Not Easy but Good

I remember thinking as we drove over the mountain on my way to have brain surgery that perhaps it was a bad idea to let someone drill a hole in your skull. As soon as that thought come into my head I felt like a scaly hand grabbed me by the ankle and was pulling me beneath the water and I would drown. That's when I asked my husband if he would mind listening to a song with me.

The song was Oceans  by Hillsong, and it had become my theme song. I bathed my mind and soul with the words of the song and fear lost its grip on me. "You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. And there I find you in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand." I confess I do not understand the path my God has chosen for my life, and sometimes my feet fail and I find myself slipping beneath the water. However, I have chosen to worship Him by not only accepting my weakness but also by entrusting myself to His love. And so when my strength fails I rest in His embrace.

When I was a teenager I was told that God loved me and had a wonderful plan for my life. That sounded really good to me and I had a preconceived idea of what good would look like. But I was wrong. What I have found is very much like the words I find in the song. God's grace abounds in deepest waters and His  sovereign hand has been my guide. Sometimes while facing life's challenges my feet have failed and fears have surrounded me. But in the midst of the struggles of life God has never failed me. Grapes are good, but sometimes it's the crushed grapes that gladden the heart.

The good that God has chosen for me sometimes includes tears and sleepless nights. Times when I feel that I've come to the end of my strength. These difficult times have taught me to accept humility as a gift. Acknowledging my weakness allows me to call upon His name. By faith I keep my eyes above the waves. The waters rise, my strength fails, but I have chosen to rest in His embrace and once more I find the comfort that I am His and He is mine.

I have not found life to be easy, but I have found it to be good. I believe that I am guided by a hand I cannot see but by one that I trust. And so my love song continues to be, "Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior."