At the foot of the mountain a father cried

"Don't be anxious bring your concerns to God." Yes ,yes I agree completely there is only one problem, I am a mother. I have a confession to make sometimes I struggle with being anxious. This often happens about two o'clock in the morning. I love my children and I want to protect them and keep all harmful things away from them but I can't. In the night as I pray I hear God's voice urging me to place my child in His hands.

The time and place of this story is so important it happened at the foot of the mountain the father brought his son to Jesus. No one had been able to help this father. Even as he was talking to Jesus he saw his son fall to the ground and roll around, foaming at the mouth. I can see the boy in my mind covered with mud made from his own spit mixed with the dirt he was rolling in.  

This was not a casual request for help this was the cry of a father who was watching his child his flesh and blood be destroyed before his very eyes. I know this feeling! At two o'clock in the morning this father's story becomes my story as well. I pray "Jesus if you could help,please help my child." I hear the same rebuke the father in the Bible heard. "If I can? Everything is possible for him who believes."

Again my prayer echoes the prayer that father prayed long ago,"I do believe,help me overcome my unbelief."Mark 9

However, even though our stories are similar they are not the same because I know what happened on that mountain. It was the Mountain of Transfiguration. Jesus' true identity was revealed and His Father said,"This is my Son whom I love, listen to Him." The love of every other parent is only a dim reflection of the love the Father has for Jesus. Yet,"God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."John 3:16 God gave His son to be the Savior the Redeemer to set both us and our children free. 

I can give my child to God because He gave His son to me.

Just For Me

Hey,
This is Faith, Sarah's oldest daughter. Today is my Mommy's birthday, but we're celebrating without her.  Mommy is currently on a trip to Romania.  For her birthday this year, she is sharing the greatest gift that she's ever been given.
My mom has always been a gifted speaker.  She tells this great story about an early experience with public speaking.  She was so overcome with stage fright that she burst into tears, but then she worked that into her presentation.  She received a perfect score from both her instructor and her peers.  I remember as a child that my mother taught a Bible class at Chattanooga Bible Institute.  I know she loved it and that it always seemed to be a full class to me.  She was starting to be invited to seminars and speaking engagements all over the country.  It was kind of impressive, even to a little kid.
I also remember that one day she wasn't teaching at CBI any more.  She stopped leaving for weekends.  Instead, she was homeschooling, grinding her own wheat to make homemade bread and buying farm cheese in bulk (blech)
You see, God had closed the screen door to her speaking career and turned her face back toward the inside of her home.  This is how important I am to God: he took an amazing, beautiful, powerful speaker and asked her to dedicate 30 years of her life Just.To.Me.  If Mommy hadn't paused her career and put us first, there is absolutely no telling how many lives she might have touched.  But God gave four (often ungrateful, sniveling, mealy-mouthed, disrespectful, and totally undeserving) children to her and asked her to make us her priority.  AND.SHE.DID!
Nearly a year ago, Mom's life changed.  Her youngest child was preparing to leave the nest and Mommy was invited to speak.  And not in the next county over, either.  My mommy went to the Czech Republic. That screen door that God closed when he turned her back towards her home is now being held so wide open that it's like a vacuum sucking her out into the springtime of her career.
I marvel that God deemed me important enough to give me such an awesome Mommy.  But then, what can you expect from the kind of God that sacrifices his own son, JUST FOR ME.

GEORGE STREET WITNESS

Kneeling in the midst of broken glass

I had not one but two parties back to back. As I washed my crystal I thought about how much I was enjoying having it. Some of my goblets were family heirlooms. They had been wedding gifts from my husband's grandmother. I pulled a stepping stool close to my china cabinet and was putting a goblet on the top glass shelf when it happened.

I stood there frozen not able to stop the scene in front of from happening. As I watched the top shelf crashed into the second shelf which in turn crashed into the bottom shelf. I felt like I was watching a horror movie. My beautiful crystal and china was sliding off the shelves and exploding on the hardwood floor. All I could do was to scream,"NO!"

Then there was silence.

I climbed down from the stool and looked around at the dust and shards of broken glass that had moments before been family heirlooms. I got the broom and swept a spot for me to kneel. I thought to myself ,"If Job worshiped God when he lost everything surely I can worship God in the midst of broken glass."

I believe that tangible things can be used to teach us intangible truth so while I knelt there I prayed and asked God to speak to me. This is what I heard,"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them"... Remember him--before the silver cord is severed, or the golden bowl is broken; before the pitcher is shattered at the spring, or the wheel broken at the well, and the dust returns to the ground it came from,and the spirit returns to God who made it." Ecclesiastes 12:1-7

As if to emphasis this message the phone rang it was my sister.  "Sarah, we think Dad has had a stroke." I went to see my father at the hospital. His nine children were crowded around him  . My father recovered but I began to understand the meaning of Ecclesiastes that day.

Life is a gift. It is beautiful, precious and fragile. One day dust will return to dust and the spirit will return to the God who gave it.

How dare you treat my daughter like that!

She got on my nerves, and apparently I wasn't the only one who felt that way. I was in a carpool with four other women, and she was one of them. Of course, I was to nice to ever say anything; my feelings were spoken with facial expressions and the rolling of eyes. It is amazing how much bonding can be experienced by excluding  just one person.

One night I had a dream; a very vivid dream. In my dream, I went beyond facial communication to the others in the car, and spoke directly to the person irritating me--not in a kind way or a helpful way, but with mean, sarcastic words. She acted in a haughty way, as if my words had no effect on her. I looked at the others and can only express my feeling as satisfied.

My dream then took an unexpected turn, as dreams are prone to do. When she got out of the car I followed her. She began crying as soon as she was in the stairwell going up to her apartment. I was ready to stop the dream but couldn't! "Oh no', I thought, 'I don't want to be there when she tells her husband the mean things I said." But it was no use. I couldn't seem to wake myself up and believe me, I was trying.

She opened the door to her apartment. She ran to where her husband was sitting in a chair with his back to us. She knelt before him and put her head on his lap and cried. I felt sick. Why couldn't I just wake up? I didn't want to see all this pain I had caused, and I didn't want to be confronted by her husband.

Then something happened that causes me to shiver to this day. The man stood up and looked me directly in the eyes. It wasn't her husband . It was Jesus! He looked at me and said,"How dare you treat my child this way!" I woke up.

After my dream that girl became my friend. My dream had totally changed my view of who she was.

Where your treasure is...

I loved my ring. Not only was this ring beautiful, but it had been a gift to me from my father after my baby died. That is why I didn't want to give it away.

She stood before me ready to leave. I was so angry. We had opened our home, shared everything we had, and now she was leaving. So many hours of listening and sharing the message of God's love; had she heard anything? It was then I felt the urge of the Spirit to give her my ring, but I resisted. Later I talked to my husband about it; and he said wait and pray.

The next time I saw her I again felt God asking me to give her my ring. There was a battle going on inside my head. It went like this,"I don't want to. This ring is special to me. It represents people I love!" But what I wanted even more than my ring was to be obedient to God. I gave her my ring.

I wish I could say I felt a surge of joy when I gave my ring away but the Bible says,"Thou shalt not lie." I missed my ring. I wanted to forget about her, but she had my ring. One day while longing for my ring I felt God's rebuke, "Sarah, you love your ring but what about my daughter? Let the ring you love remind you to pray for the person I love and gave my life for." That day my heart began to change I started to pray for her I began to think of her in a different way.

Years later I was going through a discouraging time. I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I had lived my life in vain. Suddenly the phone rang. I picked it up and the voice on the other line said, "Sarah, I am calling to tell you that you have not lived your life in vain," I was startled and almost laughed out loud. I hadn't heard from her in so many years. She told me how God had been working in her life how she read her Bible every day, and how she had begun opening her home to people in need, like Steve and I had opened our home to her so many years before.

Tangible things can reveal intangible truths. Where you treasure is there your heart will be also.

All I wanted was a Sunday afternoon nap!

I always looked forward to Sunday afternoons that's when I would take a glorious nap. That's why I didn't respond favorably when my husband said,"Don't you think it would be nice to ask that young couple to start coming home with us after church to spend the afternoon.?". I liked the couple and they had an adorable little baby but we were talking about my giving up my nap! What on earth was wrong with my husband anyway!

I talked to God about it,"Lord, you know You said Sunday was to be a day of rest. I really want to rest but even more I want to obey you. So if You want us to have company I surrender my will to You."We had company. From the first time they came for the day it was obvious that this was God's will.

I became Aunt Sadie to that cute little baby. She took her first steps in my living room. I was in the room when my friend's son was born and her last child was named after me. I think my friendship has been well worth the sacrifice of a Sunday afternoon nap.

I heard a story once about a little girl who had a necklace made of plastic beads. She loved her necklace and wore it always. She wore it so much that the paint came off the beads and the plastic showed through. Rather unattractive but the little girl didn't care she just wanted her beads.

This little girl was very loved by her father. He noticed how much she liked her beads and decided to do something special for her .He bought her a beautiful strand of genuine pearls. He held the pearls in a velvet bag behind his back. With his other hand he reached out to his daughter and asked her to give him the plastic beads she was wearing.

She clutched at her beads. She didn't want to take them off. He stood their looking at her with love in his eyes. Finally with tears falling down her face she removed the plastic. Her father placed in her hands the velvet bag containing the pearls.

What is at the heart of my stories it is this. Do I really believe that God loves me and can I trust Him.

There was nothing I could do

I was sick. I was expecting my fourth child and was so nauseated I could not function. My thirteen year old had been through the death of her best friend's father. Now she was sure I was dying as well. She responded with fear, anger and withdrawing from me. My eight year old went about seemingly not noticing my absences in his world. My three year old was constantly jumping up and down on the bed desperate for Mommy to get up and do something. The bouncing did cause me to get up but not like she wanted. My husband had not only all of his responsibilities to take care of by mine as well.

I wanted desperately to participate in my family's life but every time I tried I got sick and had to retreat to my bed. It wasn't only being a wife and mother I was failing at I seemed to be failing at life in general. I had even been told by the doctors that there was a strong possibility that the baby I was carrying would die at birth or have major birth defects.

This was a time when I wanted to find comfort in praying and reading God's word only there was a problem. Praying and reading made me sick too! I lay on my back  in bed hot tears collecting in my ears.    I wanted God's comfort so badly but I felt to sick to reach out for it. That's when it happened.

Suddenly, in my mind I could see Jesus on the cross the message to me was so clear. "For God so loved the world ,that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."John 3:16  This was not a new idea . I had known it and even believed it. However, it was not until I was fully incapable of doing anything that I experienced the meaning of this verse on a deeper level. Finally I understood it was not about what I did for God it was what He did for me.  I also experienced a peace that passes understanding.

There was nothing I could do but receive the love Jesus freely gave me. That day I began to understand grace.

Remember

I couldn't make it stop It felt like a hot knife stabbing me in my chest. I thought,"I just need to get my mind off of it." so I tried exercising,bad idea. My husband suggested I lie down and rest ,that didn't work. My daughter called and asked if I could take my granddaughter to ballet. "Ah', I thought,' cuteness will be the cure!"

Driving home from ballet I could hardly breathe the fire in my chest made it difficult to drive. When I finally arrived at my daughter's home I could barely get the words out,"Take me to the hospital!" I spent the next day having tests done. My sister said,"Sarah, maybe God has a message for you in this."

When I got home I looked in my One Year Bible to see what the Scripture was for the day I spent in the hospital. This is what I read:

 My heart grew hot within  me,
 and as I meditated, the fire burned;
 then I spoke with my tongue:

"Show me, O Lord, my life's end
 and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath. Selah

Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth,not knowing
who will get it.
Psalm 39: 3-6

I thought about these verses for several days then I decided I was making way to much out of my experience. Thats when the word came to me,"Remember". "Remember what?", I thought. I sat there trying to think of what I should remember and then I knew.

Several Summers ago I had been coming out of the grocery store when I noticed a man lying under his car. I got to the car at the same time his wife did. She screamed and began shaking him violently. I asked if  I could hold his head for her.

When I slipped my arms under him I realized he was dying. I bent down and whispered,"Jesus, is near." He took a last shuddering breath and died. I stayed with his wife until her family arrived. I found out he was in this late forties, this was to have been his last stop and then they were going on vacation.

I sat there remembering what it was like to be holding a man while he took his last breath. I prayed,"Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life.

Chris Tomlin-I Will Rise.mov

"For such a time as this"

I am sure there are some who would think I was only wasting my time. Back then I only had one daughter and her spiritual life was very important to me. I went to the Christian book store and spent a long time looking at all the books, talking to clerk and of course praying. I had decided to have a Bible Club for my four year old daughter and her two friends.

I spent hours preparing for this little class.  I would read the material, plan a game to go with the lesson and  gather materials for the craft. I had memory verses each week and take home pictures to go with the verse. I thought I was ready but I never knew a five year old could ask such hard questions!

Justin always amazed me. When he was just a little boy strapped into a car seat, I would try to entertain him and the other children by pointing out things  I thought would interest them. "Children, look we are going under a bridge!', then from the back seat came a little voice,' I believe that is called a train tress-ail." Undaunted I tried again,"Look at the smoke in the sky.',only to be countered with Justin saying, 'Isn't that air vapor produced by the plane." So I gave up and asked him a simple question,"Justin, what do you want to be when you grow up?" He looked up at me and said,"A paleontologist". I confess I had to go home and look it up in the dictionary.

It was many years past the time of our back yard Bible Club when I got a call from Justin. He was to be the valedictorian of his senior high school class. He wanted to know where the verse,"Trust in the Lord with all your  heart ,lean not to your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path.",was in the Bible. Proverbs 3:5,6 had always been one of my favorite verses and I was delighted to share it with him.

The path that Justin believed God was leading him on took him to Japan. While in Seminary he began studying Japaneses. He felt drawn to the language the people and the culture. Two years ago he married Izumi and moved there.

When I woke up yesterday to the news of the terrible earthquake in Japan all I could think about was,"Justin is there". He was able to contact his mother and let her know that he and his wife were okay.

I am asking everyone to pray with me for  all those in Japan. Pray with me also for Justin who is there,"For such a time as this."Esther 4:14

I want to do it MY way

I was offended but I didn't want to be offended. I know what the Bible teaches,"If your brother sins against you,go and show him his fault..."Matthew 18:15  Do you know how awkward that is? I decided it would be much better if I simply worked it out on my own.

I had begun to be obsessive about the offence so I decided to meditate on Scriptures about forgiveness. My problem was that my mind kept going back to Matthew 18:15. I did not want to meditate on that one. I tried praying but I couldn't focus because I just kept being mad about what had happened. This went on for an embarrassingly long amount of time.

What I prefer to do when people hurt me is to build a plastic wall between me and them. I can see them and they can see me but they can't hurt me again. There is a problem with this solution, there is also no intimacy. To have inmate relationships I have to be vulnerable. If  I am not vulnerable I am isolated. Not to mention the fact that I am also choosing to disobey God's word.

I couldn't stand it any longer, sitting in the grocery store parking lot I called my friend. I explained how my feelings had been hurt. I wish I could say it was easy but it wasn't. It was simply obedient. My friend was kind she understood the wall was removed.

Would it have mattered if her response had been different? No, this wasn't only about how she responded to me it was really about how I responded to the Word of God.

I want to increase your faith

The year was 1970 we were sitting in a chicken house we had recently cleaned out and Kay Arthur was teaching us about faith."I want to increase your faith",she said. She then called our attention to the hill behind the chicken house and added, "One day there will be dormitories on that hill."

I decided to pray for something else that would increase my faith. Every time I went to the Bible study at Reach Out Ranch I could see the silhouette of a woman advertising the Play Late Club. I began asking God to do something about that place. As time went on I fine tuned my prayer and started asking God to use that place to bring Himself glory.

Several years passed. I went off to college got married and then moved back to the area. My husband and I decided to attend a Bible study at the Ranch. As we were driving there I suddenly let out a gasp."What's wrong ", my husband said. I told him about my prayers concerning the Play Late Club. What had startled me was this, in the place where the silhouette had been there was now a cross. When we arrived for our Bible study we met in the dormitories that Kay had spoken of by faith ten years earlier.

What are my prayer of faith today? I look at the barren landscape of  peoples lives and ask that they might become temples of the Holy Spirit. I see the evidence of sin in the lives of people I love and pray they would know the redeeming power of the cross.

These prayers that haven't been answered yet but I am sure of what I hope for and confident about what I don't see. Isn't that what faith is?

Seeing what is unseen

" Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" the servant asked. "Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." And Elisha prayed,"O Lord, open his eyes so he may see." Then the Lord opened the servant's eyes and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. 2 Kings 6:15-17

I put my Bible down  sighed and prayed, "Lord, I wish I could see your angles." I identified more with Elisha's servant than I did Elisha. At that time I had a teenage daughter and son and two younger children. Sometimes the world just seemed like a very scary place and to be honest I was afraid for my children.

On this particular morning I had several errands to do. I strapped my two youngest children into their car seats and set off. My first stop was to drop some books off at the library it was a cold rainy day in January so I decided not to get the children out of the van. I got out of the van put the books into the return slot turned around and saw my van rolling away with my screaming children inside it!

I ran after it and yanked the door opened. I was praying all the while,"God help me!"While trying to stop the van I also thought," This is how people get run over by their own cars." About that time I got smacked in the face by the door. I fell to the pavement and watched as my van rolled uphill back into a parking lot and then back again into a parking place where it was stopped by a small tree.

After that I had a huge black eye and was rather sore because of my fall. I realized that I could spend the day berating myself for being such a bad mother or I could spend the day praising God for protecting my children. I choose to do the latter.

I didn't see angels or fiery chariots that day nor did I see who was steering my van but I think I know.

I believe this is yours

I saw the small silver heart-shaped pin  with a picture of a little girl  with my jewelry and decided to wear it. I had breakfast that morning with several of my friends, they commented on how much they liked it. I guess that why it seemed strange when I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to give it away.

I am a waitress at a local cafe. While waiting on one of my tables I felt prompted to give my pin to the woman on whom I was waiting . I didn't do it immediately instead I prayed. "Lord, do you really want me to do this?" The feeling just wouldn't go away so I took the pin off and quietly put it at her place and said," I believe this belongs to you."

I went back to her table to refill her glass she looked at me and said ," I don't understand." "Oh great, I thought now I've made a fool of myself." I told her about how I had felt led by the Holy Spirit. She looked at me and began to cry. She stood up and hugged me and then said,"I want to  show you something." She opened her wallet and pulled out a picture of her mother taken when she was a little girl it looked identical to the girl's picture in the pin.

She told me how she would talk to her mother every night while fixing dinner. The first time she was fixing dinner after her mother's funeral she picked up the phone and her husband asked her what she was doing. She told him she was going to call her mother. He gently took her hand and said," You don't need a phone to talk to you mother any more."

I told her how I had been reading in the book of Mark and noticed that every time Jesus encountered a child He would wrap His arms around them. It seemed that when I was prompted to give her that pin it was like Jesus was wrapping His comforting arms around her. She wept as we embraced.

When God invites you to let go of an earthly treasure He is also inviting you to take hold of an eternal one.

Don't be afraid to grieve

I was standing at the sink washing dishes. The feeling of grief was so strong I just wanted to escape. I found myself wanting to disconnect from the painful emotions.  In the background I could hear my children's voices and I realized that if I emotionally disconnected from my grief  I would not be able to be emotionally connected with them. I chose instead to walk through the valley of death with tears in my eyes but not alone.

I didn't want to grieve because I din't want to be vulnerable. I liked to be in control, control of situations and in control of my emotions. The problem was if  I chose not to feel the pain of grief  I would put a wall around my heart and not only would I not be able to feel my grief  I would also isolate myself from everyone's grief, including my children's.

So where do I turn when I feel this pain where can I go for comfort? I turn to Jesus. "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering....Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows....But he was pierced for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed...For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressor." Isaiah 53

I grieve but not without hope. Hope is a confident expectation of good. In my seasons of grieving I experience comfort. I know that,"weeping endures for the night but joy comes in the morning."Psalm 30:5  Because I have experienced not only the weeping but the joy I can share this truth with my children.

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

Broken Things

God uses broken things.
It takes broken soil to produce a crop,
broken clouds to give rain,
broken grain to give bread,
broken bread to give strength.
It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume...
it is Peter,weeping bitterly,
who returns to greater power than ever.
 by Vance Havner

Burn it!

" I'm dying, the doctors have given me six months to live. I want to come visit you and say, 'Good bye'." Sometimes you only know the value of something when you realize there is a limited amount of it. My last visit with Debbie was like that.

I first met Debbie when our husbands were going to seminary together. I had been married a month and she had only been married two weeks. I shared with her all the knowledge I had gained, she seemed to appreciate my wisdom. Over the years we developed a deep friendship, and now she was coming to say ,'' Good bye".

On our last visit together we shared our memories. Debbie had named her first child after me. She had adopted  Sarah from Korea and had invited me to be with her at the airport when the baby arrived. I will never forget watching Debbie hold her little girl for the first time. I stood beside her and cried tears of joy.

We not only shared our joy but our grief. Because we lived in different states we didn't see each other often. I had just finished sharing something with Debbie when she said," Sarah, you grief over this is so fresh but I know it happened years ago, why is that." I told her that while cleaning the attic I had found one of my old journals. I had printed one word across the front of it,"Sorrow". I told her how I had spent the day sitting in that hot attic reading it. She was silent for a while and then said," Burn it!"

After Debbie left I kept thinking about our conversation. I had worked so hard to forgive the things I'd written about in my journal yet still I wanted a record of my pain. Debbie's life had been reduced to months she gave me a perspective I didn't have. Life is to short to hold onto sorrow.

I built a fire and began to burn page after page. Soon there was nothing left but ashes. Forgiveness means you cancel a debt. Not keeping a record of the wrong done to you means you let go of the pain.
Thank you Debbie for sharing your wisdom with me. I will see you again in Heaven.

Finding purpose

"Why am I here!" I was completely  frustrated. I had felt compelled to take my children to the Mall that morning to have their pictures taken. I was aggravated to find when I arrived that the photography studio was flooded.  I walked up and down the Mall pushing the stroller with one hand and holding my five year old with the other hand. All the while praying," Lord, why did you bring me here?"

My daughter wanted a drink but in the process of pushing the stroller, holding her hand, and juggling the cup, the cup fell. I was so frustrated I started to cry. Suddenly a young man came up to help me. When we were settled in a booth he said,"I know how it is, my Mother has been crying a lot too. My brother is in the hospital with a broken neck." He went to bring her to talk to me and I thought,"I am not going to tell him I was crying over a stilt drink."

I found out they were new Christians. She was from out of state and in her hurry to get to her son she had failed to bring the clothing she needed. I told her I would come to the hospital the next day with something she could wear.

At the hospital I found her in a room filled with men. Her son had been at a Christian boy's home when he fell. The men in the room were kind but I felt their message was wrong. They were telling her that now that she was a Christian she shouldn't cry because if anything happened to her son he would go to Heaven. Her son had accepted Jesus as his savior and I too believed he would go to Heaven if he died,but that didn't eliminate her grief. I put my arm around her and wept with her. I told her that the Bible tells us there is a time to cry and that Jesus Himself wept.

God imported me into her story that day. Every time she went to be with her son I went with her. I watched as she lovingly stroked his face. I listened as she remembered his childhood. I wept as she uncovered his feet and kissed them.

Time passed.  My husband was taking me for a ride in the country. I have no sense of direction, so he likes to ask me,"Sarah, do you know where you are?", usually I don't know, however this day was different. I told him to pull over and stop the car. In front of us was a Boy's Home.  I had never seen it before but I felt sure that it was the same place where the young man had been when he fell and broke his neck. Suddenly I realized it was the one year anniversary of his death. I prayed all day for his mother and family.  The next week I got a letter from his mother.  It said," Today is the anniversary of my son's death. It has been really hard, but God assured me you were praying and it helped" I wrote her back and  told her I was.

Lord Jesus, help me to look for you in every day events. I want to seek you with all my heart. Show me how to find ways to serve you and find purpose in the ordinary daily happens of my life.

I lied

" Sarah, are you reading my book." "Yes!", I replied. This would have been the correct response if he had asked, "Do you want to read my book" or " Do you plan to read my book." The problem was that in response to his question ,"Are you reading my book" I lied. I was talking to a man I highly respect who is the author of a book I really want to read. I didn't want to look bad in his eyes so I sought  refuge in a lie.

To this day I remember the first time I found salvation in a lie. I was standing in front of my very angry grandmother. She was holding a broken glass and asking me," Sarah, did you break this glass!" It was as if I had an out of body experience. I thought to myself, " The only thing I have to do to get out of being punished is say,'No'." It seemed like a good plan to me and it worked! The only problem was that by using this way of escape I became a liar.

The only way to really understand the problem with lying is to see what God says about it. Proverbs 12:22 puts it bluntly, "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord." Jesus said," I am...The truth."John 14:6 John 8:44 describes the devil's character: "He [the devil] was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies."

It seems Satan is always ready to offer me salvation a way of escape. If I do it his way I will look good and be able to keep my pride. Jesus offers me Himself as my Savior, His way is the way of truth, humility and righteousness. In fact Jesus said,"If any would be my disciple he must deny himself daily take up his cross and follow me." I see my choices this way either I follow Jesus or I follow Satan. Because I have chosen to follow Jesus I have also chosen to write a letter that goes something like this," Dear ____, I lied..."

There is only one antidote for a lie and that is the truth.

I hate this!

I was sitting in the church observing as people went down to the alter weeping. I was totally uncomfortable with this outward display of emotion. My husband liked to visit different churches, and, of course, I went with him; but I didn't necessarily like it.

"Don't these people have any self respect!" This is what I was thinking the first time I felt like I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me. This is what I heard Him say,"Sarah, you are pridefully sitting in judgement over my children. I want you to come to the alter and confess your sin of pride."

"No," I thought,"This can't be God." Whenever I feel like the Holy Spirit is directing me to do something,  I always try to check it out with my husband. On this occasion I felt surly my husband would agree with me that it had simply been a stray thought. I leaned over and whispered in his ear. When he whispered back,"Sounds like God wants to deal with your pride," I thought, "Oh no Steve is deceived too!"

I have no idea what the preacher preached on that day. I was completely caught up in my wrestling match with the idea of going to the alter . Surely, I reasoned, this was not something God wanted me to do. I didn't really belong here. This wasn't my church. This wasn't the way I chose to worship. Finally, I came up with a solution. If  I ever came back to this church again, and if God reminded me about going to the alter, then I would know the thought had come from Him and I would obey. I felt safe, since my husband was a preacher with his own church.

Months went by. I had completely forgotten about that church. We had a friend who had been invited to sing. We went to support her. I was stunned when I settled in the pew only to discover that I was back at THAT church and my conversation with God picked up seamlessly where it had ended months before. When this happened, I knew it was no longer a question of "if" I was being prompted by the Holy Spirit, it was now a question of obedience.

Before when I was at the church I had wrestled with the question if  what I was thinking was from God; now I was simply wrestling with my pride. Once more I was so consumed with my own struggles that I wasn't paying attention to what was happening around me.

I stepped into the aisle not realizing that there were two young men with trumpets behind me. They began to play and the church began to sing, "We will obey Him, We will obey Him, We will obey Him, Hallelujah." That did it. Full loss of dignity. I ran up to the alter. Suddenly I was surrounded by people praying for me, thanking God I had chosen obedience.

James 4:6 God opposes the proud  but he gives grace to the humble.