Saturday, July 30, 2011

Severe honesty

Doctors are good at it. I think that's why a lot of people don't go to the doctor. They are afraid of the truth.

My neighbor had been sick for a while. Her daughter urged her to seek medical attention but she refused. She confided in me that she was afraid she had cancer and just didn't want that fear confirmed. By the time she went to the doctor it was to late. I saw the pain and devastation her death caused and couldn't help but wonder if it could have been prevented.

I realize there are areas in my life where I am not really honest with myself. I don't want to look at the truth because I don't want to deal with the truth. I would rather be comforted by a lie rather than to be disturbed by the truth. I have also found that when I am not honest with myself a cloud of confusion begins to form. This cloud of confusion distorts reality.

Jesus taught that Satan is the father of lies. He also taught that Satan comes to steal,kill and destroy. To comfort myself with a lie is the same as comforting myself with a murder,a thief, or destruction. Jesus also taught that I could know the truth and the truth would set me free. Jesus came to give me abundant life. So I must ask myself again and again,"Why am I afraid of the truth?"

Lord Jesus, show me the truth. Show me where I have allowed myself to be deceived by the enemy. Jesus I believe you are the great physician I come to you and ask for severe honesty. I also come to you for healing.

Friday, July 29, 2011

The effects of child like faith

Her laugh was contagious. I was honored when she choose me to be her prayer partner. That was when I learned her story.

My friend had heart surgery in her early twenties. Life had not been easy for her yet she had a child like faith in God. She explained to me that facing her mortality at such a young age had given her a deeper understanding that God was in charge. She had learned to rest in His love. The evidence of her trust was her ability to laugh.

My friend lived life to the fullest. Her passion caused others to want to be with her. We were at a party she was giving when I made the statement,"I guess we'll just have to wait till heaven to finally get a visit in." From the way she looked at me I was afraid I had offended her. I never saw her again. She died just a few days latter. I think she knew her end was near.

At her funeral the preacher read a letter she had written for the occasion. I will never forget the opening line. She said, "I'll bet you never thought you'd ever really be sitting here at my funeral." It was true. Even though we all knew she had suffered with a weak heart. She was so alive.

A stain glass window for the church was given in her memory. Sitting in the church with the sun shining through the glass casting it's colorful shadow I remember my friend. She lived her life with childlike faith. Sitting there warmed by the light coming through the window I remember the words from Psalm 131

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things to great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me...

Lord Jesus, I too want to trust you with child like faith. I want to rest in you. I want your light to shine through me and cast joyful colors all around. Oh yes, and I want to laugh.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

"The dream" or soul rest?

The pilgrimage took place every Summer. My father had moved to the South when he married but the rest of his family lived up North.Often these trips began at night when it was cooler and the children would hopefully be asleep.

I was young and my soul was at rest. I would wake to the low murmur of my parents talking in the front seat. Looking out the windows all I could see was the flicker of an occasional car on the road. I didn't have to ask where we were my Daddy was in the drivers seat and I had complete trust in him. Sometimes the car would break down. We may have even gotten lost a time or two but I wasn't worried my Daddy was in control.

As I began to grow older I began to have "the dream"." The dream" goes something like this, I am behind the steering wheel. I am a child and my feet don't touch the pedals. I'm not sure which is the brake and which is the gas. Suddenly I wake up in a panic. I found out this was a universal dream when my daughter was five and woke me up screaming. She told me what she had dreamed and I held her in my arm with perfect understanding.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 When I was a young child I trusted Jesus but as I became older I began to have "the dream". "The dream" went like this I am behind the steering wheel all my family is in the back seat. I am in control. The problem is I don't really know where I am going or even how to work the car. I have no rest for my soul but instead a deep since of anxiety. Then from somewhere in the recesses of my memory I hear a voice calling to me "Come to me Sarah, and I will give you rest for your soul".

Lord Jesus, I come to you. I want rest for my soul. I want your yoke, mine is killing me. I want your burden, mine is crushing me. I want you.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Jack's Pilgrim's progress

"Please come, Mimi!" It is really hard for an eight-year-old boy to be in a house full of adults who are content to simply talk. My grandson had been playing in the woods and wanted to show someone what he had created, but no one was willing to leave the comfort of air conditioning and go. Finally I said,"Yes.”

He took me by the hand into the woods. What he had been doing in the woods was to recreate the story he had been told this summer of "Pilgrim’s Progress.” He showed me what he dubbed "Vanity Fair.” It was the fire pit we have in the woods. "I decided this would be Vanity Fair because this is an easy place to just sit and do nothing." Next, he drew me further into the woods than I really wanted to go.

It wasn't an easy path. I was worried about the possibility of getting ticks or chiggers. "How much longer, Jack,” I asked, trying not to show how impatient I really felt. "Oh Mimi, it will be worth it when we get to the wicket gate and you see Heaven." I had to smile; he was so excited about showing me "Heaven". On and on we went. My mind was torn between my “Pilgrim’s Progress journey" and my great desire to get back to the air conditioner.

Suddenly, I looked up. Jack was standing by a fallen tree. He had a mimosas  branch in each hand waving it. He explained that the fallen tree was supposed to be the wicket gate. The branches were supposed to make me think of angles. "Look, Mini, look." I peered through an opening in the trees and got a glimpse of the lake with geese floating peacefully on it. "Doesn't it look like Heaven, Mimi?" My smiling grandson was waving "angle wings," sharing a hidden place he considered Heaven. Suddenly the comfort of the air conditioned house and adult conversation didn't seem so important.

Thinking back over my Pilgrim’s Progress journey with Jack, I was struck by the lessons my grandson taught me. At Sunday school we had talked about spiritual formation. We talked about how the Scriptures teach us that we have a part to play in our Spiritual growth. We are to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. We are to walk in the truth and to put to death the deeds of the flesh. I am often very content to stay in my comfort zone and not go on the Pilgrim’s Progress journey at all. I like comfort and choose it over progress. Once on the journey, sitting around the fire pit and simply talking about the journey is the next best thing.

I don't think I will ever forget the expression of joy on my grandson's face as he stood there waving the Mimosa branches and showing me a glimpse of Heaven. It was worth the journey.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

"Be angry and do not sin" HOW?

Have you ever stepped into a wad of slightly melted gun? It sticks to your shoe and every time you take a step the gum sticks. This is how I feel about the emotion of anger.

I know anger is a God given emotion for our own protection. I also know sometimes I get stuck and can't seem to move on. "Be angry and do not sin" Ephesians 4:26 I remember when I first learned this, I found it very confusing. It left me with this basic question. How? How am I supposed to be angry and not sin?

I smiled when I looked it up and read the context it was in. It is always helpful to me to see where a verse fits in. When I looked up Ephesians four what I found is that the first verse gives me a clue to where the twenty sixth verse fits in."I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." Not getting stuck in anger means that my focus is not just on my rights but on," maintaining the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

I sometimes suffer from chronic niceness. What that means is that in order to maintain a form of peace I am not honest with how I feel. How interesting it is to find that the verse that precedes the one on anger states,"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another." Chronic niceness is a form of falsehood. Sometimes to speak truth you risk making someone angry. But it goes both ways sometimes when someone tells me the truth about my fault it makes me angry. This is messy, messy, messy.

I really see how important it is for me not to sin in my anger when I read the verse that follows the one about anger,"and  give no opportunity to to the devil". When I allow anger to stick in my mind I open the door to the one whose mission is to,"steal, kill, and destroy." Farther down in the paragraph I read that I am no to grieve the Holy Spirit. I am to let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from me, along with all malice. Being kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave me.

My question of how is answered as I read and meditate on Ephesians 4. Sometimes I need more than a verse lifted from it's context. Sometimes I need to go back and find where the verse is and seek to understand what the full counsel of God is."All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16

Lord Jesus, thank you for your word that teaches me, rebukes me, corrects me, and trains me. Thank you for not only telling me how to live but giving me your Spirit to enable me.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Behold the extravagance of God!

I was shocked when I came into her hospital room. She looked so weak. I knew she had had surgery, but I wasn't expecting to see her so weak.

After greeting me, she directed my attention to the beautiful flower arrangement that had been sent to her. I have never forgotten the words she said, “Behold the extravagance of God! God created this beauty whether anyone saw it or not." What my Aunt was doing was what she has always done for me. She wasn't just directing my attention to the flowers, but to the Creator.

Together my Aunt and I looked at the beautiful flowers. Until she called my attention to them, they had simply been part of the hospital room. Suddenly, while looking at these beautiful flower, my heart was lifted. I would not have taken the time to noticed the beauty that God had created if she hadn't pointed it out. Yet the flowers would have been there with or without my appreciation. I realized that day that I was surrounded not only by the extravagant beauty God has created, but also by the extravagant love He has given me.

"Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) God is God whether I see it or not. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm doing that I loose sight of Him. This usually causes me anxiety. When I become overwhelmed I go sit in the woods and quiet myself. My goal is simple. I look until I can see. I listen until I can hear. “His invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived ,ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made." (Romans 1:20) When I take the time to enjoy the beauty God has created I rest in His love for me as well.

Last night I had trouble sleeping. There are so many things I have no control over. Sometimes in the night I feel so vulnerable. Last night was one of those nights. I got up and went to sit on my front porch. There was a quiet, but not a silence. I could hear nature singing. Next, my eyes began to focus on the silhouette of the trees that surrounded me. One by one the stars can into view. "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard." (Psalm 19:1-4) I went to bed at peace knowing that all this beauty was here whether I saw it or not. I rested in the extravagant love of God.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

There was a warrant for my arrest!

There was a warrant out for my arrest!

Let me start at the beginning. Once when I was a new driver I failed to recognize that I was in a school zone. I saw the blue lights flashing I started crying. I did not get a speeding ticket. I got a reckless driving ticket!

Because I got I reckless driving ticket I had to go to court. Did I mention I was a new driver? I was still trying to figure out how to maneuver all the one way streets in town. I didn't know how to get to the courthouse. I panicked as I drove round and round town trying to find where I was supposed to go. When I finally found where I was supposed to be the lady behind the desk told me coolly," You missed your court date and there is now a warrant out for your arrest." Once more the tears came.

They rescheduled my court date. I was there early. I was terrified! A man sat beside  me and I began to pour out my story. After listening he told me to sit there and wait for him. I had no plans of moving. When he came back he told me he was a lawyer and had gone back and talked to the judge on my behalf and I was free to go.

I was the kind of kid that wanted to follow the rules. I wanted to do things right. However, that didn't keep me from getting a reckless driving ticket. Even though I didn't realize I was in a school zone it didn't change the fact that I was in a school zone. I didn't mean to miss my court date. But that didn't change the reality that I did miss it and ended up with a warrant for my arrest. Sometimes no matter how had I try I'm just not good enough.

"I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate. to be with you forever." John 14:16 One definition for advocate is to speak, plead, to argue in favor of. I experienced that in the court room so very long ago. In some ways I experience this on a daily bases. No matter how hard I still mess up. What a comfort to know I have an Advocate.

Lord Jesus, thank you so much for sending me your Spirit.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Freed from worry free to wonder

It was the winter of 1960. It was the year of the ice storm. All the trees were sheathed in ice. There was no electricity because of the storm. This meant my whole family was camping in the living room including my baby brother who was born during the storm. The fireplace provided both heat and a place to cook meals. How much fun can one child have!

I'm not sure my mother would remember the storm as pleasantly as I do. When the fireplace caught fire I remember the excitement of all of us slipping and sliding down the stairs. Mother gingerly navigated the frozen stairs carrying her new born son while her other seven children ranging from age nine and younger laughed and slid in front of her. Most of our neighbors had left their mountain homes during the storm to find shelter where they could have electricity. Luckily, Mother found a neighbor who had come to check on her home and was able to help Mother contact the fire department.

I considered both the storm and even the fire to be a grand adventure. I was a child. I had total confidence in my parents to take care of me. It didn't matter if I had a lot or a little because I always had enough. I was able to marvel at the way the trees looked sparkling with ice. Everything around me caused me to be filled with wonder and delight.

My adult daughter came home for a visit and she woke me in the middle of the night. The cares of the world were heavy on her mind. "Mom, will you come and sit with me a while?" We sat together my arm around her shoulder. Then I reminded her of what she already knew. "Consider the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Consider how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet even Solomon in all his splendor was not dressed like one of these."

As we sat together wrapped in the quiet of the night we both remembered the words of Jesus. "Do not worry, saying,'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink' or 'What shall we wear?' For pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow , for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6

Whenever I begin to worry I loose my sense of wonder. When I allow anxiety to paralyze me I am no longer free to do the tasks that lay before me. When I forget I have a heavenly Father who loves me I forget to seek his kingdom and his righteousness and I get lost in the storm around me.

Lord Jesus, I want to walk in childlike faith. Help me to let go of worry and take hold of wonder. Fill me today with the wonder of your love. Let me seek your kingdom and you righteousness today with the heart of a child who knows she's loved and cared for. And one more thing let me share this joy with others!


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Let's go down to the river to pray

"As I went down to the river to pray studying about that good old way and who will wear the starry crown, Good Lord,show me the way!"

As soon as they put her in my arms I was in love. Could I have ever been loved as much as I now loved this helpless baby? When I became a mother I began to learn about humility. The posture of humility is to bow down. Humility involves laying aside your rights for another. When I became a mother I lay aside my rights to do what I wanted when I wanted.Basic rights like sleeping and eating. She was oblivious to the fact that I was willing to die for her. All this done for a helpless baby who could do nothing for me.

"As I went down to the river to pray studying about that good old way and who will wear the starry crown, Good Lord, show me the way!"

 "...in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves,which is yours in Christ Jesus,who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being in the likeness of men, And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Philippians 2:4-8

"Oh sinners, let's go down, let's go down, come on down. Oh sinners let's go down. Down to the river to pray."

While writing this devotional my husband has been talking to me. Every time he spoke it was like the popping of a balloon and what I was going to write would disappear. Is it possible that God was inviting me to act on this idea and not just write about it?

"As I went down to the river to pray studying about that good old way and who would the starry crown, Good Lord, show me the way!"

"Having loved his own who were in the world he now showed them the full extent of his love."John 13:1b His disciples were having an argument about who was to be the greatest in the kingdom. Jesus knew it was to be his last night with them before he suffered and died. He chose this night to reveal himself to them." He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him." John 13:4,5

"Oh Sarah, let's go down, let's go down, come on down. Oh Sarah, let's go down, down to the river to pray."

I am a waitress. My prideful heart has many opportunities to be revealed in this job. The latest exposure  came when my boss had to reprimand me for being careless. I have never been detail oriented. In fact I sometimes cross my eyes while dotting my t's! When I was a little girl if you had asked me what I wanted to be when I was old I would never chosen to be a waitress. Yet here I am. What I am finding is that is the perfect laboratory to learn humility.

Lord Jesus, I want to follow you. I believe that somewhere in this picture of humility I will also find the mystery of love. I think the greatest mystery of all is that you would love me!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Hope is the antithesis of despair

They were his freinds. They had surrounded his when Saul sought to take his life but this was too much. The Amalekites had made a raid and in the process had burned the city they lived in and taken captive their wives and children.David's two wives had not escaped, they too were taken captive."And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him,because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters, But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God." 1 Samuel 30:6

I think this is what made David a man after God's heart. If David had only viewed this situation with earthly eyes he would have despaired but he chose instead to turn his focus onto God. Hope is a confident expectation of good. Hope is what I see when David wrote in Psalm 31:19,20 "Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind! In the shelter of your presence you hide them ..."

Jeremiah, the weeping prophet, also knew what it was to comfort himself in the Lord his God. He wrote,"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumes,because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23

I heard a song this morning that captured this idea of comforting yourself in the Lord. Finding refuge in the shelter of His presence. It was written by Ellen L. Goreh.


In the secret of His presence how my soul delights to hide!
Oh, how precious are the lessons which I learn at Jesus’ side!
Earthly cares can never vex me, neither trials lay me low;
For when Satan comes to tempt me, to the secret place I go,
To the secret place I go.
When my soul is faint and thirsty, ’neath the shadow of His wing
There is cool and pleasant shelter, and a fresh and crystal spring;
And my Savior rests beside me, as we hold communion sweet:
If I tried, I could not utter what He says when thus we meet,
What He says when thus we meet.
Only this I know: I tell Him all my doubts, my griefs and fears;
Oh, how patiently He listens! and my drooping soul He cheers:
Do you think He ne’er reproves me? What a false Friend He would be,
If He never, never told me of the sins which He must see,
Of the sins which He must see.
Would you like to know the sweetness of the secret of the Lord?
Go and hide beneath His shadow: this shall then be your reward;
And whene’er you leave the silence of that happy meeting place,
You must mind and bear the image of the Master in your face,
Of the Master in your face.

Lord Jesus, this is what I want to do as well. I choose to hope and find my comfort in the shelter of Your presence.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

When brokenness is all you have to offer

"Let my people go, that they may worship me in the wilderness..." Exodus 7:16 Recently I heard Michael Card teach on lamentations as worship. He made the statement that all true worship begins in the wilderness. I have experienced this over and over and over.

In the wilderness the children of Israel got a good understanding of who they were and who they weren't. In the wilderness when everything was stripped away they were exposed. When they were hungry and thirsty and there was nothing they could do they found out what they really trusted in. That's true of my experiences in the wilderness too.

I find my wilderness when I am confronted with situations I can't control. I see things that make me afraid for my children but I can't fix it. I find myself in a job and discover I am inadequate. I struggle with a sin that I can't seem to overcome. Not in control, inadequate, and struggling what a pretty picture. But it's an honest picture. That's another feature of the wilderness it allows me to be real and to be humble. When life humbles me and I  feel very very small I am in a good position. "God resists the proud but he gives grace to the humble." And boy do I need a lot of grace.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and thought about how kind God is to accept my struggle as worship. Because the other part of being in the wilderness is that while finding out who you aren't you find out who God is and that's what worship is all about. It's funny how when life has taken the breath out of me and I'm on my face looking up I discover over and over again that I am loved. I am desperately dependant on God. I am not in control, I'm inadequate for my job, I struggle with the same sin over and over again, I fall to my knees and call out and He is there. I find myself once more worshiping God in the wilderness.

I think that would be a pretty awful picture if that was the end of my story but there is more. When I go to the wilderness and discover who I am not and who God is God always takes me to another level of intimacy. The truth is I need a Savior I need a Redeemer but when I'm not in the wildness I don't always know that. I feel like given enough time I can be my own Savior and perhaps my children's too while I'm at it. But just a few days in the wilderness and I'm on my knees

Lord Jesus, I am reminded of a song I heard long ago,"All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife but He made something beautiful out of my life." I would like my worship to be a beautiful song or a picture that would make people join me in worship but all I have to give You is me.Thank You for giving me You in return!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Where does your comfort come from?

He came in from his morning run drenched in sweat."Sarah, do you know what Esau and Hebrews 11 have in common." "Yes", I said smiling I think I do."

After he showered we talked about the comparison between Esau and Hebrews 11. In the book of Genesis there is the story of two brothers Jacob and Esau. Though they were twins Esau was born first earning him the birthright of the firstborn. However, when they became adults he showed how little value he placed in that birthright. He had come in from the field exhausted and hungry. His brother had cooked some red stew. He was willing to sell his birthright for comfort of a bowl of stew to satisfy his hunger.

The book of Hebrews describes people who were sure of what they hoped for and confident about what they didn't see. They were willing to suffer the loss of worldly comfort to attain the promises made by God. It says of Moses,"He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward." Hebrews 11:26  Goes onto tell about people who were stoned, sawn in two,tortured, refusing to accept release,so that they might rise again to a better life. How ever different this is from Esau who was willing to let go of something eternal for a temporal comfort.

My friend told of his own struggles. How in trying to deal with his own pain he had turned to the flesh and how it had held him in bondage for so many years. In recent years he had been convicted of this and was now  by God's grace is attempting to walk by faith instead of turning to the flesh. In fact, this was why he had taken up running he said it was symbolic of  his faith. Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." I think the sin that clings so closely is my lack of faith. Like Esau instead of running the race I want to sit down and eat something!

As I thought about this I was reminded of Chantel Hobbs. She was two hundred pounds overweight. Trapped by her obesity. She cried out to God and He answered her. For the first time in her life she realized she had a choice. By faith she began to do the work that was required to be set free.

Again and again I see this choice in my life. Walking by faith involves effort. Often it involves giving up my comfort idol,buffeting my body and making it my slave. I want to be like Moses who chose God over the fleeting pleasures of sin. It is interesting to me that Chantel like my friend now runs in marathons.Perhaps I might take up running too.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Murderer's know how to lick hands too

"Sarah, I believe that God has assured me I'm doing the right thing." My friend and I were talking about her decision for her and her two young daughters to move in with her boyfriend. "He's even willing to pay for them to go to a christian school!" It didn't seem to matter that the Bible spoke directly to this situation she still felt assured she was doing the right thing. That's when I decided to tell her the story I'd heard long ago at a slumber party.

We would all gather around in our pajamas trying to see who had the scariest story.That's the first time I heard this story but it was more than just scary there was truth mixed in with it. Truth that might just expose the lie my friend was believing. It was worth a try so I began:

Once there were a group of girls having a slumber party. There had been news that week that there was a murderer on the loose. As the girls talked about it they became terrified. The girl who was hosting the party told them not to be afraid. She had her German Shepherd come into the middle of the circle. She explained how her dog always slept beside her bed. If she was afraid she would put her hand down and he would lick her hand and she would would know that all was well.He would be there with them in the room that night.

Several times during the night the girl thought she heard something but when she put her hand down she continued to feel the reassuring lick and went back to sleep. When she woke she was startled to find her dog and all her friends lay slain around the room. Sprawled on the wall opposite her bed were these words,"Murders know how to licks hands too."

"But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1:14,15 Without exception I have seen this to be true.

Lord Jesus, I have often allowed myself to be deceived.I know what it is to be lured and enticed by what seems so good to me but what you call sin. Please,please Lord Jesus, let me be one who remains steadfast under trail. By your grace let me stand the test. And please give me friends who love me enough to warn me when I'm being reassured by a murderer because your word says Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The kindness quest

"This Summer let's do a kindness quest!" My thirteen year old granddaughter rolled her eyes and said,"Mimi, I learned that back in kindergarten." I smiled and thought, "Maybe it's true that all I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten."

There are somethings that seem to be so elementary but take time to really learn. I think kindness is one of those. One of the first Bible verses I taught my children was,"Be kind one to another.”  After they memorized it I repeated it to them often. But really I wonder what does it mean to be kind.

When I see the verse in context it has a deeper meaning."Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children." (Ephesians 4:31,32) When someone hurts me or someone I love I want to pay them back. To be kind is to give the undeserved gift of forgiveness. To be kind is to imitate God. Being kind does not come natural to me at all.

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. Kindness is when I humble myself and lay down my rights and give a gift to someone who doesn't deserve it. Kindness is when Jesus didn't consider equality with God a thing to be grasped but humbled Himself coming down to earth to pay the penalty for my sins. To be kind to someone is to be gracious to them. I think perhaps this is what Jesus meant when He said, "If any would come after me he must deny himself take up his cross and follow me."

When the fruit of my union with the Spirit of God is kindness I am able to show others God's love. This effects how I respond to my family,my friends, and even my enemies. At the heart of my "kindness quest"is a desire to imitate Jesus.

Recently someone did something to make me very angry, no furious would be a better word. I was so mad I didn't know what to do. In prayer God brought kindness to mind, forgiveness, graciousness. I had to choose to pridefully claim my right to anger or humbly extend grace. I choose the latter and found that it opened the door for me to share my faith. You know, that's what God's grace does in my life too it opens my heart to be able to hear what what He wants to say.

Lord Jesus, I want to follow You. I want to imitate You. I want to show the love of God to those I know and those I don't know. I want to go on a kindness quest with my grandchildren.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

What is joy?

"What would make you happy?", my friend's husband asked her. She thought for a while then answered him. At the top of her list was to have a successful marriage. However, that was not to be. Her husband became mentally ill and very abusive. My friend read every book she could about marriage and followed all the marriage advise given but in the end she had to leave because her life and the lives of her children were in danger.

I had breakfast with my friend yesterday. As I turned down the road she lives on I smiled. I could see her friendly yellow house flowers every where. My friend's faith in God was evidenced by the joy that surrounded her. The tears still flow freely at times but her life is not defined by the pain she has suffered but by the Redeemer in whom she trusts. A colleague recently came to her home for the first time. After looking around she said to my friend," This is just what I expected. Your home is warm and welcoming, just like you!"

After leaving my friend's home I began to ask myself,"What is joy?". As I meditated on this several things came to mind. Galatians 5 says that joy is a fruit of the Spirit. So joy is evidence of the Spirit of God within us. Philippians 4 tells us to rejoice in the Lord always. Rejoicing in the Lord is to have a soul connected to Jesus. A soul that reflects a reliance on God that gives tribute to God's redemptive work.

Joy, true joy does not require the absence of sorrow. My friend and I talked about what it is like to be broken and live in a fallen world. There is nothing fake about my friend's faith. It has been tested in the fires of broken dreams. But what draws me and others to her is her joy. She has taken her sorrows to the foot of the cross and put her faith in Jesus.  Being sure of what she hopes for and confident about what she doesn't see she comes to Him. His light has penetrated her suffering and the evidence is joy. It reminds me of when the Sun shines on a rainy day producing a rainbow.

Lord Jesus, I come to You today. I too want to put my trust in You and be filled with Your Spirit. Lord, let me be so full of Your Spirit that when the world knocks me over joy spills out!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Dealing with darkness with the light of God's grace

"Shut da door, keep out da devil. Shut da door, keep da devil in da dark. Shut da door,keep out da devil. Light da candle every thing alright, light da candle every things alright."

I learned this song at camp but I wonder is this really the best way to live in a broken world?

When I hear about child abuse or see the cruelty that happens around the world I wonder how I'm supposed to respond. When I look at the effects of my own poor judgement and sin and the poor judgement and sin of my loved ones I know that there is brokenness in my own world. It doesn't seem like a door that separates me and those I love from the dark but a pulsating membrane that is about to erupt at any minute.

I have responded to the threat of darkness in three different ways. I have tried not only to "shut da door" I have tried to build a wall. The wall consists of rules and regulations, good good rules and godly regulations. I have tried not only to live this way but make everyone around me live this way too. I had their best interest at heart. I wanted them safe behind my wall. I really meant well but after I studied the book of Galatians I realized I wasn't living my life based on God's grace but my own effort. I had placed myself in bondage. The bondage of trying to escape sin by following the law.

There is another way I have tried to deal with a world I can't control. Give up. If I become numb it won't bother me anymore. What is the use of denying myself when simple indulgence will re-leave the tension? I don't want to think anymore I want to be amused. I want to be entertained. Does it really matter if I entertain myself with the world? The pressures of this world are crushing me so if the world offers me relief why not take it? The problem is bondage. When I take the worlds remedy I find myself a slave to sin, over and over and over again!

Living in a hurting broken world  yet experiencing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self -control is the third way. Not shutting the door in fear,or building a wall to keep safe, or numbing the pain, but with deep humility walking in the Spirit. Surrendered to Jesus, admitting I'm not in control but He is. No longer wanting to shut out the darkness but by surrendering to His Spirit becoming a light in the darkness. This is real freedom.

Lord Jesus, sometimes I'm afraid of the darkness. You told us in that you would send the Helper not just to be with us but to live in us. I humble myself before Your throne let Your promise be a reality in my life. Let Your light be manifest in me.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Learning to lament

Some times I have trouble being honest with my negative emotions.

When I am afraid for myself or my children how am I supposed to handle that as a Christian? When I am angry at someone or at a situation what should I do with my anger? When I am shrouded by grief over a loss I have no explanation for how should I respond?

I have a picture in my mind of how a Christian should respond. The problem is it doesn't always match the honest reaction in my heart. This leaves me with a dilemma. Do I fake it,escape it, or give into it. "It" being the negative emotions.

The reality of negative emotions is that they humble me. I do not like to be humbled. I like to be in control. I want to be in control of the situation. I want to be in control of my response to the situation. Fear, anger, grief expose my vulnerability. The Scripture teaches that,"God resists the proud but He gives grace to the humble."James 4:6

God is teaching me how to be honest. He is teaching me this by taking me into situations I cannot control producing emotions I do not want and then inviting to learn how to lament. How strange this gift of lamentation is. I feel as if God is inviting me to be real. Inviting me to really look at pain and sorrow and bring it to Him in prayer. Prayer that that is humble and honest, full of pain and passion.

I see these prayers of lamination throughout the Psalms. The palmist doesn't seem to have trouble bringing his humanity into the presence of an Almighty God. These Psalms begin with pain and end with praise. My laments bring me again and again face to face with my need for a Savior and a Redeemer. When I remove my mask and admit my pain I find myself comforted with the truth.

Lord Jesus, thank you for being my Redeemer and my Savior. When I in honest humility lift my tears to You I find Your light penetrating my pain and I see at last a rainbow and am filled once more with hope.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Artificial boundies

I really didn't think she could do it. I tried to smile encouragingly when she told me her plans but deep inside I cringed.

I had spent the Summer watching her go from pale to gray. She was so sick she could barely wake up. She had lost a full year due to sickness. She had set goals that her health wound't allow her to keep. I wanted to protect her. I didn't want her to be disappointed again.

"Mom,I'm going to graduate with my class." She didn't just say the words she did the work. Much prayer was was offered, she and I both had learned it takes more than determination to accomplish a goal it take faith.

Faith isn't wishful thinking. Faith is putting your confidence in an Almighty God. It is not only placing your confidence in His promises it's acting accordingly. I wept as my daughter walked across the stage with her class to get her diploma."Faith is being sure of what you hope for and confident about what you don't see." I have seen faith in the life of my child.

All my life I have place artificial boundaries around me. I have told myself there are goals I cannot reach so I do not try. I at times would attempt to go beyond my boundaries but when I experienced failure it would only reinforce what I already knew.

Since my daughter's graduation I am reevaluating my boundaries. My goal in life is fulfill God's purposes through me in my generation. Yet there are several areas in my life where I have settled for artificial boundaries instead.

 By faith I will lay aside my fear of failure and do the work to win the prize.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Silence

I saw words like a tornado ripping through the landscape
Leaving destruction in their path.
And then there was silence.
In my silence I could hear the muffled weeping of others.
When I did not fill the silence something happened
others began to speak.
Silent, still not rushing to make myself known.
I began to understand.
Silent Silent Silent
Sometimes in the silence the deeper questions come.
The ones I don't want to ask.
The answers I don't want to know.
Silence Silence Silence
The question ceases to be
"O God can You hear me!"
Silence Silence Silence
I'm listening now.
Here in the deep silence
released from the tornado of words.
I can hear the heart beat of God.