Lord, help me care more about understanding other people and less about trying to make people understand me. This doesn't come natural to me. I need Your help.
Lord, your word says to be quick to hear slow to speak and slow to angry but I've got it all turned around. First I get angry then I'm quick to respond in anger. Often I've never even hear what the other person was trying to say. I want desperately for people to look beyond my words and care enough to look into my heart. Please Lord, show me how to do that when I'm with other people.
Lord, show me how to care about others more I do myself. Help me to love them so much that I'm willing to speak when to keep silent would be to keep safe. But Lord, help me to keep silent when to speak is just to justify myself or promote my own agenda. And Lord, I desperately need to know the difference.
Help me to be humble except in one area of life. When I come before You in prayer I ask for holy boldness. You have promised that if I ask anything in Your name You would give it to me. You told me that I didn't have because I didn't ask. Lord, I don't want to miss out on anything You have for me,so in this area make me bold!
And last of all Lord, thank You in advance.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
She walked!
Freshman year,"Mrs. Jones, your daughter's blood count is low we want to give her a transfusion.""Mama ,I'll be alright. I want to keep going." She did.
Sophomore Year,"The tumor is malignant. The biopsy shows cancer." "Mama, I can do it I don't need to drop out this semester!" She was too sick to keep going she had to lose that semester. She went back for the second semester. She was sick but she went back.
Junior Year, two weeks before the end of the second semester,"Mama, I'm so sick, I'm so sick, I can't stay awake." The words were spoken through her tears. I drove four and a half hours trying to see through my tears. "Mrs. Jones, your daughter has Mono. I smiled. It wasn't cancer."Mama, I can finish the semester. Let me try." But she was too sick. She tried but she was too sick. She lost another semester.
The Summer between her Junior and Senior Year we wait for the results of the Cat Scan. I watch my daughter go from pale to gray. She is so sick. She is having trouble staying wake. "Mama, I feel so close to God. This has been worth it, because I know He is real!" The results come back negative. I weep with gratitude.
Senior Year, "Mama, I want to walk with my class!" I feel the tears sting my eyes. She's a full year behind her class now. She is still sick but she is so determined. "O Lord, have mercy on my child. O Lord, have mercy on my child!"
Yesterday, I watched my daughter walk with her class. She walked across the stage and got her college diploma. She graduated cum laud with a degree in Biology. I cried.
O Lord, thank you for your mercy and your grace! Thank you for showing me what walking by faith looks like. Thank you for letting me see my child become a beautiful woman. Thank you for letting her walk with her class
Sophomore Year,"The tumor is malignant. The biopsy shows cancer." "Mama, I can do it I don't need to drop out this semester!" She was too sick to keep going she had to lose that semester. She went back for the second semester. She was sick but she went back.
Junior Year, two weeks before the end of the second semester,"Mama, I'm so sick, I'm so sick, I can't stay awake." The words were spoken through her tears. I drove four and a half hours trying to see through my tears. "Mrs. Jones, your daughter has Mono. I smiled. It wasn't cancer."Mama, I can finish the semester. Let me try." But she was too sick. She tried but she was too sick. She lost another semester.
The Summer between her Junior and Senior Year we wait for the results of the Cat Scan. I watch my daughter go from pale to gray. She is so sick. She is having trouble staying wake. "Mama, I feel so close to God. This has been worth it, because I know He is real!" The results come back negative. I weep with gratitude.
Senior Year, "Mama, I want to walk with my class!" I feel the tears sting my eyes. She's a full year behind her class now. She is still sick but she is so determined. "O Lord, have mercy on my child. O Lord, have mercy on my child!"
Yesterday, I watched my daughter walk with her class. She walked across the stage and got her college diploma. She graduated cum laud with a degree in Biology. I cried.
O Lord, thank you for your mercy and your grace! Thank you for showing me what walking by faith looks like. Thank you for letting me see my child become a beautiful woman. Thank you for letting her walk with her class
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The experiment
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29). Okay, I won't. That was to be my new law: I would not allow any corrupting, unhealthy, unwholesome words out of my mouth.
You would think by now I'd get it: that law doesn't correct sinful behavior, it just exposes it. My experiment with only saying things that were good for building people up,etc., was very exposing. I found myself confronted again and again with my unkind words. Sometimes these unkindness were veiled, but they were destructive nontheless.
When I determined to practice guarding my tongue, I exposed my heart. This became a place of confession and surrender. What the law exposes, grace can correct. Once more I found myself totally dependent on God's Spirit; dependent and determined to obey God's word. I must add that this is a very humbling process.
Since my words exposed my heart, I though it might be a good idea to apply Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely , whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Do you know what a verse like this does to your social life! Have you ever tried to apply this to a movie or a television show or a book your reading.
Just picture this scene: you’re enjoying an evening while watching a show, and you begin to be aware that you are entertaining yourself with impurity, and there is little or nothing honorable or commendable about the show either. This drives me crazy. I just want to amuse myself, I don't want to think. The problem is, I am thinking. but not not about the things listed in this verse. The problem is magnified if I am with other people, because then I'm afraid I will come across as "holier than thou.”
Back I go to that place of confession and surrender.
Lord, you know me. However, I really don't know myself. I think I'm a good person until I try to obey Your word, and then I find out how sinful I really am. When I see my true self in the light of Your word, I also see my true need for a Savior. When I determine to walk according to Your word, I find my determination is inadequate. Then I remember You not only gave me Yourself as a Savior, but You gave me Your Spirit as well. Take me, Lord, to a deeper surrender; a place where my tongue reflects a heart and mind controlled by the love of Christ. In this place I find the peace that passes understanding.
You would think by now I'd get it: that law doesn't correct sinful behavior, it just exposes it. My experiment with only saying things that were good for building people up,etc., was very exposing. I found myself confronted again and again with my unkind words. Sometimes these unkindness were veiled, but they were destructive nontheless.
When I determined to practice guarding my tongue, I exposed my heart. This became a place of confession and surrender. What the law exposes, grace can correct. Once more I found myself totally dependent on God's Spirit; dependent and determined to obey God's word. I must add that this is a very humbling process.
Since my words exposed my heart, I though it might be a good idea to apply Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely , whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Do you know what a verse like this does to your social life! Have you ever tried to apply this to a movie or a television show or a book your reading.
Just picture this scene: you’re enjoying an evening while watching a show, and you begin to be aware that you are entertaining yourself with impurity, and there is little or nothing honorable or commendable about the show either. This drives me crazy. I just want to amuse myself, I don't want to think. The problem is, I am thinking. but not not about the things listed in this verse. The problem is magnified if I am with other people, because then I'm afraid I will come across as "holier than thou.”
Back I go to that place of confession and surrender.
Lord, you know me. However, I really don't know myself. I think I'm a good person until I try to obey Your word, and then I find out how sinful I really am. When I see my true self in the light of Your word, I also see my true need for a Savior. When I determine to walk according to Your word, I find my determination is inadequate. Then I remember You not only gave me Yourself as a Savior, but You gave me Your Spirit as well. Take me, Lord, to a deeper surrender; a place where my tongue reflects a heart and mind controlled by the love of Christ. In this place I find the peace that passes understanding.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I just wanted to help!
I was just trying to help! Why was it so hard? My husband and I had decided to have people come live with us who didn't have anywhere else to go. It sounded very noble to me to first. What it really was was exposing.
I thought I was a pretty good person but shortly into my hospitable adventure I saw myself in a different light. I thought I was selfless but discovered I was selfish. I thought I was kind but found instead it was only a mask. I thought I wanted to introduce others to the Savior but found instead I wanted to BE the savior.
How could this have happened to me? As a child I had always enjoyed reading saint stories. I guess that would be the Catholic equivalent of reading missionary stories. From the comfort of home I would daydream about sacrificing for Jesus. However, when the opportunity came I found that I valued my comfort more than I knew.
The painful realization of my inadequacy drove me to my knees. I could not by will or determination be the person I really wanted to be. I was confused and disillusioned. What I found was that that was a good place to start. If you don't jump in the water you will never learn how to swim. If never leave your comfort zone you will not encounter The Comforter.
I just wanted to help and in the process I found that I was the one who needed help. In my attempt to, "Deny myself take up my cross and follow Him", I found it could only be done if I was empower by His Spirit. I guess the pain I encountered could be considered growing pains.
I thought I was a pretty good person but shortly into my hospitable adventure I saw myself in a different light. I thought I was selfless but discovered I was selfish. I thought I was kind but found instead it was only a mask. I thought I wanted to introduce others to the Savior but found instead I wanted to BE the savior.
How could this have happened to me? As a child I had always enjoyed reading saint stories. I guess that would be the Catholic equivalent of reading missionary stories. From the comfort of home I would daydream about sacrificing for Jesus. However, when the opportunity came I found that I valued my comfort more than I knew.
The painful realization of my inadequacy drove me to my knees. I could not by will or determination be the person I really wanted to be. I was confused and disillusioned. What I found was that that was a good place to start. If you don't jump in the water you will never learn how to swim. If never leave your comfort zone you will not encounter The Comforter.
I just wanted to help and in the process I found that I was the one who needed help. In my attempt to, "Deny myself take up my cross and follow Him", I found it could only be done if I was empower by His Spirit. I guess the pain I encountered could be considered growing pains.
Monday, June 20, 2011
You can't fight flesh with flesh
I saw myself more clearly portrayed in the family movies then I ever have in my reflection in my mirror at home. There I was eating a big piece of cake. Was it really me? Did I really look like that? Next was the scene of a hike my sisters and I had taken. My sisters are in good shape and though the path was steep they were obviously taking it in their stride. Then the camera looked back to were I was. It was not an easy walk for me. One sister had decided to keep me company but she didn't want to loose the benefit of her power walk so she was walking back and forth in front of me. By the time we reached the top of the hill she had probably walked twice or even three times as far as I had yet I was the one out of breath. It was a funny family movie...well... kind of funny.
Have you ever heard of a besetting sin? It's mentioned in Hebrews 12:1b "Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." I have a sin like that. The reason it clings so closely is that I don't fully want to give it up. My sin of gluttony springs from my sin of rebellion. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit but there is a counterfeit called pleasure. Just as joy is produced from my union with the Spirit I find a fleshly pleasure in my gluttony. How bad can it be, really? "To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:7
I find a parallel idea in the Old Testaments. Over and over I find the phrase, "he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. The high places, however, were not removed, and the people continued to offer sacrifices and burnt incense there."These were good kings that just held back a little. Then there was Hezekiah,"And he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord...he removed the high places...He trusted in the LORD the God Israel...For he held fast to the LORD. He did not depart from following him...And the LORD was with him; wherever he went out ,he prospered." 2 Kings 18:3-7
Do you want to know why this sin still clings to me? Because I have a hard time letting it go . I have tried over and over. When I fail I give up and sigh,"At least I tried." What does it take to get rid of this besetting sin? What does it take to remove this high place in my life?
When I look at Hebrews I find the answer. In fact it's in the same sentence that talks about the sin that clings to me. "and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."Hebrews 12:1-3 My problem is I've tried to fight flesh with flesh. Another book another program, if I try a little harder I'll get it this time. I need faith not flesh.
I think God allows these struggles in our lives to showcase our desperate need for a savior. My sin of gluttony constantly brings me to a place of humility. I need help. I am comforted by the words I find in Romans 8:11" If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you."
Lord Jesus, here I am again. I don't want to hold back. I want to give my self to You completely. I want to be like the cloud of witnesses spoken of in Hebrews 11 who walked by faith. Help me to be like Hezekiah who fully obeyed you. Help me to walk in your Spirit. Meet me now in this place of weakness and show me Your strength!
Have you ever heard of a besetting sin? It's mentioned in Hebrews 12:1b "Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." I have a sin like that. The reason it clings so closely is that I don't fully want to give it up. My sin of gluttony springs from my sin of rebellion. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit but there is a counterfeit called pleasure. Just as joy is produced from my union with the Spirit I find a fleshly pleasure in my gluttony. How bad can it be, really? "To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:7
I find a parallel idea in the Old Testaments. Over and over I find the phrase, "he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord. The high places, however, were not removed, and the people continued to offer sacrifices and burnt incense there."These were good kings that just held back a little. Then there was Hezekiah,"And he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord...he removed the high places...He trusted in the LORD the God Israel...For he held fast to the LORD. He did not depart from following him...And the LORD was with him; wherever he went out ,he prospered." 2 Kings 18:3-7
Do you want to know why this sin still clings to me? Because I have a hard time letting it go . I have tried over and over. When I fail I give up and sigh,"At least I tried." What does it take to get rid of this besetting sin? What does it take to remove this high place in my life?
When I look at Hebrews I find the answer. In fact it's in the same sentence that talks about the sin that clings to me. "and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."Hebrews 12:1-3 My problem is I've tried to fight flesh with flesh. Another book another program, if I try a little harder I'll get it this time. I need faith not flesh.
I think God allows these struggles in our lives to showcase our desperate need for a savior. My sin of gluttony constantly brings me to a place of humility. I need help. I am comforted by the words I find in Romans 8:11" If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you."
Lord Jesus, here I am again. I don't want to hold back. I want to give my self to You completely. I want to be like the cloud of witnesses spoken of in Hebrews 11 who walked by faith. Help me to be like Hezekiah who fully obeyed you. Help me to walk in your Spirit. Meet me now in this place of weakness and show me Your strength!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
There is no magic fairy dust
When Cinderella needed to have her rags exchanged for a gown her fairy godmother took the wand and with the will of a whisk and a little fairy dust the transformation took place. I have rags that clothe my soul, rags of anger and bitterness. I am praying but I'm not seeing any fairy dust.
Sometimes I am haunted by things that anger and embitter me. Sometimes those things are big like the gashes of a knife sometimes they are small like the bite of a flea on a hot Summer's night. Big or small the effect seems the same. My soul is stained with hurt like fingers stained from berry picking.
It's been like that for me all week. Past wounds, present wounds, wounds intentionally given, wounds unintentionally given going round and round inside my head. But something else is taking place too. Prayer.
I don't want to be angry I don't want to be bitter so I've been praying. But I haven't experienced any fairy dust yet.
I did decide to memorize Psalm 119. I keep deciding to memorize Psalm 119 without success. This time I thought I'd start with verses 153 to 160. I am glad that God chooses the dull and not to bright to be His children because otherwise I'd have no hope at all. I have spent this whole week on two verses. I repeat them in my head and then I forget them . If only I could forget these tormenting thoughts as easily as I can forget God's word.
Yet, as I go back to these verses again and again they are the bases of my prayer. "Look upon my suffering and rescue me, for I have not forgotten your instruction. Argue my case; take my side! Protect my life like you promised." There is no fairy dust but living in this broken world and calling on my Savior something is happening. There is a change in the direction of my thoughts.
I wonder, could it be that this might be abiding? Could it be that because there has been no instant relief that it has caused me to long for Him at night and in the morning to yearn for my Redeemer? With my weak mind I cling to His strong words. With my feeble clutching I find I am being held in a strong grip of grace. Could this be what Jesus was talking about when he said for me to abide in Him and He would abide in me?
At first this week all I could think about was the hurt, the disappointment, the things I wanted to change but couldn't. Truly, I wanted some magic answer to my prayer that would take away the stain of disappointment in my soul. What God gave me was a struggle that brought me to Him. I feel the light of His presences taking residence within me. Abiding yes, yes this is abiding!
There is no magic fairy dust but I think the abiding will bear fruit!
Sometimes I am haunted by things that anger and embitter me. Sometimes those things are big like the gashes of a knife sometimes they are small like the bite of a flea on a hot Summer's night. Big or small the effect seems the same. My soul is stained with hurt like fingers stained from berry picking.
It's been like that for me all week. Past wounds, present wounds, wounds intentionally given, wounds unintentionally given going round and round inside my head. But something else is taking place too. Prayer.
I don't want to be angry I don't want to be bitter so I've been praying. But I haven't experienced any fairy dust yet.
I did decide to memorize Psalm 119. I keep deciding to memorize Psalm 119 without success. This time I thought I'd start with verses 153 to 160. I am glad that God chooses the dull and not to bright to be His children because otherwise I'd have no hope at all. I have spent this whole week on two verses. I repeat them in my head and then I forget them . If only I could forget these tormenting thoughts as easily as I can forget God's word.
Yet, as I go back to these verses again and again they are the bases of my prayer. "Look upon my suffering and rescue me, for I have not forgotten your instruction. Argue my case; take my side! Protect my life like you promised." There is no fairy dust but living in this broken world and calling on my Savior something is happening. There is a change in the direction of my thoughts.
I wonder, could it be that this might be abiding? Could it be that because there has been no instant relief that it has caused me to long for Him at night and in the morning to yearn for my Redeemer? With my weak mind I cling to His strong words. With my feeble clutching I find I am being held in a strong grip of grace. Could this be what Jesus was talking about when he said for me to abide in Him and He would abide in me?
At first this week all I could think about was the hurt, the disappointment, the things I wanted to change but couldn't. Truly, I wanted some magic answer to my prayer that would take away the stain of disappointment in my soul. What God gave me was a struggle that brought me to Him. I feel the light of His presences taking residence within me. Abiding yes, yes this is abiding!
There is no magic fairy dust but I think the abiding will bear fruit!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Seeking to be understood I understand
My son and I were riding down the street when a car passed on a double yellow line and he made this observation ,"If I do something like that I have a very good explanation. However, if someone else does it it is because they are just that kind of person."
I have been praying through the Lord's prayer and when I get to the part that says,"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us", I try to think of some one who has done something similar to me. When I see my own failures or the failures of those I love I can be compassionate but I can be very harsh on others.
I find again and again that my weakness my need for forgiveness becomes the place where God teaches me to be compassionate. When I am seeking to to be understood God teaches me to understand. Sometimes my mind obsesses about what someone has done to me or someone I love. I play the event over and over in my mind. It's only when I pray and ask God for help that I can get relief. Often God shows me myself in that other person and by His grace I am able to extend to them the forgiveness I seek.
Lord Jesus, I so often come to You seeking forgiveness. Help me extend this same forgiveness to others.
I have been praying through the Lord's prayer and when I get to the part that says,"Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us", I try to think of some one who has done something similar to me. When I see my own failures or the failures of those I love I can be compassionate but I can be very harsh on others.
I find again and again that my weakness my need for forgiveness becomes the place where God teaches me to be compassionate. When I am seeking to to be understood God teaches me to understand. Sometimes my mind obsesses about what someone has done to me or someone I love. I play the event over and over in my mind. It's only when I pray and ask God for help that I can get relief. Often God shows me myself in that other person and by His grace I am able to extend to them the forgiveness I seek.
Lord Jesus, I so often come to You seeking forgiveness. Help me extend this same forgiveness to others.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Lessons from Grandma Frizzy
I remember when I first walked into her room. The room had the medicinal smell of a nursing home. She sat in an arm chair small and frail but with an aurora of peace about her. I was a teenager and had volunteered to adopt a grandmother. I was assigned to Grandma Frizzy.
Through out my life I had been around older people partly because the church I attended met in a nursing home. I had learn many things from my encounters with those who had a lot more life experiences. Some lessons were very simple like how to thread a needle. Many times the lessons were about history or about the different countries they had come from. The lesson Grandma Frizzy taught me was how to deal with depression.
Looking back I realize my time with her was very short but the lesson she taught me deeply impacted my life. She would sit in her arm chair and I would pull up a chair beside her. Then she would begin to share her life with me. Hers was not an easy life but she was a woman of great faith and she shared with me how to be sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see.
One day she told me how she would offer to God the sacrifice of praise. She told me about a particularly difficult time in her life. She was suffering from a deep sadness when she read in Hebrews 13:15 Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledges his name. She told me that when she began to praise God the sadness lifted and her heart was filled with joy.
After I left her I that day I continued to think about what she said. I often suffered from depression and was determined try what Grandma Frizzy had suggested. My first reaction was,"No wonder they call it a sacrifice!" I found that when I was feeling sad or depressed the last thing I wanted to do was to offer God praise and yet as I determined to do just that something happened . The chains of depression would begin to loosen their grip on me.
The aurora of peace I had felt when I first met her had nothing to do with her circumstances and everything to do with her faith. Hebrews 11 tells us that faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see. She taught me that by faith I could praise God regardless of my emotional state.
I am a grandmother now and these are the lessons I want to teach my grandchildren, how to walk by faith and offer the sacrifice of praise.
Through out my life I had been around older people partly because the church I attended met in a nursing home. I had learn many things from my encounters with those who had a lot more life experiences. Some lessons were very simple like how to thread a needle. Many times the lessons were about history or about the different countries they had come from. The lesson Grandma Frizzy taught me was how to deal with depression.
Looking back I realize my time with her was very short but the lesson she taught me deeply impacted my life. She would sit in her arm chair and I would pull up a chair beside her. Then she would begin to share her life with me. Hers was not an easy life but she was a woman of great faith and she shared with me how to be sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see.
One day she told me how she would offer to God the sacrifice of praise. She told me about a particularly difficult time in her life. She was suffering from a deep sadness when she read in Hebrews 13:15 Through him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledges his name. She told me that when she began to praise God the sadness lifted and her heart was filled with joy.
After I left her I that day I continued to think about what she said. I often suffered from depression and was determined try what Grandma Frizzy had suggested. My first reaction was,"No wonder they call it a sacrifice!" I found that when I was feeling sad or depressed the last thing I wanted to do was to offer God praise and yet as I determined to do just that something happened . The chains of depression would begin to loosen their grip on me.
The aurora of peace I had felt when I first met her had nothing to do with her circumstances and everything to do with her faith. Hebrews 11 tells us that faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see. She taught me that by faith I could praise God regardless of my emotional state.
I am a grandmother now and these are the lessons I want to teach my grandchildren, how to walk by faith and offer the sacrifice of praise.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Like a sheep that needs a shepherd
I love the Psalm 119. I have attempted to memorize it several times my problem is that it has one hundred and seventy six verses. Because I've attempted it so many times I'm pretty good at the first part.
"Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD!
Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!
I love the passion of this Psalm. When I read it I hear the conversation between the psalmist and God and it becomes my prayer. "With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!"verse 10. I like that he makes it a request and not a statement. Another request,"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. I am a sojourner on this earth; hide not your commandments from me!" verses 18 and 19.
A few more requests that both the psalmist and I make," Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end. Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. Lead me in the path of your commands, for I delight in it. ... Let your steadfast love come to me O LORD, Your salvation according to your promise;.."verses 33-41.
All through this Psalm I find words to express the cries of my heart and then I come to the last verse and find,"I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments." When I read these verses I am reminded of Jesus' words,"Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Luke 12:32
Like sheep need a shepherd my soul needs a savior. It is not my own striving and struggling to be good enough but the Father's good pleasure to give a kingdom.
"Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD!
Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!
I love the passion of this Psalm. When I read it I hear the conversation between the psalmist and God and it becomes my prayer. "With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments!"verse 10. I like that he makes it a request and not a statement. Another request,"Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law. I am a sojourner on this earth; hide not your commandments from me!" verses 18 and 19.
A few more requests that both the psalmist and I make," Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end. Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. Lead me in the path of your commands, for I delight in it. ... Let your steadfast love come to me O LORD, Your salvation according to your promise;.."verses 33-41.
All through this Psalm I find words to express the cries of my heart and then I come to the last verse and find,"I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments." When I read these verses I am reminded of Jesus' words,"Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Luke 12:32
Like sheep need a shepherd my soul needs a savior. It is not my own striving and struggling to be good enough but the Father's good pleasure to give a kingdom.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
No longer held captive
She was a prisoner inside her body. My friend had Lou Gehrig's Disease an incurable fatal neuromuscular disease . I sat with her and talked to her she was my friend. We were alike in many ways. We both liked to cook, her bookshelves had many of the same books mine did. She and I both had chosen to home school our four children.
Many years ago I had felt like a prisoner inside my body. I had been given strong medicine that made it hard for me to function. I felt like I had lost my personality. It was a painful time in my life yet whenever I sat with my friend I felt like God had redeemed that time in my life because it had opened a window of understanding. When I looked into her eyes I saw her soul.
She and I had another thing in common we had both put our faith in Jesus as our Savior. In Luke 12:32 Jesus said," Fear not, little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." When you have an incurable fatal disease this promise becomes an anchor. Hope is a confident expectation of good. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see.
I still live daily laying hold of Jesus' promises by faith. But my friend no longer needs to walk by faith she now walks by sight.
Many years ago I had felt like a prisoner inside my body. I had been given strong medicine that made it hard for me to function. I felt like I had lost my personality. It was a painful time in my life yet whenever I sat with my friend I felt like God had redeemed that time in my life because it had opened a window of understanding. When I looked into her eyes I saw her soul.
She and I had another thing in common we had both put our faith in Jesus as our Savior. In Luke 12:32 Jesus said," Fear not, little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." When you have an incurable fatal disease this promise becomes an anchor. Hope is a confident expectation of good. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see.
I still live daily laying hold of Jesus' promises by faith. But my friend no longer needs to walk by faith she now walks by sight.
Friday, June 10, 2011
A gentle healer
Psalm 146:5
Michael Card
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
He touched blind eyes and the darkness left to stay
More than the blindness, He took their sins away
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
He spoke one word that was all He had to say
The One who had died just rose up straight away
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
Oh, He seems like just in ordinary man
With dirty feet and rough but gentle hands
The words He says are hard to understand
And, Yet, He seems like just and ordinary man
The Gentle Healer, He left our town today
I just looked around and found He'd gone away
Some folks from town had followed Him, They say
That the Gentle Healer is the Truth the Life the Way
This is the song that has been praying in the background of my mind.
Michael Card
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
He touched blind eyes and the darkness left to stay
More than the blindness, He took their sins away
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
He spoke one word that was all He had to say
The One who had died just rose up straight away
The Gentle Healer came into our town today
Oh, He seems like just in ordinary man
With dirty feet and rough but gentle hands
The words He says are hard to understand
And, Yet, He seems like just and ordinary man
The Gentle Healer, He left our town today
I just looked around and found He'd gone away
Some folks from town had followed Him, They say
That the Gentle Healer is the Truth the Life the Way
This is the song that has been praying in the background of my mind.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A cheerful heart
First a tree fell on her house. Next when the plumber was fixing the bathroom that had been messed up by the fallen tree and he failed to hook up the toilet correctly so the basement flooded. Then last week the air conditioner at her business caught on fire. How much stress can one person take?
Knowing all she'd been through I didn't expect her to be smiling. "Are you alright?", I asked. I was surprised by her positive attitude. When she told me about the things that had happen she told it all from a perspective of God's protection and provision. As I listened I thought about Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine.
The other part of the verse says,"but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." My friend could have responded either way. Her cheerful heart was a result of her relationship with a Sovereign God.When someone carries a burden to heavy for them they are crushed.
The crushing load began in the garden when Satan introduced the idea that man needed to be his own god. Satan told Eve that she couldn't really trust God to have her best interest's at heart. In Isaiah nine we have the remedy. "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
We have been given a Savior and the government of our lives is on His shoulders to understand this is to have a cheerful heart to understand this is to be governed by the Prince of Peace.
Knowing all she'd been through I didn't expect her to be smiling. "Are you alright?", I asked. I was surprised by her positive attitude. When she told me about the things that had happen she told it all from a perspective of God's protection and provision. As I listened I thought about Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine.
The other part of the verse says,"but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." My friend could have responded either way. Her cheerful heart was a result of her relationship with a Sovereign God.When someone carries a burden to heavy for them they are crushed.
The crushing load began in the garden when Satan introduced the idea that man needed to be his own god. Satan told Eve that she couldn't really trust God to have her best interest's at heart. In Isaiah nine we have the remedy. "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
We have been given a Savior and the government of our lives is on His shoulders to understand this is to have a cheerful heart to understand this is to be governed by the Prince of Peace.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Covenant
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join this Man and this Woman in holy matrimony." Forty one years ago today I entered into a covenant with God and my husband. It wasn't an agreement, it wasn't a contract, it was a covenant.
When I entered into this covenant with God and my husband I made promises to him and he made promises to me. We promised to,"live together for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to each other as long as we live." I was twenty one he was twenty three when we made this life time covenant.
I took a magic marker on our wedding trip. Steve had cancer and was taking radiation treatment. Every time we went swimming together I had to redraw the lines where he needed radiation. On our first anniversary he had completed his chemo-therapy. I worked during the day and took care of him at night. The stress and lack of sleep caused me to have a nervous breakdown. He took care of me until I recovered. Our next anniversary was spent working at Yellowstone National Park. "I will live together with you ... in sickness and in health."
Steve was with me for the birth of our four children. We shared the miracle of life and I watched him as he tenderly held his children. We both wept as he dug the grave for Belle Marie here on the farm. I remember his words of comfort as we placed her little coffin in the ground."Time doesn't heal all wounds but God will" He comforted me during the loss of two more children. "I will live together with you for better or worse."
If the covenant I made so many years ago had only been with Steve I don't know if it would have survived. I have failed him often. Our humanity and selfishness has caused us to hurt each other in many ways. However, this covenant was made with God as well. "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong ,for the Lord upholds his hand." Psalm 37 23-24
Forty one years ago today I was asked,"Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him to be your wedded husband....as long as you both shall live?" I whispered, "I do", but it was loud enough for Steve and God to hear.
When I entered into this covenant with God and my husband I made promises to him and he made promises to me. We promised to,"live together for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to each other as long as we live." I was twenty one he was twenty three when we made this life time covenant.
I took a magic marker on our wedding trip. Steve had cancer and was taking radiation treatment. Every time we went swimming together I had to redraw the lines where he needed radiation. On our first anniversary he had completed his chemo-therapy. I worked during the day and took care of him at night. The stress and lack of sleep caused me to have a nervous breakdown. He took care of me until I recovered. Our next anniversary was spent working at Yellowstone National Park. "I will live together with you ... in sickness and in health."
Steve was with me for the birth of our four children. We shared the miracle of life and I watched him as he tenderly held his children. We both wept as he dug the grave for Belle Marie here on the farm. I remember his words of comfort as we placed her little coffin in the ground."Time doesn't heal all wounds but God will" He comforted me during the loss of two more children. "I will live together with you for better or worse."
If the covenant I made so many years ago had only been with Steve I don't know if it would have survived. I have failed him often. Our humanity and selfishness has caused us to hurt each other in many ways. However, this covenant was made with God as well. "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong ,for the Lord upholds his hand." Psalm 37 23-24
Forty one years ago today I was asked,"Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him to be your wedded husband....as long as you both shall live?" I whispered, "I do", but it was loud enough for Steve and God to hear.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
What's the difference between being used by the Lord and just being used?
I decided to write a Bible study based on the question,"What is the difference between being used by the Lord and just being used?" I did not decide to write this study because I knew the answer but because I needed to know the answer.
The book of James tells us that if we are lacking in wisdom that we can ask God and He will give it to us. So I decided to ask God my question and then tell others what I found out. What follows is God's answer to my prayer.
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ...each will have to bear his own load." Galatians 6:2-5 This scripture became the bases for my study. It also became a subject of prayer because I could not figure out what it meant. Because I believed God would answer my prayer for wisdom I continued to study and pray until finally I understood.
When I bear another persons burden with the aim of fulfilling the law of Christ it means I love them sacrificially. It means I deny myself and place another persons welfare above my own. It does NOT mean that I take some one's responsibility away them. To take away some one's responsibility is to take away their dignity and elevate myself above them.Therefore,"each will have to bear his own load".
I have done it wrong so many times and the results are always the same. When I take some one's responsibly away from them I end up resenting them. I feel taken advantage of, crippled because I'm doing their responsibility instead of my own. But I'm not the only one who feels resentful, the person I'm "helping" feels resentment as well. I end up crippling the person I wanted to help because God given loads strengthen us. When I try to take that load from someone I am being arrogant not loving.
Yesterday I saw a man do it right and the memory of it has stayed with me like a sweet perfume. I was standing in a check out line behind a man with his disabled daughter. Her gait was stumbling her arms seemed to fly about uncontrollably and her eyes rolled back into their sockets. The father's tone was kind as he asked for her opinion about what she wanted to buy. He gently lifted her burden but let her carry her own load. What I observed was a man who was fulfilling the law of Christ.
So what's the difference between being used by the Lord and just being used? I think to know the answer to that I need to ask myself this question," Is my goal to fulfill the law of Christ or to be some one's savior?" Fulfilling the law of Christ involves deep humility. When I think I can be someones savior it is a picture of pride.
Lord Jesus I come to You again for wisdom. My life is stained by this type of arrogant pride. Please give me the wisdom to fulfill the law of Christ and become the sweet fragrance of You in my world just like the man I saw yesterday.
The book of James tells us that if we are lacking in wisdom that we can ask God and He will give it to us. So I decided to ask God my question and then tell others what I found out. What follows is God's answer to my prayer.
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ...each will have to bear his own load." Galatians 6:2-5 This scripture became the bases for my study. It also became a subject of prayer because I could not figure out what it meant. Because I believed God would answer my prayer for wisdom I continued to study and pray until finally I understood.
When I bear another persons burden with the aim of fulfilling the law of Christ it means I love them sacrificially. It means I deny myself and place another persons welfare above my own. It does NOT mean that I take some one's responsibility away them. To take away some one's responsibility is to take away their dignity and elevate myself above them.Therefore,"each will have to bear his own load".
I have done it wrong so many times and the results are always the same. When I take some one's responsibly away from them I end up resenting them. I feel taken advantage of, crippled because I'm doing their responsibility instead of my own. But I'm not the only one who feels resentful, the person I'm "helping" feels resentment as well. I end up crippling the person I wanted to help because God given loads strengthen us. When I try to take that load from someone I am being arrogant not loving.
Yesterday I saw a man do it right and the memory of it has stayed with me like a sweet perfume. I was standing in a check out line behind a man with his disabled daughter. Her gait was stumbling her arms seemed to fly about uncontrollably and her eyes rolled back into their sockets. The father's tone was kind as he asked for her opinion about what she wanted to buy. He gently lifted her burden but let her carry her own load. What I observed was a man who was fulfilling the law of Christ.
So what's the difference between being used by the Lord and just being used? I think to know the answer to that I need to ask myself this question," Is my goal to fulfill the law of Christ or to be some one's savior?" Fulfilling the law of Christ involves deep humility. When I think I can be someones savior it is a picture of pride.
Lord Jesus I come to You again for wisdom. My life is stained by this type of arrogant pride. Please give me the wisdom to fulfill the law of Christ and become the sweet fragrance of You in my world just like the man I saw yesterday.
Monday, June 6, 2011
If there was one thing you could change about yourself what would it be?
If there was one thing you could change about yourself what would it be? I don't really have to think about this question to hard before I come up with not one but a long list of things. Many of the problems that come to mind have been with me most of my conscious life.
I struggle with my weight, I always have. It never mattered what I looked like on the outside I was still struggling on the inside. I am one of nine children, I think I have eight of the smartest and most successful people in the world as my siblings. I on the other hand used to sit in class and wonder what it would be like to understand exactly what the teacher was talking about, particularly in Latin class. Last but not least I have fought depression off and on since I was a small child.
In the ninth chapter of John Jesus' disciples ask him,"Whose fault was it that this man was born blind?"" Jesus answered,"It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." Could this be true for me as well?
The first miracle done in Jesus' name after His resurrection was done for a man who was over forty and been been crippled since birth. Acts three tells us in the name of Jesus he was healed. This place in his life that had always caused him grief now was the source of amazing joy. Could this be true for me?
Could it be that these weakness' in my life could become places where God's work could be displayed in me?
Lord Jesus, I come to You just as I am. I can't seem to heal myself even though I've tried really hard. I bring to You my inadequacies. Shine Your light on me, shine You light in me, shine Your light through me. Let the broken places in my life become the places other people see Your glory!
I struggle with my weight, I always have. It never mattered what I looked like on the outside I was still struggling on the inside. I am one of nine children, I think I have eight of the smartest and most successful people in the world as my siblings. I on the other hand used to sit in class and wonder what it would be like to understand exactly what the teacher was talking about, particularly in Latin class. Last but not least I have fought depression off and on since I was a small child.
In the ninth chapter of John Jesus' disciples ask him,"Whose fault was it that this man was born blind?"" Jesus answered,"It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." Could this be true for me as well?
The first miracle done in Jesus' name after His resurrection was done for a man who was over forty and been been crippled since birth. Acts three tells us in the name of Jesus he was healed. This place in his life that had always caused him grief now was the source of amazing joy. Could this be true for me?
Could it be that these weakness' in my life could become places where God's work could be displayed in me?
Lord Jesus, I come to You just as I am. I can't seem to heal myself even though I've tried really hard. I bring to You my inadequacies. Shine Your light on me, shine You light in me, shine Your light through me. Let the broken places in my life become the places other people see Your glory!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Well placed fear produces great courage
I have been looking over the different things I been writing about and I see a common thread. It's not just a common thread in my writing it is also a major theme of my life. Day after day situation after situation I keep coming back to this question,"God, how do I do this? How am I supposed to live out what I believe?"
I think about the verse in Philippians chapter two that says,"...work out you salvation with fear and trembling" I have had this on my mind a lot lately and so I looked it up to see what the context is because my question is,"How do I work out my salvation with fear and trembling?"
"...work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and do his good pleasure."Philippians 2:12b-13 I did research on the word fear and found that it meant to be in awe of God to respect and reverence Him. If I have an awe of God and believe that He is at work in my life then I don't have to be afraid of the situations I find myself in.
As I meditate on what my life would look like if I really lived this way I think of a man whose name was Tom Jackson. Tom was a quiet man a man with a deep reverence for God. The reason for Tom's calm was his belief in the sovereignty of God. He believed that if you had a true fear of God you didn't need to be afraid of anything else.
Tom's faith was tested in battle. It was at the battle of Bull Run. Shells and bullets were flying all around him, Jackson stayed on his horse calm and collected as if nothing was going on. Brigadier General Bernard Bee saw this and told the troops,"There stands Jackson like a stone wall lets determine to die here with him."
Lord Jesus, thank you that I don't have to be anxious about "getting it right". Thank you that You are working in my life to will and do Your good pleasure. Help me to be strong courageous and faithful.
I think about the verse in Philippians chapter two that says,"...work out you salvation with fear and trembling" I have had this on my mind a lot lately and so I looked it up to see what the context is because my question is,"How do I work out my salvation with fear and trembling?"
"...work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you both to will and do his good pleasure."Philippians 2:12b-13 I did research on the word fear and found that it meant to be in awe of God to respect and reverence Him. If I have an awe of God and believe that He is at work in my life then I don't have to be afraid of the situations I find myself in.
As I meditate on what my life would look like if I really lived this way I think of a man whose name was Tom Jackson. Tom was a quiet man a man with a deep reverence for God. The reason for Tom's calm was his belief in the sovereignty of God. He believed that if you had a true fear of God you didn't need to be afraid of anything else.
Tom's faith was tested in battle. It was at the battle of Bull Run. Shells and bullets were flying all around him, Jackson stayed on his horse calm and collected as if nothing was going on. Brigadier General Bernard Bee saw this and told the troops,"There stands Jackson like a stone wall lets determine to die here with him."
Lord Jesus, thank you that I don't have to be anxious about "getting it right". Thank you that You are working in my life to will and do Your good pleasure. Help me to be strong courageous and faithful.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Intimacy in the Wilderness
This is a link to the talk I gave at the CFO Annual Meeting on May 31.
http://www.cfoannual.org/node/67
http://www.cfoannual.org/node/67
It's His responsibility not mine
My husband and I were sitting on the porch swing in the cool of the evening visiting. I began talking about how anxious I feel sometimes when I read the story of Eli the priest. He didn't correct his sons and the results were disastrous. We rocked silently a few moments then my husband spoke,"Sarah, consider this. In the book of 1 Samuel you have Eli's sons, Samuel's sons, King Saul's son, King David's sons. Which one was the most godly?"
Jonathan the son of King Saul was the answer. Three chapters before I read about David and Goliath there is a similar story of Jonathan and the Philistines. In order to reach the Philistine outpost Jonathan and his armor-bearer had to climb a cliff using hands and feet. His armor-bearer was behind him. The Philistines were above him mocking,"The Hebrews are crawling out of the holes they were hiding in." Jonathan's initial response to the situation shows his faith in God."Come, let's go over to the out-post of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving,whether by many or by few." Just like with David Jonathan's bravery caused the whole army to take courage and have a victory over the Philistines.
When I really see the heart of Jonathan is when David is hiding from King Saul who is trying to take his life. Jonathan finds him and encourages him with these words,"Don't be afraid. My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you..." Usually the son of the king is next in line for the position.
What made Jonathan the courageous godly man he was? I think it was because he anchored his plans in the purposes of God. Jonathan had a good grasp of God's faithfulness. He had a zeal for God's glory not his own.
As I meditate on these things it brings me back to my anxiety. Why do I feel anxious? I think it's because I have become more focused on my efforts and less focused on God's faithfulness. I often seek my own glory my agenda my success and forget God has a bigger plan.
Lord Jesus, You alone are the author and finisher of my salvation. You alone are the author and finisher of the salvation of those I love. Help me by faith to be courageous and to leave the results to You.
Jonathan the son of King Saul was the answer. Three chapters before I read about David and Goliath there is a similar story of Jonathan and the Philistines. In order to reach the Philistine outpost Jonathan and his armor-bearer had to climb a cliff using hands and feet. His armor-bearer was behind him. The Philistines were above him mocking,"The Hebrews are crawling out of the holes they were hiding in." Jonathan's initial response to the situation shows his faith in God."Come, let's go over to the out-post of those uncircumcised fellows. Perhaps the Lord will act in our behalf. Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving,whether by many or by few." Just like with David Jonathan's bravery caused the whole army to take courage and have a victory over the Philistines.
When I really see the heart of Jonathan is when David is hiding from King Saul who is trying to take his life. Jonathan finds him and encourages him with these words,"Don't be afraid. My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you..." Usually the son of the king is next in line for the position.
What made Jonathan the courageous godly man he was? I think it was because he anchored his plans in the purposes of God. Jonathan had a good grasp of God's faithfulness. He had a zeal for God's glory not his own.
As I meditate on these things it brings me back to my anxiety. Why do I feel anxious? I think it's because I have become more focused on my efforts and less focused on God's faithfulness. I often seek my own glory my agenda my success and forget God has a bigger plan.
Lord Jesus, You alone are the author and finisher of my salvation. You alone are the author and finisher of the salvation of those I love. Help me by faith to be courageous and to leave the results to You.
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