When the Hidden is Revealed

It was in the twilight of post surgery that my daughter told me what the surgical team had explained to my family while I was in recovery. One out of seventy acoustic neuromas present themselves primarily on the facial nerve; when this happens the surgical team, in order to keep from severing that nerve, will leave a microscopic portion of the tumor. The predawn MRI confirmed that I still have a portion of the tumor that could grow to replace the one removed.

I have to confess, I cried last night when I saw the stranger staring at me with that paralyzed face in the mirror. My eye refuses to close, so I used tape to keep it closed, but my eye was so stubborn that it was peering back at me at an odd slant through the gauze. I tried to encourage myself by smiling at my odd refection, but only half my face smiled back. In the middle of the night that is not comforting!

I slowly and painfully climbed back into bed and the tears began to flow freely, at least from one of my eyes. Before my surgery I had asked Jesus to give me a gift. I asked Him to give me the gift of worship. I had no idea what a glorious wonderful thing I had asked for or how it would transform water, even salt water, into joy.

My spirit began to sing a hymn of praise and I asked that again my Lord would visit me and allow my soul to magnify Him. He heard me and my spirit rejoiced in God my Savior. Bathed in holy light, I knew that my Jesus had regarded the lowliness of His handmaid.

Outer beauty fades but there is a hidden beauty I have asked for. I have asked for an gentle and quiet spirit. Before surgery, as they clamped the mask over my nose and mouth, I felt terror welling up but called out to my Savior and asked Him to take my hand and lead me where trust knows no boundary. I found not only trust, but the with the gift of worship, I also received peace and joy.