Five years ago Steve and I began to dream and plan for today. Today would have been out fiftieth wedding anniversary if Steve had lived. The day I had looked forward to became a day I was dreading. I have a great deal to be grateful for but grief is real and Steve isn't here to celebrate with.
To be honest, I just wasn't sure what to do or how to handle the overwhelming clash of emotions. Tears came easy but even though Steve isn't here to celebrate with me I didn't want to spend the whole day crying. I picked my Bible up and began reading where I left off yesterday.
In 2 Chronicles 20 there is the story of King Jehoshaphat who was faced with battle. He was outnumbered and felt powerless against what he was facing. I could relate. The prayer he brought to God was humble and honest. God responded to the king by telling him not to be dismayed. He was to stand firm, hold his position and trust that God was with him.
When the day of battle came the king appointed those who were to sing to the Lord and praise Him to go before the army and saying, "Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever." As I write this it's 7 PM the very hour that Steve and I got married. Today has been filled with tears and thanksgiving for the love Steve and I shared and for the steadfast love of God.
The words to this song have been playing in my mind all day:
When you're up against the struggle that shatters all your dreams
When you hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan's manifested schemes
And when you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fears
And the faith you've been standin' in just seems to disappear
Praise the Lord
He can work through those who praise Him
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you, that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise
