Different Route Same Destination

I have always loved hearing people's testimonies. What was it that finally broke them, what finally showed them they needed a Savior? Often it seemed it was some great sin or the consequences of that sin that brought them weeping before the cross of Jesus. For me, however, it looked like a different route, the destination was the same only the route looked different.

From my earliest memories I have wanted to be good. I wanted to follow the rules. I memorized John 3:16 when I was a little girl so that I could get a sticker. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” I got my sticker but that verse really bothered me. It bothered me because I didn't just want to be good I wanted to be good enough for God. This verse wasn't about my loving God it was about God's loving me, it wasn't about what I did for God it was about what God had done for me and I was bothered by it.

What finally broke me? What finally showed me my need for a Savior? It was my sin and the consequences of my sin that brought me weeping before the cross of Jesus. My sin was my pride, I didn't want to need a Savior I wanted to be the Savior. Time and time again I would attempt to do great things “for God” only to find my heart exposed. What was exposed was a lack of compassion, kindness, humility, meekness,and patience. I was miserable the only thing my “good deeds” produced was a revelation that I wasn't as good as I thought I was.

At first,I was unaware of my need, I was unaware that I had been using the Bible as a guideline of how I could be good enough for God. Then I came face to face with the Biblical definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13. From the very first part of the definition I felt condemned. “Love is patient and kind.” I wasn't patient or kind not even with the people I should be loving the most, my husband and my children. The chapter begins by saying, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I have and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” I finally saw myself, a noisy gong a clanging cymbal, someone who was nothing and had gained nothing by all my good deeds. I found myself weeping at the foot of the cross.

Lord Jesus, thank You for not giving up on me! Thank You for showing me what love really is,”God is love.” “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” 1 John 4: 10 The reality of who You are and what You've done for me because You love me brings me to the foot of the cross.