My Sparring Partner

From my earliest memories, depression has been my sparing partner. These are a few things I have learned along the way.

One of my first lessons in dealing with depression was taught me by my mother. When mother saw me becoming depressed, she would send me on a walk to a nursing home that was near where I lived. Getting outside, walking, focusing on someone else, all these things helped me as a child.

While visiting at a nursing home one day, an elderly lady told me how she handled depression. She told me the verse about offering to God the sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. I confess, it is a sacrifice to praise and thank God when your mind is overcome with gloomy thoughts. However, over the years I have learned that I have a choice. Depression and I meet face to face; the wrestling match begins. "You have no hope.” he whispers in my ear. I combat the lie with the truth, and thank Jesus that He promised to never leave me or forsake me. On and on it goes, until at last I have the victory!

Another tactic my sparing partner uses is to try and attack me as I'm falling asleep. Sometimes  he even wake me in the middle of the night. Usually in the night he comes and tries to bind me with fear. He reminds me at these times of my weakness and my failure. He is so good at this. He's like a ventriloquist who throws his voice into my mind. I counter this attack with the verse that says," I will remember you on my bed, I will meditate on you through the watches of the night." (Psalm 63:6)

Not long ago, I found a weapon he was using against me to pull me down into depression. It was my own tongue! I was letting his words come out of my mouth. This has been a very effective weapon in his arsenal. Again, I turned to the the Word of God to gain victory. "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)

Would you believe he has even garbed the weapons I'm using against him and tried to turn them against me? "You are such a failure.” he whispers in my ear. "Look at what you believe and look at yourself. You don't measure up and you never will.” This attack can really cripple me, because I see the truth of my sin. With tears in my eyes I go to 1 John 1:9 and whisper back, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I have had a genetic dispossession towards depression since my earliest memories, and there have been times I have felt like I lost the battle. There have been times I didn't think I could hold on any more, and I was falling into a dark slimy pit that that had no bottom. That is when I discovered my greatest weapon against depression. "If the Lord delight in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand." (Psalm 37:23,24) Did you get that? It's not me holding His hand. It's HIM holding my hand. His grip is strong and sure and loving. With Him on my side holding my hand the victory is mine.

Lord Jesus, I thank you for my weakness because in my weakness I see Your strength manifested again and again and again.