My daughter in law has a very special gift. She helps people find their written voice. When I first heard her speak about this I only had one thought," Teach me!"
People have often said to me," Sarah, if you can talk you can write." Personally, I have never found this to be true. I have no trouble talking. I have addressed large crowds and yet when I have tried to sit down and capture on paper the thought in my mind there has always been a terrible disconnect.
Because I believe I have the gift of encouragement I have always wanted to write a devotional. One of my friends even arranged for me to go to a writers convention. There was a contest that she encouraged me to enter. We were to tell about the greatest obstacle we had to writing. I was embarrassed wanting to participate yet not wanting to expose how inadequate I was. I wrote," My greatest obstacle to writing is adding sweat to a dream and thereby making a dream a reality." I was stunned when they read out my name as a winner.
I have another friend who has shared my dream of capturing thoughts on paper. She said, "Sarah, lets do it together. Maybe we could even write a book together one day." I wanted to, I really did but every time I sat down to write the thoughts scattered like leaves in a windstorm. Finally I told her to go without me. I have been reading her devotionals for a year now. She has a book that will be publish soon. I rejoice with her! and yet....
Two weeks ago I began an in depth study of First Corinthians. There I read ," For consider you calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the stings which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen,the things that are not,that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God." 1 Corinthians 1:27-29
Two weeks ago God did a miracle in my life just as Jesus made the mute speak He gave a written voice. Two weeks ago with trembling fingers I began to type my first post.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
and the blind shall see...
I have heard it referred to as blind faith and I can understand that because faith, by definition, is to be sure of what you hope for and confident about what you do not see. The future is seen, just not with my eyes of flesh. As a blind man would trustingly take the hand of one who has vision; the Almighty, Sovereign, Omniscient, God of the Universe has extends to me an invitation take His hand.
I was leaving home for the first time filled with a since of my own inadequacy the first time I heard this poem. The woman who gave it to me was in a nursing home. She had never married and had come to a place in her life where she had to make a life altering decision. It was during this time of vulnerable uncertainty that she was given this poem.
None of us knows what tomorrow holds, but for the one who has faith it is enough to know the One who holds tomorrow. Like a child who is loved I choose to reach out my hand and take the hand extended to me.
" As thou goest, step by step, I will open the way before thee." Proverb 4:12
Child of my love, fear not the unknown
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee:
Thy ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow
Since what thou knowest not is known to Me.
Thou canst not see today the hidden meaning
Of My command, but thou the light shalt gain;
Walk on in faith, upon My promise leaning,
And as thou goest all shall be made plain.
One step thou see-th - Then go forward boldly,
One step is far enough for faith to see,
Take that, and thy next duty shall be told thee
For step by step thy Lord is leading thee.
Stand not in fear thy adversaries counting,
Dare every peril, save to disobey
Thou shalt march on, all obstacles surmounting
For I, the strong, will open up the way.
Wherefore go gladly to the task assigned thee
Having My promise, needing nothing more
Than just to know, where're the future finds thee
In all thy journeying I go before.
unknown author
I was leaving home for the first time filled with a since of my own inadequacy the first time I heard this poem. The woman who gave it to me was in a nursing home. She had never married and had come to a place in her life where she had to make a life altering decision. It was during this time of vulnerable uncertainty that she was given this poem.
None of us knows what tomorrow holds, but for the one who has faith it is enough to know the One who holds tomorrow. Like a child who is loved I choose to reach out my hand and take the hand extended to me.
" As thou goest, step by step, I will open the way before thee." Proverb 4:12
Child of my love, fear not the unknown
Dread not the new demand life makes of thee:
Thy ignorance doth hold no cause for sorrow
Since what thou knowest not is known to Me.
Thou canst not see today the hidden meaning
Of My command, but thou the light shalt gain;
Walk on in faith, upon My promise leaning,
And as thou goest all shall be made plain.
One step thou see-th - Then go forward boldly,
One step is far enough for faith to see,
Take that, and thy next duty shall be told thee
For step by step thy Lord is leading thee.
Stand not in fear thy adversaries counting,
Dare every peril, save to disobey
Thou shalt march on, all obstacles surmounting
For I, the strong, will open up the way.
Wherefore go gladly to the task assigned thee
Having My promise, needing nothing more
Than just to know, where're the future finds thee
In all thy journeying I go before.
unknown author
A tapestry rose
The vase held a single rose. It was the practice of the church I was going to to give a rose to each new mother. The newborn lay in her mothers arms. My eyes suddenly stung with tears my baby lay in her coffin in the ground.Fighting for composer I lifted my eyes to the alter that is when I saw it. Hanging above the alter was a tapestry. Woven into the tapestry was a rose with these words "God's Promise"
My heart reached out and took that rose for my baby. I not only held the tapestry rose in my heart I also held onto the promises of God. What were the promise that gave me comfort? Jesus said "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." That's a promise I held onto.
Another promise that sustained me is found in Isaiah 43:1-3 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have summoned you by name;you are mine, When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
During this time in my life my sister Rose gave me a poem "One Day at a Time" I read it over and over. Part of the poem went like this;
One day at a time-but the day is so long
And the heart is not brave and the soul is not strong.
O thou pitiful Christ, be thou near all the way.
Give courage and patience and strength for the day.
Swift cometh His answer so clean and so sweet;
"Yea I will be with thee,thy troubles to meet;
I will not forsake thee, I never will leave."
Not yesterday's load we are called on to bear;
Nor the morrow's uncertain and shadowy care;
Why should we look forward or back with dismay?
Our needs, as our mercies ,are but for the day.
One day at a time and the day is His day.
He hath numbered its hour though they haste or delay.
His grace is sufficient we walk not alone,
As the day, so the strength that he giveth His own.
My heart reached out and took that rose for my baby. I not only held the tapestry rose in my heart I also held onto the promises of God. What were the promise that gave me comfort? Jesus said "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." That's a promise I held onto.
Another promise that sustained me is found in Isaiah 43:1-3 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you;I have summoned you by name;you are mine, When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
During this time in my life my sister Rose gave me a poem "One Day at a Time" I read it over and over. Part of the poem went like this;
One day at a time-but the day is so long
And the heart is not brave and the soul is not strong.
O thou pitiful Christ, be thou near all the way.
Give courage and patience and strength for the day.
Swift cometh His answer so clean and so sweet;
"Yea I will be with thee,thy troubles to meet;
I will not forsake thee, I never will leave."
Not yesterday's load we are called on to bear;
Nor the morrow's uncertain and shadowy care;
Why should we look forward or back with dismay?
Our needs, as our mercies ,are but for the day.
One day at a time and the day is His day.
He hath numbered its hour though they haste or delay.
His grace is sufficient we walk not alone,
As the day, so the strength that he giveth His own.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Don't forget the vista
We had just moved into our new house and I guess I got a bit obsessive. Window windows everywhere I loved it. Looking out my back window I had a view of the lake. There were geese on the lake and from my chair at the breakfast table I could see a blue heron's nest . Looking out my front windows I could see horses grazing in the field and beyond them were the deer. But there was a problem, I wasn't looking through the window I was looking at the window.
If you have a house filled with children then you will have windows filled with smudges. On this particular morning all I could see were smudges. In fact they were driving me crazy. As I sat there murmuring about smudges I suddenly saw the blue heron perch on his nest and spread his wings. This caught my attention and caused me to look through the glass and not at the glass. That was when the thought came to me,"Life is full of smudges but don't forget the vista!"
About this time I saw my son coming into the kitchen for breakfast. He took one look at my face and I could almost hear him thinking," O no, Mother has had a revelation!" Maybe I should have waited to share my new found insight, but I couldn't resist. As he sat there bleary eyed I poured forth my soul. He didn't say much just sat there and nodded his head.
After he finished his breakfast my son went upstairs to his room. When he got to the top to the stairs he yelled down," Hey Mom, there's cat vomit up here". Then he paused and added," But don't forget the vista". My son knew very well how I felt about cat vomit but this morning instead of screaming I laughed and thought,"Perspective, perspective, perspective!"
If you have a house filled with children then you will have windows filled with smudges. On this particular morning all I could see were smudges. In fact they were driving me crazy. As I sat there murmuring about smudges I suddenly saw the blue heron perch on his nest and spread his wings. This caught my attention and caused me to look through the glass and not at the glass. That was when the thought came to me,"Life is full of smudges but don't forget the vista!"
About this time I saw my son coming into the kitchen for breakfast. He took one look at my face and I could almost hear him thinking," O no, Mother has had a revelation!" Maybe I should have waited to share my new found insight, but I couldn't resist. As he sat there bleary eyed I poured forth my soul. He didn't say much just sat there and nodded his head.
After he finished his breakfast my son went upstairs to his room. When he got to the top to the stairs he yelled down," Hey Mom, there's cat vomit up here". Then he paused and added," But don't forget the vista". My son knew very well how I felt about cat vomit but this morning instead of screaming I laughed and thought,"Perspective, perspective, perspective!"
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Waiting
Waiting, waiting,waiting, Waiting for the doctor to call to tell me if my daughter's tumor was malignant. Waiting,waiting,waiting . Waiting for a call from the University to find out if my son has been accepted. Waiting,waiting,waiting. Waiting to find out if my wayward child will ever come back home to me again.
It doesn't matter what I'm waiting for in the process I always discover a few things about myself. The first thing that becomes clear is that I am not in control. The next thing I discover is that waiting exposes what I am really putting my confidence in. If I am putting my confidence in anything other than God, waiting will be pregnant with anxiety. If, on the other hand ,while I am waiting I am putting my confidence in the Lord my waiting becomes a time of expectation.Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him...
I sat in my friends living room the depression so heavy I could hardly breath."Sarah, what are you doing?" I sat in silence for a while then I whispered,"I am waiting." Susan replied,"Sarah, what are you waiting for?" Slowly the words came,"I am waiting for the Lord."
The next morning while reading my Bible I found the words that expressed the cry of my heart."I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."Psalm 40:1-3
No one enjoys waiting, no one enjoys being tested. However, sometimes at the end of this time of waiting I find a deeper since peace then I had known before. I find that though I am not in control God is, when I put my trust in Him I find rest for my soul.
It doesn't matter what I'm waiting for in the process I always discover a few things about myself. The first thing that becomes clear is that I am not in control. The next thing I discover is that waiting exposes what I am really putting my confidence in. If I am putting my confidence in anything other than God, waiting will be pregnant with anxiety. If, on the other hand ,while I am waiting I am putting my confidence in the Lord my waiting becomes a time of expectation.Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him...
I sat in my friends living room the depression so heavy I could hardly breath."Sarah, what are you doing?" I sat in silence for a while then I whispered,"I am waiting." Susan replied,"Sarah, what are you waiting for?" Slowly the words came,"I am waiting for the Lord."
The next morning while reading my Bible I found the words that expressed the cry of my heart."I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."Psalm 40:1-3
No one enjoys waiting, no one enjoys being tested. However, sometimes at the end of this time of waiting I find a deeper since peace then I had known before. I find that though I am not in control God is, when I put my trust in Him I find rest for my soul.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
He was dying of AIDS
I sat beside his hospital bed. He was so sick he could hardly lift his head from the pillow.I spoke to him about Jesus. He turned his head away. When he looked back at me there were tears in his eyes. " It's to late for that, I'm dying ',he said,' you don't know what I've done."
I took his hand and said gently," I'm not here to talk about what you've done I want to tell you what Jesus has done for you." I spoke to "John" about the love of God. That because of God's love He gave His only son that if anyone would believe in Him he wouldn't perish but have eternal life.
"John" told me again that it was too late. He told me he didn't have time to change.He had lived his life and made his mistakes and now it was over. That was when I told him about the thief on the cross.
It was the last day of his life and he was impaled on a cross. There was nothing left for him to do but die. He was aware of the pain, the remorse,and the mocking crowd. Through the haze of pain and grief he became aware of the men on either side of him.One shouted curses the other said,"Father,forgive them ,for they do not know what they are doing."
The criminal turned his face toward Jesus, it was all he could do.He said,"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus answered him,"I tell you the truth,today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:42,43
Jesus,I explained ,is the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of the world. All of humanity is on one side of the cross or the other. We are all like the criminals crucified with Jesus. We either die in our sin cursing the Savior or by faith we turn our face to Him and cry out for mercy.
"John" prayed with me that day to accept God's gift of salvation. The next time I saw him was at his funeral but one day I will see him again in paradise.
I took his hand and said gently," I'm not here to talk about what you've done I want to tell you what Jesus has done for you." I spoke to "John" about the love of God. That because of God's love He gave His only son that if anyone would believe in Him he wouldn't perish but have eternal life.
"John" told me again that it was too late. He told me he didn't have time to change.He had lived his life and made his mistakes and now it was over. That was when I told him about the thief on the cross.
It was the last day of his life and he was impaled on a cross. There was nothing left for him to do but die. He was aware of the pain, the remorse,and the mocking crowd. Through the haze of pain and grief he became aware of the men on either side of him.One shouted curses the other said,"Father,forgive them ,for they do not know what they are doing."
The criminal turned his face toward Jesus, it was all he could do.He said,"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus answered him,"I tell you the truth,today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:42,43
Jesus,I explained ,is the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of the world. All of humanity is on one side of the cross or the other. We are all like the criminals crucified with Jesus. We either die in our sin cursing the Savior or by faith we turn our face to Him and cry out for mercy.
"John" prayed with me that day to accept God's gift of salvation. The next time I saw him was at his funeral but one day I will see him again in paradise.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
At the jail at four o'clock on Sunday afternoon
" Lord, I am not going to seek this boy out. If you want me to be part of his life put him in the middle of my path." I had heard about "Joey". He was only thirteen yet he had been in and out of reform school,boot camp and at the present had been suspended from school . I wasn't excited about meeting him so I left the possibility of our meeting up to God.
After I prayed I went for a walk guess who was standing in the middle of the road. That is how my friendship with "Joey" began. He found out I usually woke up at five in the morning he would often arrive at my door soon after that and ask me to read the Bible to him.
I met him in the Spring of the year by the Fall his mother had died. I became a more constant part of his life. "Joey" continued to be troubled. He was unable to stay at home. In fact he spent most of the remainder of his childhood in and out of institutions. I have followed him to all of them. Everywhere he goes I go. I go to him with the message,"Jesus loves you,and so do I".
Last Sunday afternoon at four I was at the jail again. I lifted the receiver and looked through the double paned glass and said,"Joey, I love you." He smiled and said,"Sarah, I know you do you're the only one who comes to see me." "Joey,I'm here to tell you Jesus loves you. He will never turn His back on you. Only He really knows you. He understands your pain He came to save you. He took on a robe of flesh so that you could be robed in righteousness." Joey's eyes filled with tears and he said,"Sarah, will you send me a Message Bible?"
God put "Joey" in the middle of my path that day and gave me the assignment to show him the love of Christ what a privilege.
After I prayed I went for a walk guess who was standing in the middle of the road. That is how my friendship with "Joey" began. He found out I usually woke up at five in the morning he would often arrive at my door soon after that and ask me to read the Bible to him.
I met him in the Spring of the year by the Fall his mother had died. I became a more constant part of his life. "Joey" continued to be troubled. He was unable to stay at home. In fact he spent most of the remainder of his childhood in and out of institutions. I have followed him to all of them. Everywhere he goes I go. I go to him with the message,"Jesus loves you,and so do I".
Last Sunday afternoon at four I was at the jail again. I lifted the receiver and looked through the double paned glass and said,"Joey, I love you." He smiled and said,"Sarah, I know you do you're the only one who comes to see me." "Joey,I'm here to tell you Jesus loves you. He will never turn His back on you. Only He really knows you. He understands your pain He came to save you. He took on a robe of flesh so that you could be robed in righteousness." Joey's eyes filled with tears and he said,"Sarah, will you send me a Message Bible?"
God put "Joey" in the middle of my path that day and gave me the assignment to show him the love of Christ what a privilege.
Monday, February 21, 2011
The KEY
It was a perfect day. I was to be the master of my fate the captain of my ship. I had the whole day planned and I had made a perfect list.That is when it happened.
My first destination had been Toys R Us. I felt so efficient as I checked it off my list but when I got to the car there was a problem. I still had my list but what I didn't have were keys to my car. Now what was I supposed to do?
That morning I had been studying the Sovereignty of God suddenly a thought came to me,"How would I respond to this situation if I really believed that God was Sovereign and that He loved me?" I decided to go on a Quest.
The first thing I did on my Quest was to offer a sacrifice. Outside Toys R Us was a garbage can. When I got to it I lay my hands on it and I prayed,"Lord, it felt so good to be in control of my day. But now I want to know what it feels like to truly believe that You are Sovereign and that You love me." Having said that I waded up my list and put it on the alter ( which looked a lot like a garbage can, because it was a garbage can).
My Quest had begun. So now what was I supposed to do without keys and without a list. I decided to talk to the Sovereign God who loved me. "Lord, what do I do now."
I went into the store and explained that I had lost my keys and I needed to use a phone, this was before the day of cell phones. I also told them about my Quest. They gave me a knowing smile and a phone. I called the Doctor to cancel the appointment I had had for that day. The receptionist told me she would be happy to come get me. And so the day of miracles began.
I spent that whole day doing two things, telling people about my Quest and praying ," Lord, what am I supposed to do now?" I was amazed at how many people prayed with me and helped me go from place to place. Eventually I ended up at the Mall where I was to meet my children I decided to ask God to send me someone who could tell me what to do about my key-less car.
He answered that prayer too. The woman He sent to me looked at me strangely and said," Sarah, most people would just call a locksmith." With this information I went to the Mall office to see if they had the number of a locksmith.
I told the woman behind the desk what I needed.She smiled at me and said," Did you loose your keys?" Before I could explain that I hadn't lost them at the Mall. She reached out and handed me my keys.
It was then I realized that that was one prayer I had not thought to pray. I had not asked God to give me back my keys! I had wanted to know instead what it would feel like to really believe that God was in control and that He loved me. I found out what it feels like. It makes life feel like an adventure. It feels like you are wrapped up in a blanket of peace.
Many people have asked," How did your keys get to the Mall". I don't know. I can simply add that to the long list of things I don't know. But then I don't have to know every thing because, you see, I'm not in control. However, I belong to the Sovereign Lord of the Universe and He loves me. I am reminded of this every time I use my key.
My first destination had been Toys R Us. I felt so efficient as I checked it off my list but when I got to the car there was a problem. I still had my list but what I didn't have were keys to my car. Now what was I supposed to do?
That morning I had been studying the Sovereignty of God suddenly a thought came to me,"How would I respond to this situation if I really believed that God was Sovereign and that He loved me?" I decided to go on a Quest.
The first thing I did on my Quest was to offer a sacrifice. Outside Toys R Us was a garbage can. When I got to it I lay my hands on it and I prayed,"Lord, it felt so good to be in control of my day. But now I want to know what it feels like to truly believe that You are Sovereign and that You love me." Having said that I waded up my list and put it on the alter ( which looked a lot like a garbage can, because it was a garbage can).
My Quest had begun. So now what was I supposed to do without keys and without a list. I decided to talk to the Sovereign God who loved me. "Lord, what do I do now."
I went into the store and explained that I had lost my keys and I needed to use a phone, this was before the day of cell phones. I also told them about my Quest. They gave me a knowing smile and a phone. I called the Doctor to cancel the appointment I had had for that day. The receptionist told me she would be happy to come get me. And so the day of miracles began.
I spent that whole day doing two things, telling people about my Quest and praying ," Lord, what am I supposed to do now?" I was amazed at how many people prayed with me and helped me go from place to place. Eventually I ended up at the Mall where I was to meet my children I decided to ask God to send me someone who could tell me what to do about my key-less car.
He answered that prayer too. The woman He sent to me looked at me strangely and said," Sarah, most people would just call a locksmith." With this information I went to the Mall office to see if they had the number of a locksmith.
I told the woman behind the desk what I needed.She smiled at me and said," Did you loose your keys?" Before I could explain that I hadn't lost them at the Mall. She reached out and handed me my keys.
It was then I realized that that was one prayer I had not thought to pray. I had not asked God to give me back my keys! I had wanted to know instead what it would feel like to really believe that God was in control and that He loved me. I found out what it feels like. It makes life feel like an adventure. It feels like you are wrapped up in a blanket of peace.
Many people have asked," How did your keys get to the Mall". I don't know. I can simply add that to the long list of things I don't know. But then I don't have to know every thing because, you see, I'm not in control. However, I belong to the Sovereign Lord of the Universe and He loves me. I am reminded of this every time I use my key.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Loraine
"If you don't change your behavior we will put you into a state mental institution." Loraine smiled,"This is my escape!"
As a child Loraine had been badly abused. No one at the school realized that it was the abuse that was the root cause of her behavior. Loraine was mean to her peers rebellious to all the authority figures at school. The school counselor went to Loraine and her parents with the ultimatum that if Loraine's behavior didn't change she should go to the institution. Loraine's behavior didn't change.
I met Loraine many years later. She had come to a Bible study I was teaching. Loraine had had a spiritual birth. She reminded me of the woman at the well spoken of in the fourth chapter of John. She met Jesus in all her brokenness He offered her a drink of living water and she took it.
The scripture teaches us that we hold this treasure in a jar of clay. This was true of Loraine. She and I spent many hours together talking about Jesus. We also talked about her pain. She had been rejected by both her mother and her father.She was alone but God places the lonely in families. God placed Loraine in mine.
Because Loraine was in my family she shared holidays with us. Our relationship always seemed a little strange because Loraine was over ten years older then I was yet she saw me as a Mother figure. One Christmas Loraine asked me to get a song for her Christmas gift. She told me how deeply this song had effected her. She felt it had been God's gift to her and she wanted me to buy it for her. It was "Resurrection" by Nicole Sponberg.
Two months latter I found Loraine dead in her apartment.
It was as if the image of her dead body had been burned into my mind. I saw it everywhere I looked. I cried out to Jesus," Help me!" Immediately I heard His voice saying to me,"Sarah, let me tell you what happen. I came to Loraine and called her by name. I told her,"Arise, by Beloved and come away for the Winter is passed and the sound of the turtle dove can be heard in the land."
I spent days cleaning out Loraine's apartment. The whole time I was there I listened to the song "Resurrection" over and over and over.
Now when I think about Loraine I think about her in the arms of Jesus.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Others may you may not
I just about drove my children crazy. To this day the subject comes up about the things I didn't let them watch on TV. What they don't know is that I am even stricter on myself.
The Bible tells us that as Christians we are to be Holy because the Lord is Holy. This causes many Christians to frown. I think the understanding of holiness has become warped. Most Christians when they hear the word Holy think of all the the things they are going to have to give up.
Do you want to know I think about when I read that I am to be Holy? I think about Exodus 39 when I read how God set apart the priests. They got to wear sacred garments woven from blue ,purple and scarlet yarn. They wore an ephod with gold and jewels on it .Last but not least,they wore the sacred diadem made from pure gold and engraved on it,like an inscription on a seal was written,"HOLY TO THE LORD" Did I mention they were in the wilderness?
May be I was to strict. But my goal wasn't to take good things away from my children. I just wanted to teach them to prefer the Bread of Heaven over leeks and garlic. I wanted them to crave Living Water more than drinking from the muddy waters of the Nile.
I wanted my children to see the beauty of Holiness.
The Bible tells us that as Christians we are to be Holy because the Lord is Holy. This causes many Christians to frown. I think the understanding of holiness has become warped. Most Christians when they hear the word Holy think of all the the things they are going to have to give up.
Do you want to know I think about when I read that I am to be Holy? I think about Exodus 39 when I read how God set apart the priests. They got to wear sacred garments woven from blue ,purple and scarlet yarn. They wore an ephod with gold and jewels on it .Last but not least,they wore the sacred diadem made from pure gold and engraved on it,like an inscription on a seal was written,"HOLY TO THE LORD" Did I mention they were in the wilderness?
May be I was to strict. But my goal wasn't to take good things away from my children. I just wanted to teach them to prefer the Bread of Heaven over leeks and garlic. I wanted them to crave Living Water more than drinking from the muddy waters of the Nile.
I wanted my children to see the beauty of Holiness.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The bond of empty arms
"I've had an abortion." It was spoken like a challenge. She was seventeen and homeless. We had taken her in but she didn't know us and we din't know her.
When she told me I wrapped my arms around her and wept. I whispered in her ear,"I am so sorry, my baby died too." When she heard this her tears flowed freely.
She and I began to share our stories. We found to our amazement that our babies had the same due date. Her room would have been Belle Marie's nursery. I still had the baby clothes that had been given me at her baby shower.
We spent many hours talking and crying. Sometimes we would hold the empty baby clothes and each other as we wept. But something was taking place in both our hearts. Healing came for both of us as we shared our grief.
I talked to her about Jesus and His love I told her that He is the God who really sees. No one could understand her pain but Him. All of her shame all of her regret He was willing to take. At the beginning of His ministry John had called out when he saw Jesus and said,"Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world."
I still miss Belle Marie but Jesus has redeemed my sorrow and even though her life was brief He gave it meaning.
When she told me I wrapped my arms around her and wept. I whispered in her ear,"I am so sorry, my baby died too." When she heard this her tears flowed freely.
She and I began to share our stories. We found to our amazement that our babies had the same due date. Her room would have been Belle Marie's nursery. I still had the baby clothes that had been given me at her baby shower.
We spent many hours talking and crying. Sometimes we would hold the empty baby clothes and each other as we wept. But something was taking place in both our hearts. Healing came for both of us as we shared our grief.
I talked to her about Jesus and His love I told her that He is the God who really sees. No one could understand her pain but Him. All of her shame all of her regret He was willing to take. At the beginning of His ministry John had called out when he saw Jesus and said,"Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world."
I still miss Belle Marie but Jesus has redeemed my sorrow and even though her life was brief He gave it meaning.
Get up
"Mom, I want to have more faith","Well,'my Mother said,'The Bible says,Faith comes by hearing and hearing comes by the word of God. If you really want to have more faith I'll wake you up tomorrow at 5 A.M. so you can read the Bible before school." That sounded great to me, a grand adventure, getting an opportunity to really know God! It sounded really good at 5 P.M.,however, at 5 A.M. it didn't sound quite so good.
The next morning my Mother came into my room. She didn't turn on the light she didn't speak in a loud voice. In fact she whispered,"Sarah, if you want more faith,get up." Then she quietly left the room.
An amazing thing happened,my bed became alive. The covers became warm arms that wrapped tightly around me. My pillow spoke to me in a warm comforting voice saying,"Stay,Sarah, close your eyes and sleep." I cried out to the Lord for rescue using the only words that would come to me,"Help Lord, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak!"
To escape my bed I had to roll onto the floor. I found that at 5 A.M. the gravitational pull on the earth is very strong therefor I had to crawl out of my room. I can't remember how many days I went through this process before I conquered by bed and gravity but I can tell you it was worth it.
Proverbs 8:17 I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.
I was thirteen when my mother woke me up so many years ago now I am approaching sixty. I can hardly wait for the morning to come when I can hear His voice calling me,"Arise, my beloved and come away." "O, yes, yes my Lord. I will get up."
The next morning my Mother came into my room. She didn't turn on the light she didn't speak in a loud voice. In fact she whispered,"Sarah, if you want more faith,get up." Then she quietly left the room.
An amazing thing happened,my bed became alive. The covers became warm arms that wrapped tightly around me. My pillow spoke to me in a warm comforting voice saying,"Stay,Sarah, close your eyes and sleep." I cried out to the Lord for rescue using the only words that would come to me,"Help Lord, my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak!"
To escape my bed I had to roll onto the floor. I found that at 5 A.M. the gravitational pull on the earth is very strong therefor I had to crawl out of my room. I can't remember how many days I went through this process before I conquered by bed and gravity but I can tell you it was worth it.
Proverbs 8:17 I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.
I was thirteen when my mother woke me up so many years ago now I am approaching sixty. I can hardly wait for the morning to come when I can hear His voice calling me,"Arise, my beloved and come away." "O, yes, yes my Lord. I will get up."
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
a ministry of hope: S.A.D.
a ministry of hope: S.A.D.: "Oh Mama's you must be careful when naming your babies. Stop and think what will the initials spell. I was given the name Sarah Angeline Deco..."
S.A.D.
Oh Mama's you must be careful when naming your babies. Stop and think what will the initials spell. I was given the name Sarah Angeline Decosimo—S.A.D.
I have suffered with depression from my earliest memories. Sometimes I have felt almost suffocated by it. I looked at it's presents in my life in many ways. I see it as my sparing parter. I must wrestle with depression so as not to be overcome by it.
I read in Psalm 139:13" For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Because of my depression I see God choosing deep purple, scarlet, and forest green knit into my being before I was ever born.
I live on a farm now. I have observed that there is something known as fallow time. It happens in the winter. I look across the field and all I can see is barrenness. But that is deceptive because during this fallow time roots are growing. So it is with me, my depression is my fallow time.
During the winter season of my soul my roots go deep into the Word of God. I am seeking comfort in His promises. I am waiting for my Redeemer. I say with the psalmist,"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130: 1,5
This kind of waiting is not done is despair. To hope is to have a confident expectation of good. Because my hope is in Jesus Christ I am not disappointed. Just as weeping my abide for the night but joy comes in the morning I have found that winter is always followed by Spring!
Guess what. My birthday is March 20 the first day of Spring. When the winter is over I begin to feel within me the stirring of life again. Now I see growth above the ground. Tender colors of green, pink and violet appear. But do not be deceived they have a strong root system.
My parent's gave me the name Sarah Angeline Decosimo. I have discovered that Angeline means messenger. I have begun to ask God to let me be His Angeline. I want to whisper the message of hope to other who are experiencing winter in their soul. If you are reading this perhaps God has answered my prayer and has let me be His Angeline. That would be redeeming S.A.D. and making it JOY.
I have suffered with depression from my earliest memories. Sometimes I have felt almost suffocated by it. I looked at it's presents in my life in many ways. I see it as my sparing parter. I must wrestle with depression so as not to be overcome by it.
I read in Psalm 139:13" For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Because of my depression I see God choosing deep purple, scarlet, and forest green knit into my being before I was ever born.
I live on a farm now. I have observed that there is something known as fallow time. It happens in the winter. I look across the field and all I can see is barrenness. But that is deceptive because during this fallow time roots are growing. So it is with me, my depression is my fallow time.
During the winter season of my soul my roots go deep into the Word of God. I am seeking comfort in His promises. I am waiting for my Redeemer. I say with the psalmist,"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130: 1,5
This kind of waiting is not done is despair. To hope is to have a confident expectation of good. Because my hope is in Jesus Christ I am not disappointed. Just as weeping my abide for the night but joy comes in the morning I have found that winter is always followed by Spring!
Guess what. My birthday is March 20 the first day of Spring. When the winter is over I begin to feel within me the stirring of life again. Now I see growth above the ground. Tender colors of green, pink and violet appear. But do not be deceived they have a strong root system.
My parent's gave me the name Sarah Angeline Decosimo. I have discovered that Angeline means messenger. I have begun to ask God to let me be His Angeline. I want to whisper the message of hope to other who are experiencing winter in their soul. If you are reading this perhaps God has answered my prayer and has let me be His Angeline. That would be redeeming S.A.D. and making it JOY.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
"Class, isn't Sarah stupid?"
My teacher was given the almost impossible task of teaching sixty second graders how to read! I became the object of her frustration.
For the life of me I could not figure out how to decode those letters on the page. They seemed to me to be like little minnows swimming about. This was really a problem for someone whose first name began with an S and whose last name ended with a D. My solution was to write one row in one direction and the next in the other direction. My teacher was not impressed by my genius.
One thing we did learn early on was to speak in unison. We had learned to stand and say," Good Morning Sister ___" So when my teacher began to ask the class,"Class, isn't Sarah stupid." They did a really good job of saying in unison,"Yes, Sarah is stupid"
I may not have learned to read very well in the second grade but I did learn my place. I longed to not be stupid but in my mind I saw a book shelf. I wanted to reach up high but I knew those book weren't for people like me. They were reserved for only the smart people.
Isn't it funny how when you have children you know that they should have what you couldn't have. I started reading to my first child before she was born! By the time she was three we had covered all the The Little House on the Prairie series.
I've been reading children's books now for over thirty years and I think I'm almost ready to go to the next shelf. My children long ago surpassed me. But I have commissioned them to every now and then come back and tell me what their learning. What a thrill to be your children's student.
I have a wonderful mystery to share with you. This mystery fills me with wonder and delight. I found a book that was down on my level. A book that contains the living word of God. There are a lot of words in it that I probably don't pronounce right but that doesn't keep me from reading it.
I started reading it from Genesis to Revelation when I was twelve or thirteen. I'll be sixty in a few years and ya know what. I never get tired of it. It fills my life with wonder and joy. Maybe that is because I am one of those simple people.
I found this verse in the Bible that describes me"God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise: God chose the weak things to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things ---and the things that are not--- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him." 1Corinthians 1:27-29
So, I am satisfied that I am who I am because through His word I know who He is
For the life of me I could not figure out how to decode those letters on the page. They seemed to me to be like little minnows swimming about. This was really a problem for someone whose first name began with an S and whose last name ended with a D. My solution was to write one row in one direction and the next in the other direction. My teacher was not impressed by my genius.
One thing we did learn early on was to speak in unison. We had learned to stand and say," Good Morning Sister ___" So when my teacher began to ask the class,"Class, isn't Sarah stupid." They did a really good job of saying in unison,"Yes, Sarah is stupid"
I may not have learned to read very well in the second grade but I did learn my place. I longed to not be stupid but in my mind I saw a book shelf. I wanted to reach up high but I knew those book weren't for people like me. They were reserved for only the smart people.
Isn't it funny how when you have children you know that they should have what you couldn't have. I started reading to my first child before she was born! By the time she was three we had covered all the The Little House on the Prairie series.
I've been reading children's books now for over thirty years and I think I'm almost ready to go to the next shelf. My children long ago surpassed me. But I have commissioned them to every now and then come back and tell me what their learning. What a thrill to be your children's student.
I have a wonderful mystery to share with you. This mystery fills me with wonder and delight. I found a book that was down on my level. A book that contains the living word of God. There are a lot of words in it that I probably don't pronounce right but that doesn't keep me from reading it.
I started reading it from Genesis to Revelation when I was twelve or thirteen. I'll be sixty in a few years and ya know what. I never get tired of it. It fills my life with wonder and joy. Maybe that is because I am one of those simple people.
I found this verse in the Bible that describes me"God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise: God chose the weak things to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things ---and the things that are not--- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him." 1Corinthians 1:27-29
So, I am satisfied that I am who I am because through His word I know who He is
Where time and eternity intersected
There is an orange x on the pavement where it happened. It is the place where time and eternity intersected. This is how it happened...
I was only a few minutes from home when I saw the collision. The impact of the two cars was so great it looked like they met in mid air. I had narrowly escaped being apart of the accident myself.
First, I went to comfort the boy whose legs had been crushed when the cars collided. After his mother came, I went to see what I could do for the lady in the van. I saw her body slumped over the steering wheel. She was dead.
Like me, she was only a few minutes from home. It didn't take long for her friends and family to gather. One by one they asked me what had happened. I repeated the story to her mother, her sisters, her children, her husband. The grief was a heavy presence. We were all standing there waiting for the authorities. Until they came, the body remained slumped over the steering wheel.
That was when it happened. The family began to say to each other,"God is good". Each person said this to the one next to them. Finally, the lady next to me looked me in the eyes and said,"God is good. I am going to pray and ask God that you might not have bad dreams because of what you saw today."
I was stunned! Why would she care if I, a stranger, had bad dreams or not! That night I woke with my heart pounding I had seen it all in my mind again.I could hear the echo of the boy's screams and the deadly silence of the woman in the van. As I was jolted awake I also saw again the face of the woman who had promised to pray for me.
I got out of bed and knelt down. I thought of the words of Job when He received
word of all he had lost. He too knelt down and worshiped. The family I met at the scene of the accident had shown me what true worship is.
The orange mark has faded, but I will never forget when time and eternity intersected. It was also the day I saw heaven and earth come together in true worship.
I was only a few minutes from home when I saw the collision. The impact of the two cars was so great it looked like they met in mid air. I had narrowly escaped being apart of the accident myself.
First, I went to comfort the boy whose legs had been crushed when the cars collided. After his mother came, I went to see what I could do for the lady in the van. I saw her body slumped over the steering wheel. She was dead.
Like me, she was only a few minutes from home. It didn't take long for her friends and family to gather. One by one they asked me what had happened. I repeated the story to her mother, her sisters, her children, her husband. The grief was a heavy presence. We were all standing there waiting for the authorities. Until they came, the body remained slumped over the steering wheel.
That was when it happened. The family began to say to each other,"God is good". Each person said this to the one next to them. Finally, the lady next to me looked me in the eyes and said,"God is good. I am going to pray and ask God that you might not have bad dreams because of what you saw today."
I was stunned! Why would she care if I, a stranger, had bad dreams or not! That night I woke with my heart pounding I had seen it all in my mind again.I could hear the echo of the boy's screams and the deadly silence of the woman in the van. As I was jolted awake I also saw again the face of the woman who had promised to pray for me.
I got out of bed and knelt down. I thought of the words of Job when He received
word of all he had lost. He too knelt down and worshiped. The family I met at the scene of the accident had shown me what true worship is.
The orange mark has faded, but I will never forget when time and eternity intersected. It was also the day I saw heaven and earth come together in true worship.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Don't bite the thermometer!
I don't remember why I was sitting up on that table at the doctor's office but I do remember the nurse sticking that glass thing in my mouth and ordering me not to bite it. It had never occurred to me to bite it. That is until she told me not to.
Crunch! Wow, what excitement! No sooner had I bitten the thermometer than little balls of mercy went bouncing all over the room. And if that weren't enough the nurse seemed to bounce around the room as well. It seemed I was an audience of one. I had caused all this excitement! I had the power! And did I mention I was sick?
"I know how to make her stop." my Grandmother said while producing a small amber colored bottle from behind her back. This was to be the cure for my problem. You see, I was a finger sucker!
"Hold out your hand,Sarah." Being the obedient child I was I complied with her wishes.She opened the bottle producing a small brush attached to the top of the bottle. Then she brushed it onto my fingers and said,"Go ahead Sarah, put your fingers in your mouth." Before my fingers ever found their resting place in my mouth I could smell the foul odor. The taste matched the smell. When Grandmother saw my reaction she said,"That should cure her, Rachel!"
Oh, but they underestimated the strength of my will. On the outside I was a compliant child but on the inside...I was my own master! They made the mistake of leaving the bottle unattended. I pulled a chair up to the counter and climbed up until I could reach the offending vile. Then I climbed back down went out side and emptied it onto the ground. I had the power!
"You will not surely die." the serpent said to the woman."For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."Genesis 3:4,5 Oh yes,yes this is just what I always wanted! To be my own God. My own master, nobody will be the boss of me!
Nobody is going to tell me not to bite the thermometer. Nobody is going to keep me from sucking my fingers! Did I mention I had this problem with pin worms? Well never mind that back to the important things. I would be my own God or at least I would worship on my own terms.
"Come, my children,listen to me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD."Ps. 34:1 This is how my journey began.
Crunch! Wow, what excitement! No sooner had I bitten the thermometer than little balls of mercy went bouncing all over the room. And if that weren't enough the nurse seemed to bounce around the room as well. It seemed I was an audience of one. I had caused all this excitement! I had the power! And did I mention I was sick?
"I know how to make her stop." my Grandmother said while producing a small amber colored bottle from behind her back. This was to be the cure for my problem. You see, I was a finger sucker!
"Hold out your hand,Sarah." Being the obedient child I was I complied with her wishes.She opened the bottle producing a small brush attached to the top of the bottle. Then she brushed it onto my fingers and said,"Go ahead Sarah, put your fingers in your mouth." Before my fingers ever found their resting place in my mouth I could smell the foul odor. The taste matched the smell. When Grandmother saw my reaction she said,"That should cure her, Rachel!"
Oh, but they underestimated the strength of my will. On the outside I was a compliant child but on the inside...I was my own master! They made the mistake of leaving the bottle unattended. I pulled a chair up to the counter and climbed up until I could reach the offending vile. Then I climbed back down went out side and emptied it onto the ground. I had the power!
"You will not surely die." the serpent said to the woman."For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."Genesis 3:4,5 Oh yes,yes this is just what I always wanted! To be my own God. My own master, nobody will be the boss of me!
Nobody is going to tell me not to bite the thermometer. Nobody is going to keep me from sucking my fingers! Did I mention I had this problem with pin worms? Well never mind that back to the important things. I would be my own God or at least I would worship on my own terms.
"Come, my children,listen to me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD."Ps. 34:1 This is how my journey began.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Beyond mea culpa
"Mea culpa,mea culpa,maxima mea culpa." "Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault." I learned about my guilt early in life. I found it to be a constant companion. Often it would awaken me it the night. Suddenly I would think of something I should have done or equally as effective,in robbing me of sleep, something I shouldn't have done.
I have found guilt to have a paralyzing effect on me. When I am consumed with guilt there is not room for much else. One day it dawned on me that this self absorption was simply just another form of pride. It was as if Pride had come in through the back door and was masquerading as Humility.
The Bible teaches that you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. The truth that sets me free is the unfailing love of God I find in Jesus Christ. As a child I memorized John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believed in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. As a child I believed and accepted Jesus as my Savior.
That should have been the end of guilt, right? Yet, still I am painfully aware of my faults and failures. Daily I must make the decision on what I will focus on. I also read in Scripture,"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." The truth is I am forgiven, I have a Savior, a Redeemer. I have a high priest at the throne of God who understands my struggles and who is interceding on my behalf.
Today I choose to worship my Savior and not my guilt. I lift my eyes away from my fault and to His face. I choose to put my confidence in His grace. Based on the truth of His love, by faith I will rise up and walk. I am humbly aware of my unworthiness but I am also aware that the hand extended to me bares scares. By those scares I am healed.
I have found guilt to have a paralyzing effect on me. When I am consumed with guilt there is not room for much else. One day it dawned on me that this self absorption was simply just another form of pride. It was as if Pride had come in through the back door and was masquerading as Humility.
The Bible teaches that you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. The truth that sets me free is the unfailing love of God I find in Jesus Christ. As a child I memorized John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believed in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. As a child I believed and accepted Jesus as my Savior.
That should have been the end of guilt, right? Yet, still I am painfully aware of my faults and failures. Daily I must make the decision on what I will focus on. I also read in Scripture,"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." The truth is I am forgiven, I have a Savior, a Redeemer. I have a high priest at the throne of God who understands my struggles and who is interceding on my behalf.
Today I choose to worship my Savior and not my guilt. I lift my eyes away from my fault and to His face. I choose to put my confidence in His grace. Based on the truth of His love, by faith I will rise up and walk. I am humbly aware of my unworthiness but I am also aware that the hand extended to me bares scares. By those scares I am healed.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
"You are the most arrogant person I know!"
"Sarah, you are the most arrogant person I know.” This was a statement from my brother. Since he is my brother he knows me pretty well, the comment had a great impact on me. In fact, it has caused me to begin praying for humility. I had to seek God's help with this, because I didn't really know what he was talking about. Now I do.
Praying for humbling isn't bad; having God answer that prayer is another matter all together. I don't think there is any part of my life that hasn't been exposed. It reminds me of when I went to the dentist as a little girl. My teeth always looked good to me until he had me chew on a small tablet. Suddenly my teeth were covered by a red stain. The stain simply exposed the plaque that had been there all along. So it has been with my arrogance. It's been there all along, but through prayer God has opened my eyes so that I can see it. YUCK!
Andrew, my son, fixed up a blog site for me when he was home at Christmas. I wanted to share my Bible Studies. Why haven't I? I'm to proud. I'm afraid to expose my inability to do it just right — so I haven't done it at all.
One of the main reasons I have been praying for humility is because what I really want is grace. The Bible teaches that God resists the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. The way I see it, I can either live my life in arrogance based on my pride, or I can, in humility, cast my cares on Jesus and live by grace.
To be honest, I'm not there yet. This is really hard. I don't like what I see. This has been a depressing journey, but I'm not finished yet. My encouragement for today is this,"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us,O Lord, even as we put our hope in you" (Ps. 33:18-22).
So begins my Blog about hope. I have put my confidence, my hope, in the unfailing love of my Redeemer. Now I will wait for my transformation through the power of His grace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)