To See,To Hear, To Know

Sometimes I am aware of the vast difference between who I want to be and who I really am. My desire to do the right thing and the battles that go on in my selfish mind could drive me crazy. One thing that is a great comfort to me is that I have been blessed by those who have gone before me carrying the torch of truth. I have been blessed not only by the footsteps they have left for me but also because they were honest about their struggles.

Last night I read a prayer that my mother-in-law and dear friend wrote in 1993. "My thoughts - do You hear them all? I think You do and that's embarrassing! But I remember that You no longer condemn me. I am before You, shielded by the righteousness of Jesus Christ. But still I wish all my thoughts were pure and loving. I wish I wouldn't be selfish or critical." I was comforted by what she wrote because all day yesterday I was wishing and praying the same thing.

There was something else she wrote that made me smile she said, "Sometimes I wonder about the future." I have to pause here to say that the future she wondered about is the present I now live in. What was hidden to her in 1993 has been revealed to me in 2013. She wrote, "It is foolish to think that we will live here in this same way and then both of us die at the same time!" But that is exactly what happened. They were able to live together until one week in April of 2012 when they both slipped into eternity.

She was a woman of great faith yet she wasn't afraid to admit that there were things that she struggled with. Her habit was to daily come before the throne of grace and focus her mind on the God who loved her and then in the presence of His perfect love she would bring before Him her frustrations and fears. She never left His presence with her thoughts captivated by her inadequacies but in the end she always turned her attention back to the one who listened lovingly to her prayers. "I know that You already see our future and that in Your love You have provided for us." 

Father, I am comforted to know that I am not alone in my struggles. Please let my life be transparent so that those who see my struggles also see the One who walks beside me and hears my prayers.