Grieve? We Grieve, But Not Without Hope!

I got the message. It was from my nine year old grandson, “Mimi, come quick I need you!” I rushed to his side and found him sobbing uncontrollably on his bed. With a broken voice washed in tears he cried out, “I want to hear her voice again! I want to hold her! I want her to hold my hand!” My heart broke and my tears mingled with his as we lay there holding each other. No words, only shared grief, because grief is real, and grief is painful.

Tears must flow because death is an enemy, the last enemy. I am gently and slowly telling Jack the truth. “The last enemy that will be abolished is death.” I have more to share with this precious child who, it seems to me, has known more than his share of grief. I softly whisper a mystery into his ear, hoping that it will take root in both his heart and his soul.”Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed.” (1 Corinthians 15:51)

There is another grief I am aware of. Although we speak of the joy of this Christian couple who shared in a Marriage Covenant that lasted 64 years, not every one has had this blessing There is the grief of the broken home, the broken promises, the broken hearts. There is the grief of broken parents from generations of brokenness, those who have not known the love of the Savior. My heart grieves with them as well; my eyes are not dry when I think of their pain. 

But I know a secret. “God sets the lonely in families...” (Psalm 68:6) Our family has always had an open door policy. We have always sought to be inclusive. For years the question has been asked, “Do you know anyone who will be alone that we can invite to join us.” Oh, but there is something far better than being included in our family. Jesus said, “In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” (John 14) Jesus has invited us to share His home. In that same chapter he said, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”

Lord Jesus, because you came to bear our grief and carry our sorrows we have hope. We still grieve on this side of eternity because of empty chairs and empty places but we don't grieve like those who have no hope.

Remembering Life's Brevity

Ma Belle died last Sunday. All week we have been gathered around Papa, her beloved husband of sixty four years. There has been an unspoken theme in our shared grief. Boxes were found that contained love letters, love letters written from generations past. We spoke not only about the covenant of love that they had shared but we also spoke about the unfailing love God has been shown to this family as they have sought to serve God throughout the generations.

Lord, you have been our dwelling place

throughout all generations.

Before the mountains were born

or you brought forth the earth and the world,

from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Our conversation has often begun with Papa wondering how they could possibly be in their nineties. Last year we had a big celebration for their ninetieth birthdays. Lots of pictures were taken, pictures that we now cherish. However, Papa never saw himself as an old man instead he found a picture of his wedding day and put it with the picture of the ninetieth birthday and said, “This is how I still see myself and Isabelle.”

You turn men back to dust,

saying, “Return to dust, O sons of men.”

For a thousand years in your sight

are like a day that has just gone by,

or like a watch in the night.

You sweep men away in the sleep of death;

they are like the new grass of the morning-

though in the morning it springs up new,

by evening it is dry and withered.

Both Ma Belle and Papa had one request for their funeral service they wanted a clear presentation of the gospel. Why? It was because they understood what Jesus had done for them. They understood that,”This is real love-- not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” 1 John 4:10

We are consumed by your anger

and terrified by your indignation.

You have set our iniquities before you,

our secret sins in the light of your wrath;

All our days pass away under your wrath;

we finish our years with a moan.

The length of our days is seventy years-

or eighty, if we have the strength;

yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,

for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

For a week after Ma Belle died we surrounded Papa with our songs of love and listened as he sang his love to us. We wept, we laughed, we cried, we remembered God's faithfulness to us throughout the generations. Then Papa and I shared a quiet moment and he said, “Come Monday I'm going to need to start learning to live my life without her...but I don't want to.” He knew that by Monday we would all need to go and return to our busy lives and he would still be here grieving. But Monday never came. Papa died on Sunday. His was a heart full of love a heart full of wisdom and when it stopped beating he was ushered into the presents of God.

Who knows the power of your anger?

For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you.

Teach us to number our days aright,

that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

“We've been mighty blessed!” This was a statement that Papa often made as he thought back through the years. Both Papa and Ma Belle had been from Christian families they had been taught from their earliest memories what the chief end of man was. In his nineties with a tear chocked voice he would say,”The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Then he would add, “Why, why have we been so blessed?” My answer was always the same,” Papa, you have been blessed to be a blessing. God has chosen you to be a living parable of what it looks like to know God and have His splendor show throughout the generations.”

Relent, O Lord! How long will it be?

Have compassion on your servants.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,

that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,

for as many years as we have seen trouble.

May your deeds be shown to your servants,

your splendor to their children.

Ma Belle and Papa died one week apart. A week that was filled with stories of love and the faithfulness of a covenant keeping God. During this week we heard story after story after story about how the ancestors had committed their lives and plans to the Lord and how He had been faithful to establish the plans they had committed to Him. The day before Papa died I read Psalm 90 to him, the same same Psalm I have quoted here. He wept and spoke through his tears, “It is so, yes it is so.”

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;

establish the work of our hands for us-

yes, establish the work of our hands.

I Come

Sometimes I come into His presence like a child on a treasure hunt. I have watched my children this week as they have delighted themselves with hidden family heirlooms. Boxes and boxes of old letters written years ago. Pictures, old coins, trinkets of the past all with meaning that help them to unlock the stories of their ancestors. Sometimes I open God's word and I spend hours seeking to understand all that I find, doing word studies, tracing an idea through out the scripture, studying the historical context.

Sometimes I come into His presence like a child who is over whelmed by life. The world seems so big and I feel so small. Often I will slip away by myself and sit in the stillness and remember that He is God and I am not. I let the beauty of nature speak to me of it's Creator. Often this happens at night and I will sit in the stillness and the quiet of the night and listen because, “The Heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.” Psalm 19. I sit in the stillness and listen until I can hear His voice and my heart becomes quiet and at rest.

Sometimes I come into His presence so aware of my failures that I can barely lift my head. This is when I rest in God's unfailing love. I come into His presence not because of my great love for Him but because He has loved me with a faithful, and steadfast love. God has lavished His love on me and has entered into a covenant of love with me and has called me His child. Though I have often stumbled and failed in my love for Him I always find in His presence a God of tenderness and compassion, one who is slow to anger and rich in faithful love.

Sometimes I come into His presence to soothe and quiet my soul. “I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.” Psalm 131. I come knowing that when I am in His presence I am fully known, completely understood, and unconditionally loved.

Lord Jesus, because of Your invitation I come.

Changing Clothes

It was the most beautiful shirt in the world. A princess wearing a shirt interwoven with gold would have been jealous if she saw it. What was it about this shirt that set it apart, there were two things. The first thing was my imagination and as a ten year old my imagination was highly exercised. The second thing that set this shirt apart from any other shirt that had ever been made was the amazing fact that I, myself, without the help of any other had stitched every stitch. I remember walking out into the sunshine wearing this glorious creation for the first time and feeling like light was emanating as much from me as it was from the Sun. But there was a problem.

The very thing that had brought me to this summit of pride plummeted me to the pit of humiliation. Yes, my ten year old hand had stitched every stitch of that shirt, but the problem was I really didn't know what I was doing nor did I realize how easily a hand sewn seam could come undone. So, having made my grand entrance and making sure that everyone on the playground had been informed that I was not just any child I was the seamstress of the glory shirt I joined in the playing with abandonment. That's when it happened. The stitches just seemed to suddenly unravel and with head bent and hands clutching what was left of my shirt I ran all the way home.

A frequent answer to the question, “If you were to die tonight and stand before the gates of Heaven why should they let you in?” has something to do with the person being good or trying to be good. When I hear that I think about my glorious shirt and how it fell apart when put to the test. I'm also reminded of what I read in Galatians 3:27 “And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes.” I can be clothed in Christ's righteousness because of His sacrifice. He put on the robe of flesh so that I could put on the robe of His righteousness.

Sometimes in my life it has taken going through humiliating situations for me to become humble. In my pride I've always wanted to be good enough. I remember hearing about Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for my sins as a young child and thinking, “I still think I could be good enough for God if I try hard enough.” What the years have taught me is that I am far more capable of sin than I am of goodness. Again and again I have experienced my best efforts dissolving and leaving running from situations with my hands clutching what was left of my pride.

Lord Jesus, I bow in the presents of Your love. The truth is I cannot cloth myself, I've tried and it's only ended in my shame. Thank you for bathing me in your grace and clothing me in Your righteousness.

Strength Made Perfect In Weakness

“How can I help you?” This was the question she always asked. Ma Belle's vision was gone, and she had difficulty hearing even with her hearing aids. Mom had suffered the effects of several mini strokes, leaving her weak and often unable to remember things that had just taken place. Still, she would ask “How can I help you?”

Several years ago when Ma Belle was struggling with the loss of her sight, and as a result the loss of her freedom, she told me what she had prayed. “I prayed and told the Lord I was willing to be weak if He could use my weakness to make my family the people He wanted them to be.” This was such a prayer of love; this was such a gift of grace. She humbly believed that if God allowed suffering into her life He would also be able to redeem that suffering. The gift she asked for as a result of that redeeming love was for her family, not for herself.

I have been both a recipient and an observer of how God answered her prayer. I have read in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “For my strength is made perfect in weakness,” but now I have observed it. Ma Belle became weaker and weaker until she could do nothing for herself. As I cared for her, I became more and more aware of the honor and privilege of caring for someone who was willing to sacrifice strength and dignity for the ones she loved. Spurgeon said, “A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God's work well and triumphantly, is a sense of our own weakness.”

It is one thing to give your strength in service to the Lord, but it is another to give your weakness. What a beautiful picture of humility and faith to surrender your weakness, believing that God will use it to bless the people you love. She humbled herself and laid aside her dignity. She considered others more significant than herself. She didn't look to own interests but instead she looked to the interests of others. I watched as this brilliant woman followed her Lord and allowed herself to be made nothing. She, in her total weakness became a servant of the most high God.

Ma Belle died on a Sunday. Mom died quietly. It seemed as if she just slipped away from us, leaving us one of the most precious gifts that can be given. She showed us by example what self sacrificing love looks like. Now I have to close my eyes to see her but when I do I think of Psalm 45:13 “The king's daughter is all glorious within; Her clothing is interwoven with gold.” Thank you Mom for showing me what strength made perfect through weakness looks like.

Finding A Refuge In The Stillness

There are two chair facing West at the top of the hill, as the evening begins to cool and the Sun begins to set he and I make our way out once more to take our place. We sit in companionable silence each lost in his own thoughts. At first I'm almost worried that my vision might be hurt, the brilliant orb seems shining directly in my eyes, but as we continue watching the Sun slips behind the mountains. The air is cooled but the beautiful display of colors warms our heart. Darkness begins to blanket the earth, but still we sit, the beauty feeding our souls. I lift my eyes to the heavens coming through the darkness now there is the glow of the evening star. Reluctantly we stand to go.

In the stillness and the quiet of those moments our hearts find the strength to continue our vigil at the bedside of his dying wife. We have whispered the words night after night as we watched the Sun set,”Be still and know that I am God...” Psalms 46:10 We have also found the beginning words of the Psalm to be true as well. “God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble.” The chairs are set side by side we sit together at the bed and remember. The grief and pain are real but so is the strength we find in the stillness of the night and the knowledge that we are not alone, surely our God is a very present help.

This is not a place any of us would ever choose to be but it's not a place we can escape, death comes to us all. My daughter has dubbed this peculiar time we are in “Heaven's Waiting Room.” Many things are happening as we sit and in the stillness and wait. Quietly we are sitting together bound by love, by faith, by hope. Tonight I asked the question, “What is the chief end of man?” Without a pause my ninety one year old Father in Law responded, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.” So here we sit together even now praying that God will be glorified and finding our hearts comforted at the prospects of enjoying Him forever.

Tomorrow morning I will look toward the East and watch the Sun rise. I will remind myself of the promise of the Resurrection.

The Gift I Could Not Earn

My Mother came to the Cafe' where I am a waitress. It was a very busy day and I was rushing from table to table serving. When I got to my Mother's table she told me she had a gift for me. I leaned over as she fastened a necklace around my neck. I couldn’t see it but my fingers felt it's beauty. Because we were so busy it was quite some time before I could slip away and see this gift my Mother had given me. When I looked in the mirror my breath was taken by the beauty of the sapphire and diamonds on a gold collar. So I spent the rest of the day with my hair pulled back in a ponytail, cap on, apron on, waiting on tables, clearing tables, washing dishes, and all the while wearing the most beautiful sapphire and diamond necklace I have ever seen.

This scene in my mind of wearing this beautiful necklace while being a servant is like a parable of my Christian experience. When I looked up the meaning of sapphires in the Bible I found this quote, “God comforts His people with the promise that while they are suffering now, He will eventually restore them beyond anything they could ever expect or imagine.” Isaiah 54:11 “O thou afflicted with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colors, and lay thy foundations with sapphires.”

When I am not at the Cafe' being a waitress I am at the home of my dear Mother in law who is in the final days of her life. We sit around her bed surrounding her with love. She is barely able to speak now. She still bless us with her smile and every word she utters remind us that she loves us and knows that we love her. My heart is often squeezed with sorrow I don't want to say, “Good bye,” but I know the curtain is closing on her life here with us. But I also know because of Jesus things are not always what they seem. We grieve but not without hope, not without the promise that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.

“'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:55 I am the waitress wearing a sapphire and diamond necklace that reminds me of the promise that God has given me are more than anything I could ever expect or imagine. I am one who sits with tear washed eyes watching at the bedside while one whom my heart loves draws her final breath. But with eyes of faith I see beyond the veil, I see the Lord of love standing to greet her with out stretched arms.

Lord Jesus, thank You for the gifts of grace I could never earn.

   

Before The Throne Of Unapproachable Light I Cry, "Abba"

It was two in the morning when he came to wake me. My husband and I are caring for his mother during her last days on earth. She was uncomfortable we worked together until she was resting. I got back in bed and my mind was flooded with anxiety. I would like to say that because the Bible says, “Be anxious about nothing” that I am never anxious but then I would be lying and the Bible also says, “Do not lie.” What I can say is that when I am anxious I am drawn irresistibly before the throne of grace.

Have you ever had your heart so full that you felt you just had to talk to someone but then you notice as you were talking they really weren't listening? Or have you ever been at a counselors office and you were just beginning to be able to put words to your pain and they looked at their watch and said, “Times up.” That would be the opposite of what I experience when I go to God in prayer. “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace in time of need.” Hebrew 4:16

Sometimes I sit in silence with the things that weigh my heart down who could help anyway? But when I go to God in prayer I picture Him on His throne. “He wraps himself in light as with a garment; he stretches out the heavens like a tent.” Psalm 104:2 “He dwells in unapproachable light” 1 Timothy 6:16 His throne is in appearance like sapphire His voice is like the sound of mighty rushing waters. According to Ezekiel there is brightness all around Him and there is a rainbow that encircles His throne. To this throne of grace I have been invited to this throne of grace I come. Bathed in His light and love I find the welcome that a father gives to his child. Surrounded by His glory He invites me to lay my burden down and know His rest. As the light of His glory penetrates my tears I see the colors of a rainbow and I find comfort in His promises.

How can someone like me have access to such glory? I am a mere mortal and stained by sin and yet I come because I have been invited. I don't have to come I could sit in the darkness overwhelmed by grief and sorrow but because of the sacrificial death of Jesus I come with confidence to this holy place.

I come by the new and living way that He opened for me through the curtain, which is through His flesh. I know according to the book of Hebrews that because Jesus is my high priest I can draw near to God with full assurance. I have been invited through grace to come and by faith I have accepted the invitation.

Lord Jesus, in the middle of my night my heart was full of darkness and anxiety about things I could not control. Thank You for inviting me before the throne of grace to lay my burden down. Thank You for lavishing You love on me so that when I look at the one who is seated on the throne I can cry, “Abba, Father!”

My Greatest Weakness Becomes My Greatest Strengh

The Hebrew word carries with it the meaning that darkness or calamity seemed to have covered or enveloped his soul. This is a place I am familiar with a place where my soul seems covered or enveloped by darkness. Sometimes it is a series of calamities that overwhelm me. Things begin piling up on me till I begin to feel smothered. But not always, there have also simply been times when sorrow ellipses joy without warning and without a visible cause. This smothering darkness causes me to cry out with the Psalmist, “From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2

When I am in this place where my soul has been enveloped by sorrow I need help. To whom do I go for help? I confess I have sometimes gone to idols of my own making thinking they might give me comfort but they have only taken me deeper into grief and further from the source of light. I reached out to others and found some measure of relief but I have also taken them by the hand and drawn them down with me.

What I have found is that I need someone who is stronger than I am who is willing to come to my rescue. I can't find my way to them I can only call out for help, but help comes. I call as my heart grows faint and my Savior comes and leads me to a rock that is higher than I. “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2

From my earliest memories I have done battled with a downcast soul but I don't see it as a disability but as a door that leads me to God's presence. My weakness and inclination towards depression has taught me to cry out. Just as the darkness threatens to over take me I cry out and find coming towards me is the Savior who said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” The eyes of my spirit are opened and I experience a joy that far exceeds the sorrow.

Lord Jesus, because You are my Savior my greatest weakness has become a place of strength, my greatest sorrow a place of joy. You told Moses, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock.” Exodus 33:21 Lord Jesus, You are the Rock on which I stand near to the heart of God.  

In You I Find Grace In You I Find Peace

I live in a broken world. I live in a broken world were there have been broken promises resulting in broken hearts. Like Eve whose hands were stained by the fruit of rebellion my own heart is stained by the sin of disbelief. Into this dark and broken world there is a bright ray of hope. There is grace and there is peace from God my Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

With eyes that often sting with tears I look upon the lives of those who struggle under the weight of sin. If I only saw the world with my physical eyes I would despair but day after day I look through the spiritual lens of God's word and find hope. I find the blessed God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed me in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. What lavish love is this that he should have chosen me in Christ Jesus before the foundation of the world? It is only by his grace and mercy that I could be holy and blameless before him.

I live in a broken world. I live in a broken world were sin brings isolation and unforgiving hearts resulting in hate. My own sinful unforgiving heart would be doomed if it had not been conquered by the love of God. I marvel at the love that chose me in Christ before the foundation of the world. Before I knew him, in love, he predestined me for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed me in the Beloved.

In this broken world were sin has ushered in death there can be a chill of hopelessness, when death seems to claim dreams and those I love and leaves behind it only the shadow of what used to be. But the darkness has been overwhelmed by the light and death has been swallowed up in victory. God has made know the mystery of his will when he sent in his son. Through Jesus I have obtained an inheritance sealed with the promise of his Holy Spirit.

Lord Jesus, you came into this broken world and showed me the love of God when you redeemed me from my sins. You showed me the immeasurable greatness of your power by not only setting me free from my sins but by sharing your inheritance with me, in you I find grace, in you I find peace.

The Beauty Of A Diamond

“Tell me the good new.” It's what I want to hear but sometimes people need permission to tell me more than just the good news. I can share in other peoples joy but what about their sorrows? Yesterday I was talking to a woman who has gone through a great amount of suffering and she told me how most people were uncomfortable with her pain.

He touched the blind eyes, He made His home with those who were poor and with those who were considered the outcasts. “Though he was in the form of God, he did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” Philippians 2 Jesus came to take our griefs and carry our sorrows and then He invited us to follow His example.

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love...” When Jesus entered our suffering with His presents and His promises light over came the darkness. When we follow His example we too shine like lights in the world and there is joy.

When I think about joy that is born from sorrow I think of the way diamonds are made. To make a diamond there must be a great amount of pressure and a great amount of heat but in the end you have a jewel that is both strong and beautiful. When a diamond is exposed to the Sun it reflects the light and sparkles with the colors of a rainbow. Because Jesus is my Savior where once there was only grief now I find a diamond.

Lord Jesus, thank You for the joy of Your promises and Your presents. Thank You for making it possible to find encouragement, comfort from love and participation in Your Spirit. My the joy of my Salvation be like a diamond that reflects you light and causes others to be drawn to the rainbow of the hope I find in You.

A Prayer Of The Broken Hearted

There was a prayer request for someone's mother who had congestive heart failure. We also prayed for someone's friend who was having heart surgery. Then came on of the strangest prayer requests I've ever heard. Someone asked for prayer concerning their own heart. “Please pray that I would have a broken and contrite heart.”

I knew the reference from Psalms. It was David's response when Nathan confronted him with his sin concerning Bathsheba. A few verse earlier David had prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”Psalms 51:10 David had committed adultery with Bathsheba and then when he found out she was pregnant he tried to cover his sin by having her husband murdered. David couldn't clean his own heart he could only offer his broken heart as a sacrifice to God. Not only that but it wasn't until God exposed his sin that he was able to repent of it, until then he just kept covering it up.

What my friend prayed was that God would make her aware of her sins and then cause her to be able to grieve those sins so that she too could offer God the sacrifice of a broken and contrite heart. This could be a scary prayer because you open yourself up to be humble. God sent Nathan to confront David sometimes the Holy Spirit uses my husband to point out what I cannot see myself. My heart is often calloused by the sins I have committed and it can be dangerous to point them out to me.

Why would anyone want to have a broken and contrite heart? Why would anyone pray such a strange prayer? When I pray this prayer it shows I want God more than I want my sin and that I am willing to be broken over my sin. The opposite is to cling to my sin and continually cover it up. When I bring to God the sacrifice of a broken and contrite heart according to Psalm 147 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 34 says “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” What I am really asking is to be healed.

O Lord, Your word teaches me that You dwell in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite. Because I want You to dwell with me and I want to be revived I will join my friend and pray, “Lord, please give me a broken and contrite heart.”

From Raging To Rest

She asked me to speak for a luncheon at her house. I asked her what she wanted me to talk about and she said, “Pray about it and then talk about whatever the Lord puts on your heart.” Every time I prayed I came up with only one idea “ When Jesus Invites You Into A Storm”. It was beautiful and sunny the day of the luncheon, it didn't seem to match at all what I would be talking about. I didn't know that in within a few short months a tornado would hit that same neighborhood causing what the Governor called “utter devastation.”

Storms come and with them comes confusion. As the sky darkens anxiety can flood my heart like the waters flood the earth. When I read in Luke 8 about the storm Jesus' disciples encountered on the lake it adds another dimension of helplessness. “They were filling with water and were in danger.” Why were they out in their boat on the lake in the storm? It was because Jesus had said, “Let us go to the other side of the lake,” and then as they sailed He fell asleep.

Storms expose my helplessness. When all around me is calm and peaceful I have the illusion of being in control. However, when the tempest comes I am often jolted and find myself off balance. I feel sick when it seems that even what I'm standing on is being tossed by the waves of a squall. The darkness of the sky causes me to loose my direction. The darkness, the confusion, the loss of balance also cause me to feel very isolated and cut off from any who could help. Storms expose my helplessness but they also expose what I really believe and what I put my faith in or don't put my faith in.

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” Ralph Waldo Emerson. When my life is assaulted with the darkness of the storm I begin to recognize my weakness and it is then that I begin to understand who God really is. When Jesus' disciples woke Him because they felt they would drown they found out who this man really was. Did He care? This is a question that has come unbidden to my mind as well when the darkness comes. Can He help? Jesus, “rebuked the wind and the raging waves and they ceased, and there was a calm.” When it's dark enough and all around me I hear the raging wind it is then I come to know the one who can command even the wind and the waters and I experience within my soul a supernatural calm that can only come when He calms the storm.

Lord Jesus, You not only rebuked the storm You rebuked Your disciples. “Where is your faith?” Help me when I become aware of my helplessness and am afraid, to put my trust in You. Thank You, for the storms because it is in the midst of them I discover again that you care and are able to bring calm to my soul. When it is dark enough, I see Your light.

Judegment

When I was a little girl I had no trouble at all judging him. From the first time I heard the story I condemned him with all the self righteousness that was in my young heart. Jesus stood before Pilot and even told him that His kingdom was not of this world. Then Pilot had to form a critical opinion and pronounce judgment. Pilot was afraid, if he choose to believe the incarnate word of God who stood before him he would be at enmity with those who had power over his position of authority. Was it Jesus who stood on trail before Pilot or Pilot who stood on trail before Jesus? Pilot pronounced his judgment, he choose to side with the world.

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.”2 Timothy 3:16 When I was an untested child it was easy for me to condemn Pilot but I like him have failed at times when I have had to judge between what the Word of God says and what the world says. If I take my stand with God's word I will place myself at enmity with those who disagree with God's judgment. What shall I do? I can either stand in judgment of God's Word or let God's Word judge me?

When I was a little girl I had no trouble at all judging her. From the first time I heard the story I condemned her with all the self righteousness that was in my young heart. Eve stood in the garden before the serpent. God had placed her in Paradise and had given her permission to eat the fruit of any tree in the Garden but one. Now the serpent was before her forcing her to form a critical opinion and pronounce judgment. Did God really love her and have her best interest at heart, could she trust Him? Eve chose to be deceived because of the lust of her flesh. Eve pronounced her judgment she listened to the serpent and took what God had forbidden.

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piecing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And a no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4: 12,13 When I was an untested child it was easy for me to condemn Eve but I like her have failed when I have been tempted by the serpent to take what God has forbidden. I have stood before God's Word with both my hands and mouth stained by what I judged to be good. It was the living active word of God that exposed my thoughts and the intentions of my heart standing before Him all the sin of my heart was exposed.

Lord Jesus, You told me that I have a three fold enemy, the world, the flesh, and the Devil. I have fallen before each one of them. In the Garden You promised a Savior. When Jesus stood before Pilot He was condemned to die but it was not for His guilt but mine. Thank You Jesus, that when I come before the court of Heaven to be judged you have taken away my sin so that I can be pronounced righteous.  

Be Kind

It was one of the first Bible verses I taught my children. I taught it to them in self defense. “Be kind “ Ephesians 4. I often shouted it at my children from the driver's seat of the car when they were behind me fighting, “BE KIND!” Lately, our family has been going through a difficult time and I have found myself going to Ephesians 4 over and over to remind myself to, “Be kind.” I have also had to stop and think, “What does kindness really mean?”

How elementary is kindness really? It was always my starting place in teaching my children I wanted them to be kind. I find in Proverbs that what is desirable in a man is his kindness. Kindness is also translated as unfailing love, steadfast love, and loyalty. Having demanded kindness of my children, I have a confession, I am not by nature a kind person.

When life becomes difficult or I am hurting my natural inclination is to be selfish and to want others to focus on my needs. This is a problem when everyone is is going through a hard time. Where can I go to find the kindness that I need? How can I change my natural inclination to be selfish and have instead a sweet temper that focuses on easing the pain of those around me?

Kindness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Jesus told me that if I wanted to be His disciples I needed to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him. What I see is that this difficult time is an opportunity to do just that. I want to be a disciple of Jesus therefore I choose to deny my selfish tenancy and instead surrender my will to the will of the Holy Spirit. I want to clothe myself with kindness.

Lord Jesus, You came because of the tender mercy of God. You have shown me by example what kindness looks like. I have been comforted by Your love. I have known Your tenderness and compassion. Thank You for giving me an opportunity to extend this kindness to others. Please let me represent You well.

Trusting The One Who Is In Control

I heard her crying out in the night. I hurried down the hall to where my little girl lay crying, stepping on toys and knocking the pictures askew in my flight. When I got to her I wrapped my arms around her and whispered, “It's OK now, Mommy is here.” Her eyes were wide in terror as she told me her nightmare. My five year old daughter had dreamed she had been driving a car but she didn't know how to steer it and she couldn't reach the brakes. As I stilled my frightened child I remembered similar dreams of not being in control from my own childhood, but I remembered sometime else too, the words of a song Jesus,Savior Pilot Me.

Jesus, Savior, pilot me

Over life's tempestuous sea;

Unknown waves before me roll,

Hiding rock and treacherous shoal.

Chart and compass come from Thee;

Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

I heard her calling in the night. She was calling out in pain but not in fright. Long ago she had surrender her will to her Savior. “Mom, I here,” I said. She patted my hand comfortingly, “It's alright ,Sarah, go back to sleep I'll be alright.” She had walked many years being guided by her Savior and now she was was almost home. Again I was reminded by the words of the song.

When at last I near the shore, And the fearful breakers roar

“Twixt me and the peaceful rest,

Then, while leaning on Thy breast,

May I hear Thee say to me,

“Fear not, I will pilot thee.”

Lord Jesus, when I was young I heard of Your steadfast love. I have seen those who trust in Your unfailing love walk their last steps in peace. Cause me to know the way that I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.

What Difference Does It Make?

She lay in bed and reached out her hand, “Sarah, who they?” she whispered. I saw no one but I was suddenly struck by the memory of my first night after moving to her home to care for her.

I had exchanged my spacious home for a room. However, when I woke in the night I felt confused. I stood in the hallway and watched as the walls pushed back. Suddenly I was no longer in a narrow hallway but instead in a spacious room filled with light. There was a great deal of activity going on that I didn't understand.

When I went into the bedroom my husband and I were sharing I once more saw the walls pushed back.  I stood there staring and trying to understand when suddenly it all made since. I remembered the story of Jacob's Ladder. Jacob had left Beersheba and was on his way to Haran when he came to a place to sleep. He dreamed there was a ladder set up on the earth the top of it reached to heaven. As I blinked my eyes I thought, I am living in a physical and spiritual world simultaneously.

What difference does it make if I believe that I not only live in the physical world that I can see but that I also live in a spiritual world? How does that affect the choices I make, the things I choose to do or not do? I believe because of what Christ did for me that I have experienced a spiritual birth. “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.'” John 3

Lord Jesus, let me walk in the truth and in newness of life. Let me base my choices of what I do or not do not on just the physical reality of what I see but on the Spiritual reality of what You did for me on Calvary.

By A Charcoal Fire...

“A smell can bring on a flood of memories, influence people's moods and even affect their work performance. Because the olfactory bulb is part of the brain's limbic system, an area so closely associated with memory and feeling it's sometimes called the “emotional brain,” smell can call up memories and powerful responses almost instantaneously.” I found this in an article written by Sarah Dowdey on “How Smell Works” Do you think Jesus knew that when He chose to make a charcoal fire to cook the fish on for his disciples after His resurrection?

The word for charcoal is only used twice in the New Testament the other time it is used was when Peter was warming himself by a charcoal fire. He was warming himself by the charcoal fire when he denied that he knew Jesus. The rooster crowed, it was early morning on the day Jesus was to be crucified. The smell of charcoal burning would forever awaken in Peter's “emotional brain” that he failed.

I wonder if a rooster crowed just as the day was breaking and Jesus stood on the shore by the Sea of Tiberias? It was after Jesus had risen from the dead. His disciples had decided to go fishing when He appeared on the shore. Peter had rushed to greet Him. Jesus had prepared a charcoal fire with fish laid out on it. I wonder if He was warming Himself by the fire on that early morning? Surly since Peter had jumped into the water he too would need the warmth of that charcoal fire.

The last time they had eaten together Jesus had told Peter that he would deny Him. The last time Peter had warmed himself by a charcoal fire he had denied Jesus, not once but three times. Now with Peter's”emotional brain” screaming “FAILURE!”Jesus asks him a question three times. “Simon,son of John, do you love me?” Three times by a charcoal fire he had denied his Lord early in the morning. Three times by a charcoal fire Jesus invited him to affirm his love early in the morning.

Lord Jesus, You are my Redeemer. You came and bore my grief's and carried my sorrows. You were wounded for my transgressions, you were bruised for my iniquities; the chastisement for my peace was upon You, and by Your stripes I am healed. You heal the brokenhearted. Just like Peter I have failed You. Just like Peter I have found in You a Redeemer.