with my siblings was one thing sharing her with a whole other family was a lot harder.
Grandmother had never gotten to meet those grandchildren and as the time got closer she became more and more excited. It was all she could think about ,it was all she could talk about, it was the only thing she could focus on. I became very jealous.
I began to pray and ask Jesus to help me with my jealousy. The way He answered my pray not only had a powerful impact on my childhood it affected my whole life as well. While struggling with my jealousy I felt miserable and tormented. After I prayed I realized I had a choice to love or hate. I asked Jesus to help me love.
My prayer was that I would see my cousins with my Grandmother's eyes. I wanted them to be as special to me as they were to her. When God answered this prayer He gave me a wonderful gift. First, He showed me that He really did answer prayer that He could change my heart. Then He allowed me to have a wonderful relationship with my cousins.
I looked up a definition of Paradigm Shift and it said,"a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphism. It just does not happen but rather is driven by agents of change." This seemed to be similar to what I had experienced through prayer.
I don't get to see them very often but I treasure them very much. This was the first Paradigm Shift of many I have experienced through prayer.
The year I turned eleven I spent the Winter with my Grandmother. It was a little bit like Heaven getting to be the only child in her house. I had shared her with my sibling all my life but that year my cousins were coming from Brazil. Sharing my Grandmother with my siblings was one thing sharing her with a whole other family was a lot harder.
Grandmother had never gotten to meet those grandchildren and as the time got closer she became more and more excited. It was all she could think about ,it was all she could talk about, it was the only thing she could focus on. I became very jealous.
I began to pray and ask Jesus to help me with my jealousy. The way He answered my pray not only had a powerful impact on my childhood it affected my whole life as well. While struggling with my jealousy I felt miserable and tormented. After I prayed I realized I had a choice to love or hate. I asked Jesus to help me love.
My prayer was that I would see my cousins with my Grandmother's eyes. I wanted them to be as special to me as they were to her. When God answered this prayer He gave me a wonderful gift. First, He showed me that He really did answer prayer that He could change my heart. Then He allowed me to have a wonderful relationship with my cousins.
I looked up a definition of Paradigm Shift and it said,"a change from one way of thinking to another. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphism. It just does not happen but rather is driven by agents of change." This seemed to be similar to what I had experienced through prayer.
I don't get to see them very often but I treasure them very much. This was the first Paradigm Shift of many I have experienced through prayer.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Ah, Sovereign Lord!
I come from a long line of women who know how to sigh. I remember the long sighs of my grandmother and my mother the older I get the more I understand there purpose. Sometimes the pressures of life feel unbearable that's when I take a deep breath an exhale slowly.
I think the prophet Jeremiah knew how to sigh. I read several times a prayer in the book of Jeremiah that begins with a sigh. I can just imagine the prophet taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly saying , "AHhhhh". But the sigh becomes a prayer when you add the words,"Sovereign Lord"
God had given Jeremiah a hard job the message he had to deliver was one of inescapable judgement. His ministry was hard his message wasn't one anyone wanted to hear but he didn't murmur and complain. He recognized his humanity but he also recognized his relationship to God.
The title Sovereign shows he knew God was in control. God is above all authority and powers. Jeremiah didn't leave it there he also called him Lord. When I read in Numbers I see the children of Israel's rebellion against God. They seem to constantly want to be the lord of their own life Jeremiah surrendered the lordship to God.
I like this prayer,"Ah, Sovereign Lord!". I often don't understand what God is doing in my life and it helps me to take a deep breath and exhale slowly. It helps me even more to remind myself that God is Sovereign and that He is my Lord.
I think the prophet Jeremiah knew how to sigh. I read several times a prayer in the book of Jeremiah that begins with a sigh. I can just imagine the prophet taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly saying , "AHhhhh". But the sigh becomes a prayer when you add the words,"Sovereign Lord"
God had given Jeremiah a hard job the message he had to deliver was one of inescapable judgement. His ministry was hard his message wasn't one anyone wanted to hear but he didn't murmur and complain. He recognized his humanity but he also recognized his relationship to God.
The title Sovereign shows he knew God was in control. God is above all authority and powers. Jeremiah didn't leave it there he also called him Lord. When I read in Numbers I see the children of Israel's rebellion against God. They seem to constantly want to be the lord of their own life Jeremiah surrendered the lordship to God.
I like this prayer,"Ah, Sovereign Lord!". I often don't understand what God is doing in my life and it helps me to take a deep breath and exhale slowly. It helps me even more to remind myself that God is Sovereign and that He is my Lord.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Taking refuge under the shelter of your wings!
Sometimes when I am really tired and preparing to sleep I feel vulnerable. All the things I've done wrong,the stupid,thoughtless things I've said parade themselves in my mind. Everything I chose not to worry about during the day comes out of hiding to haunt me in the night. Recently a friend asked me how I meditated on Scripture one of my favorite times to meditate is during the twilight of my consciousness when I am so vulnerable to negative thoughts.
Earlier this week I was drifting off to sleep when my mind began to wander into the negative zone. I decided to meditate on God's invitation to take shelter under His wing. I wrapped myself in the blanket and thought ,"If I was under God's wing I would also be next to His heart." All through the night when I woke with haunting thoughts I would go back to the picture of being near to the heart of God.
"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.Let me dwell in your tent forever! Selah
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!" Psalms 61:1-4
The next morning as I was waking up I saw a Scripture reference in my dream. I saw it typed at the bottom of a book mark. When I got up I looked for it in the Bible. It was Zephaniah 3: 16,17 "Fear not ,O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing."
I sought refuge and peace near to the heart of God beneath His wing and woke to the to the sound of His singing.
Earlier this week I was drifting off to sleep when my mind began to wander into the negative zone. I decided to meditate on God's invitation to take shelter under His wing. I wrapped myself in the blanket and thought ,"If I was under God's wing I would also be next to His heart." All through the night when I woke with haunting thoughts I would go back to the picture of being near to the heart of God.
"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.Let me dwell in your tent forever! Selah
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!" Psalms 61:1-4
The next morning as I was waking up I saw a Scripture reference in my dream. I saw it typed at the bottom of a book mark. When I got up I looked for it in the Bible. It was Zephaniah 3: 16,17 "Fear not ,O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord you God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exalt over you with loud singing."
I sought refuge and peace near to the heart of God beneath His wing and woke to the to the sound of His singing.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Though he stumble, he will not fall
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble he will not fall, for the Lord uphold him with his hand." Psalm 37:24 "Show us your unfailing love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation." Psalm 85:7 "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11 These verses all have something in common, they show the psalmist dependence on God.
"Even though they all fall away, I will not". I like Peter! I don't think I would have said it out loud but I probably would have thought it. Peter was a man of passion he loved Jesus, he would never "fall away", he would definitely never deny Jesus...but he did.
When Jesus, in the midst of His suffering, looked at Peter and Peter realized what he'd done he went out and wept bitterly. When Judas was confronted with the consequences of his actions he went out and hung himself. Both of these were self-righteous men but there was a difference. Peter humbled himself and accepted Jesus' forgiveness and salvation Judas didn't.
I was thinking that when sin is exposed in my life I feel embarrassed but that's not the same thing as humility. Embarrassment can also be the evidence of my own self-righteousness and pride. Humility is seen in how I deal with my sin. Do I look to myself for the cure or to God?
In the Psalms I see the man who stumbles but is not hurled headlong because God is holding his hand, it doesn't say because he is holding God's hand. The Psalmist refers to God's unfailing love for him not his unfailing love for God. I also appreciate the prayer,"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."Psalm 86:11 I ,like the psalmist, need God to teach me His ways so I can walk in His truth. If He doesn't give me an undivided heart my heart will probably be divided.
Peter tells us in his epistle "God is opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you." I always wondered how you were supposed to humble yourself but Peter explains it in the next verse,"casting all your anxieties on him ,because he cares for you." 1Peter 5:5-7
What a comfort to know that Jesus invites me to let go of my self -righteousness and that though I stumble I will not be hurled head long because He holds my hand. I have a Savior.
"Even though they all fall away, I will not". I like Peter! I don't think I would have said it out loud but I probably would have thought it. Peter was a man of passion he loved Jesus, he would never "fall away", he would definitely never deny Jesus...but he did.
When Jesus, in the midst of His suffering, looked at Peter and Peter realized what he'd done he went out and wept bitterly. When Judas was confronted with the consequences of his actions he went out and hung himself. Both of these were self-righteous men but there was a difference. Peter humbled himself and accepted Jesus' forgiveness and salvation Judas didn't.
I was thinking that when sin is exposed in my life I feel embarrassed but that's not the same thing as humility. Embarrassment can also be the evidence of my own self-righteousness and pride. Humility is seen in how I deal with my sin. Do I look to myself for the cure or to God?
In the Psalms I see the man who stumbles but is not hurled headlong because God is holding his hand, it doesn't say because he is holding God's hand. The Psalmist refers to God's unfailing love for him not his unfailing love for God. I also appreciate the prayer,"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name."Psalm 86:11 I ,like the psalmist, need God to teach me His ways so I can walk in His truth. If He doesn't give me an undivided heart my heart will probably be divided.
Peter tells us in his epistle "God is opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you." I always wondered how you were supposed to humble yourself but Peter explains it in the next verse,"casting all your anxieties on him ,because he cares for you." 1Peter 5:5-7
What a comfort to know that Jesus invites me to let go of my self -righteousness and that though I stumble I will not be hurled head long because He holds my hand. I have a Savior.
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