What is the difference between humiliation and humility?

In the hospital after my brain surgery I was given mega doses of steroids to keep my brain from swelling. They had to give me hourly insulin shots to protect my pancreas from the steroids. The nurses in the Neuro ICU checked on me every few hours so I was unable to sleep.

For five weeks after my surgery I suffered with insomnia. Because I could not turn my brain off, I ended up struggling with mania. My thoughts came faster and faster until I felt like a marionette. I longed to cut the strings so I could rest, so I could sleep. I felt humiliated and out of control.

I don't believe my life is a random series of events; instead I believe that the Lord is my shepherd and that He is leading me. Sometimes He leads me through difficult places. In Deuteronomy 8:15 it says, "He led you through the great and terrible wilderness with its poisonous snakes and scorpions, a thirsty land where there was no water." Why would a loving God lead me into such nightmares? The answer to that question can be found later in the chapter when it says, "in order to humble and test you, so that in the end He might cause you to prosper."

I don't think that to be humiliated and to be humbled are the same thing. Humiliation carries with it a sense of shame. Humility is when the trials of life show what is in your heart and you come to God with a broken and contrite heart. When I was humiliated, it was because my focus was on myself and my pride. My humiliation was turned to humility when my heart became tender and I let God expose my sin.

Wounded pride will always bring with it a sense of shame and humiliation, but it also brings with it anxiety. Pride makes us think that we are our own god in control of our own destiny; when the circumstances of life prove otherwise, we suffer with anxiety. Our good shepherd leads us into the great and terrible wilderness with its poisonous snakes and scorpions where there is great thirst, not to destroy us, but to set us free. Here in the wilderness-experiences of life we are invited to let go of our pride and take hold of His hand. For those who take hold of His hand, the pain of humiliation is replaced by the grace that accompanies humility. For those who hear His voice and do not harden their heart, He leads them out of their anxiety and into His rest. Those who enter into His rest find rest for body, soul and spirit.