The Hebrew word carries with it the meaning that darkness or calamity seemed to have covered or enveloped his soul. This is a place I am familiar with a place where my soul seems covered or enveloped by darkness. Sometimes it is a series of calamities that overwhelm me. Things begin piling up on me till I begin to feel smothered. But not always, there have also simply been times when sorrow ellipses joy without warning and without a visible cause. This smothering darkness causes me to cry out with the Psalmist, “From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2
When I am in this place where my soul has been enveloped by sorrow I need help. To whom do I go for help? I confess I have sometimes gone to idols of my own making thinking they might give me comfort but they have only taken me deeper into grief and further from the source of light. I reached out to others and found some measure of relief but I have also taken them by the hand and drawn them down with me.
What I have found is that I need someone who is stronger than I am who is willing to come to my rescue. I can't find my way to them I can only call out for help, but help comes. I call as my heart grows faint and my Savior comes and leads me to a rock that is higher than I. “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2
From my earliest memories I have done battled with a downcast soul but I don't see it as a disability but as a door that leads me to God's presence. My weakness and inclination towards depression has taught me to cry out. Just as the darkness threatens to over take me I cry out and find coming towards me is the Savior who said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” The eyes of my spirit are opened and I experience a joy that far exceeds the sorrow.
Lord Jesus, because You are my Savior my greatest weakness has become a place of strength, my greatest sorrow a place of joy. You told Moses, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock.” Exodus 33:21 Lord Jesus, You are the Rock on which I stand near to the heart of God.
One of the most persistent heresies of the Christian life is that a faithful Christian will not experience depression, torment or otherwise suffer. Instead, our faithful Savior meets us in the broken world we have created and pours our upon us his sustaining grace.
ReplyDeleteI meant, "pours out upon us"
ReplyDeleteThank you for your honesty and hope.