Questioning What You Believe Is Not the Same As Shrinking Back

I looked around at the books in the Christian bookstore where I was working and wondered, "Does God really exist or is this simply a farce?" It was during my first year of marriage and my husband was in the hospital with complications he was having from his cancer treatments. I was tired. During the day I worked, at night I took care of my sick husband.

I think in life we all come to this place where we honestly question what we believe. John the Baptist had cried out when he saw Jesus, "Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world! This is he of whom I said,'After me comes a man who ranks before me.'" (John 1:29,30) Yet, when John was put in prison by Herod John sent word to Jesus by his disciples and asked Jesus, "Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?" (Luke 7:19)

Jesus didn't condemn John for his question but while John's disciples were there he healed many people of diseases and plagues and evil spirits, and on many who were blind he bestowed sight. Then he said, "Go and tell John what you have seen and heard...And blessed is the one who is not offended by me." (Luke 7:22) Could it be that John might be offended by Jesus because being in a prison cell during the height of Jesus' ministry didn't fit with what he believed?

In the book of Habakkuk and again in Hebrews I read, "My righteous one shall live by faith, and if  he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." (Hebrews 10:38) Throughout my life in times of testing I have brought my questions and yes even my doubts to God in prayer. These times of testing have both purified what I believed and clarified it. Habakkuk brought his complaints to God, John brought his doubts, but neither of them shrank back from what they believed.

Lord Jesus, there are times when I simply do not understand what is happening in my life or why You are allowing it to happen. Please grant me the grace to live my life by faith being sure of what I hope for and confident about what I don't see. You gave John a commendation in spite of the questions he had. Thank You for understanding my questioning as well. Help me to be like Habakkuk even though he brought his complaints to you ended his book by saying, "Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield not food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord , is my strength  he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."(Habakkuk 3:19)