Come Just As You Are

I was irritable and angry! I was so frustrated that I wanted to scream! I rushed about the house preparing to go where I didn’t want to go in order to do something that I didn’t want to do! I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling, so in this state of full blown irritability I began to pray.

I went to God in prayer just as I was, miserable and in need. “Father! I need help! I don’t want to feel this way! I want to obey You!” I thought about how Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Our Father, in heaven, may your name be kept holy” (Matthew 6:9). I translated how Jesus taught us to pray by saying, “Father, I believe that You love and care for me and that Your ways are higher than my ways. I don’t want to dishonor Your name, but I am miserable and I need help!”

Jesus said to pray, “Your kingdom come.” I prayed, “I know that You are the king. I want You to rule and reign in my life, my heart and my mind. Please help me to get my emotions under control.” Jesus said, “Your will be done on earth as in heaven.” I prayed, “Father, I know that to murmur and to complain is the same as to be in rebellion against what You have ordained for my life. Right now I’m full of rebellion! I don’t know how to stop. I don’t like what You’ve planned for my life today. If I needed physical surgery on my heart, I know that I would be incapable of performing open heart surgery on myself. I also know that I am equally incapable of removing my stony rebellious heart. Please! Help me!”

Jesus said to ask for daily bread. Where can I go when I am being tormented by my inability to be who I want to be? What can I do when I don’t have the resources to accomplish what is required of me? How do I find the strength to wrestle with my own rebellious heart that doesn’t want to be told what to do? It’s a daily struggle. Daily I am invited to participate in holy communion through prayer.

I continued to walk in obedience and prayed that God would change my heart. And then it happened! I was having a conversation with my granddaughter Lena. I told her that Mary probably wasn’t much older than she is now when Gabriel announced that she was to be a mother. Lena was shocked. Then I said, “Just think about how Mary responded. 'I am the Lord’s servant, let His will be done in my life.'” The words left my mouth and entered my heart. I was set free! The misery of rebellion was replaced by the joy of true obedience. The transformation took place through prayer.