Learning to Listen

Because of my tumor I went from moderate hearing loss in my right ear to severe hearing loss. It seemed like such a sudden change that it caught me by surprise. Hearing has simply been a gift I always took for granted and then suddenly it was gone. Not only did my ability to hear change but whenever I spoke my own voice sounded strange to me because now I could only hear it from one ear instead of both ears.

"Mimi which ear doesn't work anymore?" asked my grandson. When I told him it was my right ear he went over and whispered loud enough and close enough for me to hear, "I love you Mimi." The sound of his voice and the message that he whispered went all the way to my heart. The comfort of his words helped me consider that though I now have severe hearing loss I do not have complete hearing loss. So with the hearing I still have I have decided to learn to listen well.

Someone told me recently that a good question is like a gift we give. I've been thinking allot about that lately. I want to be someone who knows how to ask good questions. I think a good question can be like a key that unlocks the thoughts of others and opens the door for a deeper friendship. I want to be someone who asks good questions and then sits patiently to truly hear the response.

I have had several friends who were musicians. I was always aware that although the two of us could be listening to the same music they seemed to be experiencing it on a deeper level. They had a greater understanding of what they were hearing and so they had a greater appreciation. Now that my hearing is coming to me in a limited supply I want to be someone who appreciates the beauty of the music around me. I want to listen with greater understanding.

Father, You have filled my life with wonderful gifts and most of them I simply take for granted. Help me to learn to listen well to the gentle whispers of love. Help me to learn to ask good questions that will unlock the hearts of those around me. Give me understanding so that I can fully appreciate all the music You have filled my life with.

Drawn from the Mundane to the Eternal

From the time I was a little girl I was taught to worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness. I remember as a child there was a holy hush in the place that was set apart to worship. I would sit in the silence, sometimes the only light was the flickering glow of candles, the sound of the music stirred my soul, the smell of incense would awaken my senses. As a little girl I was in awe that I had been invited to commune with God.  

When I would spend the night with my grandmother she would invite me to curl up beside her in bed while she read the Bible. I could tell by the reverence of her voice that this book was different from the other books she read to me. Although I often didn't fully understand what was being read I felt as if I had been transported into the throne room of Heaven. Snuggled close to my grandmother and invited to join her in worship the eyes of my spirit were opened to another realm beyond the mundane.

I grew up on a mountain and I always felt a thrill when the storms would come. When I would see the flash of the lighting and hear the rolling thunder something stirred inside me. I felt as if I were being drawn by the voice of God to a time of worship and wonder. Later I discovered that in scripture the power of God's voice is compared to thunder and that, "The voice of the LORD flashes forth flames of fire."(Psalm 29:7)

I am no longer a child but I am still drawn to the glory of God by the beauty around me. I learned as a child to let the things I see and hear and smell draw me to an understanding of the Holiness of God. As I worship this Holy God I recognize His transcendent power and I am filled with a sense of reverential awe. With the eyes of my spirit I see Him enthroned as king forever.

Oh Lord, when my eyes are lifted up I am drawn from the mundane to the eternal. In Your holy presence I find strength for my day. Overwhelmed by Your glory I am blessed by Your peace.

               

Interrupted Routines

Sometimes I have a hard time being spontaneous I get stuck in the routine of the things that must be done. I remember one morning when my oldest daughter Faith invited me to go to the barn with her. I didn't want to go it was morning for goodness sake and I had just begun my long list of the things that must be done. But my daughter was persistent and so I went.

At first I only noticed that my feet were getting wet because there was still dew on the grass but as I got closer to the barn I walked into a different picture. There was a holy hush about the place. I could see a mist rising from the creek that flowed behind the barn. I watched as the little black calf, the one my daughter had dubbed "Lady Belle", came up to her expectantly. The scene that played out before me was an interruption of my routine. "Thank you for sharing this experience with me," my daughter said. "Thank you,' I replied for interrupting my routine."

I had to take my grandson from point A to point B a simple and direct route one that I was familiar with. I had driven on this road so many times that I no longer paid attention to the details along the way. Suddenly, my grandson spoke up with longing in his voice, "Mimi, I have always wanted to see where that road leads to." I had never even noticed that the road existed. "Why not," I thought as I turned the car around to explore the path my grandson longed to see.

"Wow!" my grandson exclaimed as we drove down the picturesque road. It seemed like we had entered into an illustration from a book. We were surrounded by pasture land. It was as if when we went off the grid we had also gone back in time. I slowed down to enjoy the moment. We drove over a wooden bridge and watched as the geese swam gracefully on the surface of the water. As I turned the car around to head back I noticed that the sky had turned pink in anticipation of the Sunset. "Thank you,' my grandson said in a hushed tone. "Thank you,' I replied, 'for interrupting my routine."

Lord, interrupt my routine today so I can see the Sunrise. Interrupt my rush so that I can enjoy the gifts that You have placed all around me. Today open my eyes so that I don't simply look at the flowers let me see them. In Your extravagance You have placed beauty and wonder all around me help me take the time to appreciate it.

Her Identity is not Her Pain but Her Hope

I can only describe what I saw as Shechinah Glory. Her frame was small and twisted by her battle with rheumatoid arthritis. She had known both the unrelenting pain and fatigue that this jailer brings it's victims but though she suffered she was not conquered. What I saw shining in her eyes was nothing less than the abiding presence of God.

She did not deny the agony she was suffering and yet still she spoke to me of how she was rejoicing in the Lord. My heart was humbled by the beauty of her faith. I recognized as she spoke to me that she had gained access by faith to the throne of grace. Even though there were tears of pain in her eyes she spoke to me about how she rejoiced in hope. Though her physical frame was weak her faith was strong. 

The long sleepless nights that she rejoiced in her Lord had produced endurance. During these nights she had made the Lord her dwelling place. She had sought shelter in the shadow of the Almighty. He covered her with His feathers and while she waited beneath His wing of protection a transformation had taken place. This intimate time with her Lord had caused her character to reflect His character.

The crushing pain this beautiful woman lives with is not her identity. Her identity is not her pain but her hope. Her confidence in the Lord is seen by the love God has poured out in her heart by the power of the Holy Spirit. The last time we spoke she told me of the praise she sings to Lord in the night. She told me it was an act of obedience and she wasn't sure what her song had sounded like. My eyes filled with tears as I imagined the beautiful song that rose before the throne of God accompanied with the voices of the cherubim and seraphim.

Father, thank You so much for giving me the privilege of seeing Your Shechinan Glory glowing in this precious woman of faith.

She Tucked Her Prayers Beneath Her Pillow

Beneath her pillow she tucked her prayer request. Her heart was heavy her strength was gone the loss she had sustained seemed to much to bear. As she rested her head on her pillow she rested her soul on the truth that God was her fortress and her refuge in times of trouble. She pulled the blankets up over her shoulders and reminded herself again that,"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." (Psalm 91:1) And rest she did because as she closed her eyes her spirit held onto the promise of God's steadfast love in the morning and His faithfulness by night.

This is a woman with whom I have spent many hours in prayer. We have sat together in hospital waiting rooms praying and she has taught me much by her example. I have been with her when she rejoiced in the Lord with tears in her eyes. I have watched as she drew near to the heart of God in prayer whispering to Him the burdens that were to great for her to bear.

In close communion and with childlike faith she would pour out her heart and then with a gratitude based on hope she would thank Him. As we have prayed together letting God's light penetrate into our darkest nightmares we have experienced together the miracle of finding peace in a broken world. Trusting in God's faithfulness and pouring out our hearts we found rest for our souls.

I spent the night with my friend this week after her daughter died. Our prayers in the night were based on God's faithfulness. I watched as my friend rejoiced in God's unfailing love. She knew that He had seen her afflictions and knew the anguish of her soul. The prayers that she had tucked beneath her pillow were answered by God who drew her near to His heart.

Shieded beneath God's Faithful Wing

It was dusk and since there was the hint of Spring my husband left the windows off the jeep. I was glad he did because we were on our way to watch a calf being born. There were no complications in the birthing process, the calf was perfect. But then something strange happened, the mother began licking the wrong calf and in doing so she bonded to the wrong calf and rejected the one she had just given birth to. The helpless newborn calf just lay there unprotected and uncared for. Unless there was an intervention the calf would die.

The mother cow was unfaithful to her calf how different this is from the picture I find in Psalm 91. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to to Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.'" There is a promise here that I find such deep comfort in. The promise that I find here is that when I seek refuge under the wing of the Almighty I won't be rejected.

I have often thought of the shield of faith as being my faith in God but I saw something different when I read, "He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler." This is a picture of a mother bird who spreads her wings and draws her young close to her heart using the feathers of her wing to shield her young from the terrors of the night or the destruction that wastes at noonday. This is a picture not only of God's faithfulness but also of the intimacy of His love.

Recently I spent the night with a friend of mine who was experiencing a deep grief. I lay in bed praying for her. As I prayed I envisioned my friend abiding under the shelter of the Almighty. I was so aware of her vulnerability but I was also aware as I prayed for her that she was being sheltered beneath the wing of her loving Heavenly Father.

Lord Jesus, I remember how You wept longing to draw those you loved close to You as a mother hen draws her young beneath her wing. I am beginning to understand that Your faithfulness is like the protective wing of a mother bird drawing me close to Your heart and my faithfulness is to accept Your invitation.

The Kindness of Forgiveness

At a baby shower for my first child I was given "The ABC's of Bible Memory" for children. My little one had barely learned to form words with her tongue when I began to work through the book. "A, All have sinned." I didn't really think my toddler could grasp the concept but I thought I'd go ahead and plant the seed. The next verse was easier to work with, "B, Be ye kind." As time went on I would teach her the rest of the verse.

Many years latter after my children had grown up I was talking to an acquaintance who began our conversation by saying,"My husband and I were talking about the way you parented." Now, I just want to say that is never a good way to start a conversation. She then went on to say, "He noticed that you were far to strict with your children." What could I say, I just lowered my eyes and said, "He was probably right."  Later that same week I was talking to someone who commented, "You know I always thought you were far to lenient when it came to disciplining your children." Again, I simply shook my head and said, "You are probably right."

The truth was that I was both too strict on some things and too lenient on others, though it was my intention to be a good if not a perfect mother, I became the example of, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."(Romans 3:23) I shared with my children this status of being a sinner but I also shared something more with them. I shared with them the truth that we have a Savior who did for us what we could not do for ourselves no matter how hard we tried.

As my children grew in understanding I added to their memory verse. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32) Even though I was in the position of mother my children couldn't help but notice I often "missed the mark." As we shared our lives together a deeper understanding grew of what it meant to be kind to one another grew. My children's hearts were tender towards me because they realized that I struggled with sin just as they did. They came to understand that to be kind is to extend to others the forgiveness that they themselves have received.

Lord Jesus, thank You for Your kind and tenderhearted response to me in my imperfect state. Thank You that though I sin and cannot reach up high enough to grab Your hand You reached down and took hold of mine. And thank You so much that this is a truth I can share with my children.

Someone To Walk Beside You

"My mother taught me,' said the young man,' That sometimes you have to go through dark valleys in life." Then he added, "But she also taught me that you don't have to go through them alone." I was in one of those dark valleys and I thanked him for his encouraging words. However, it was what he said next that brought healing. "Today it's okay if you don't feel encouraged. Today it's okay if you need to cry and grieve your loss." What a gift it is when we give permission for someone to grieve their loss!

When my daughter was diagnosed with cancer many well intentioned people said, "Well at least it's not life threatening." Or she heard, "I know someone who has a far worse cancer than yours." The reality was that although her cancer wasn't life threatening it was life altering. She had to suffer the death of some of her dreams. There is still a shadow of illness that, although nobody sees it, daily follows her. What she needed and still needs is someone who would listen with sympathetic ears.

I know a mother whose daughter was born with several physical challenges. I think even she has lost count of how many nights she has spent in hospital waiting rooms. Strangers upon seeing her daughter often comment, "You know it's amazing what doctors will be able to do for her." What the strangers don't know is how many surgeries have already been done and have failed. What my friend really needs is someone whose heart is tender and who will give her permission to feel grief for the pain her child must suffer.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." (Proverbs 31:26) I was surprised by the comforting words of my son. The words of wisdom that I had shared with him when he was growing up were not my own they were the words I found in the twenty third Psalm. The perfect picture of not only permitting others to grieve but also entering into their grief is found in Jesus when He stood with Martha and Mary at the tomb of their dead brother. He wept. He acknowledged and understood their grief. First He shared their grief and then He shared His power to restore life.

Lord Jesus, thank You so much for Your example. Thank You for teaching me by example how to grieve with those who grieve. And thank that after the tears are shed there is the promise of Resurrection.

Not Alone

"I'm scared," he said in a low voice. "That's ridiculous!" responded his big sister. He is dyslexic and was facing his fifth grade writing test; she is in high school facing tests she felt eclipsed any test taken by a fifth grader. "But please,' he replied longingly, 'can't you remember what this feels like?" What he was really asking for was to be understood. He wanted a sympathetic understanding for what he was struggling with.

I saw her sitting in the congregation. Sitting isolated in a room full of people. She had suffered a miscarriage. No one had seen the baby. No one had felt the stirring of life like she had, no one really knew how to respond, so they simply walked past her. She wasn't sure what she wanted, she didn't know how to ask. What she needed was for someone who would be willing acknowledge her pain and grieve with her.

"I can find no clinical reason for your condition," the doctor said. You would think that she would be relived but she wasn't. What she was going through was altering her life and yet without a clinical diagnosis she felt like an impostor. Her suffering was invisible and nameless and yet still it was crippling her emotionally. She felt so alone and longed desperately to be understood even though she herself didn't understand.

For Lent this year I have chosen to meditate on 1 Peter 3:8 "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind." I don't just want to meditate on this verse I want it to guide my actions. So, today I will be having lunch with the boy who is struggling with his test. Sunday I will look for someone whose eyes are downcast and if nothing else I will simply sit with them. I will humbly listen to the one who is fighting an invisible enemy, I will listen with sympathetic love.

Lord Jesus, during this season of Lent I am reminded of how you entered into our sufferings. I am reminded that You did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped but instead You took our griefs and carried our sorrows. Please show me how to reflect Your tender loving kindness to those with whom I live.

Expanding the Soul for Joy

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." This is a popular quote from the movie The Princess Bride and there are times I'm tempted to believe it. It's not only my own pain and sorrow but the sufferings of others that sometimes make me want to take this pessimistic view of life. But then in the darkness I am aware of a flickering light and I am drawn to it's glow.

Could it be true that sorrow expands the soul for joy? As a Christian I am to walk in the truth and to deny that pain and suffering exist would be a lie. I will not lie there have been many nights when I have soaked my pillow with tears. But when morning came I also found the redeeming truth that though weeping may abide for the night joy does come in the morning, but why?

Last night was one of those nights. Tomorrow I will have a brain MRI. I have had severe hearing loss which indicates that my tumor is growing. I am also aware of the burdens that those around me carry. So lying there in the dark the tears flowed freely. This is also a time when I choose to let my spirit speak to my soul. This is what I heard in the darkness:

"Through him (our Lord Jesus Christ) we have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:2-5)

Lord Jesus, it is through You that I have obtained grace so that I can rejoice in hope. My confidence and my expectations are not in what I see or in what I experience but in what You have promised me in Your word. You have redeemed my sufferings and have taken the very things that could destroy me and instead You have used them establish a deeper reality of peace in my heart because through Your Holy Spirit You have poured out Your love for me.

What I learned At Children's Chruch

"Mom,' Abigail whispered as she slid into the seat beside me at church, 'Katie's car broke down she won't be here and I need you to help me." I didn't mind, we have some really fun children at our church and I love watching my daughter teach. However, I didn't anticipate the lesson I would learn from one of the youngest children there.

First, Abigail had us all get in a circle and then she divided us into groups of threes. Each group picked one person to be carried by the other two to where she was standing in the middle of the room. There was laughter and some children got dragged rather than carried. After everybody settled back into the circle she began her lesson by asking the question, "Do any of you know the story of when a group of people brought their paralyzed friend to Jesus?"

I heard a couple of children say,"Oh, I know that one." They said it as they were hoping to hear something they didn't already know everything about. But there was one little boy who was completely intrigued by the story of these people taking the roof off the house so they could get their friend to Jesus. He kept looking at me and saying in an amazed voice,"They took the roof off the house?! They just busted the roof off?!"

Next Abi asked, "If you were the paralyzed man who had to be carried by your friends to Jesus and you had seen the crowd and felt like there was no hope and then  you had been carried to the roof and watched you friend tore open the roof and lower you until you were lying there in front of Jesus what would you want Him to do for you?" A lot of the older children knew the right answer and were calling it out enthusiastically. I, however, heard the whispered response of the little boy next to me. "I'd ask Jesus to carry me."