When He Calls Your Name

I was tucking my grandchildren into bed. I could tell they were tiered by their big yawns and the way they were rubbing their eyes. As I got ready to pray for them I told them about when Samuel was a little boy lying down in the temple of the Lord where the ark of God was. I told them how God had called his name but because he didn't yet know the Lord and because the word of the Lord hadn't been revealed to him yet he didn't know who was calling him. Then I prayed that God would call their names and that they would know Him and that God would reveal His word to them.

Have you ever heard God call your name? Someone shyly told me this Summer that he had heard God call his name. I think that he was afraid of how I would respond. He had been pursuing God and longing for a deeper relationship. I wasn't surprised nor did I think it strange that God had called his name. The question I asked him was ,"Well, how did you respond?"

Samuel, however, wasn't pursuing God when he heard his name called. The Scripture says that he didn't yet know the Lord. The message God gave this young man was a hard one. Eli told Samuel to say, "Speak, for your servant hears," (Samuel 3:4) but the message God gave Samuel was about how Eli had not been listening to the Lord and how God was going to bring punishment on his house forever. Now that's a heavy message to wake a young man up with in the middle of the night!

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know he hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of him." (1 John 5:14-15) With this confidence I lay my hands on the heads of my grandchildren and I ask that God will wake them up by calling them by name. I ask that He will reveal Himself to them through His Word. I also ask that God will take these children and give them the courage to speak the truth.

Lord Jesus, I too want to hear You call my name. Open my ears to hear, my eyes to see and please give me the courage to obey. Let my life be an example to my children and grandchildren of one who hears and obeys Your voice.

The Prince of Darkness vs The Prince of Peace

It may have seemed he was alone but he wasn't. Unseen by human eyes the Prince of Darkness taunted him with questions and accusations that were aimed to cause confusion and doubt. "You were so sure of yourself when you proclaimed to all that you were the voice of one calling in the desert to make straight the way of the Lord. So where is he now? You were making a way for him why doesn't he make a way for you to be released from this dungeon, if he really is the Messiah, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world? You testified that this Jesus is the Son of God, so why are you in prison?"

He sent to two of his disciples to Jesus with this question, "Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?"(Luke 7:18-23) He was humble enough to admit he may have made a mistake. Jesus responded by continuing to cure those who were diseased, casting out evil spirits, and giving sight to many who were blind. Then He said to the messengers, "Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, and the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall way on account of me."

John could understand the message that Jesus was sending him because John was well verse in Scripture. Jesus was quoting from Isaiah 35. It also says, "Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God. He will come and save you. Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped; then the lame man will leap like a deer and the tongue of the mute sing for joy."

Sometimes I feel like John the Baptist and I find myself in situations that don't fit my ideas of how I thought my life as a Christian would be. At times like these I remind myself of what Jesus said the night before He died, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." (John 14:27) This peace that I have received by faith in the Prince of Peace silences the voice of the Prince of Darkness. When I put my faith in Him I am sure of what I hope for and confident about what I cannot see. I am blessed because like John the Baptist I have chosen to give my allegiance to the Prince of Peace and I will not fall way on account of him.

Lord Jesus, when I am assaulted by the taunts of the enemy help me to fix my mind on Your words of truth. You words silence both confusion and doubt. Your peace lifts me up and helps me see the bigger picture. It gives me a view of Your Kingdom where You reign. I want You to reign in my life and bring tranquility to my soul so Your kingdom can be seen in me.

"NO! I Don't Want That!"

"No thank you, I don't think I want that." There are lots of qualities in the Scripture that I want but there is one that never appealed to me, never. Every time I read about it there was something in me that would recoil, It reminded me of the story of children who would wake up on Christmas morning and find coal in their Christmas stocking. The coal was a cruel joke NOT a gift!

Coal is black and dirty. However, when coal is subjected to high temperatures and incredible pressure over a very long period of time a diamond is born. The beauty of a diamond is found in it's relationship to light. When light hits a diamond there is a dazzling dance and it refracts that light into all the colors of the rainbow.

Now, I understand better the gift that God has been offering me all these years. The problem is that I have been viewing this gift with my flesh and not the Spirit. When ever I look at this gift through my flesh it appears like a dirty black lump of coal. But because God has given me His Holy Spirit I am now beginning to recognize the diamond instead. I am beginning to understand that what is being offered to me is a gift. Through this gift God can shine His love into my life so that those around me can be bathed in all the colors of the rainbow. The very colors that surround His throne in Heaven. Through this beautiful gift God is inviting me to be part of something that is so much greater than I am. He is inviting me to reflect His glory.

I have been blessed to see God's light reflected in the lives of others as they humbly received this gift from God. I have seen it displayed in a mother, whose eyes have been repeatedly washed by tears, and yet she refused to stop loving  and believing in her child. I was privileged to overhear the words of love spoken by a husband to his wife as she lay dying. He held her hand and willing entered into her suffering by his love and I saw a rainbow.

 Heavenly Father, Your word has taught me that love suffers long and is kind. Your word has taught me that long suffering is a fruit of Your Holy Spirit. You Father, are gracious and full of compassion  slow to anger and great in mercy. I understand now that You have invited me by the power of Your Holy Spirit to represent Your love to a hurting ,broken world through being long suffering. Thank You for being long suffering with me and please, please let my life be more like a diamond than coal and let the rainbow of hope be seen in me through Your light.

For Everything There is a Season

I knew eventually I was going to have to begin the painful process of letting go. I wanted to hold on to things that were familiar, things that carried with them memories of a time that was now over. Sometimes its hard to sort through the things that people leave behind, especially if the people are people you have loved dearly and miss terribly. Yet, the truth is that in order to move forward in life I know I must be willing to accept change.

Seasons bring with them an understanding of change. Time does not stand still and there is a time for every matter under heaven. According to Solomon God has made everything beautiful in its time. But I also believe that if I am to understand the beauty of all things I must also accept that God has placed eternity into the hearts of every man even though I do not understand what God has done from the beginning to the end.

How can I find peace in this ever changing world? In order for me to find peace and stability I find I must anchor my hope in something that doesn't change. "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul ,'therefore I will hope in him.'" (Lamentations 3:22-24)

Because the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases and because I believe in the God of eternity who has loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life, I can accept that there is:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to keep silent, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

O LORD, I believe Your word that everything is beautiful in its time but some seasons are harder that others! Grant me the wisdom to know what season I am in and the courage to do what that season requires.

The Gift That Brought Me to My Knees

A gift, an amazing gift, that opened my world, that opened my heart, that brought me to my knees. This gift came without instructions, so how was I supposed to decipher what each cry meant? I may not have known what to do but at least I knew where to find wisdom. The gift of children taught me to appreciate the gift of prayer.

"People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them," (Mark 10:13) More than anything in the world I wanted to bring my children to Jesus. I wanted Him to touch them, to open their eyes so they they could see the world through eyes of faith. As a mother my highest goal with my little children was to bring them to Jesus my deepest prayer was for Him to touch them.

It doesn't take long for a baby to become a little child and a little child to grow into an independent youth. When my little children became youths they they discovered that I was not Omniscient. At that time in their life I wanted to be all-knowing! I wanted to have a correct answer to all their questions. I wanted to wisely guide them in the decisions they had to make, decsions that would put them on the right path. My children are a gift from God, a gift that makes me want to be more than I am, a gift that brings me to my knees holding them up to Jesus before the throne. Before the throne I ask the One who is Omniscient to guide their steps and to bless them.

The Sun rises and the Sun sets and before I know it my house is very quiet yet in my heart I hear the echo of their voices. Each voice, each memory is a treasure that is mine to keep. My position is no longer that of authority it has now changed to that of counselor. I remind myself daily not to be anxious for these children who carry my heart with them wherever they go, but instead to carry them constantly before the throne of God. I carry each one before the throne of mercy with prayers, with supplications and yes, always, with thanksgiving. I pray with thanksgiving because I know Jesus never turned away the mothers who brought their children to Him.

Oh Father, what an amazing gift You gave me when You gave me children. They have taught me about love in ways that have humbled me and brought me continually to my knees. When they were young I would place my hands on their heads and pray for them but now they have grown and gone. Still I bring my children to You, Lord Jesus, I know Your hands can reach them when mine cannot and I know You hear a mother's prayer for the blessing of her children.

The Answer

There was something I wanted to say but I wasn't sure if I should speak or keep silent. I was in France for my nephew Guillaume's wedding. I wanted to share with Guillaume and Amandine something that had profoundly affected my life and my marriage but I just wasn't sure when or how or if I should do it so I prayed.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."(James 1:5) Part of my lack of wisdom was that I wasn't sure of my motives, was I just wanting to call attention to my self? I also didn't want to be preachy. The truth is I don't even have the wisdom to understand myself. But I do know a God who has promised to give me the wisdom that I lack and so I prayed.

On the Eve of the wedding I received the answer to my prayer when Guillaume told me he had something he wanted me to say at his wedding. He asked me to read 1 Corinthians 13 it was the same passage I had been praying about sharing with him. Years ago I had memorized this passage in several translations. I began the practice of saying it to myself at different times throughout the day. I felt it was a gift God had given me and I wanted to pass it on to my nephew and his bride.

I know that "All Scripture is God- breathed"(2 Timothy 3:16) and when I stood to speak I could feel the breath of God. So many people are confused about what love is. When I shared that day I shared not only words but how the power of the Holy Sprint through Scripture teaches me what is true corrects me when I am wrong and guides me to do what is right.

Lord Jesus, when I'm confused and I don't know what to do Your word invites me to ask with the promise that You are listening. When I am lacking the ability to love I go to Your word and Your Spirit speaks to me teaching , rebuking, correcting and guiding me.

The Wedding Band

 My grandmother asked me to bring her her wedding band, she had given it to me for safe keeping when she went to the hospital. When I looked for it it was nowhere to be found.  I was a child deeply aware of my need so after I looked everywhere I knew to look I dropped to my knees and prayed.

It was an unsophisticated prayer. It had two elements to it, one, I was aware of my great need and secondly, I believed I was praying to a God who loved me and was able to answer my prayer. I dropped to my knees and cried with all my heart, "Father, help me!" I opened my eyes and there tucked in the folds of my grandmother's comforter was the wedding band.

Many years have past and many prayers have been said since that day long ago. As I grew up my prayers became more mature. There have been seasons in my life when I didn't feel the great urgency to pray. There have been times when things have been going well and I have felt quite capable of navigating my life.

But then that bubble of self sufficiency bursts. I find myself like a child crying out, "Father, help me!" Again I am aware of two basic facts, my great need and that I have a great God who loves me. The answers to my prayers are not always as tangible as when I found my grandmother's wedding band but it is the same peace that invades my heart, mind and soul now as it was when I was a child.

Heavenly Father, thank You that You hear my prayers even if  I don't know exactly the right words to say. Thank You for deciding in advance to adopt me into Your own family through Jesus Christ. Thank You for Your peace that passes all understanding.

The Choice is Mine to Make

I have been going through a season of major to mild irritations, grieving the loss of people who are dear to me, dealing with health issues, facing change, change and more change. Every morning I wake up and make a decisions of how I choose to respond to the challenges of that day. I make my decision before I get out of bed. Before my feet touch the floor I make my declaration, "This is the day the LORD has made I will rejoice and be glad in it."(Psalm 118:24

My decision to rejoice, however, does not eliminate the battle. I have to choose over and over to take every thought captive because if I don't I begin to feel myself becoming captive to negative thoughts. Although I have a freedom that was purchased with the blood of Jesus Christ still I must choose daily to walk in that truth. 

"A man is slave to whatever has mastered him."(2 Peter 2:19) Bombarded by negative thoughts if I allow them to dictate how I respond to the challenges I face then they will be my master. But I don't have to be their slave I can choose to be free from the crippling influence of negative thoughts because of the salvation I have received through faith in Jesus Christ.

The real question is how shall I represent Jesus Christ to a broken world? I am a broken person who lives in a broken world and yet according to 1 Corinthians 3:16 I am also God's temple and God's Spirit lives in me. My spiritual act of worship morning by morning is to offer by body as a living sacrifice choosing each day to rejoice and give thanks in the power of the Holy Spirit taking every thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ.

Lord Jesus, because of you I have the choice to rejoice. I choose to rejoice.

Don't Try

Try to be strong and very courageous. Try to give thanks to the Lord. Try to rejoice in the Lord; I will say it again, try. Something is wrong with these sentences. I added a word that I realize I sometimes add without thinking.

When I add the word try to something God's word says do, it gives me the option of success or failure. I can try to be strong and very courageous, but I can't promise anything. I can try to give thanks in the Lord, but I'm not sure I will. I can try to rejoice in the Lord, but let me say it again I'm only trying.

Isn't it only reasonable to add the word try to these verse? Wouldn't it be foolish to "Be strong and very courageous" if you don't know what's coming your way? Shouldn't 1 Thessalonians 5:18 read, "Try to give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." Difficult things happen so wouldn't it be more reasonable to say, "Try to rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Try!

When I add the word try to these verses what I am saying is that I am relying on my own strength to accomplish these things. However, what I see in the Scripture is, "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts." ( Zechariah 4:6) How can I be strong and very courageous? How can I give thanks in all circumstances? How can I rejoice in the Lord? I can do these things not because I am trying but because I am trusting in the Spirit of the LORD of hosts!

Father, thank You that with the command You also gave Your Spirit. Thank You for allowing me in my weakness to experience Your Strength. Thank You for Your invitation to rejoice, give thanks and know Your strength and courage, not by trying, but by trusting Your Spirit.

It All depends on Who You Listen To

It was the spirit of intimidation. The Jews had come back from captivity but what faced them was a broken down wall and the remains of what once had been a powerful city. It had been destroyed because of their sin. Now they were trying to rebuild. Sanballat heard about what they were doing and surrounded them with jeering taunts, "What are these feeble Jews doing?... Will they revive the stones out of the heaps of rubbish, burned ones at that?" Tobiah the Ammonite joined in the taunt saying, "Yes, what they are building --if a fox goes up on it he will break down their stone wall."(Nehemiah 4:2,3) The intimidation was to break the people and produce the fear of failure.

It was the spirit of conviction. The Jews had gathered together to hear the Book of the Law of Moses that the LORD had commanded Israel. They not only read it clearly, they priest gave it sense and when the people understood they bowed their heads with their faces to the ground. Their heart were grieved because they understood at last the depth of their sin and they began to grieve. When they at last understood what God's word said they were filled with the fear of the Lord. The spirit of conviction broke their hearts and produced a spirit of worship.

The spirit of intimidation verses the spirit of conviction, one produces the fear of failure the other produces the fear of God. With intimidation comes discouragement with conviction comes courage. Intimidation points out my faults and failure. Conviction points me toward God's holiness. Both produce a form of brokenness.

"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite." (Isaiah 57:15) This is what happened when the people were convicted of their sin and the fear of God fell on them and they bowed to worship. The next verse is a verse of encouragement, "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."(Nehemiah 8:10) Conviction opens the door to experience repentance  Repentance opens the door for the Savior.

Father, sometimes I hear both the spirit of intimidation and conviction at the same time. Let my fear be the fear of God that brings with it wisdom. Thank you that You dwell with those who have a contrite and lowly spirit. In Your presence their is joy and strength.

Lights on the Runway

I'm looking out the window at a scramble of blue lights. I see no pattern, I have no understanding about how this works. I can see, hear and feel the plane aiming toward those lights but this is something I am not I control of. I am the passenger and not the pilot. Panic or peace is determined by my trust or lack of trust in the one who pilots the plane.

This is very descriptive of how I feel right now. There is so much happening in my life and to be honest it's overwhelming. When I think about all the things that has taken place in my life over the last few months I feel like a passenger in a plane descending at a great speed toward the flickering light of a runway at night. The feeling is one of not being in control the question is, "How shall I respond to those feelings?"

"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and to marvelous for me."(Psalm 131:1) The truth is I don't understand everything that's going on in my life right now any more than I understand how to safely land an airplane at night on the runway. Morning by morning I make the choice to trust the one who navigates my life. I choose to walk humbly believing that what is not known to me is known to Him.

"But I have calmed myself and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with it's mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore." (Psalm 131:2,3) This is such a picture of comfort and trust. A child that has been weaned is a child that has experienced the comfort of it's mother and is willing to be quieted and calmed by her presents. This is also a picture of hope, the confident expectation of good. Like one who sits as a passenger looking out at the flickering blue lights on the runway anticipating a safe landing.

Heavenly Father, I am confused by all that is happening in my life right now but I truth You. Please help me to calm and quiet my soul as I choose to put my hope in You.

The True Artist

"The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters." (Genesis 1:2) I think that the first artist the true artist is the Spirit of God. I think that it's interesting that the first place He chose to display His creative spirit was in a place that was,"without form and void" a place where there was darkness.

I see this same Spirit at work with the backdrop of the wilderness when God announced that He wanted His people to build a sanctuary for Him. How could this be done in a wilderness with a people who have just come out of slavery? "I have called by name Bezalel, son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah. And I have filled him with the Spirit of God in wisdom, in understanding, in knowledge, and in all kinds of craftsmanship to make artistic designs for work in gold, in silver, and in bronze, and in cutting of stones for setting, and in the carving of wood, that he may work in all kinds of craftsmanship.(Exodus 31:2-5) In the wilderness the Spirit of God entered into a man so that he could provide a place God for to dwell among His people.

This sanctuary was a copy and shadow of what is in heaven according to the book of Hebrews. The man chosen to be the artist was Bezalel his name means "In the shadow of God." This is what I see, the Spirit of God over shadowed him and he became saturated with creative skill. I think it's also interesting that he was from the tribe of Judah, that can be translated let God be praised, the same tribe as King Solomon who built a temple for God.

When I think about how Bezalel an artist filled with the Holy Spirit in order to artistically create a dwelling place for God my mind is drawn to 1 Corinthians 6:19-20) "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? you are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in you body." In a world filled with profanity where there is contempt or irreverence for what is sacred the Holy Spirit has chosen to dwell within His people so that we can glorify God.

Heavenly Father Your Spirit is the only true artist. Please change me, remake me, conform me into the image of Your son. Please show me how to glorify You through the power of Your Holy Spirit as I walk through my own wilderness.

Soul Surgery

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness." ( 2 Timothy 3:16) I experienced the truth of this verse when I decided I would memorize 1 Corinthians 13 in several versions at the same time.

I've heard people ask the question, "Does anyone really know what love means?" Well I think God gives a good definition in His word. When I started my memorization project I began with,"Love is patient and kind" I couldn't get much farther than that because I found God's word not only teaching me what love is but I also felt rebuked because of my lack of patience and kindness. The fact that I was homeschooling my four children at the time brought my lack into clear view. So I began to pray that God would also correct my lack of patience and kindness. 

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."(Hebrews 4:12) As I continued memorizing I came to the part that said, "love does not boast, it is not proud." Since I was memorizing this in several versions simultaneously this is what was in my mind, "love is not arrogant, it's not puffed up, it doesn't brag, it's not conceited, and doesn't sing it's own praise." The sword hits it's mark I hit my knees and prayed,"Lord, have mercy on me a sinner. I am every thing love is not! Lord, please take Your word and do surgery on my soul." 

I also decided that any time I got into a fight with my husband I would think through what these verses had to say about love and apply them to myself. Again I was convicted by the words,"love is not irritable or resentful, not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong, it doesn't seek it's own, it takes no account of evil." I can only say how grateful I for Isaiah 55:11 "So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." I am so grateful that God's word not only brings with it conviction but it also brings with it the gift of repentance.

Lord, thank You for the gift of Your word. As I memorize what love is I am always remained that at the heart of the definition is the truth that "God is love." As I meditate on your word please do soul surgery so that I can represent You better.

"Come now, and let us reason together."

The phone rang in the middle of the night and jolted me awake. It didn't take long for me to realize what kind of phone call this was. Suddenly, out of my mouth came words my Grandmother had had me memorize many many years before. "Come now, and let us reason together saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."(Isaiah 1:18) Before he could respond I added, "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all."(Isaiah 53:6) There was silence and then he said, "Please tell me those things again." After I repeated the verses a second time he said quietly, "Thank you," and hung up. "You will know the truth and the truth shall set you free."(John 8:32)

"Did Mommy tell you what happened last night?" There was a haunted look in his eyes. I assured him I had heard nothing and we went about having a good time together, reading the next chapter in  our book, planting a tree in the back yard. Then it was bed time and we were having the kind of quite talk that happens at twilight when he asked me again, "Are you sure you don't know what happened last night?" "Why, don't you tell me," I said. His heart and voice broke at the same time as he told be about the burden of guilt  he was carrying  I told him what my Grandmother had told me. "We've all done wrong. Every one of us has messed up, that's why Jesus came." I told him about my struggle with guilt. "We have both an Accuser and a Savoir. Which one are you going to pay attention to?" He gave me a sweet little boy hug and said, "Thank you, Mimi." "You will know the truth and the truth shall set you free." ( John 8:32)

What is the truth that sets us free? I think about what John the Baptist said when he saw Jesus coming toward him. "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1:35) From the very beginning of his ministry Jesus was identified as the one who had come bare our griefs and carry our sorrows. "He was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our inquiries upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his strips we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all."(Isaiah 53) I believe knowing this truth sets the prison free from guilt and shame.

The Accuser,however,is always at hand to draw attention away from the Truth that brings freedom so that my focus will not be on the one who has come to take away my sins but instead my attention will be on my sins. "Do you think you can be free from your failure? Just look at what you've done! You are guilty!" This also is true, I am guilty. What am I to do? Again the words my Grandmother taught me so many years ago return. "Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." This Truth brings with it both peace and freedom.

Lord Jesus, the truth is I have sinned. I have not only failed to do the good I wanted to do I have also done the wrong things I didn't want to do. I hear and feel the condemnation of the Accuser. I would be at his mercy except I, like John, have seen and known the Lamb of God who has come to take away my sins. I hear both the voices of the Accuser and of the Savior I choose to listen to Your voice Jesus. I choose to base my life on the Truth that You are the Lamb of God who has taken away my sins.

Waiting...

This has been a month of waiting for me. The kind of waiting that you do when you go from one doctor to another and then wait for the results of all the test. During this waiting what I believe or don't believe can come to the surface. Fears can bubble up in the night and ask the haunting question, "What if...?"

I am also experiencing another kind of waiting it's the kind of waiting that Isaiah 40 talks about. This is the waiting that is done when you savor the promises of God. This is the waiting that is done with confidence and expectation that God is real and His promises are true. This is the waiting that Isaiah says will cause you to mount up on wings like eagles. This kind of waiting causes me to wake up and gaze at the stars believing that the one who created them can hear me when I cry.

To be honest I am experiencing both kinds of waiting at the same time. It's like having a wresting match going on inside my head. I want to be a honest and real and deal with life in an honest and real way. I think my wrestling is a reflection a what Jacob did he wrestled with the angel all night after he heard that Esau and four hundred men were coming toward him. On one hand he knew God had told him to return home on the other hand he knew when he left home his brother had threatened to kill him. In the real world wrestling is part of life.

Both kinds of waiting are real the wrestling is real and in the process I become real. There is something else that is happening as wait upon the Lord bringing my concerns to Him, remembering His promises as my mind meditates on Him in the watches of the night. My heart begins to soar. As I stretch out and spread my wings of faith I find myself being lifted and soaring on the promises I believe. Carried my the winds of the Holy Spirit my soul finds it's rest in Him.

Father, thank you for inviting me to know the wonder of trusting You. May it be that as I learn to stretch out and reach towards You in faith that my strength will be renewed. I want to be real and I want to, "mount up with wings like eagles."(Isaiah 40:31)

"I have loved you," says the LORD

"I have loved you," says the LORD. "But you ask,'How have you loved us?'” These are the words I began my day with yesterday out of first chapter of Malachi. I was still thinking about them when my husband invited me to go with him for a ride in the mountains.

Steve had taken the windows off the Jeep so I could see the colors of the leaves, feel the wind and smell the Fall air. "I have loved you," says the LORD. Thinking about these words in Malachi I began to pray a prayer I often pray. "Lord, please help me to look until I can see. Touch until I can feel. Listen until I can understand."

"But you ask, 'How have you loved us?'”This question that follows God pronouncement of His love I think began in the garden when sin caused a veil to be placed over the eyes of the first man and woman who chose to believe the lie that God wasn't really good and He didn't really love them and He could not be trusted. The taste of the fruit of disobedience was the beginning of the loss of ability to be satisfied with the taste of what was good, they could no longer enjoy the fragrance of worship.

"I have loved you," says the LORD. "But you ask, 'How have you loved us?'” It is a humbling thing to believe that I am loved. If I receive a gift I want to be somehow be worthy of it but to receive this gift of love from the LORD means I take my eyes off myself and I begin to see Him. Being in the mountains experiencing the beauty of Autumn with all my senses I acknowledge God's love for me and respond with the worship of a grateful heart.

O Lord, so many times I read in You word that You love me. Please fill my heart with grateful wonder so that I can enjoy the gifts that surround me. In the receiving of Your love let me give to You the gift of worship.

"What do You Want?"

When I was a little girl and I first heard about how God had told Solomon that he could ask for anything he wanted and it would be granted to him I began to wonder what I would ask for if God told me that. Even today I can imagine myself standing like Isaiah in the courts of Heaven and seeing the Lord high and lifted up on a golden throne and the train of His robe filling the temple. I see Him as Daniel described Him as the Ancient of Days with His clothing white as snow His throne like fiery flames. The book of Revelation says that His throne is encircled with a rainbow. I have heard His voice described as the sound of a mighty rushing wind,a mighty voice, in Revelation His voice is described as the sound of mighty waters but Elijah heard Him as a still small voice. Now with all this in mind I approach the one who sits on this throne of glory with my request and I am in too much awe to say a word.

There is another story of someone to whom it was said, "What do you want me to do for you?'' (Mark 10:51) Unlike King Solomon this man had not just finished building a grand temple in fact this man was simply a blind beggar. When Jesus asked this blind beggar named Bartimaeus, What do you want me to do for you?" he answered, "Rabbi, I want to see." When Jesus opened his eyes I wonder what he really saw.

I wonder if when this blind man opened his eyes he saw,"the image of the invisible God, the first born of all creation, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. and he is the head of the body, the church, He is the beginning  the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell..." (Colossians 1:15-20) What I do know from reading his story in the book of Mark is that Bartimaeus received his sight and followed Jesus.

I have discovered through reading the Scriptures that the same God who invited Solomon to ask something of Him has given me this same invitation! The prayer that I bring mirrors both Solomon's request and Bartimaeus'. This is what I'm asking for, "That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give me a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in knowledge of him, having the eyes of my heart enlightened, that I may know what is the hope to which he has called me, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward me who believes, according to the working of his great might..." (taken from Ephesians 1:17-23)

Father, in the book of James You said that I didn't have because I didn't ask. Now I have made my request and I am also thanking you for giving me what I have asked of You. Because You promised that if I asked anything according to Your word I could be assured I would receive what I asked for.

"Made Strong Out of Weakness"

I don't remember waking up I just know I wasn't sleeping. Parading through my mind was a long list of things that needed to be done and lying there only half conscience I felt defeated. Finally I drifted off to sleep but when I woke up I was reminded of the command given to Joshua, "Be strong and very courageous." I woke up thinking about the connection between faith and action.

Faith that is real invokes action. What that means to me is that instead of standing still dreading the tasks that are before me because I feel inadequate I move towards them believing that if God has given me the task He will provide the means to do it. Joshua was told seven times to be strong and courageous. He had seen the Promised Land but he had also seen the giants and the walled cities. If my faith is real it means that I have the same strength and courage available to me that was available to Joshua.

Joshua remembered what he had seen when he spied out the land forty years earlier. It would have been natural to be afraid or terrified except that God promised to go with him, He promised that He would never leave Joshua or forsake him. When I was tossing and turning in my bed last night all I could see was how inadequate I was for the tasks that awaited me. When I woke up I was reminded that like Joshua God has also promised me that I am not alone.

Since I was thinking about how faith and actions fit together I looked up Hebrews eleven. I reviewed again how people who had put their faith in God had responded to the challenges they faced. What I saw in each life was courage and strength. I saw people of action and then I saw that they were, "Made strong out of weakness."

Father, thank You for reminding me again that I never have to be afraid of the jobs that seem impossible for me to do, because You've promised that if You called me to do it You'll equip me as well. Thank You for the encouragement I find in seeing Your faithfulness to those who trust You. Please let my life be an encouragement to others as I choose to trust You. Please let Your strength be seen in my weakness.

Standing in the Courts of Heaven

"Use your imagination and see yourself sitting in a room full of people. Everyone has gathered to listen to your deepest darkest secrets exposed. There is no place for you to hide there is nothing you can do but lower your eyes as all eyes focus knowingly on you." This is how my daughter began her creative Bible Study class. Her assignment had been to choose a group of people where she would bring the message of hope. Because she was ministering at a local jail she chose them as her audience. When she described the courtroom I was reminded of a scene from Heaven I'd read about.

My friend stood before me with her eyes cast down. "Please pray for me," she said. She was being smothered by a mantel of guilt. She told me how she wanted to be free but that she just couldn't get past her crippling since of guilt. I shared a scene from Heaven with her and asked if it sounded familiar.

"Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him. And the LORD said to Satan, 'The LORD rebuke you, O Satan! The LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?' Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed in filthy garments. And the angel said to those who were standing before him, 'Remove the filthy garments from him.' And to him he said,' Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments.'" (Zechariah 3: 1-5)

I have felt the crippling effects of guilt. Sometimes it has even felt noble to focus on my guilt. Yet, when I look at this picture of Satan standing on one side accusing and the angel of the LORD pronouncing that the iniquity has been removed I get another picture. This is a picture of what Jesus did for me. Even though Jesus has pronounced me pure Satan still retains his role as accuser. The question is to whom do I listen?

Father, because Jesus took the punishment that I deserved I have been like a brand plucked from the fire. Jesus wore the robe of flesh so that I could wear a robe of righteousness. Please help me to walk in this truth and honor You. Please help me not to honor the accuser by letting him cover me with the filthy garments that You removed.

The Gift

I don't know who that gift was for, maybe it was just part of my Mother's decorating scheme. Mother kept a beautifully wrapped gift on the dresser of the guest bedroom. Whenever I came to spend the night with her I would look at that wrapped gift and smile. I think of hope like a beautifully wrapped gift. Hope is the confident expectation of good.

The joy in gift giving is not only for the one who receives the gift but for the one who gives it. I was with my sisters this weekend and I had chosen birthday gifts for two of them. I delighted in watching my sisters open their presents. I saw my pleasure reflected in what I read this morning  "The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love." (Psalm 147:11) What a gift! Unfailing love that is given to me even when I fail.

In the book of Romans it talks about "rejoicing in hope." This kind of rejoicing happens because no matter what I may be experiencing at the time I know that this hope I have in the unfailing love of God will not put me to shame. In fact even now God's love has been poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is only a taste of what is to come.

There is not only joy that comes as I live my life aware of this beautifully wrapped gift there is also peace. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing  so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."(Roman's 15:13) This peace and joy gives me not only hope for the future but courage and strength to face the challenges I meet each day.

Dear Heavenly Father You have filled my life with gifts I did not earn and that I do not deserve. Please help me be someone who delights you by putting my hope in Your unfailing love. As You pour out Your love into my heart through Your Holy Spirit help me live this day with courage empowered by the gift of Your love.