April 22, 1987
Oh Heavenly Father! I don't want to be angry. I know that it's a part of grieving but I don't want to go through it. Please help me to be angry but not to sin. Father, I confess that I have been angry with my mother. For some reason I don't understand I feel rejected and pushed away. Mother is so busy and leads such a hectic life but right now I just want her to come and take this hurt away but she's is so very busy.
Lord, I don't want to feel angry. Ive got so much else I'm trying to work through. And of all the people in the world, not Mother! I want to talk to her but I don't want to make her feel guilty. I don't know if I'm just being sensitive and expecting to much or if I really have been rejected. I am deeply confused! The one thing I know is that my mother does love me. Mothers would never do anything to hurt me, especially not now when I hurt so much anyway. Father, I am so grateful for the mother you gave me. I'd not trade her for anyone in the world. That is why I'm trying to understand what is going on. Please, please help me! I'm torn between wanting to talk to her and not wanting to hurt her feelings. I'm deeply confused. I don't want anything to come between us or ever hurt our relationship. Please help me! !
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "(Isaiah 41:10) Father,now when I feel so weak let me not look to man, mother, husband or anyone else. Let me not look anxiously around me for someone to comfort and sustain me. You have promised to sustain me on you I can depend.
Mother came today and I confronted her with the feelings I was having. I felt ripped apart. I didn't want to hurt her or cause her to have any more sorrow than I knew she already felt but I knew that if I did nothing I would have bad feelings that might hurt our relationship.
When Mother and I were alone I told her my feelings had been hurt. As I looked into her eyes the only thing I saw was love and concern for me. I asked her to read what I had written that morning, At times her voice grew weak when she saw how I had interpreted some of her actions. When she finished reading it we were both silent and then she turned to me and said that she was sorry. However, she helped me understand that she had responded according to who she was. As she spoke I realized that one of the reasons for my anger had been that I had wanted to return to the time when I was a little girl and my mother's kiss could ease any pain and her explanation could sooth my childish mind. When her efforts to comfort me had not lived up to my expectations I was angry.
Mother and I wept together. After we finished talking I felt closer to her than ever. I felt my relationship with her had changed. Changed for the better. That day Mother and I related to each other woman to woman. After talking to Mother I could appreciate her better as a fellow human being. Mother has strengths and weaknesses and I still need her, I always will. She and I are part of the Body of Christ and as such we need each other.
I also realized I was wanting her to do what only God can do, touch me in the inner most part of my being. I came to realize this, however, before I ever talked to Mom. The Lord pointed that out to me Himself when I was looking to him for comfort and found it in these words. "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "(Isaiah 41:10) I was frantically looking to my mother, wanting her to take away my pain. Comfort came when I released Mother to be who she was with her strengts and weaknesses. Then I could turn all my hope for comfort to the true source of comfort. Then and only then true comfort could come.
April 23, 1987
Oh Father, I feel your presence with me so strongly. This experience has been so hard but you have been so wonderful. There are so many lessons to be learned when you are broken. Though my eyes have been tear filled still you have shown me such beautiful treasures of your love. You are with me, of this fact I am sure. I reached out frantically for human comfort and though I've been surrounded by those who love me and truly wanted to take away the hurt they were powerless to reach into my heart and scrap away the pain. Yet, all the time I heard your tender voice telling me, "I am here . I am here." Why was it that though I believed it, it has taken me so long to sink down into the comfort of that thought?
My human heart wants human comfort but ahh when I finally rested in you I found far better comfort. Yesterday, someone sent me a card that had the names of God on it. One of the names was Jealous. I forget sometimes that this too is one of your attributes. Because I know you are perfect I also know there is a good reason you want me to come to you instead of trying to run to someone else.
One of the Bible stories I have really identified with during this time has been the one about
the waters of Marah. The children of Israel were thirsty and for days they could find no water. When they finally did find water it was bitter and they couldn't drink it. When I was pregnant it was a very hard time for me because I was so sick. It was like being in the wilderness. But at the same time I was looking forward to holding my baby. But just like when the children of Israel got to the water and couldn't drink it because it was bitter, so to it was with my baby. When my baby came there was no satisfaction, my baby was dead.
Oh, I have tried not to be like the children of Israel. I have tried not to complain. I do believe Father, that just as you used this experience to test the Jews you have used my experience to test me. Not to make me fall but to make me strong. Not for me to see that you don't care, but so that I can know you do!
When the children of Israel complained you had Moses throw a tree into the waters. That made the waters drinkable. For me the sorrows was bearable because I knew I was not alone. Jesus had died on the cross, a tree, , so by accepting his sacrifice I could become a child of God. Again and again I have been reminded of Isaiah 43:1, 2 "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the waters, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. "
The children of Israel got to go to Elim where there were 12 springs of water and seventy date palms after the bitter water experience. Last night I cried and asked you to take me to Elim too. This morning I feel your presence so strongly. I felt refreshed. Is this Elim or is this the results of your cross touching the bitter waters so that even in pain I can find refreshment from you? I don't know but I do know that I'm learning to lean on you.
June 28, 2015
I went into the attic to find this diary to comfort my daughter after the death of her baby. When I read it to het she said, "Mommy share it with others." And so I have.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Saturday, June 27, 2015
A Shared Experience part 2
Riding the waves of grief.
Victory in Jesus! April 20, , 1987
These are the words I woke up with this morning. The radio told of a man who was a prisoner of war but when he heard that the war was over and America had won he told his captors that from then on he was no longer their prisoner. I identify. I have felt like a prisoner of grief for the last few days, but I know that I have victory in Jesus through faith in his word. I know that I must still grieve for the loss of my baby. It is a job that has been given me. But I will not be defeated. I will not be overcome by grief but I will overcome grief by the love of my Savior!
Help me Father! April 21, 1987
I am amazed how one moment I feel so on top of things and the next my heart feels crushed. Last night I cried myself to sleep. It's not that I don't trust the Lord it is just that the reality of the loss of my baby crushes my heart. As I lay there crying my heart reached out to the Lord. Oh Father, give me a word. The words were short but real, "When you walk through the waters, I will be with you. " (Isaiah 42) And so I was comforted knowing he was with me as I cried.
"Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear hom. For he himself knows our frame; he is mindful that we are but dust." (Psalm 103:14) Daddy came and stayed with me when I labored to have Belle Marie. I remember how he put his hand on my face and there was comfort in his presence. Oh Heavenly Father, cover my face with your hand as I labor in grief.
Victory in Jesus! April 20, , 1987
These are the words I woke up with this morning. The radio told of a man who was a prisoner of war but when he heard that the war was over and America had won he told his captors that from then on he was no longer their prisoner. I identify. I have felt like a prisoner of grief for the last few days, but I know that I have victory in Jesus through faith in his word. I know that I must still grieve for the loss of my baby. It is a job that has been given me. But I will not be defeated. I will not be overcome by grief but I will overcome grief by the love of my Savior!
Help me Father! April 21, 1987
I am amazed how one moment I feel so on top of things and the next my heart feels crushed. Last night I cried myself to sleep. It's not that I don't trust the Lord it is just that the reality of the loss of my baby crushes my heart. As I lay there crying my heart reached out to the Lord. Oh Father, give me a word. The words were short but real, "When you walk through the waters, I will be with you. " (Isaiah 42) And so I was comforted knowing he was with me as I cried.
"Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear hom. For he himself knows our frame; he is mindful that we are but dust." (Psalm 103:14) Daddy came and stayed with me when I labored to have Belle Marie. I remember how he put his hand on my face and there was comfort in his presence. Oh Heavenly Father, cover my face with your hand as I labor in grief.
Friday, June 26, 2015
A Shared Experience
I opened the door to the attic and made my way to the corner where the boxes that hold my diaries are. It took a while to find what I was looking for; finally I found it under the book "Empty Arms." Watching my daughter go through the experience of losing a child awakened memories.
Three days before Belle Marie's death April 13, 1987
I feel like I'm on a ship that is in a storm at sea where land, sun, moon and stars are hidden from view. I have such a since of lostness. Oh Heavenly Father, I am struggling now with my physical and mental health but with all my heart I want to be pleasing to you. Please help me receive the courage you are giving me and be a source of encouragement to those around me.
Still everything looks so confusing. I don't know if I'm going to be able to carry this baby full term or not. I want so badly to hold this little one in my arms. Physically I feel so weak and sick. Lord, help me to be open to receive from you the help I know you have for me. Please help me bring you glory to you in this storm I'm going through.
The storm at it's worst April 6, 1987
"I don't want to do this! " I cried out between contractions. Yet, though I had tried to deny it, though I had tried to remember the encouraging words the doctor had said the day before, that the pain I felt was only because my baby was growing and putting extra pressure on my muscles...still in reality the fact was my baby was being born, born to soon. My baby's birth and death would happen on the same day.
On the drive to the hospital I was torn with not only the pain of each contraction but the memory of my other trips to the hospital while in labor. Before the pain had meant I would soon be holding a baby in my arms, now the pain meant I would never hold this baby in my arms. I'm not sure which was worse the physical pain or the emotional pain.
At the hospital I could no longer deny that the contractions were forcing my baby out of the safety of my womb and into a world she would never know. I asked for pain medicine knowing that the day before my baby's heart had been strong. I hoped that the baby would receive the medicine too. Since she couldn't live outside my womb perhaps it would deaden her pain as well.
The labor was torment because between each contraction the reality of what was happening tore at my heart. My body was violently forcing my baby out into a world in which she could not live and I could do nothing to stop the process. I could only feel the pain of what was happening.
"Oh Jesus, help me, help me! " I remember crying this prayer when the pain medicine had worn off and the contractions were strong and coming one right after the other. There was no peace, there was no comfort there was only pain, intense pain. There was only one to whom I could call. I did not feel his presence; I could not remember any of his words but I knew he heard me. I knew he would not desert me!
Suddenly, I was aware that my water had broken. I heard the familiar words that had always filled my heart with joy, "I see the head, the baby is coming. " I felt a physical release as my baby left my womb and was trust into the world.
"Please let me see my baby; I want to see my baby! " They put Belle Marie into my hands. She was so small that though I could hold her in my hands I could not hold her in my arms. However, as I sat there holding my little girl l had a picture in my mind of her cuddling in the arms of my Heavenly Father. He was smiling at me as if to say. "Thank you Sarah, I will take care of her until you see her again. "
Things then began to blur. I was tired. I was numb. Nothing seemed real. I just wanted to sleep.
We buried Belle Marie here on the farm. Her father and grandfather dug the grave. Before her little casket was covered over with dirt Steve prayed. I don't remember all he said but I do remember this. He said, " Heavenly Father, we have heard it said that time heals all wounds. Though I don't believe that time heals all wounds I do believe that in time you heal all wounds. " I left the grave site wounded but hopeful that my Heavenly Father would in time heal the wounds that I felt.
...
Tomorrow another little casket will be placed in the ground near where we buried Belle Marie. It is my granddaughter. I have watched my daughter go through the same kind of grief I experienced so long ago. I have also seen her experience the same kind of comfort I received.
Three days before Belle Marie's death April 13, 1987
I feel like I'm on a ship that is in a storm at sea where land, sun, moon and stars are hidden from view. I have such a since of lostness. Oh Heavenly Father, I am struggling now with my physical and mental health but with all my heart I want to be pleasing to you. Please help me receive the courage you are giving me and be a source of encouragement to those around me.
Still everything looks so confusing. I don't know if I'm going to be able to carry this baby full term or not. I want so badly to hold this little one in my arms. Physically I feel so weak and sick. Lord, help me to be open to receive from you the help I know you have for me. Please help me bring you glory to you in this storm I'm going through.
The storm at it's worst April 6, 1987
"I don't want to do this! " I cried out between contractions. Yet, though I had tried to deny it, though I had tried to remember the encouraging words the doctor had said the day before, that the pain I felt was only because my baby was growing and putting extra pressure on my muscles...still in reality the fact was my baby was being born, born to soon. My baby's birth and death would happen on the same day.
On the drive to the hospital I was torn with not only the pain of each contraction but the memory of my other trips to the hospital while in labor. Before the pain had meant I would soon be holding a baby in my arms, now the pain meant I would never hold this baby in my arms. I'm not sure which was worse the physical pain or the emotional pain.
At the hospital I could no longer deny that the contractions were forcing my baby out of the safety of my womb and into a world she would never know. I asked for pain medicine knowing that the day before my baby's heart had been strong. I hoped that the baby would receive the medicine too. Since she couldn't live outside my womb perhaps it would deaden her pain as well.
The labor was torment because between each contraction the reality of what was happening tore at my heart. My body was violently forcing my baby out into a world in which she could not live and I could do nothing to stop the process. I could only feel the pain of what was happening.
"Oh Jesus, help me, help me! " I remember crying this prayer when the pain medicine had worn off and the contractions were strong and coming one right after the other. There was no peace, there was no comfort there was only pain, intense pain. There was only one to whom I could call. I did not feel his presence; I could not remember any of his words but I knew he heard me. I knew he would not desert me!
Suddenly, I was aware that my water had broken. I heard the familiar words that had always filled my heart with joy, "I see the head, the baby is coming. " I felt a physical release as my baby left my womb and was trust into the world.
"Please let me see my baby; I want to see my baby! " They put Belle Marie into my hands. She was so small that though I could hold her in my hands I could not hold her in my arms. However, as I sat there holding my little girl l had a picture in my mind of her cuddling in the arms of my Heavenly Father. He was smiling at me as if to say. "Thank you Sarah, I will take care of her until you see her again. "
Things then began to blur. I was tired. I was numb. Nothing seemed real. I just wanted to sleep.
We buried Belle Marie here on the farm. Her father and grandfather dug the grave. Before her little casket was covered over with dirt Steve prayed. I don't remember all he said but I do remember this. He said, " Heavenly Father, we have heard it said that time heals all wounds. Though I don't believe that time heals all wounds I do believe that in time you heal all wounds. " I left the grave site wounded but hopeful that my Heavenly Father would in time heal the wounds that I felt.
...
Tomorrow another little casket will be placed in the ground near where we buried Belle Marie. It is my granddaughter. I have watched my daughter go through the same kind of grief I experienced so long ago. I have also seen her experience the same kind of comfort I received.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Earth Has No Sorrow Heaven Cannot Heal
"Come out of sadness from wherever you've been. Come broken hearted let rescue begin. Come find your mercy; oh sinner come kneel. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal." Just as the song ended my phone rang and I heard my daughter's plea, "Please come now. I need you!"
This was our second time to go the hospital and the somber faces we encountered when we arrived spoke volumes. Abigail was twenty two weeks into her pregnancy in two more weeks her baby would be viable. Everything that could be done to save the life of this precious child was attempted.
There are things in life that exposed our vulnerability, situations over which we have no control. It is in times like these that we seek the shelter of the Most High and make the choice to abide in the shadow of the Almighty. We prayed for life before the throne of grace and found mercy as He covered us with His pinions. We had sought refuge under His wings and found that His faithfulness was a shield for our broken hearts.
We brought our desperate pleas to the throne of grace and there we found mercy to help us in our time of need. Before the throne we found the freedom to pour our prayers mixed with tears. We had the assurance that we were heard. Into that place of deep sorrow the Comforter came. He came in answer to our desperate cry.
The fragile membrane of time and eternity was ruptured in the early morning hours. Amide the cries of anquish a little girl was born. I watched as my daughter held her child. I watched the gentle beating of my granddaughter's heart. She passed away in her mother's arms.
Because my daughter has placed her faith in the God of eternity she found comfort under the shadow of His wings. I watched as she bowed her head and worshipped the God in whom she placed her trust. Here are her words, "At 2:30 this morning we delivered the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen. She was 1lb 3oz, too small for NICU to help. She passed away in my arms shortly after being born. She was beautiful and her days were beautifully numbered by the lamb so that she lived the fullest life he had ever intended for her. "
When we come before the throne of grace and pour out prayers mingled with tears we will always find mercy to help in our time of need. As I watched my daughter cradle her baby in her arms I heard once more these words. "Come out of sadness from wherever you've been. Come broken hearted let rescue begin. Come find your mercy; oh sinner come kneel earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal."
This was our second time to go the hospital and the somber faces we encountered when we arrived spoke volumes. Abigail was twenty two weeks into her pregnancy in two more weeks her baby would be viable. Everything that could be done to save the life of this precious child was attempted.
There are things in life that exposed our vulnerability, situations over which we have no control. It is in times like these that we seek the shelter of the Most High and make the choice to abide in the shadow of the Almighty. We prayed for life before the throne of grace and found mercy as He covered us with His pinions. We had sought refuge under His wings and found that His faithfulness was a shield for our broken hearts.
We brought our desperate pleas to the throne of grace and there we found mercy to help us in our time of need. Before the throne we found the freedom to pour our prayers mixed with tears. We had the assurance that we were heard. Into that place of deep sorrow the Comforter came. He came in answer to our desperate cry.
The fragile membrane of time and eternity was ruptured in the early morning hours. Amide the cries of anquish a little girl was born. I watched as my daughter held her child. I watched the gentle beating of my granddaughter's heart. She passed away in her mother's arms.
Because my daughter has placed her faith in the God of eternity she found comfort under the shadow of His wings. I watched as she bowed her head and worshipped the God in whom she placed her trust. Here are her words, "At 2:30 this morning we delivered the most beautiful baby girl I've ever seen. She was 1lb 3oz, too small for NICU to help. She passed away in my arms shortly after being born. She was beautiful and her days were beautifully numbered by the lamb so that she lived the fullest life he had ever intended for her. "
When we come before the throne of grace and pour out prayers mingled with tears we will always find mercy to help in our time of need. As I watched my daughter cradle her baby in her arms I heard once more these words. "Come out of sadness from wherever you've been. Come broken hearted let rescue begin. Come find your mercy; oh sinner come kneel earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal."
Friday, June 19, 2015
In the Garden or in the Wilderness
When I went to the neurosurgeon this week he explained the surgery he would preform and the possible complications. It was a little bit like having a doctor read the warnings that come with medications. I have almost four months to wait and I think if I let these thoughts ruminate in my mind it could drive me crazy. Yesterday a friend reminded me that when Eve was in Paradise God had told her that she could freely eat from all the trees but one. And that was the tree the serpent drew her attention to.
How shall I respond to this day? If I let my mind coast I find myself pulled to the negative but I have a choice because like Eve I am surrounded by the gifts of God's grace. I also have access to the throne room in Heaven and I can ask for help. This is my request, "Father, open my heart I want to be sensitive to your presence. Open my eyes so that I can see the beauty that surrounds me. Open my ears so that I can hear your Spirit speak to me today."
I read in Colossians that we are to "let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts,' and then it goes on to say, 'And be thankful." I think these two things go together. I want to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart this Summer and be thankful for the gifts of grace God has given me today instead of letting my mind be haunted by the ominous possibilities on the horizon.
Eve was in Paradise with an invitation to freely eat of any tree in the garden but she became obsessed with only what was forbidden because she didn't appreciate that grace she had been given but what if you're not in Paradise what if you're in a wilderness. God led the children of Israel into a wilderness. There was barrenness all around them but He Himself provided for their every need. Because their focus was on the wilderness they could not see how tenderly He cared for them. Deuteronomy shows how the LORD their God carried them, as a father carries his son, he carried them until they reached the Promised Land. They, however, were looking at the wilderness and they did not recognize God's grace towards them.
Lord, help me. I want to turn my face towards you and not away from you. In the the garden of my life I want to fill my mind with all the blessings you've given me and not focus on things I don't seem to have. In my wilderness places I want to come to you with a grateful heart for your imitate provisions and not rebel against your with mumurs and complainants. Help me Lord.
How shall I respond to this day? If I let my mind coast I find myself pulled to the negative but I have a choice because like Eve I am surrounded by the gifts of God's grace. I also have access to the throne room in Heaven and I can ask for help. This is my request, "Father, open my heart I want to be sensitive to your presence. Open my eyes so that I can see the beauty that surrounds me. Open my ears so that I can hear your Spirit speak to me today."
I read in Colossians that we are to "let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts,' and then it goes on to say, 'And be thankful." I think these two things go together. I want to let the peace of Christ rule in my heart this Summer and be thankful for the gifts of grace God has given me today instead of letting my mind be haunted by the ominous possibilities on the horizon.
Eve was in Paradise with an invitation to freely eat of any tree in the garden but she became obsessed with only what was forbidden because she didn't appreciate that grace she had been given but what if you're not in Paradise what if you're in a wilderness. God led the children of Israel into a wilderness. There was barrenness all around them but He Himself provided for their every need. Because their focus was on the wilderness they could not see how tenderly He cared for them. Deuteronomy shows how the LORD their God carried them, as a father carries his son, he carried them until they reached the Promised Land. They, however, were looking at the wilderness and they did not recognize God's grace towards them.
Lord, help me. I want to turn my face towards you and not away from you. In the the garden of my life I want to fill my mind with all the blessings you've given me and not focus on things I don't seem to have. In my wilderness places I want to come to you with a grateful heart for your imitate provisions and not rebel against your with mumurs and complainants. Help me Lord.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Communion in the Night
"My soul yearns for you in the night; my spirit within me earnestly seeks you. "(Isaiah 26:9) Last night was one of those nights. I woke in the darkness and could feel it's presence. My mind was filled with heaviness so I asked the Lord to open the eyes of my spirit. In darkness of the night I surrendered my heart once again to the claims of Jesus and found peace.
I have lived long enough to understand that life is filled with paradox. The circumstances of my life draw me towards apprehension, anxiety and dread but I have chosen a different song to sing in night. I acknowledge my weakness but I choose to sing about a mighty God who holds me with His powerful hand.
When I woke my mind was feeding on frightful thoughts so I lifted my prayer to the Bread of Heaven and he satisfied my soul with the richness of his presence. I pictured Jesus at the Last Super giving thanks, breaking the bread and telling His disciples, "This is my body broken for you." The bread eaten at Passover is also called the bread of affliction.
As I looked at Jesus offering me this broken bread I heard in my spirit the words of Isaiah,"He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him smitten by God, and affected. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." And in the night I had communion with the lover of my soul.
In the night my spirt earnestly sought him for whom my soul longed for and I encountered the God of Hope. He filled me with all joy and peace in believing. My soul was satisfied with the bread of Heaven. By the power of his Spirit apprehension, anxiety and dread were replaced with songs of praise.
I have lived long enough to understand that life is filled with paradox. The circumstances of my life draw me towards apprehension, anxiety and dread but I have chosen a different song to sing in night. I acknowledge my weakness but I choose to sing about a mighty God who holds me with His powerful hand.
When I woke my mind was feeding on frightful thoughts so I lifted my prayer to the Bread of Heaven and he satisfied my soul with the richness of his presence. I pictured Jesus at the Last Super giving thanks, breaking the bread and telling His disciples, "This is my body broken for you." The bread eaten at Passover is also called the bread of affliction.
As I looked at Jesus offering me this broken bread I heard in my spirit the words of Isaiah,"He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him smitten by God, and affected. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." And in the night I had communion with the lover of my soul.
In the night my spirt earnestly sought him for whom my soul longed for and I encountered the God of Hope. He filled me with all joy and peace in believing. My soul was satisfied with the bread of Heaven. By the power of his Spirit apprehension, anxiety and dread were replaced with songs of praise.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
We'll Cross the Bridge Together
It appears more like a ribbon than a bridge. The slightest breeze causing it to twist and turn. My path has lead me to this point and to reach my destination I must cross the swaying bridge. I don't feel bold or brave as I look down from the dizzying height to the gorge below but to go forward I must cross the bridge. This was the picture in my mind as I woke yesterday.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my Neurosurgeon. Yesterday my daughter had an appointment with the high risk Obstetrician. We are blessed with excellent doctors, yet, we are both facing a difficult pathway that we would not have chosen. Even though this is not what we would have chosen this is where we are. With all my heart I want to reach out and take my daughters hand and give her courage.
"Take my hand little girl and we shall cross this bridge together. I know that you can hear the howling wind. I hear it too. Come a little closer and let me whisper truth into your ear and it will silence the message of fear. I know it looks as if there is nothing solid beneath your feet but look again with eyes of faith and you can even walk upon the water.
The ancient promise still holds true God will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is steadfast when you trust in Him. My mother taught me to focus my mind, to open my heart, to receive a peace that is a gift for those who trust Him. I have sought to teach this truth to you and now you can teach it to your child.
Though the dangers are real so are the promises of our Heavenly Father and hand in hand we will cross this bridge together. "
Yesterday I had an appointment with my Neurosurgeon. Yesterday my daughter had an appointment with the high risk Obstetrician. We are blessed with excellent doctors, yet, we are both facing a difficult pathway that we would not have chosen. Even though this is not what we would have chosen this is where we are. With all my heart I want to reach out and take my daughters hand and give her courage.
"Take my hand little girl and we shall cross this bridge together. I know that you can hear the howling wind. I hear it too. Come a little closer and let me whisper truth into your ear and it will silence the message of fear. I know it looks as if there is nothing solid beneath your feet but look again with eyes of faith and you can even walk upon the water.
The ancient promise still holds true God will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is steadfast when you trust in Him. My mother taught me to focus my mind, to open my heart, to receive a peace that is a gift for those who trust Him. I have sought to teach this truth to you and now you can teach it to your child.
Though the dangers are real so are the promises of our Heavenly Father and hand in hand we will cross this bridge together. "
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