Do You Measure Your Life By Days Or Years?

It was about a year ago that I began to have trouble with the vision in my left eye. My son was visiting because my daughter Elisabeth was getting married. When I told Andrew about my vision he looked at my eyes and noticed my pupils were different sizes. I really wanted to just ignore the problem and keep going because the wedding reception was going to be in my front yard and I had way to much to do to fool with a health issue. But then again, I realized I'd be a fool to not deal with it.

So three days before the wedding I was scheduled to have an MRI. Three days after the wedding I was in the doctors office being told I had a brain tumor. I was reassured that the tumor was not life threatening. The tumor is on a nerve that effects my balance and my hearing, however, it had nothing to do with the fact that my eye was going in and out of focus several times a week. During a visit to a doctor at Vanderbilt to discus my brain tumor he asked what I had found out about my eye. When I told him that nothing had been determined he told me that I needed to keep looking until I found an answer.

Before I tell you the rest of my medical journey I want to share the spiritual journey this has caused me to take. My spiritual journey has been about how I measure life. This year while trying to find answers to my medical problems I have had to said goodbye to three close friends. Two died suddenly one died after a long battle with cancer. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

While sitting at the funeral of one friend I was reminded that, "It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart."(Ecclesiastes 7:2) I began to realize that I had always measured my life by years or even decades but when I thought about what God's word says I began to notice that He measured man's life by days and even though all the days of my life are written in His book before any them came to be still they are days.

So I have spent a year contemplating my own mortality. I have to say it has been a very freeing exercise. Freeing because I believe the promise of eternal life and because Jesus said, "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."(Matthew 6:34)

I wasn't anxious when I went back to Vanderbilt to hear what the doctor had to say about my eye because my peace was not contingent on my diagnosis. However, I do confess I heaved a deep sigh of relief to find that my problem was ocular migraines and nothing life threatening. I've learned a lot this year about how I want to live out the rest of my days.

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23:6)