The first blog I wrote was,"Sarah, you are the most arrogant person I know." Hearing those words spoken by one of my brothers sent me on a journey. My first question was,"How dare he say something like that to me?" My next thought was,"Is there truth in what he said?"
In response to my brother's words I have begun to pray for humility on a regular basis. It has been an interesting journey. One of the things I have discovered is that my intimacy with another person can be measured by the level of truth in our relationship.
Several times since I have been consciously praying for humility people have said very hurtful things to me. My first response is always the same, ANGER. My next response is that I want to defend myself and point out something I don't like about them in the process. Lastly, I want to put distance between myself and that other person so they won't be close enough to hurt me again.
What I am finding is that pride causes me to put walls around my heart so that people can't hurt me. The end result is that I am safe at last! I am safe,safe and very much alone. I think God created me with a desire to know and to be known. I think I was created with a desire to be understood and to understand. I think I was created for intimacy yet intimacy is very risky.
One of the by products of praying for humility this year is that I have found my relationships with the people around me deepening. At times it has been painful yet in the end it has been worth it.I realized that not only had I ceased to hear truth about myself I had also stopped caring enough to risk telling the truth. The end result was that my relationships had become superficial.
Lord Jesus, please teach me to be humble. Open my heart to give and receive the truth.
siiiiiigh. this one is really difficult for me.
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