Sometimes it's Hard to Find Balance

"I wanted to tell you that it's okay to be scared. To be frightened. Because you are loved." This is an excerpt from a letter I received from my son. One of my goals in life is to be humble and real when going through difficult times. Yet, at the same time resting in the grace and the promises I find in God's word.

Finding my balance between an honest struggle and the peace of Christ has been hard this week. Although I feel like my spirit is at peace my body seems to be telling another story. Yesterday I was diagnosed shingles. I have waited a long time to have my brain surgery and now it's only a little over two weeks away. That is unless the hospital reschedules because of the shingles.

Just as light shines out of darkness I'm praying that somehow the light of God's glory will shine through my broken humanity. I am reminded of the truth that I hold this treasure in a clay jar. My clay jar doesn't seem to be doing very well right now but I'm keenly aware of His promises. I'm aware of them because this has been so hard that I've had to be very intentional about what I focus on.

I have been praying for spiritual strength even as I have felt physically weak. I have bathed my mind with the riches of his glory and asked that that I might be strengthen with power through his Spirit. I have asked that I might be rooted and grounded in his love. I have asked for the privilege to meditate on breadth and height and length and depth of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge. It seems like a lot to ask but since I found it in his word I went on to ask that I might be filled with all the fullness of God.

I don't think that to go through difficult times and admit that they are difficult or even admitting it's scary is the same as having the spirit of fear. I think walking humbly before God and man sometimes means that you reach out and take the hand that is offered to you. Even while choosing to focus not on what is temporal but on what is eternal sometimes it's just comforting to have a son who comes along side me and says, "I wanted you to know that it's okay to be scared. To be frighted. Because you are loved."