Recently I took a very revealing hearing test. In my left ear I heard a very articulate man giving these instructions, "Say shawl. Say dog. Say pain." And on it went. I dutifully repeated each word. Next it was time to test my right ear. Again I heard the the man enunciate the word say followed by a garbled sound. I repeated the gibberish I heard for several words then I looked up with a puzzled expression and asked the woman who was testing my hearing if I was doing it right. At the end of the test she explained that the reason I could no longer understand the meaning of the words was because the tumor had destroyed my auditory nerve and though I was still able to hear sounds my brain could no longer interpret the meaning of those sounds.
I thought about that experience this morning as I was meditating on Paul's encouragement to, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (Thessalonians 5:18)
How do I interpret the circumstances of my life? My understanding of my relationship with God gives meaning to the situations of my life without that relationship my life is simply a garbled mess.
I believe that God's faithful love is as high as the heavens and so I choose to respond to my circumstances with a heart of gratitude. I have found the when I choose to be grateful it opens my mind to understand. I have also found that just as my brain tumor destroyed my auditory nerve and my ability to interpret the sounds that I hear even so when I loose sight of God's love the events of my life seem meaningless.
Because my heart is set on pilgrimage I find myself leaning towards the grace that leads me. I do not understand the difficult situations I have encountered in life but in faith I look to my Redeemer with a trusting grateful heart.
And so Father, I thank you for every circumstance of my life. I trust in your unfailing love. May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
Lay your Burdens Down and Open you Hands to Recieve
My husband tells a story a about a man who was walking along a country road with a heavy burden on his back. A neighbor came along driving a wagon and offered to let the man ride in the wagon. The neighbor noticed that though the man had climbed into the wagon he was still carrying the burden on his back. When he was asked why he the burden was still on his shoulders he replied, "I appreciate you giving me a ride but I couldn't ask you to carry my burdens to!"
This story always reminds me of 1 Peter 5:5-7 "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares about you." So if humility is represented by casting our cares on God believing that he cares for us does that mean that being anxious is also being prideful?
Paul tells us in Ephesians that for those God has chosen he has blessed in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. That is a mind boggling thought. Yet often we live our lives bowed down by the burdens we carry. Trying to work out our problems in our own strength we spurn the grace God offers us. The burdens we carry cause us to be self focuses instead of God focused and that is simply pride in disguise.
If what God says is true and we have access to every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places how do we access them. The book of James says that we have not because we ask not. Jesus taught us that if we asked we would receive. Our burdens and difficulties can become an opportunity to encounter God because he has promised that if we draw near to him he will draw near to us.
1 Thessalonians tells us to pray without ceasing. I see this as an invitation by God to encounter his grace in every aspect of our lives. He has invited to not only carry us but our burdens as well. He has given us access to all the spiritual blessings of heaven and promised not just life but an abundant life.
This story always reminds me of 1 Peter 5:5-7 "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares about you." So if humility is represented by casting our cares on God believing that he cares for us does that mean that being anxious is also being prideful?
Paul tells us in Ephesians that for those God has chosen he has blessed in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. That is a mind boggling thought. Yet often we live our lives bowed down by the burdens we carry. Trying to work out our problems in our own strength we spurn the grace God offers us. The burdens we carry cause us to be self focuses instead of God focused and that is simply pride in disguise.
If what God says is true and we have access to every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places how do we access them. The book of James says that we have not because we ask not. Jesus taught us that if we asked we would receive. Our burdens and difficulties can become an opportunity to encounter God because he has promised that if we draw near to him he will draw near to us.
1 Thessalonians tells us to pray without ceasing. I see this as an invitation by God to encounter his grace in every aspect of our lives. He has invited to not only carry us but our burdens as well. He has given us access to all the spiritual blessings of heaven and promised not just life but an abundant life.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
How to Rejoice Always
"I really need to talk to you. A lot is happening right now and I need to talk to you." When I called I could hear the tears in her voice she was hurting and just needed someone to validate her pain. Don't we all?
That same morning I had read, "You Yourself have recorded my wanderings. Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your records?" (Psalm 56:8) I invited my friend to share with me the struggles she was having. I listened and affirmed her. I told her that her pain was real. I comforted her while she wept.
She told me that others had dismissed what she was going through. I shared with her what I have learned both in life and through the Scriptures, that every heart knows it's own sorrows. Surely if God keeps a record of the difficult times we have and puts our tears in a bottle shouldn't we respect the hurt that others suffer?
After her weeping had subsided I gently drew her back to the Psalm that promised that God had made note of her suffering. The next verse in the Psalm makes this declaration, "This I know: God is for me." (Psalm 56:9) I asked if she believed this. "Yes," said said. I believe that some truths are easier to see with tear washed eyes.
If I had been with her in person I would have taken her by the hand before sharing the next thing with her. "I want you to know that because God is for you you can rejoice in the Lord always." I explained that to rejoice in Greek means leaning towards. To rejoice in the Lord always means that no matter what difficulty we are facing that we are invited to delight in God's favor. We can be conscious he gracious care for us. After all even our tears our are kept in a bottle. And if God is for us who can be against us.
That same morning I had read, "You Yourself have recorded my wanderings. Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your records?" (Psalm 56:8) I invited my friend to share with me the struggles she was having. I listened and affirmed her. I told her that her pain was real. I comforted her while she wept.
She told me that others had dismissed what she was going through. I shared with her what I have learned both in life and through the Scriptures, that every heart knows it's own sorrows. Surely if God keeps a record of the difficult times we have and puts our tears in a bottle shouldn't we respect the hurt that others suffer?
After her weeping had subsided I gently drew her back to the Psalm that promised that God had made note of her suffering. The next verse in the Psalm makes this declaration, "This I know: God is for me." (Psalm 56:9) I asked if she believed this. "Yes," said said. I believe that some truths are easier to see with tear washed eyes.
If I had been with her in person I would have taken her by the hand before sharing the next thing with her. "I want you to know that because God is for you you can rejoice in the Lord always." I explained that to rejoice in Greek means leaning towards. To rejoice in the Lord always means that no matter what difficulty we are facing that we are invited to delight in God's favor. We can be conscious he gracious care for us. After all even our tears our are kept in a bottle. And if God is for us who can be against us.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
The One Who Holds the Scepter
How do you protect yourself from being ruled by your emotions? Oxford dictionary defines emotion as, "a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationship with others." It is my observation that emotions can be a cruel master.
How do you navigate difficult times? Instead of letting my emotions control me I see in the Scriptures the admonition to be clear headed and sober. I think it can be natural to want to escape negative feelings and often the enemy of my soul is right there ready to assist. But the direction that he points me is a mind numbing place of defeat.
The salvation he offers, though on the outside can look inviting, is really a prison. But God directs me on a different path. He encourages me to put on the breastplate of faith and love. The Lord directs my heart into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ. I find that though I may stumble along the way my heart is safe in the love of God and no matter how dark the path may seem I never have to walk it alone.
The storms of life can flood my mind with insecurity. My enemy comes offering things that will numb my mind so that I don't have to think about the troubles before me. The lover of my soul offers the helmet of hope of salvation. Hope is an anchor that keeps me from being blown off course by the tempestuous winds. Confident and secure in the promises of the one who has said that he will never leave me or forsake me I take my stand and face the storm.
Oh enemy of my soul I will not run and hide in your false refuge! I will not bow before you in the storm or seek the deceptive comfort of your embrace. The King who holds the scepter holds my hand. His faithfulness and love protect my heart. I bathe my mind with who he is and his sure promises. I take a deep breath and releasing it slowly I pray,"Ah,Sovereign LORD,"
How do you navigate difficult times? Instead of letting my emotions control me I see in the Scriptures the admonition to be clear headed and sober. I think it can be natural to want to escape negative feelings and often the enemy of my soul is right there ready to assist. But the direction that he points me is a mind numbing place of defeat.
The salvation he offers, though on the outside can look inviting, is really a prison. But God directs me on a different path. He encourages me to put on the breastplate of faith and love. The Lord directs my heart into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ. I find that though I may stumble along the way my heart is safe in the love of God and no matter how dark the path may seem I never have to walk it alone.
The storms of life can flood my mind with insecurity. My enemy comes offering things that will numb my mind so that I don't have to think about the troubles before me. The lover of my soul offers the helmet of hope of salvation. Hope is an anchor that keeps me from being blown off course by the tempestuous winds. Confident and secure in the promises of the one who has said that he will never leave me or forsake me I take my stand and face the storm.
Oh enemy of my soul I will not run and hide in your false refuge! I will not bow before you in the storm or seek the deceptive comfort of your embrace. The King who holds the scepter holds my hand. His faithfulness and love protect my heart. I bathe my mind with who he is and his sure promises. I take a deep breath and releasing it slowly I pray,"Ah,Sovereign LORD,"
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Will You Join Me?
Okay, I admit it I was afraid. I didn't want to be confronted with all the possibilities. I felt like a little girl hiding her eyes hoping that if I didn't look it wouldn't be there. But then at 2 AM I was fully awake and decided to face my fears and go to the website that gave me the information about dealing with this brain tumor. I felt like Gideon when God told him that if he was afraid to take someone with him and go to the enemy camp at night and listen to what they were saying.
The information was daunting. There doesn't seem to be any easy way to get rid of a brain tumor. I had avoided looking at this information for four days but at some point you just have to come face to face with the things you fear and decide what to do about them. When I finished reading I shut the computer and went to sleep. Like Gideon I was aware of the magnitude of the situation and my own weakness. Like Gideon God had reminded me that no matter what I was facing I was not facing it alone. To quote from what the angel of the LORD told Gideon, "But I will be with you." (Judges 6:16)
Can I share with you something else I'm afraid of? I'm getting ready to have a new web site and a podcast. I was in the car talking to myself yesterday telling myself that I could do it and not to be afraid. A friend of mine is helping me with it. He has been very patient with me. I have been slow to respond to his emails because I'm afraid. I told myself to step out in faith.
One of the things I've learned in life is that, "Each heart knows its own bitterness." (Proverbs 14:10) You might not be facing brain surgery like I am but that does not diminish the sorrow of your heart. The reason I want to write is that I am comforting myself by what I believe and by sharing this comfort I find that the bitterness of my own heart is redeemed.
I invite you to join me on this journey of faith and hope as I face my fears. I'm praying that you too will look at that thing that is haunting you the thing that wakes you in the night with dread. I also pray you will join me as I learn to cast my burden on the Lord.
The information was daunting. There doesn't seem to be any easy way to get rid of a brain tumor. I had avoided looking at this information for four days but at some point you just have to come face to face with the things you fear and decide what to do about them. When I finished reading I shut the computer and went to sleep. Like Gideon I was aware of the magnitude of the situation and my own weakness. Like Gideon God had reminded me that no matter what I was facing I was not facing it alone. To quote from what the angel of the LORD told Gideon, "But I will be with you." (Judges 6:16)
Can I share with you something else I'm afraid of? I'm getting ready to have a new web site and a podcast. I was in the car talking to myself yesterday telling myself that I could do it and not to be afraid. A friend of mine is helping me with it. He has been very patient with me. I have been slow to respond to his emails because I'm afraid. I told myself to step out in faith.
One of the things I've learned in life is that, "Each heart knows its own bitterness." (Proverbs 14:10) You might not be facing brain surgery like I am but that does not diminish the sorrow of your heart. The reason I want to write is that I am comforting myself by what I believe and by sharing this comfort I find that the bitterness of my own heart is redeemed.
I invite you to join me on this journey of faith and hope as I face my fears. I'm praying that you too will look at that thing that is haunting you the thing that wakes you in the night with dread. I also pray you will join me as I learn to cast my burden on the Lord.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Silencing the Darkness
The shadowy voice of darkness woke me whispering threats to steal my peace. So I rose before the dawn and cried for help. As soon as I stepped onto the porch I was amazed at how the night sky was illuminated with the light of the full moon. I know that, "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pour out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge."(Psalm 19:1,2) So I took my seat and asked the Ancient of Days to open my heart so that I might receive the knowledge revealed. I silenced the darkness by meditating on the steadfast love of God.
As the full moon slowly sailed across the sky my soul waited for the LORD. I have learned where my help comes from. The night sky was lit by moonlight and my heart was at last free to be glad in my creator. He is my shield from the dark thoughts that sometimes haunt my mind. There are questions for which I have no answers but I have chosen to put my trust in the steadfast love of the LORD.
I feel very small when I see the grandeur of night illumined by the light of heavens. I hear the gentle voice of my Savior speak to my soul, "Sarah, let me carry that for you." And I respond with the words he has provided, "O LORD, my heart is not lifted up: my eyes are not raised too high: I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child is my soul within me." (Psalm 131:1,2) He gently takes the fear of the unknown and replaces it with the peace of his presence as I quietly listen to the message of his unfailing love.
I need no other light than the light of the heavens and listening to his voice I hear, "The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes: the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever." (Psalm 19:7-9) Sitting in the moonlight my soul is revived, my simple mind is made wise with his words and at last my heart rejoices. My eyes are enlightened by truth that when the fear that woke me in the night was replaced by the fear of God my sorrows were washed away.
Now the dawn is breaking and a new day has begun. The heavens are being bathed by the light of the Day. The Sun is like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, ready to run his course with joy. My heart has now been set free to respond to the new challenges of the day with this truth, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life: of whom shall I be afraid." (Psalm 27:1,2) The crippling fear that woke me in the night has been replaced by a heart filled with awe in the presence of my Redeemer.
As the full moon slowly sailed across the sky my soul waited for the LORD. I have learned where my help comes from. The night sky was lit by moonlight and my heart was at last free to be glad in my creator. He is my shield from the dark thoughts that sometimes haunt my mind. There are questions for which I have no answers but I have chosen to put my trust in the steadfast love of the LORD.
I feel very small when I see the grandeur of night illumined by the light of heavens. I hear the gentle voice of my Savior speak to my soul, "Sarah, let me carry that for you." And I respond with the words he has provided, "O LORD, my heart is not lifted up: my eyes are not raised too high: I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child is my soul within me." (Psalm 131:1,2) He gently takes the fear of the unknown and replaces it with the peace of his presence as I quietly listen to the message of his unfailing love.
I need no other light than the light of the heavens and listening to his voice I hear, "The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes: the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever." (Psalm 19:7-9) Sitting in the moonlight my soul is revived, my simple mind is made wise with his words and at last my heart rejoices. My eyes are enlightened by truth that when the fear that woke me in the night was replaced by the fear of God my sorrows were washed away.
Now the dawn is breaking and a new day has begun. The heavens are being bathed by the light of the Day. The Sun is like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, ready to run his course with joy. My heart has now been set free to respond to the new challenges of the day with this truth, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life: of whom shall I be afraid." (Psalm 27:1,2) The crippling fear that woke me in the night has been replaced by a heart filled with awe in the presence of my Redeemer.
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Can you believe this?!?!
Yesterday I had been invited to speak at a luncheon. I confess that although I enjoy getting to speak I always feel uncomfortable right before I go and wonder why on earth I ever thought it would have been a good idea to agree to do this! Yesterday was no exception yet I was grateful that I had the morning to get my thoughts organized and on paper.
When I got in the car to go I went back into the house to get the Garmin because I didn't want to just trust the GPS system on my phone. I knew where the town was that I was going to speak I just didn't know where in the town the church was. I waited until I'd reached Summerville to turn my GPS on that's when I discovered that my GPS listed five Calvary Baptist Churches but did not list the one in Summerville!
I decided to use my phone but much to my dismay I discovered that I had no signal! I kept driving until I could pick up a signal. When I finally did I tried calling my granddaughter, she was meeting me at the church and knew where it was. I cannot describe the relief I felt when I heard her say,"Hello." Neither, can I describe what I felt when I heard,"I can't hear you. Would you repeat that?' followed by,'never mind I'm just kidding. This is my answering machine, leave a message." It was about this time that I also realized that I didn't have my Bible with me where I had marked all the verses I was going to use or the carefully crafted outline I had written!!
I felt the panic rising within me ( this is an understatement), For a moment my mind was completely blank as I tried desperately to remember what in the world I had intended to say! Then I screamed a prayer that went something like this, "Help!" Help came when I remembered the lesson I was going to teach and that I was in the process of learning all over again.
The lesson I had planned to teach was this, because the Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I lack and the way he teaches us that we can trust him is by taking us into situations where we are not in control and showing us that he is. When it finally came back to me I almost had to pull my car over I was laughing so hard. God had taught this powerful lesson to me a couple of days ago when I heard that I needed brain surgery but he taught it to me again when I was lost on my way to speak at a church without Bible or notes. Both in big and small things I do have a shepherd and there is nothing I lack.
By the way, I found the church and I was able to teach the lesson I'd learned again in the car.
When I got in the car to go I went back into the house to get the Garmin because I didn't want to just trust the GPS system on my phone. I knew where the town was that I was going to speak I just didn't know where in the town the church was. I waited until I'd reached Summerville to turn my GPS on that's when I discovered that my GPS listed five Calvary Baptist Churches but did not list the one in Summerville!
I decided to use my phone but much to my dismay I discovered that I had no signal! I kept driving until I could pick up a signal. When I finally did I tried calling my granddaughter, she was meeting me at the church and knew where it was. I cannot describe the relief I felt when I heard her say,"Hello." Neither, can I describe what I felt when I heard,"I can't hear you. Would you repeat that?' followed by,'never mind I'm just kidding. This is my answering machine, leave a message." It was about this time that I also realized that I didn't have my Bible with me where I had marked all the verses I was going to use or the carefully crafted outline I had written!!
I felt the panic rising within me ( this is an understatement), For a moment my mind was completely blank as I tried desperately to remember what in the world I had intended to say! Then I screamed a prayer that went something like this, "Help!" Help came when I remembered the lesson I was going to teach and that I was in the process of learning all over again.
The lesson I had planned to teach was this, because the Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I lack and the way he teaches us that we can trust him is by taking us into situations where we are not in control and showing us that he is. When it finally came back to me I almost had to pull my car over I was laughing so hard. God had taught this powerful lesson to me a couple of days ago when I heard that I needed brain surgery but he taught it to me again when I was lost on my way to speak at a church without Bible or notes. Both in big and small things I do have a shepherd and there is nothing I lack.
By the way, I found the church and I was able to teach the lesson I'd learned again in the car.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Kept in Perfect Peace
They secured my head, lowered the metal cage over my face and slowly slid my body into the machine. I closed my eyes because being in a metal capsule can make me feel like I'm being smothered. The day before I had my MRI I had chosen what I wanted to think about. So as I closed my eyes I open my spirit to a cathedral of praise and I rested my soul in the care of my good shepherd.
The doctor explained the results of the MRI. He told me that my brain tumor had grown and that it was now time to look at either surgery or radiation. He explained the risks of both. He told me that either choice would result in my losing the hearing in my right ear. I asked if either would alleviate the my symptoms and he told me no that in fact I might end up with more symptoms than I have now. I listened and thought about my perishable body. However, even as I recognized the truth of my mortality. I comforted myself in the hope that one day this perishable body will put on imperishable and this mortal will put on immortality.
I experienced something very special yesterday. It happened while I was in the machine and even when they injected me with dye and put me back in the machine. It happened during my hearing test when I realized for the first time that my auditory nerve had been destroyed by the tumor and that my brain could no longer make since of what I was hearing in that ear. It happened when the doctor told me the tumor was growing rapidly and it was time to take action. I experienced God keeping an ancient promise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." (Isaiah 26:3)
Being keep in perfect peace is the most wonderful place to be kept. Being enclosed in a capsule and having it transformed into a cathedral where you spirit rejoices is a holy experience. Learning of the finality of the loss of one of your major scenes and then finding yourself drawn deeper into the bright hope of eternity is transforming. Looking into a future that involves something that could cause anxiety and instead encountering a God who keeps you in perfect peace is a miracle!
I have learned to trust not because I've never known difficult times. I have learned to trust God because of the things in life that have broken my self reliance. If you put a new born baby in it's mother's arms it will become frantic trying to nurse because the child has not yet learned to trust his mother. However, when the child has known both hunger and the comfort of having that hunger satisfied the infant can rest. When the child is weaned he will return to his mother's lap as a place of comfort. Today, I resonate with the truth of Psalm 131:2 "But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with it's mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me."
The doctor explained the results of the MRI. He told me that my brain tumor had grown and that it was now time to look at either surgery or radiation. He explained the risks of both. He told me that either choice would result in my losing the hearing in my right ear. I asked if either would alleviate the my symptoms and he told me no that in fact I might end up with more symptoms than I have now. I listened and thought about my perishable body. However, even as I recognized the truth of my mortality. I comforted myself in the hope that one day this perishable body will put on imperishable and this mortal will put on immortality.
I experienced something very special yesterday. It happened while I was in the machine and even when they injected me with dye and put me back in the machine. It happened during my hearing test when I realized for the first time that my auditory nerve had been destroyed by the tumor and that my brain could no longer make since of what I was hearing in that ear. It happened when the doctor told me the tumor was growing rapidly and it was time to take action. I experienced God keeping an ancient promise.
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." (Isaiah 26:3)
Being keep in perfect peace is the most wonderful place to be kept. Being enclosed in a capsule and having it transformed into a cathedral where you spirit rejoices is a holy experience. Learning of the finality of the loss of one of your major scenes and then finding yourself drawn deeper into the bright hope of eternity is transforming. Looking into a future that involves something that could cause anxiety and instead encountering a God who keeps you in perfect peace is a miracle!
I have learned to trust not because I've never known difficult times. I have learned to trust God because of the things in life that have broken my self reliance. If you put a new born baby in it's mother's arms it will become frantic trying to nurse because the child has not yet learned to trust his mother. However, when the child has known both hunger and the comfort of having that hunger satisfied the infant can rest. When the child is weaned he will return to his mother's lap as a place of comfort. Today, I resonate with the truth of Psalm 131:2 "But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with it's mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me."
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