“Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.”* I have no doubts that Peter suffered from PTSD because of his guilt as he replayed the disturbing vivid memory of the look in Jesus’s eyes just moments after he had denied with oaths that he did know Him.
I wonder if Peter found comfort in the words of David as he relived his failure: “Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you only have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight” (Psalm 51:1-4).
Jesus had told Peter that before the rooster would crow twice Peter would deny Him three times. Peter, however, rejected what Jesus said. He believed that his devotion to Jesus was strong enough for any test. The Sabbath between the crucifixion and the resurrection held no rest for Peter as he relived again and again what he thought was unimaginable. “Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me” (Psalm 51:9-11).
After the crucifixion Peter was haunted by the memory of his failure. His mind was bound up in shackles as he relived his denial again and again. However, if Peter had only known his own righteousness, how could he have ever fully known what it means to be redeemed? The voice of shame and regret was silenced when Peter heard the message that the angel had given the women: “But go, tell His disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you to Galilee; you will see Him there just as He told you’” (Mark 16:7).
Again Peter could now say with David, “Oh, what a joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are left in complete honesty” (Psalm 51:1,2)! The beauty of redemption could only be fully realized after Peter saw his desperate need for a redeemer.
*Mayo Clinic
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