Oh Mama's you must be careful when naming your babies. Stop and think what will the initials spell. I was given the name Sarah Angeline Decosimo—S.A.D.
I have suffered with depression from my earliest memories. Sometimes I have felt almost suffocated by it. I looked at it's presents in my life in many ways. I see it as my sparing parter. I must wrestle with depression so as not to be overcome by it.
I read in Psalm 139:13" For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Because of my depression I see God choosing deep purple, scarlet, and forest green knit into my being before I was ever born.
I live on a farm now. I have observed that there is something known as fallow time. It happens in the winter. I look across the field and all I can see is barrenness. But that is deceptive because during this fallow time roots are growing. So it is with me, my depression is my fallow time.
During the winter season of my soul my roots go deep into the Word of God. I am seeking comfort in His promises. I am waiting for my Redeemer. I say with the psalmist,"Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130: 1,5
This kind of waiting is not done is despair. To hope is to have a confident expectation of good. Because my hope is in Jesus Christ I am not disappointed. Just as weeping my abide for the night but joy comes in the morning I have found that winter is always followed by Spring!
Guess what. My birthday is March 20 the first day of Spring. When the winter is over I begin to feel within me the stirring of life again. Now I see growth above the ground. Tender colors of green, pink and violet appear. But do not be deceived they have a strong root system.
My parent's gave me the name Sarah Angeline Decosimo. I have discovered that Angeline means messenger. I have begun to ask God to let me be His Angeline. I want to whisper the message of hope to other who are experiencing winter in their soul. If you are reading this perhaps God has answered my prayer and has let me be His Angeline. That would be redeeming S.A.D. and making it JOY.
i remember when i was pregnant with nathaniel. sick, exhausted, anxious, at the end of myself with an energetic and strong-willed not-quite-two year old. i too was depressed, that whole 9 months. i felt like a failure as a wife and as a mother since just washing the dishes every day seemed like a herculean task. and one morning at church you looked straight into my eyes and said, "god gave you jeremiah. that means that YOU are the very best mother for him. just as you are."
ReplyDeletethank you for being god's messenger. speaking truth. seeing those who need to hear it.