Waiting...

This has been a month of waiting for me. The kind of waiting that you do when you go from one doctor to another and then wait for the results of all the test. During this waiting what I believe or don't believe can come to the surface. Fears can bubble up in the night and ask the haunting question, "What if...?"

I am also experiencing another kind of waiting it's the kind of waiting that Isaiah 40 talks about. This is the waiting that is done when you savor the promises of God. This is the waiting that is done with confidence and expectation that God is real and His promises are true. This is the waiting that Isaiah says will cause you to mount up on wings like eagles. This kind of waiting causes me to wake up and gaze at the stars believing that the one who created them can hear me when I cry.

To be honest I am experiencing both kinds of waiting at the same time. It's like having a wresting match going on inside my head. I want to be a honest and real and deal with life in an honest and real way. I think my wrestling is a reflection a what Jacob did he wrestled with the angel all night after he heard that Esau and four hundred men were coming toward him. On one hand he knew God had told him to return home on the other hand he knew when he left home his brother had threatened to kill him. In the real world wrestling is part of life.

Both kinds of waiting are real the wrestling is real and in the process I become real. There is something else that is happening as wait upon the Lord bringing my concerns to Him, remembering His promises as my mind meditates on Him in the watches of the night. My heart begins to soar. As I stretch out and spread my wings of faith I find myself being lifted and soaring on the promises I believe. Carried my the winds of the Holy Spirit my soul finds it's rest in Him.

Father, thank you for inviting me to know the wonder of trusting You. May it be that as I learn to stretch out and reach towards You in faith that my strength will be renewed. I want to be real and I want to, "mount up with wings like eagles."(Isaiah 40:31)