There had been a crowd around him when he heard Jesus say, “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?” Suddenly, he felt like everyone around him began to fade away. His mind went back to the time when his forfeited soul had been restored. With a burst of joy his memory took him back to the day Jesus had looked at him and said, “Follow Me!”
He had it all, or at least he had more than the people surrounding him in this sea of humanity. Not only did he feel the cool touch of the coins as they tumbled from his fingers, but he could feel the quality of the cloth his clothes were made of. He enjoyed the luxury of rich food that his wealth provided. He listened absentmindedly to the music that the coins made as they hit the table.
He had everything. However, surrounded by this ocean of humanity he was alone. He was despised and even the lowliest beggar refused to give him a kind glance. His clothes made of the finest cloth could not warm the coldness he felt deep in his heart. Although he held feasts for the other outcasts of society there was no fellowship, and no matter how grand the dishes were that were set before him, the hunger he felt deep in his soul was never satisfied. And so another day began, and Matthew took his seat at his tax booth by the Sea of Galilee feeling cheated and wondering what profit he had gained for the price of his soul?
He saw Him coming towards him and suddenly something he thought dead inside him came to life. His heart began to beat faster with a warmth he hadn’t felt in years. For so long it had seemed as if he’d lost the ability to see colors, but as Jesus approached the world once more was bathed in dazzling light, bringing with the light beauty to life again. There was a stirring, an awakening in his soul. He was surrounded by a profound silence that he could feel, yet within that silence there was the most beautiful music. Suddenly Jesus was standing before him. He looked straight into Matthew’s eyes and through them into his soul and said, "'Follow Me.' And he rose and followed Him" (Mark 2:14)
What is self denial? This is something that Jesus requires of everyone who is to become His disciple. So often when we think of self denial we think of what we are giving up. But for Matthew it meant a healing of his soul, by letting go of what could never truly profit him so that he could rise and follow Jesus.
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