Discovering Grace

 Love doesn't envy.

I was reminded of this Bible verse while sitting with my grandson at his cousin's birthday party. Almost every time a gift was opened, he would honestly express his jealousy. I respect how his parents have taught him to own his emotions. Sitting with him I was remined of how I was tormented by envy as a child.

I was eleven years old and spending the winter with my grandmother. I shared my grandmother with my four brothers and four sisters so getting to have individual time with her was very special. However, during this time she only had one thing on her mind, and it wasn't me. Grandmother was looking forward to meeting her two grandchildren, Margaret and Brian, who had been born on the mission field in Brazil.

I was miserable. I didn't want to be jealous, but I was.  I tried to be excited but all I felt was the torturous envy, so I prayed. It was a simple prayer, "Jesus, I want to love my cousins, but I don't know how. Please help me." God answered my prayer and did for me what I was unable to do for myself.

I learned so many things from that experience. God is love. Love doesn't envy. Confession means to say the same thing about something that God says. When God does for you what you can't do for yourself it's called grace. When God graciously answered my prayer and gave me love for my cousins, He also gave me peace. 

I want to share this memory of grace and peace and love with my grandson. I believe that our honest struggles can become the very places where we encounter God.