Reading Slowly

"Mom, have you started the book I gave you for Christmas?" Mom replied, "I finished it yesterday." I have been reading my copy of the book for about a month, Mother finished it in a day. I am a slow reader!

When I was in high school my parents had me take a speed reading course. It was a really good idea in preparation for college. They gave some really good pointers like don't move you mouth when you read, not even your tongue. For years I've tried to follow this advice, however, who am I trying to impress I am the slowest reader I know!

This month while reading through the minor prophets I decided to not only move my mouth while I was reading I decided to read it out loud. Not only read it out loud but with all the drama and passion I could find. Something happened, something wonderful happened. What I was reading came alive. I could see it, I could feel it. I could understand it ... better.

I could feel the agony of Habakkuk when I read "How long, LORD, must I call for help and You do not listen, and cry out to You about violence and You do not save? Why do You force me to look at injustice? Why do You tolerate wrongdoing? Oppression and violence are right in front of me. Strife is ongoing, and conflict escalates."

At the same time I was dramatically reading this passage in Habakkuk I was also reading the book I gave Mother for Christmas. The title of the book is "The insanity of God A True Story of Faith Resurrected," by Nik Ripken. A description of the book read, "How does faith survive, let alone flourish in the places of life that are overcome with the darkness of sin, despair, and hopelessness?"

On the back of Nik Ripken's book in red letters is this question, "Will you follow Jesus even when it doesn't make sense?" The truth is anyone who wants to follow Jesus no matter who they are, or where they live must decide how they will answer this question. I have decided to use the words I find in Habakkuk. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines,though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, through there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stall, yet I will triumph in the LORD; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation! Yahweh my Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights,  

What Does Your Soul Magnify?

I had been going through a dry spiritual period and I was hoping the Christmas season would help me and then it happened. I woke with a hot searing pain in my back. I manged to get partway out of the bed after about an hour and then found myself on the floor unable to move. My husband Steve called to our daughter to come help but they could do nothing.

The plans I had had of the things I would do the week before Christmas became unattainable. My highest goal became getting out of the chair. In fact, my husband told me, "I'll help you but please don't scream in my ear!" So there I sat looking at an undercoated Christmas tree and a very untidy house.

I was being held captive by the exquisite pain in my back. But then I realized that though my body was held captive my soul was free to make the choice of what I magnified. To be honest it was a struggle because when I looked around me all I could see was what I was unable to accomplish. Yet, because I was unable to do anything I was free to meditate on what God did for me at Christmas.

I thought about what Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior, because He has looked with favor on the humble condition of His slave." (Luke 1:46-48) I thought about the broken hearts and broken families that are represented in genealogy of Jesus. He chose to be born into poverty. He came to a people who had been invaded by a foreign nation. Yet, Mary's soul magnified the Lord and her spirit rejoiced in God her Savior because God did for her what she could not do for herself.

Lord Jesus, thank You for healing the dryness of my spirit with the pain in my back. Thank You, for entering my brokenness so that I could enter Your fullness. Thank You, that when You came You brought with You peace and goodwill. Please let my soul magnify You even as my spirit rejoices that You are my Savior!

Mimi, I Miss JB

"Mimi, I want to meet JB.” JB is my grandson's biological father. Since it's Jack's Christmas break he is spending the day with me and we decided to write a blog together.

JB died before Jack got to meet him. This year on Jack's birthday we walked past were JB is buried. Jack felt sad as he looked at the grave. He felt sad about all the things he would never share with JB, except in Heaven.  Jack has always wanted to know what JB's voice sounded like. Jack has wanted to see him face to face. He wishes he could see him smile.

Jack wanted me to write this about JB not only because he misses JB but because he wanted Gran and Grandpa, JB's parents, to understand the way he feels. Sometimes it's hard for an eleven year to put into words the feelings that are in his heart. Jack wants his grandparents to know that he loves them and he loves JB.

Sometimes at Christmas it's especially hard. Sometimes Jack feels a sadness in heart that won't go away. Sometimes he pretends he's not sad because some people don't understand. After all it's Christmas; a time when children are supposed to be happy and so he tries to do what's expected of him. It's hard, but Gran and Grandpa understand.

(Jack's Prayer)
Dear Jesus, thank you for people who understand. Help me to grow up to be someone who understands when other people are hurting. Please be with Gran and Grandpa this Christmas.

To See,To Hear, To Know

Sometimes I am aware of the vast difference between who I want to be and who I really am. My desire to do the right thing and the battles that go on in my selfish mind could drive me crazy. One thing that is a great comfort to me is that I have been blessed by those who have gone before me carrying the torch of truth. I have been blessed not only by the footsteps they have left for me but also because they were honest about their struggles.

Last night I read a prayer that my mother-in-law and dear friend wrote in 1993. "My thoughts - do You hear them all? I think You do and that's embarrassing! But I remember that You no longer condemn me. I am before You, shielded by the righteousness of Jesus Christ. But still I wish all my thoughts were pure and loving. I wish I wouldn't be selfish or critical." I was comforted by what she wrote because all day yesterday I was wishing and praying the same thing.

There was something else she wrote that made me smile she said, "Sometimes I wonder about the future." I have to pause here to say that the future she wondered about is the present I now live in. What was hidden to her in 1993 has been revealed to me in 2013. She wrote, "It is foolish to think that we will live here in this same way and then both of us die at the same time!" But that is exactly what happened. They were able to live together until one week in April of 2012 when they both slipped into eternity.

She was a woman of great faith yet she wasn't afraid to admit that there were things that she struggled with. Her habit was to daily come before the throne of grace and focus her mind on the God who loved her and then in the presence of His perfect love she would bring before Him her frustrations and fears. She never left His presence with her thoughts captivated by her inadequacies but in the end she always turned her attention back to the one who listened lovingly to her prayers. "I know that You already see our future and that in Your love You have provided for us." 

Father, I am comforted to know that I am not alone in my struggles. Please let my life be transparent so that those who see my struggles also see the One who walks beside me and hears my prayers.

Seeing Through the Correct Lens

I saw a disturbing video of men who were in Argentina praying outside a cathedral while a mob attacked them. The next morning I read:

"Look! The Lord comes with thousands of His holy ones to execute judgement on all, and to convict them of all their ungodly deeds that they have done in an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things ungodly sinners have said against Him..

These people are discontented grumblers, walking according to their desires; their mouths utter arrogant words, flattering people for their own advantage.

But you, dear friend, remember the words foretold by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; they told you, 'In the end times there will be scoffers walking according to their own ungodly desires.' these people create divisions and are merely natural, not having the Spirit.

But you, dear friends, building yourselves up in you most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, expecting the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ for eternal life. Have mercy on some who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; on others have mercy in fear, hating even the garments defiled by the flesh.

Now to him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, blameless and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, Majesty, power, and authority before all time now, and forever. Amen"(Jude: 14-24)

Lord Jesus, my natural inclination is to be angry. It is only when I see what is happening around me through the lens of Scripture that I understand how to respond. You tell me to build myself up in holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. My natural inclination is to retaliate but You tell me to keep myself in the love of God and to show mercy. O Lord, only You can keep me from stumbling! Please help me to represent you correctly!

If there is anything worthy of praise

I was seven years old when I made the discovery. One moment I was looking at various shades of green the next moment I discovered to my delight that the green was made up of individual blades of grass. This transformation took place when I looked at my world for the first time through the corrective lens of my glasses.

There is a transformation that takes place in my spirit when I look at life through the lens of praise. The Psalmist experienced this when he said, “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them.” (Psalm 22:2-4) God is enthroned and inhabits our praises. When I choose to see my life through the lens of praise my spirit sees what my flesh cannot see and I experience the God of peace.

Daniel was a young man, a captive in Babylon, condemned to death or at least that was how it appeared through the eyes of flesh. But through the corrective lens of praise another story was being told. Nebuchadnezzar had had a dream and he had ordered the diviner –priests, mediums, sorcerers, and Chaldeans to tell him not only the interpretation but the dream itself. They failed to do what the king requested saying, “What the king is asking is so difficult that no one can make it known to him except the gods, whose dwelling is not with mortals.” (Daniel 2:11) The king responded by giving orders that all the wise men be executed, Daniel was one of those wise men.

The mystery was revealed to Daniel not through eyes of flesh but in a vision at night and Daniel praised the God of heaven. Daniel wasn’t held captive by fear even though he had been given a death sentence by the most powerful king on earth instead he offered praise to the one to whom wisdom and power belong. “He changes the times and seasons; he removes kings and establishes kings. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding. He reveals the deep and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness and light dwells with Him.” (Daniel 2:21, 22)

Father, as I lift my eyes to You the God of heaven I find the world around me translated by the lens of praise. Through this lens I see clearly how You the God of peace are with me. 

If there is any virtue

The day felt bleak the sky was gray. The building I went to was as gray as the sky and encircled by a barbed wire fence. I was buzzed into the building and told to wait. I waited in the cold room surrounded by unfriendly signs for over two hours. While I waited I thought about the verses I had been meditating on in Philippians. In Philippians there is a list of things we are told to think about. On this day I was filtering my thought through the part of the verse that says, “If there is any virtue.” I looked around at my depressing surroundings and wondered how anyone could see any virtue in a place like this.

My meditation became a prayer. I had two hours to wait I had two hours to ponder and to pray. The promise I find in the verses in Philippians is that when I think about the things God tells me to think about I will experience the God of peace. Can the God of peace be found in a prison?

Finally, the woman behind the desk called my name. I sat in front of the monitor, pick up the receiver and our visit began.  The message I brought was simple, “I care about you.” I had come to bring a message of hope. I had come to remind her that there is a Savior, there is a Redeemer.

As I drove away that day I realized that the answer to my prayer was in the realization that when Jesus came He came to set the prisoner free. He came not to those who were well but to those who were sick and needed a physician. He came that we might have life and have it abundantly. “God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (1 John 5:9, 10)

Lord Jesus, when my mind becomes clouded by the sorrow that I see help me to meditate on what is truly virtuous that You came to seek and save the lost.

Whatever is of Good Report

Have you ever wondered what your legacy will be, how you will be remembered? Alfred Nobel was one of the few people who got a preview of how he would be remembered when he read his own obituary in 1886. It was titled “The merchant of death is dead.” The French newspaper had made a mistake it was actually Alfred’s brother Ludvig who had died but Alfred was given a preview of how his life would be summed up.

Alfred Nobel was a trained chemical engineer and had become wealthy as a result of his scientific discoveries. His inventions included dynamite and the ballistic company; however, he did not want to be remembered as the merchant of death! In his will he left a large amount of his money to be used for prizes for those who had bettered mankind. One of the prizes is the Nobel Peace Prize.

“The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state...Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” –James Allen, As a Man Thinketh. The Bible teaches that,” As a man thinks in his heart so is he” (Proverbs 27:3). There is a strong connection between what a person thinks about and what he does.

The book of Philippians tell us that we are to think about,” Whatever is of good report.”  Filling our minds with what is noble, laudable, reputable will affect who we are. If this is true then even what we entertain ourselves with will eventually affect who we are. Our thoughts, like seeds in a garden, will produce a crop.

Lord, help me to fill my mind with reputable thoughts. Please let my mind and my life reflect You. One of Your promises to those who choose to think on whatever is of good report is that You, the God of peace, will be with them.  Please let my reputation be that my life reflects a relationship with the God of peace.