Tuesday, August 27, 2013

When Winters are Turned to Spring Yet Every Moment Holds It's Sting

"I walked one morning with my King and all my winters turned to spring, yet every moment held it's sting. It's a long road to freedom winding deep and far but when you walk in love with the wind on your wings and cover the earth with the songs you sing the miles fly by."

I learned to sing this song about the same time I began walking with my King. I was young then. I sang the words without comprehension. I was then in the springtime of my life. I smile as I hear the echo of the words in my mind. Today I now understand what it means to have my winters turn to spring.

"As for man, his days are like grass--he blooms like a flower of the field; when the winds passes over it, it vanishes, and it's place is no more."(Psalm 103:15,16) "...yet every moment held it's sting." There are those whose friendships I have cherished whose faces are now only a memory. My heart holds both the joy of our walks together and the sting of their passing.

I live my life in daily increments but the sum of my days are measured by eternity. This "long road to freedom" finds it's culmination only in eternity. As I walk in love, I see Him. "He wraps Himself in light as if it were a robe, spreading out the sky like a canopy, laying the beams of His palace on the waters above, making the clouds His chariots, walking on the wings of the winds His messengers, flames of fire His servants."(Psalm 104:2-4) These Psalms are the songs of my pilgrimage and the miles fly by.

Thank you, my King, for walking with me and teaching me to interpret my days in the light of eternity.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

What Am I Supposed to Do?

The acoustics in the room were terrible! The room was filled with talking people, music being loudly played while at the same time instructions were given over the loud speakers. My eardrums vibrated with the sounds but I found it difficult to really comprehend anything that was being said. Sometimes when I tying to understand God's will I feel the same way.

"In quietness and in trust shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15) I often find that in order for me to discern what God is saying I need to find a quiet place. I make the conscious choice to withdraw. Because I believe God is speaking I step away from the noise so that I can hear His voice and in the silence I find strength.

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." (Isaiah 30:25) To be able to discern the will of God I need to be able to hear His voice. In the cacophony of voices how can I distinguish which one is God's? In order to discern the good and acceptable and perfect will of God I must make the choice not to be conformed to the world but instead transformed by the renewing of my mind.

I step outside the noisy room and wait with expectation. My spirit vibrates with the sound of His voice and I begin to understand. The will of God is so much bigger than time and space. I ask for wisdom concerning with way to turn. I hear in response not only the answer to my question for direction but because of His merciful kindness He shows me the depths of the riches and the knowledge of God. "How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Romans 13:33)


Thursday, August 22, 2013

When the Path is Blocked

Yesterday I couldn't get the computer to connect to the internet. I couldn't find my wallet. I could find all the birth certificates but not the one I needed. All these circumstances pushed me into places I didn't want to go. Suddenly I had a picture in my mind of Balaam beating his donkey and I fully understood his frustration.

Balaam was on his way to take advantage of a lucrative opportunity but his donkey balked. Every time it happened he beat his donkey. I really can identify with Balaam because yesterday I wanted to respond to the obstacles in my way by beating something. Because I so completely identify with Balaam's frustration it makes me pause when I think about what the angel of the Lord said to him. "Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because you path is a reckless one before me."(Numbers 22:32) Is it possible that God puts obstacles in my path to block my way so I can go His way?

I believe that honest emotions are a tool God has given to me. The honest emotion I had yesterday was anger. It was not a pleasant feeling, to tell the truth it was extremely unpleasant. It was unpleasant because not being able to connect to the internet, not being able to find my wallet, not being able to find the birth certificate I needed underscored the truth that I am not in control! The honest emotion of anger that I experienced came because something or someone got in my way and messed up my plans.

I would have liked to hit something or at the very least to scream at someone or something and to be honest I may have done a little screaming. But at the same time I was wrestling with this unpleasant feeling because that very morning I had read,"A man's steps are determined by the LORD, so how can anyone understand his own way?"(Proverbs 20:24) So I told myself the truth that I am not in control and that when I find something or someone standing in the middle of the road I'm trying to take I need to either take a different path or wait and listen for further instruction from the only One who is in control.

Lord, my pride does not like it when I can't go where I want to go and do what I want when I want. Please help me to humble myself today and remember that if my way is blocked it might be You sending me in a different direction.






Saturday, August 17, 2013

How Do You See Him?

"To come into the presence of the living God is to be changed. You cannot come before the high and holy one and stay the same. So change me Lord. Remake Lord. Conform me to the image of Your Son." I heard this song over thirty years ago but I often hear it in my mind when I come to worship.

A.W. Tozer said, "No one can know the true grace of God who has not first known the fear of God. Always there was about any manifestation of God something that dismayed the onlooker, that daunted and overawed them." I have experienced this sense of awe and wonder in the presence of the Holy God but I've also seen Him with the eyes of a child.

When I was a little girl I was drawn to the stories of Jesus. As a child I would pretend that I was one of the children who lived during the time Jesus was on earth. I would lay my head on the pillow and image I was laying my head on Jesus' lap then I would pour out my heart to Him. I learned the awe and respect for God as I grew older but I never lost my childlike since of intimacy.

When I read the story of John who at the last supper was leaning on Jesus I smile because that is where as I child I often saw myself. I love this relationship John had with Jesus but I also love the other way Jesus revealed Himself to John. "The revelation of Jesus Christ God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place." This time when John saw Jesus He was, "Clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white like wool, as white as snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength."(Revelation 1:13-16) This time John could not stand in his presences but fell at his feet as if though death.

Lord Jesus, thank You for drawing me to yourself when I was a young girl. But Jesus thank You for also allowing be to worship You in the spender of You Holiness. As I humble myself before You I do pray that You would change me, and remake me and conform me into Your image so that I might represent You correctly in my generation.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Do You Measure Your Life By Days Or Years?

It was about a year ago that I began to have trouble with the vision in my left eye. My son was visiting because my daughter Elisabeth was getting married. When I told Andrew about my vision he looked at my eyes and noticed my pupils were different sizes. I really wanted to just ignore the problem and keep going because the wedding reception was going to be in my front yard and I had way to much to do to fool with a health issue. But then again, I realized I'd be a fool to not deal with it.

So three days before the wedding I was scheduled to have an MRI. Three days after the wedding I was in the doctors office being told I had a brain tumor. I was reassured that the tumor was not life threatening. The tumor is on a nerve that effects my balance and my hearing, however, it had nothing to do with the fact that my eye was going in and out of focus several times a week. During a visit to a doctor at Vanderbilt to discus my brain tumor he asked what I had found out about my eye. When I told him that nothing had been determined he told me that I needed to keep looking until I found an answer.

Before I tell you the rest of my medical journey I want to share the spiritual journey this has caused me to take. My spiritual journey has been about how I measure life. This year while trying to find answers to my medical problems I have had to said goodbye to three close friends. Two died suddenly one died after a long battle with cancer. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

While sitting at the funeral of one friend I was reminded that, "It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart."(Ecclesiastes 7:2) I began to realize that I had always measured my life by years or even decades but when I thought about what God's word says I began to notice that He measured man's life by days and even though all the days of my life are written in His book before any them came to be still they are days.

So I have spent a year contemplating my own mortality. I have to say it has been a very freeing exercise. Freeing because I believe the promise of eternal life and because Jesus said, "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."(Matthew 6:34)

I wasn't anxious when I went back to Vanderbilt to hear what the doctor had to say about my eye because my peace was not contingent on my diagnosis. However, I do confess I heaved a deep sigh of relief to find that my problem was ocular migraines and nothing life threatening. I've learned a lot this year about how I want to live out the rest of my days.

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23:6)

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

When Dark Shadows Flee

I could see it happening. I could hear sound of the door being locked. I could feel the panic rising within me. Then I awoke and the dark shadow of fear that had been shrouding my mind fled. At first my mind was hazy but consciousness reigned. I remembered that this was the night of the meteorite showers; this was the night of shooting stars.

I went out into the darkness spread my sleeping bag and lay down staring into the vastness of the heavens. I breathed in the night air and let the spender and the majesty of the great expanse engulf my spirit. Gazing up I heard, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; Their voice is not heard..." (Psalm 19:2) So as I lay there watching heaven's display; my spirit awake to hear the voice of God revealing knowledge.

"Splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary. Ascribe to the LORD you families of peoples, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory of His name; bring an offering and enter His courts. Worship the LORD in the splendor of His holiness; tremble before Him all the earth." (Psalms 96:6-9)

When the morning came traces of the dark shadow whispered into my ear. In dream like fashion I again saw the door locking. When I was younger and I would run crying to my mother in the night having been terrified by a nightmare. She would wisely have me tell her exactly what I had dreamed. In the unwinding of tangled thought the night mare would loose it's power over me. In the light of morning I realized my fear had come with the locking of the door. I didn't know if I was being locked in or locked out but it didn't matter. Being locked in or locked out had no power over me because I knew the one who held the key and in His presence dark shadows had to flee. I was set free.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The Microphone

She was walking through a crowed mall when she saw the microphone. Timidly she picked it up and began to sing the song that was in her soul. At first her voice was barely audible and the people rushing by took no notice of her but the longer she sang the stronger her voice became. Suddenly she was engulfed in the song and oblivious to the people rushing past her. She lifted her hand to her heart closed her eyes and for a brief moment those around her paused to listen. Then as timidly as she had picked the microphone up she put it down her moment was over and the whirl of humanity engulfed her.

This scene reminded me of another young woman who said, "When I was younger I always felt like there was something special about me but as I have grown older I realize there is nothing that sets me apart." I remember listening to her sing when she was a little girl. She had a beautiful voice and with her songs she would magnify the spender of God's holiness. But as she grew up her vision dimmed and her song changed.

These two young women remind me of something I read in the Psalms. "What are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:4) However, I think until we worship the One who dwells in unapproachable light and is seeking to have communion with us we see ourselves as just one of the crowd.

My youngest daughter is engaged and I've noticed that something happens to a girl when she knows she's loved. When she looks into the eyes of the her fiancee she sees herself more clearly. When God invites me to lift my voice and face to Him in praise and I begin to recognize the one who loves me I cease to be a faceless person.

O Lord, I have discovered that it is only when I worship the spender of Your holiness that my eyes can clearly see.



Saturday, August 3, 2013

"This is an extreme ride with sever turns and an abrupt stop."

Standing in line at the amusement park to ride "White Lightning" I heard over and over, "This is an extreme ride with sever turns and an abrupt stop." This is a good description of life in general. The sever turns in life so often take me by surprise and my response to them can be internal screaming if not external screams. And then just as abruptly as the ride begins it ends.

With a cry of life the ride begins. No one can know what twists and turns will make up an individual's story. Then as abruptly as it began it ends. "We end our years like a sign. Our lives last seventy years or, if we are strong, eighty years. Even the best of them are toil and sorrow; indeed, they pass quickly and we fly away."(Psalm 90:9,10)

When King Jehoshaphat encountered a "sever turn" and was suddenly faced with a vast multitude who were coming against him he resolved to seek the LORD. This is what he did: "Then he consulted with the people and appointed some to sing for the LORD and some to praise the splendor of His holiness. When they went out in front of the armed forces, they kept singing: Give thank to the LORD, for His faithful love endures forever."(2 Chronicles 20:21)

The next "sever turn" happened the moment they began their shouts and praises. "The Lord set an ambush against the Ammonites, Moabites and the inhabitants of Mount Seir who came to fight against Judah, and they were defeated." (2 Chronicles 20:22) Praising God in the splendor of His holiness they were reminded of the truth that His faithful love endures forever. Jehoshaphat only lived to be sixty and his life was full of toil and then his years were over like a sign. However, when Jehoshaphat's life was over he entered into the splendor of the LORD's holiness to receive the faithful love of God that endures forever.

Father, sometimes when I encounter the "sever turns" of life I loose my balance. All of my attention is drawn into my confusion. Please help me to follow the example of King Jehoshaphat and to praise you in the spender of Your holiness and to keep singing and giving thanks for you faithful love that endures forever even when life comes to an abrupt stop.


Thursday, August 1, 2013

"Everything's Gonna be Alright"

When his mother died the foundation of his world cracked and a deep since of insecurity held his heart captive. I shared a CD with him that was filled with songs of promise and praise but there was more to the CD than that, it also acknowledged that there was a struggle. He favorite song was the one where the singer's fears where conquered by the promise given in a deep melodious voice, "God's still there, He cares and even though weeping may abide for the night everything's gonna to be alright."

"A great multitude is coming against you...Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord...'O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might so that none is able to withstand you...We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you." (2 Chronicles 20)

God's response to Jehoshaphat was, "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's...Stand firm hold your positions, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf." On the day of battle, " He appointed those who were to sing to the LORD and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and said, 'Give thanks to the LORD, for his steadfast love endures forever.'" Jehoshaphat put the ones who sang songs of praise in the front. When the army got there they found that God had done what He had promised. He had fought the battle on their behalf and it took them three days to carry away the spoils.

My young friend was suffering the terrible grief of having lost his mother. The grief was real. But the promise in the song was real too. "God's still there, He cares and even though weeping may abide for the night everything's gonna to be alright."  The threat to Jehoshaphat was real, but when he chose to give priority to God's steadfast love the victory was given.

Lord Jesus, the struggles in my life are real but I choose to begin my day by giving You thanks and reminding myself that Your steadfast love endures forever. I know Your still here and that You care and even though weeping may endure for the night everything is going be alright.