I Don't Have To Keep That Record

I begin my day by choosing what to remember about the day that has just past. I make a conscious choice not to record the hurtful or offensive things that happen. Twenty four hours in a day can hold a variety of experiences and I don't want to keep a record of everything. My memories will be shaped by the records I keep so I choose to discard the hurtful ones. "Love keeps no record of wrongs."(1 Corinthians 13:5) NIV

I've been uncluttering my house getting ready for my daughter's wedding. She wanted to have the reception at home. The first thing I had to do before I could even start cleaning was to get rid of things that were just taking up space. My friend told me that if it didn't have beauty, if it wasn't valuable or useful, if it didn't have sentimental value to get rid of it. I used this guideline and when I finished a room I felt like prisoner that had been released. "Love isn't irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged." (1 Corinthians 13:5) NLT

One of the by products of getting rid of the clutter in my home was that I was able to see the things I have that are beautiful,valuable, useful and have deep sentimental value. They had gotten lost under the pile of clutter. My memories are like that too. "Love does not take into an account a wrong suffered." (1 Corinthians 13:5) NASB

I saved a lot of time when I got rid of the things I'd been holding onto that weren't beautiful, valuable or useful. I hadn't realized how much time it took to maintain all those things, cleaning them, moving them around, tripping over them. I know this same freedom in my spirit when I choose to not hold onto things that cripple me emotionally. "Love does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful." ( 1Corinthians 1:5) ESV

Father, thank You for freeing me from the burden of keeping a record of the hurtful things that happen in life. Thank You, for providing me the grace that is necessary to be set free from the web of  offensive memories that would entangle me. And Father let this freedom from holding onto wrongs that are suffered be a blessing my daughter and her new husband take with them into their married life.

When Plans Change

One week from the wedding the Bride, my daughter, realized they'd forgotten to make reservations for the night of the wedding. Every place she called was booked because it was Labor Day weekend. That day she also found out that the people who she was buying the lace from for her wedding dress forgot to order it. Four days before the wedding our friends who were providing music called to tell us that there was a family emergency and they would be unable to come. That was also the day I, the mother of the Bride, had to have an MRI.

I talked to my sister on the phone and told her everything going on later that day she sent me this text: "God deals wonderfully in weddings. He allows-brings-crisis then turns water to exquisite wine! Praise him. He is awesome in power and mighty to save! ‘Bless the Lord O my soul!’ And forget none of his benefits!’”

I talked to my daughter about all the challenges she was facing as her plans were being rearranged. I told her one of the beautiful symbols that a marriage represents is that Jesus identified Himself as the Bridegroom of the church. As a wife is to rest in her husband's love so we are to rest in the love of Jesus. The way I see life is that the challenges I face are opportunities to encounter the love and provision of Jesus.

A friend found a beautiful room at a Bed and Breakfast where the Bride and Groom will go on their wedding night. It was more beautiful than she could have ever planned. Another friend drove to Atlanta and found material to replace the lace that wasn't ordered. She liked it better than the lace she had chosen in the first place. A friend of ours will play the cello for us and we are hoping to be a blessing to him. Concerning the MRI, I am resting in the love and provision of Jesus.

Lord Jesus, You turn the water in wine. I rest in You as I meet the challenges of life, waiting with expectation to see Your loving provision.

The Secret Things Belong to the Lord

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."(Deuteronomy 29:29) It's a holy habit I formed years ago, to begin the day by reading God's Word. A habit is an action that is repeated day after day so that after a while you don't even think about it you just do it. So when I wake up I start my day by I look for the things God has revealed in His word. 

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." (Proverbs 25:2) Every year I try to read through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation toady my reading was in Ezekiel I have to confess that's some heavy reading. Last year I did an inductive study in the book of Ezekiel and it helped me understand what I'm reading a little better. Why do I keep reading even when it's hard to understand, not just because it's a holy habit but also because I believe that searching out what God has said gives me understanding I could get no other way.

"Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets." ( Amos 3:7) I am fascinated by this verse. To think that the plans of God have been revealed in the prophets and I have access to those books fills me with wonder. In my life the bi-product of reading the prophets year after year has been perspective. When I read the prophets I feel like I am looking at a globe and I can understand a little better how everything fits together in the bigger story of God's love that is being told.

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness."(2 Timothy 3:16) It's not just the big picture I need I also need to know how to navigate my way in this world. What is right? What is wrong? Sometimes I can get very confused but when I turn to the words God breathed I find myself being taught, often rebuked and then corrected. I find a deep since of security in the truth that I can go to the words God inspired and be instructed in how to live a righteous life.

Father, I know the secret things belong to You but I come to You today because You have given me an invitation to come. You have not only give me Your word You have also given me Your Holy Spirit to teach me. Morning by morning I am invited to come into Your presence to receive what You have given. Father, never let me loose the wonder of this invitation.

On the Other Side

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, 'Let's go over to the other side."( Mark 4:35) It was already beginning to get dark when they got in the boat but then the storm hit. They couldn't see to navigate. The wind and waves tossed their boat, they had no control. They were already tired before they got on the boat but the strain of both anxiety and mussel was more than they could stand. Although they were together in the boat the fear they felt caused each to feel alone. And where was he the one who invited them to go with them to the other side, He was asleep in the boat.

On the other side a madman waited hiding among the tombs. He screamed at the rain that pelted him. No one was strong enough to tame him or bind him. Many had tried but he broke the chains and snapped the ropes. Tonight was the same as all nights he was roaming through the graveyard screaming and slashing himself with sharp stones. No one was strong enough to bind him, no one was strong enough to set him free, or so it was thought.

"Teacher, is it nothing to you that we're going down?" When Jesus awoke He spoke to the wind and the waves and the sea became as smooth as glass. When they got to the other side the madman saw Jesus he ran to Him and cried, "What have you to do with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Do not torment me." With a word Jesus released the man from the demons who had tormented him. With a word Jesus brought peace to the storm without and the storm within.

Getting to the "other side" often involves a storm. I don't think the disciples would have been able to understand the peace and the power that having Jesus with them could bring unless they had experienced the storm. The storm that showed them the contrast between who they were and who He is. The man who had been possessed would have never known the peace and the mercy Jesus had to give if he had not known the power of his madness.

Lord Jesus, I often hear You inviting me to go with You to the other side. Help me not to be afraid of the storms in my life but instead by faith to consider them joy because in the storms of life I come to know You better, whether the storm is internal of external. And Lord Jesus, when the storm is passed let me share with others my story of Your mercy. The mercy I have found by being invited to go with You to the other side.

Meeting Challenges

She handed me a slip of paper and said, "I thought maybe you could use this in your talk." I was getting ready to speak at a woman's retreat. I don't remember what I had to say so many years ago but what was written on that paper has stayed with me. It said, "I'm living the life God has given me to live and by His grace I'm meeting every challenge."

Every season of life has it's challenges but I find a deep since of comfort in knowing that the details of my life are not by chance. Psalm 139 says, "Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." God knew before I was born where He would place me in History and what challenges I would face.

"I'm living the life God has given me to live and by His grace I'm meeting every challenge." I see this in the life of King David. He was anointed King as a boy yet his life was filled with challenges where he had to learn to trust God's provision. Living the life God has given me to live means that my goal is to fulfill God's purposes in my generation. The only way I can do that is to do it by the grace He has made available to me.

God told the prophet Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." The life God had chosen for Jeremiah was a difficult one. Jeremiah's assignment was to be a prophet to the nations. The message God spoke using Jeremiah's lips was not a popular message. Jeremiah served the purpose of God in his generation relying on the grace and power of God.

Father, I don't know what today will bring but You do. Thank you for the peace that comes from knowing that what is unknown to me is known to You. Thank You also in advance for the grace that You will provide for each challenge I have yet to face.

 

Tomorrow is Already Taken Care of

"Does anyone have a praise they would like to share?" There was silence and for a minute or two and I wondered if anyone was going to share anything. Then she stood up and told about her Bible study on the names of God. She told about her study of Jehovah Jireh. This wasn't her first time to study the name, she knew it meant "The Lord will provide" but this time it held a special meaning for her. This time she realized that the name Jehovah Jireh carried with it the idea that God had already provided for her need before she even knew about it. She was bound by time but God is not.

Abraham gave God the name Jehovah Jireh when he was ready to sacrifice his son Issac and God stayed his hand and showed him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns. In James 2:23 it says that Abraham was called a friend of God. Why? Abraham was God's friend because he trusted Him. He came to know God as the one who would provide because he walked in obedience. 

Jesus invited His followers to enter into this kind of friendship with God. Having this kind of friendship means  that I believe the literal meaning of Jehovah Jireh that the "Lord Who Provides" will take care of my needs. Jesus invited His followers to consider the lilies of the field and the birds of the air. He pointed out how God provided for the needs of all His creation and then He told His listeners not to be anxious. I don't know what I will need tomorrow but God not only knows the need He has already provided for it.

This truth is one that I need to be reminded of regularly. God has promised to, "supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19) I know the name Jehovah Jireh, I know Abraham was called a friend of God because he trusted God to provide, I know that Jesus told His followers not to be anxious because God has tomorrow already taken care of, yet still I sometimes struggle. So today I choose to join my friend and praise God because although I am bound by time God is not.

The Cure

Grumble. Mumble. Grumble, mumble, grumble. Every thought I had when I woke up this morning produced a negative emotion. That's when I remembered what Grandma Frizzy taught me.

When I was a teenager I became part of a group that adopted grandparents. I thought at the time I was doing a good deed by going to visit a lonely elderly lady who had no family. Every week I would go visit her in her room. That's all she had was a room, a room and the lessons she had learned in life. Her room was filled with old pictures, old furniture and a since of peace that made me want to visit her week after week.

One foggy Autumn day I went to visit Grandma Frizzy. I felt sad a depressed she noticed my emotional state and started telling me stories. Her stories opened a window into her life that I could look through. She had gone through many difficulties and yet each trail had brought her deeper and deeper in this peace that I experienced each time I walked into her room. Then she looked directly into my eyes and asked if I would like to know her secret.

"Sarah, when the sorrows of life tie a loop around my ankle and begin to drag me down to the dungeon of despair I fight!" Slowly she got up from her chair and walked over to her bedside table and got a slip of paper. She handed me the paper with these words printed on it, "By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name." (Hebrews 13:15) So she taught me her secret.

Father, thank you for the people who shared their life and examples with me. Thank You for the truth that when I offer the sacrifice of praise regardless of how I feel You come to me with peace.
And thank You for Grandma Frizzy who gave me more than I could have ever given her. Please let me share with others the lessons of life that I have learned by walking with You.

A Deeper Understanding

All week long he worked and worked hard but when Sunday came he belonged to us. Some of my favorite childhood memories were made on Sunday afternoons when my Daddy would change from his business suit into his casual clothes and get down on the floor and play with us. When I became a teenager I recognized my Father as a man who was strict and had very high standers for his children.  However, whether I was playing with my Daddy on the floor or being disciplined by my Father as a teenager I knew he loved me.

I wonder what it sounded like to hear God walking in the garden in the cool of the day. The fellowship Adam and Eve had known with their creator in the beginning must have like the relationship I had with my Daddy when I was a little girl. Then I read about this same God who walked in garden in the cool of the day to meet with Adam and Eve described in Daniel. "As I looked, thrones were placed, and the Ancient of days took his seat; his clothing was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool; his throne was fiery flames; its wheels were burning fire." (Daniel 7:9)

I have always loved the picture of John leaning on Jesus at the last Supper. John describes himself as "the one whom Jesus loved" I can see how he would feel this way, though I also believe that each of the disciples would see themselves in that description. Later in John's life he gives us a different picture of Jesus. "In the midst of the lamp stands one like the son of man, clothed with a long robe and a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white like wool, as white as snow, His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters." (Revelation 13-15)

When the Bible describes love in 1 Corinthians 13 it says, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." Ever since I was thirteen I have been reading the Bible year after year what I have seen from Genesis to Revelation is the love of God being revealed in a deeper and deeper way.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your love whether I experiences it in the cool of the evening in a garden like a child who plays with her father or as a woman awed by Your holiness. Year after year I have seen the truth of the Scripture that says, "God is love." 

A Place of Safety

I remember the first time I heard the preacher talk about the fear of the Lord. He explained that the fear of the Lord is to have reverence and respect for who God is. When I have a fear of the Lord it is because I understand my relationship to Him. He is the creator and I am the created. He is the Lord and I am His servant. He is the father and I am His child.

Oswald Chambers said, "The remarkable thing about fearig God is that, when you fear God, you fear nothing else; wheras, if you do not fear God, you fear everythig else." Webster's Dictionary defines fear as "a feeling of anxiety and agitation produced by the presence or nearness of danger, evil, pain etc." I often feel this since of fear when I am in situations I have no control over. Since I have little or no control over most situations I could experience this constantly if it weren't for my relationship with the only one who is in control.

"Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in the sight of the children of mankind!" ( Psalm 31:19) This reminds me of something that happened this week. My daughter got a trampoline for her children to play on, it was a surprise. She told them to go clean their rooms while it was being assembled. One of her children disobeyed her, there was a lack of reverence and respect, because of the disobedience she had to disciplined the child instead of letting that child play on the new trampoline. That child could only watch as the other children enjoyed the gift that had been given them. What I see is that when I fear the Lord there is both obedience and blessing. When I don't fear the Lord there is anxiety and agitation.

When I am afraid I have to do inventory and figure out where I am failing to trust God or relate to Him properly. When I truly humble myself and seek refuge in who He is I find both protection and blessing. Living on a farm I sometimes see the baby chicks finding refuge under the wing of their mother. This reminds me of Psalm 5:11 "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you."

Heavenly Father, when I am afraid help me to put my trust in You. Thank You that when I seek refuge in You I am never turned away. Thank You for the good plans You have for my life help me to always relate to You with reverence and respect.

I Know I will be Given What I Asked For!

I'd read about it, heard about it, prayed about it but never understood it. This Summer I heard a sermon about it and suddenly a light went on. The funny thing is that the answer was there all along but it wasn't until the preacher pointed it out to me that I saw it.

One the first things I'd memorized as a child was the Lord's Prayer. I regularly asked, "Give us each day our daily bread," but I was never really sure just what "daily bread" was. The answer was hidden from me even though it was there in plain view. In Luke 11 where Jesus teaches His disciples this prayer He goes on to explain to them a little more about this principle of asking.

The preacher talked about how in the culture of Jesus' time bread was baked daily. Jesus audience would therefore understand why the man had no bread for his unexpected guests who came at midnight, but the man knew someone who did have what he needed and he wasn't shy about asking for help. Jesus also referred to a child asking his father for food. Jesus made the comment, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

I heard this sermon at the beginning of the Summer and I have been meditating on it ever since. Not one day goes by that I, like the man who had the midnight visitors, am not faced with situations where I feel like I need to give more than I have. I am comforted that if I ask God for my basic needs He is not going to substitute something harmful. But most of all I have spent the Summer pondering what this means, "how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Oh yes, and I do love it when I find an exclamation point in the Scripture.

Father, I need this daily bread. I do not know what this day holds but You do. I see in Your word that it pleases You for me to ask, to seek and to knock so here I am asking, seeking and knocking. I recognized that I do not posses in myself all I need but I believe You do. But most of all please, please fill me with Your Spirit!

I Choose to Rejoice

Sometimes I become discouraged. Doubts begin to haunt me. I see my failures and they seem to blot out everything else on the horizon. When I feel this blanket of despair beginning to smother me  I talk to myself using God's words, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Rejoice." (Philippians 4: 4)

This is how I choose to rejoice I stop focusing on how I feel and I tell myself the truth. "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ( Isaiah 41:10)

The passage in Philippians that issues the command to "Rejoice," also issues the command, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything let your requests be known to God." When I walk in God's truth and not according to my feeling I make the choice to believe the promises of God. I reach out my hand and by faith take hold of the hand extended to me. I pour out all that is in my heart. I do not just rehash why I am discouraged I accept the strength that is not my own with a thankful heart.

This process is one of the ways I experience God. When I choose to walk in the truth the peace comes. This peace then guards both my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. Because I can only think about one thing at a time I choose to think about, "Whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence,if there is anything worthy of praise," (Philippians 4:8) these are things I choose to fill my mind with.

Father, thank You for the invitation to Rejoice in You. Thank You for the truth than You are with me and You give me Your strength. Thank You for the gift of prayer and for the gift of Your Spirit that enables me to know peace.

Finding Security in an Insecure World

The first time I heard this definition of hope was at Grandmother Ruth's funeral. The preacher said that the word he felt represented her life best was the word hope. He then went on to define hope as a confident expectation of good. As he spoke I thought about Grandmother Ruth. I remembered her ever present smile but I also remembered the stories she had told me of her life.

The smile she gave the people she encountered didn't come from a life of ease but from a heart at rest. Grandmother Ruth had known many difficult times. She knew what it was to be tossed on the sea of life with no visible means of rescue. She also knew what it meant in those times to let her anchor grip a solid rock. Her confidence and her expectations were not in herself or in the situations she found herself in. Her confidence and her expectations were in person and the promises of Jesus Christ.

It's been many years since I have seen Grandmother Ruth's smile but the memory of her smile and her hope lingers with me to this day. The memory of how she ran the race of faith causes me to have the courage to run with endurance the race that is set before me looking to Jesus who is the founder and perfecter of my faith. Grandmother Ruth was sure of what she hoped for she was confident about what she didn't see and that confidence gave her the courage to smile.

Now it's my turn to give to my children and my grandchildren the gift of my smile when I face uncertain times. I want them to know what I have learned about finding security in an insecure world. Though often my boat feels storm tossed I know my anchor holds secure. My confidence and my expectations are in the unfailing love of God, my heart is at rest and I can smile.

Father, thank You for the people You have given me who taught me deep lessons about life not with words but by example. Father, let me share with others what has been shared with me, a smile and the gift of hope.

Nothing to Fear

 Even though I sometimes feel like I'm in control the truth is I'm not. I think that is one of the reasons why this verse is so comforting to me, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds." (James 1:2)  I find this comforting because I see in the trail an invitation to know God on a deeper level. Every time I've encountered God in my suffering or trail I have been changed.

Not only am I not in control but when I am faced with trails I wasn't expecting I realize how little I know. In James after we are told to consider our trails joy we are also told that if we lack wisdom we can ask God for it. Part of the reason I can face uncertainty is because I have an invitation to draw on God's wisdom. When I encounter God's wisdom in the midst of my trail my faith deepens.

I see this in the life of Daniel when Nebuchadnezzar ordered the execution of all the wise men of Babylon. Daniel's response was to ask for time to pray. When God gave Daniel the wisdom he asked for this was his response, "He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. I thank you, O God of my fathers: You have given me wisdom and power." (Daniel 2: 17-23)

When I look through the Bible at where people encountered God I see that it was most often during times of trails and testing. When Joseph spoke to his brothers who had sold him into slavery he said, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." (Genesis 50:20) I am not in control but God is and He invites me to count my trails as joy, when I do my faith grows and I know a peace that passes understanding.

I thank You Father because you reveal the deep and hidden things, You know what lies in darkness, and light dwells with You. I thank You Father because whenever I face a trail You give me the wisdom that I seek.

Untangling Weedy Thoughts

Sometimes I have to talk to myself and tell myself the truth. I have to do this because my mind becomes entangled  with negative thoughts like a garden overgrown by weeds. Yesterday was one of those days. As I tried to free my flowers from their weedy prison I was also trying to free my my mind from dark oppressive thoughts.

Sometimes while I talking to myself saying, "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."(Psalm 43:5) I find other people listening in. Yesterday, my grandson joined me in my weedy garden. I was sitting on a little stool, dripping sweat, with both my hands wrapped around the weeds I was yanking out of the garden. But our conversation was about hope.

I refuse to surrender my garden to the weeds and I refuse to surrender my mind to the discouraging thoughts that bring sadness with them. Sometimes it helps me to have someone listen as I choose to talk about my hope in God. Psalm 22:3 says that God inhabits the praises of His people. I told Jack that the stem that bears thorns produces a rose. It amazes me sometimes how talking to children can help me refocus on the truth.

Jack left me for a little while, but when he returned he brought with him a cup of cool water, an umbrella and an electric fan he had plugged into an extension cord. He sat beside me again, holding the umbrella, and ready to hear more about the goodness of God. When my heart is filled with praise I can see God more clearly and I find others who want to see Him too.

Tank You Father, for being my Savior. Thank You because even when my heart feels bound by negative thoughts You come to my rescue.  I can put my hope in You and share that hope with others. Oh, yes, and thank You for grandchildren who come with cool water and umbrellas.

When I Cry, Abba! Father!

When they talk to me they do not use my given name. When they speak to me they speak to me in terms of our relationship. Mother, Mommy, Mom all these names unlock my heart. Because I have this relationship with my children it help me understand how Jesus taught His disciples to pray.

I'm really glad Jesus' disciples asked him how to pray because prayer is such a mystery to me. The fact that Jesus told them to begin by calling the God of the Universe Father is significant. "Behold, what manner of love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the sons of God." (1 John 3: 1) So my prayer begins with a reminder that the love of God has been lavished on me because He has chosen me to be His child.

When Jesus was encouraging His disciples to relate to God as their father He said, "Which one of you, if his son asks for a bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"(Matthew 7:7-11) When I begin my prayer with "Father" I am reminded I am not only speaking to God's ear I'm speaking to His heart.

Sometimes my children call me Mother but sometimes they call me Mommy. The term Mommy is very tender and intimate it is like calling my father daddy. Because I have been adopted into God's family He has sent the Spirit of his Son into my heart. His spirit cries, "Abba! Father!" (Galatians 4: 6) Sometimes life crushes me so hard I don't know what to say. When this happens the same Spirit that cries "Abba! Father!" helps me in my weakness. "The Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words." (Romans 8:24)

Father, I come before Your throne not like a slave to her master but like a child to her Father. And when the world comes crushing down on me and I cry, "Abba! Father!" I know that you not only hear me with Your heart You even give me the words to say.

Learning to Fly With a Broken Wing

"It isn't fair that some people get everything while other people have nothing." A young woman said this to me while I was sitting in my mother's living room holding my infant daughter. She and I had had similar mental struggles but I had gone on to marry and now had a beautiful baby she was still struggling. But her perception of my perfect life was faulty, while she had just come back from a trip to Israel I had gone to visit my mother because the mobile home I was living in had become rat infested and I was staying with my mother until the rats were gone.

The next year that young woman committed suicide. When I think about my friend it makes me sad. When she died I wondered how can you learn to fly with a broken wing? She and I had both gone through experiences that in some ways crippled us. As I look back over the thirty years of my life since her death I realize that life can be very hard. I also realize that I have learned the secret of flying  with a broken wing.

I often struggle with depression. For me it's not always just the situations of life that can cause this heaviness that keeps me earth bound it is also a chemical imbalance. Yet I believe that I do not have to give up without a fight. Every morning I start my day by setting my mind on things above. I read in Psalm 100 that we are to, "Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him and praise his name." Often my choice to obey this verse does not match my feelings.

Now here is the secret to flying with a broken wing it's faith. Every day I am invited to be sure of what I hope for and confident about what I do not see or feel. Each new day I wake and wait on the Lord watching as the Sun comes up on the horizon. I offer my sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving believing that He who has promised is faithful. As I wait I gain strength for the day and hope for tomorrow. And then it happens my heart is no longer earth bound. I am mounting up on the wings of an eagle.

Father, thank You for never leaving me of forsaking me. You told me that I am not to base my life on what I see or feel but on Your love and promises. In You I find everything I need to face the challenges of this life. In You I have renewed strength. I can run and not grow weary, walk and not faint. I can even fly with a broken wing.

Where Mercy Found Me

"What did he say!?!" I had asked my pastor to pray for me before I went to be a speaker for a week at camp. As I stood before the congregation I heard him pray, "Lord as You sent the Gadarene demoniac back to his home town to tell of Your mercy to him, we send Sarah to tell of Your mercies to her." It was a humbling prayer but it made me stop and think about the mercies I have received.

When I was eighteen and all my friends were leaving home to go off to college I was in a mental hospital. When I was released I was deeply confused and terribly frightened that I would have no future. That's where mercy found me. At first it is was only a small flicker of light but I followed that light and found hope. Hope that taught me to put my trust and confidence in a God who loves me.

I also remember watching as the small coffin that contained my baby was lowered into the earth. The dark cloud of grief threatened to smother me. That's where mercy found me. At first it was only a small flicker of light but I followed that light and found hope. Hope that taught me to put my trust and confidence in a God who loves me.

There were times when the consequences of my failures seemed far to great a burden to bear. All I wanted to do was to give up. I wanted to find a place to hide. That's where mercy found me. At first it was only a small flicker of light but I followed that light and found hope. Hope that taught me to put my trust and confidence in a God who loves me.

Lord, my life has been filled with Your mercy and grace. Thank You for the reminder that the only thing I have to give is what You've given me. Please allow me to be someone who shares Your mercy with others. Let me go into the dark places of life holding high Your light so that I might share with others the hope I have found in You.