I just wanted to help!

I was just trying to help! Why was it so hard? My husband and I had decided to have people come live with us who didn't have anywhere else to go. It sounded very noble to me to first. What it really was was exposing.

I thought I was a pretty good person but shortly into my hospitable adventure I saw myself in a different light. I thought I was selfless but discovered I was selfish. I thought I was kind but found instead it was only a mask. I thought I wanted to introduce others to the Savior but found instead I wanted to BE the savior.

How could this have happened to me? As a child I had always enjoyed reading saint stories. I guess that would be the Catholic equivalent of reading missionary stories. From the comfort of home I would daydream about sacrificing for Jesus. However, when the opportunity came I found that I valued my comfort more than I knew.

The painful realization of my inadequacy drove me to my knees. I could not by will or determination be the person I really wanted to be. I was confused and disillusioned. What I found was that that was a good place to start. If you don't jump in the water you will never learn how to swim. If never leave your comfort zone you will not encounter The Comforter.

I just wanted to help and in the process I found that I was the one who needed help. In my attempt to, "Deny myself take up my cross and follow Him", I found it could only be done if I was empower by His Spirit. I guess the pain I encountered could be considered growing pains.