My Payer To A God Who Is Near

I was awaken by the chiming of the clock in the Den. Could it be it was only a week ago that I had been awaken at that very same hour by Papa complaining of chest pains? When the paramedics came they did an EKG that did not show a problem, his blood pressure was good, his oxygen level was normal and yet Papa died when he got the hospital latter that morning. Are all things left to chance or is there a God who is in control?

I find the same comfort in thinking about the many days of Papa's life that I found when pondering the few days of my baby Belle Marie's life. Those days were not a random number chosen by chance, by an uncaring God. “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.” Psalm 139

When I read this Psalm I am reminded that the Lord I serve has an intimate concern for me.”O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.” The fabric of my life has been ripped by the loss of two people I love within the span of a week. There is a feeling of not only loss but vulnerability yet I take the comfort that it offered to me in the Psalm. Though I don't know the path that lies before me the LORD does.

“If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,'even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.” One of the things I am discovering about grief is that it makes it hard to think clearly. How comforting to know that I serve a God who is not only intimate with all my ways but that there is no darkness with Him. It is not only that there is not darkness with Him but He shares His light with me. “How precious are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”

Lord, I am comforted in knowing that You are not a God who is far off. You are not an indifferent God but one who has hemmed me in, behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me. “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”