Don't Be Afraid To Ask

She had only been a Christian for seven months when I met her but during those months she had read through the Bible twice and the New Testament six time. She had been raised in a Communist country and for the first thirty years of her life she had been told there was no God. She was taught all things could be accomplished through human effort. Now her eyes were open to a new world she had never known before, a spiritual world. She had experienced the spiritual birth Jesus talked to Nicodemus about in the third chapter of John.

As I listened to her talk I was reminded of two scriptures, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;  the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 and "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26 Her eyes shone with the excitement of this new life.

I was impressed with the enthusiastic way she was reading through the Scripture. It was all new to her and she could not get enough of it. However, she had many questions. What she had been taught and what she was learning in God's word were two very different ways of thinking. When she asked me her questions I was impressed at how different they were from the questions I ask. Her questions were formed in part by the culture she had born into and the things she had been taught from her youth.

To be honest I didn't have an answer to all her questions. But I shared with her what I have learned as a Christian seeking to understand God's word. I believe this is part of God's plan to draw us closer to Him. Jesus said, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7 Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Our questions are as different as our experiences but as we ask our questions we are draw deeper and deeper into our relation with God.

Lord Jesus, after all these years of being a Christian I still have so many questions. Please help me take the time to formulate them so that I can ask, seek and knock. Please help me to be as enthusiastic as this young Christian so that I seek you will all my heart,

Between The Years

I call it the hallway between the years. This week between Christmas and the New Year is when I look back and read the journal I've been keeping. Looking at where I have been helps me gain perspective and see where I am going.

This hasn't been an easy year. There have been a lot of changes in my life and I have never found change easy. However, there have been some wonderful blessings as well. Because of the difficulties of this year the blessings seem to shine like stars in the night. I look at my blessings of this year in the same way a sailors looks to the stars to navigate. I choose to record my journey through the past year not based on  the darkness but on the point of light.

When I look at the prophecies in Scripture I see stars by which to navigate my life. In addition to looking back and seeing where God has led me I look forward and gain insight to where He is leading. "We have a more sure, the prophetic word, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shinning in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts." 2 Peter 1:19

Every year when I read through the Bible I trace God's faithfulness to fulfill the promises He made. I can see many of the prophecies that Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel and the rest of the prophets accepted by faith already fulfilled. These fulfilled prophecies have become the foundation stones I stand on  as I gaze at the stars in the night sky looking forward to the prophecies yet to be fulfilled.

Lord Jesus, You are the sun of righteousness who has risen with healing in your wings that the prophets foretold. When I reflect on the blessings of this past year I see the lamp of your love guiding me. As I look to this coming year please help me pay attention to your guiding light until the day dawns and Your morning star rises in my heart.

A Deeper Surrender

When I was a little girl I used to think that I could be a better person if only I was in a different setting. I wanted to be good I really did but I was constantly failing. Focusing on my failures often lead to depression. I was reminded of this recently as I talked to a young man who told me that he would be a different person if only he had a different set of circumstances. I shared with him what I learned from the Lord through my constant prayer about my own struggle with sin.

Both this young man and myself had received justification by faith in Jesus. He and I both understood that Jesus himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. We both understood that it wasn't our own good works that brought salvation. We understood that by Jesus' wounds we were healed. The question we had both struggled with was, how. How do we die to sin and live to righteousness?

I shared with my young friend what I am still in the process of learning, a deeper surrender to the love of God. The first step in this surrender is to agree with God when he points out sin. What I usually do when my sin is exposed to focus on the sin. I either try to justify it or I feel guilty about it. When I choose to surrender to God's love I life my eyes away from my sin and look into my Savior's face. Then my heart is full of gratitude instead of self loathing.

"We are at war", I told my friend. "We are at war with the world, the flesh and the devil. No matter where you are or what your circumstances of life are this is simply true." In this war the goal is to die to sin and live to righteousness but how? Again I believe the answer is a deeper surrender to the love of God.

A deeper surrender to the love of God is to be filled with His spirit. Surrendering to his love we rejoice in hope anchoring our expectations in his promise that he has set us free from the bondage of sin. Surrendering to his love we choose to be patient in affliction we don't give up. Surrendering to his love we choose to not surrender to our flesh, the world or the devil but stand our ground and fight. Often standing our ground is done on our knees being faithful in prayer. Refusing to give up or give in but being sure of what we hope for and confident about what we do not see we continue to come to the throne of the Almighty and pour out our hearts.

Something happens in this struggle. I want my Christian life to be easy. I want to be good I don't want to sin but I don't want it to be a struggle. However, I see a different pattern in Romans 12. "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Somewhere in this struggle transformation takes place. Surrendering to God's love and offering my body as a living sacrifice is worship.

Lord Jesus, you did for me what I could not do for myself you took my sin and gave me your righteousness. You also gave me your Holy Spirit. Your word tells me to fight the good fight and to finish the race. Lord Jesus, you are my High Priest always making intersession for me before the throne of God please let the only thing I surrender to in this life be your love! Please let me be an encouragement to those around me not to give up because you won the war let us claim the victory.

A Detailed Plan

I was in High School and discussing the mysteries of the Universe with my friends. It was an interesting discussion because we had all heard different theories and we were comparing notes. One boy spoke with more authority than the rest of us his because brother was in seminary. He explained to us that the world was like a big clock that God wound up. After God set things in motion he stepped out of the picture and was just going to watch to see how things turned out.

This picture of an indifferent God was interesting to me but not comforting. Was my friend right? Was I along with all of creation left to chance? How did what I believe about God's caring or not caring affect anything anyway? As I thought about this I realized my belief about the nature of God was foundational not only in the way I viewed the world but also in the way I saw myself.

When I read the book of the book Jonah I saw a very different picture of God than the clockwork God my friend had told me about. In Jonah I found a God who had boundless compassion for the people He had created. Not just compassion on the Jew's who were considered His chosen people but also on the pagan sailors and the Ninevites. In this story of redemption and compassion God used all of His creation to carry out His plan.

The story of Jonah is full of divine appointments. First, God appointed His prophet Jonah to go to his enemies the Ninevites. Next, God appointed a storm to get Jonah's attention when Jonah had decided to go in a direction dirrent from God's. God appoint a great fish to keep Jonah from drowning and give him time to think about the direction he was headed. God appointed a plant to grow and give Jonah shade and save him from discomfort, while Jonah was waiting for God to destroy Nineveh. Finally, God appointed a worm to attack the plant and make it wither. This made Jonah very angry. God used it as an illustration that although Jonah had compassion on the plant because it gave him comfort from the heat he had no compassion on the city of Nineveh.

Lord Jesus, in this story of the redemptive love of God I see a picture of You. "For God so loved the world, that he sent his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God didn't send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." John 3:16,17 Thank you for not being an indifferent God but a God of love and compassion. When I see my life reflected in your love it has meaning.



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When The Sunrise Visits Us From On High

One of the things I enjoyed when I worked in the cafe' was hearing people's stories. I didn’t always know their name only their story that was revealed little by little each time they come. It happened once when with a lady who was having lunch with her sister. As they were leaving the woman mention how her sister had been very near death nine months earlier. Her sister came back the next week and told me more of her story.

She told me how she had spent twenty three days in intensive care. She was in and out of consciousness and was not expected to live. She told me about how helpless she had been unable to do anything for herself. She had been a Christian for many years yet while she was in ICU not only was she unable to physically do anything for herself she was not even able to pray. As she was coming back into consciousness she heard God speaking to her. He said, "I am for you, even when you cannot be for yourself." She told how the realization of God's tender mercy had changed her life  and brought her a great deal of peace.

I have been thinking about her experience for days. I think it is a beautiful picture of what God did for us at Christmas when He sent His Son. Zechariah's prophecy after the birth of John the Baptist reflects this. "And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways, to give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace”(Luke 1:76-69).

She spoke of her illness as a gift that showed her God's mercy and had brought her to a place of peace she had never known before.  We talked about how God gives us grace in that He gives us what we don't deserve and how in His mercy he withholds the punishment our sins deserves but there is so much more to His mercy. Another translation for God's mercy is lovingkindness. God lovingkindness offers us a place of rest. "How excellent is Thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Thy wings”(Psalm 36:7).

The truth of God's mercy and grace don't change but I think my understanding changes as I go through different experiences. When I was a little girl I was filled with wonder that God would become a baby and be born in a manger. Now as I think of God's lovingkindness towards me I am filled with awe. Though I haven't been through a life threatening illness the message that He is for me even when I cannot be for myself fills me with gratitude.

Lord Jesus, truly you are the sunrise from on high who has shone on us in our darkness. Thank you for guiding us in the way of peace and letting us rest under the shadow of your wing. Oh yes and thank you that even when we could do nothing to bring about our salvation You came and did for us what we could not do for ourselves.

You Epidermis Is Showing

I was a self conscious first grader on the bus the first time I heard the word. A much older child looked at me and said, "Your epidermis is showing!" I had no idea what it meant but I was sure it couldn't be good. Because I didn't know what it was I didn't know how to fix it. I got off the bus and went running into the house crying. I found my mother, lifted my tear stained face and whispered to her the horrible truth that my epidermis was showing and I didn't know what to do about it. Mother wrapped her arms around me and choking back the laughter as she explained that epidermis means skin.

I thought about this expression recently in relation to the "flesh". When the Bible speaks of the "flesh" it speaks of natural desires that have become warped or twisted. I was under a lot of pressure and my response was to become angry and unkind. After my emotional explosion I sat there feeling very exposed and the words came back to me, "Your epidermis is showing!" not just my skin but also my "flesh".

One analogy I heard for the "flesh" was a scar on the landscape of your soul. I like this analogy because as I consider my fleshly patterns that are contrary to walking according to the Spirit of God I can sometimes trace it back to a scar on my soul. A scar is a place where once there was a wound. When I was a little girl I used food to comfort myself. There is nothing wrong with food but when I turn to food for comfort instead to God it is a fleshly response to pain and not a spiritual response. When life get stressful sometimes I revert back to this fleshly response to pain and "my epidermis shows".

So what should I do to deal with this? If I go to a bookstore I can find countless number of self-help books. I have bought many myself. However, I have never been able by self effort to bring healing. There is always suppression. I determine that I will suppress my "flesh", but the more I think about suppressing my "flesh" the greater the desire becomes to give into it. In this struggle I identify with Paul who said, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my flesh. For I have a desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." Romans 12:18

Is there a solution for this problem? Oh Yes! "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law weakened by the flesh ,could not do." Romans 8:1-8 It is not by suppression or human effort that I deal with these scars on the landscape of my soul it is a matter of walking by the spirit. "But I say walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh." Galatians 5:16

Lord Jesus, I come humbly before you. Thank you coming to earth to be my Savior. Thank you for setting me free from the law of sin and death. Thank you for setting me free by the power of Your Spirit. Help me today to walk in the freedom of Your Spirit and not in my flesh.

When Darkness Hides His Face

Prayers offered in the night when the darkness of the sky represents the spiritual darkness that I since are heard. Again and again as I read the scriptures I see an invitation to anchor my confidence in the promises and person of Jesus Christ and not to give up but to be faithful in prayer. "I've lost all hope in life", I have heard people say. Hope can be lost only if you place it in the wrong thing. Hope placed in God will not leave me ashamed because, "God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us." Romans 5:1-5 Because of this hope I continue to pray in the night.

I have pictures on my refrigerator of children in whose lives I've invested. I hear reports of what they are doing now and it makes me sad. Should I give up and stop praying? Have I given up all hope in them? Is that the right question? I don't think so. What I see in Scripture is that hope involves patience and endurance because I don't hope for what I see but for what I believe. Hope is bound up in faith and faith gives me an assurance of what I cannot see. Because of my hope I choose to pray not because of what I see but because of the one in whom I believe.

I think that two of my enemies favorite tactics are discouragement and anxiety. When I read the book of Ezra I see the enemy using these two weapons. God had spoken to his people through His prophets that if they did not obey His word that they would go into captivity for seventy years. When the seventy years was up and they were back in their land rebuilding the temple they became discouraged. They were being threatened constantly by their enemy. The ones among them who remembered the former glory of the temple that had been destroyed were disappointed that Zerubbabel's temple did not compare with it in size or in beauty. Because of their discouragement they stopped the work.

Isn't this the way it works? When the darkness of doubt and difficulty cloud my spiritual vision I want to give up and just live in the moment. Hope calls me to base my actions not on what I see but what I believe. When the people in Ezra's day stopped work on the temple and just focused on their on houses and their own comfort God sent them two prophets. Haggai and Zechariah, through their prophecies, pull back the curtains of heaven. The people were given an eternal perspective and hope was reborn.

There was a song written by Edward Mote in 1834 one of the verses says, "When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil." And so I continue to offer my prayers in the night. When the darkness of doubt or fear hides His face I choose to persevere because I believe in the end the love of God will be poured out.

In The Presence Of A Holy God

How are unholy people supposed to come before a holy God? I always feel like I should begin my prayers by telling God I'm sorry. I know in many cultures when they think of coming into God's presents they do penance. This sometimes involves things like processions, crawling on you knees to church, or walking barefoot on the cobblestone streets. In some cases with faces are covered. There are those who carry heavy stalks covered in thorns through the street. These men walk in agony through the streets trying to purify themselves of sin and longing to come before God. I understand their desire to do penitence it's the same as my desire to begin my prayers telling God I am so sorry for my sin. But when I look at Scripture I see a different way.

"Come into his presence with singing! Know that the LORD, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name!" What I see in Psalm 100 is an invitation not to do penance, not to stare at my sin and shame, but to inter into the loving presence of God. I always have to be careful not to use to many exclamation marks when I write but there are six exclamation marks in the first four verses of this psalm! How are unholy people to come into the presence of a holy God? With joy and gladness and singing and thanksgiving and praise blessing His name focused on His love and not our unworthiness.

Surely this would be enough but there is more. In Psalm 100 it says that we are the sheep of his pasture  but sometimes sheep stray. What then? Jesus told us,"If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety- nine that never went astray." Matthew 18: 12 Again the terms of fellowship are not based on the straying sheep but the faithful shepherd and there is joy and rejoicing.

"For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generation." Psalm 100 I am a mother and a grandmother how wonderful to know that the love of God is steadfast and unfailing even when I or the ones I love fail. My heart is full of joy and gladness and thanksgiving because I am welcomed in his presence and his faithfulness extends through the generation.

Lord Jesus, thank you that you didn't wait for us to be good enough to come to you. You came to us and announced your coming by angels who spoke to the shepherds saying,"Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."

A Desperate Plea!

Yes! I hear in my prayer an echo of his prayer. "O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations, and the city that is called by your name. For we do not present our pleas before you because  of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act." This is Daniel's prayer, this is his plea for mercy when he sees his own sin and the sin of those around him. All I can say is ,Yes!

How should a Holy God respond to a people who so blatantly sin against him again and again. Really, what I want to know is how God will respond to me. It's me, I'm the one again and again coming before Him. I want to be righteous but I'm painfully aware of my failures. But it's not just me, it's the people I love. I want them all to be perfect. I can't come before God because I'm righteous I can only come because He's merciful. Most of the time I'm more aware of my sinfulness and the sinfulness of the ones I love than I am of the mercy of God and it keep me from praying and just makes me sad.

When I see the passion of Daniel's prayer it gives me the courage to use his words as my own,"O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act." I want to put an exclamation point at the end of every sentence. Am I praying or screaming at God? God didn't get mad at Daniel He sent Gabriel in "swift flight", like a father who comes to the aid of a frightened child. What was the message that God sent by His messenger? "O Daniel, I have now come to give you insight and understanding. At the beginning of your pleas for mercy a word went out, and I have come to tell it to you, for you are greatly loved."

So what did Gabriel say? In Daniel 9: 24-27 God gave a prophecy that showed His plan,"to finish the transgression, to put an end to sin, and to atone for iniquity, to bring everlasting righteousness..." Within these four verses comes the comfort that the God of Mercy forgives and is paying attention and has a plan. Who did God send with this message of salvation?

There was four hundred years of silence between the Old and New Testament but when the silence was broken Gabriel was there again proclaiming good news, God had a plan. First he spoke to Zechariah,"I am Gabriel, who stands in the presents of God, and I was sent to speak to you and bring you this good news." The good news was that Zechariah's prayers had been heard and that his wife Elizabeth would bear a son. Six months later Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth with a message to a virgin named Mary.

Lord Jesus, thank you that when I cry out to you for mercy you open my eyes to the truth. You have a plan to,"finish the transgression, to put an end to sin, and to atone for iniquity, to bring in everlasting righteousness." Thank you for hearing and forgiving. Thank you for not only sending Gabriel but for coming yourself to be our Savior.

Songs In The Night

The day had been long and I was tired. I welcomed the night. I climbed into bed ready to relinquish my conscious state for  blissful sleep. My head sank into the pillow, I was cocooned in the warmth of my blankets as I drifted into the restful night. Then suddenly I was awake.

There was no light the night was black. My mind and body were exhausted but I was awake. The blankets now felt like chains that bound me. The pillow was suffocating like my thoughts. A parade of worrisome and anxious thoughts trooped into my mind. The darkness and my fatigued state accentuated the reality that I was not in control.

Many years ago I learned the verse, "I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:6-8 When I was a little girl and would wake up with night terrors I would call out for my father. There is something about being awaken in the night that makes you seek out someone stronger than yourself. Now as a grandmother and mother I still cry out in prayer to one who is stronger than I am.

"By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:8 My song in the night is a song about the unfailing love of God. My spirit sings it loudly to drown out the voices of despair. The theme of salvation and redemption quiet both my soul and my mind. He is able to do for me and those I love what I cannot.

This morning I read Psalm 136. Twenty six times in twenty six verses it states,"His love endures forever." This is the chorus of my song in the night. Hearing it again and again I am able to find rest for my mind and my soul.

The One Who Holds The Scepter Rules

"I am the master of my fate and the captain of my ship!" That sounds nice but the truth looks more like this,"I am stressed out. I have too many options and I don't really know what I should do. “The serpent said to the woman, 'You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened,and you will be like God,knowing good and evil.'" (Genesis 3:4) What really happened was their eyes were opened and they realized they were naked and they hid themselves from God and death entered the world on every level. Blessing was replaced by a curse but even then there was a promise of redemption. A promise that was to come in the form of a child.

This promise is spoken of again in Isaiah 9:2-7 "The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; on them has the light shined...For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder;" I remember the first time it was explained to me that it wasn't only the government of the nations but the government of my life that was to be placed upon his shoulders. I was invited to relinquish the burden I was never intended to carry. I felt I had been invited back into the garden in the cool of the day and I could hear the sound of God walking towards me inviting me to let Him be the master of my fate and the captain of my ship.

"And his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor" On this side of eternity I still get stressed and I  and confused about what I'm supposed to be doing but I have access to the Wonderful Counselor. I no longer have to sit in the darkness of confusion. "Mighty God, Everlasting Father," When I read this I am reminded of how Jesus taught me to pray,"Our Father,who art in Heaven." When Jesus died on the cross he cried out "It is Finished!" The curse was broken and now I have an Everlasting Father to whom I approach knowing the government of my life is on His shoulders.

"Prince of Peace." There was a song I sang many years ago and one of the verses was,"Peace is the flag flown high from the castle of my heart when the king is in residence there" Some of the synonyms for peace are, calmness, quiet, tranquility and rest. If the Prince of Peace is governing my life and he is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, and Everlasting Father is makes since that all the synonyms for peace could be used to describe me right? So why do I wake up in the middle of the night anxious, stress out and afraid? The snake in the garden still comes to me with his lies that I can be my own god. However, when I am awaken in the darkness by a wash of anxiety I now can focus on the light of truth that the government of my life has been placed on the shoulders of Jesus Christ. The curse has been broken!

Lord Jesus, when I meditate on the way you came to earth as a baby and fulfilled the promise made in the garden my heart is filled with joy and I sing, "No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground; he comes to make his blessings flow far as the curse is found." In grateful humility I bow before you and relinquish to you the government of my life.

Clinging God's Kindness Or Clinging To Worthless Idols

The call came at 3 A.M. My daughter's car had a flat tire and she was pulled over on the side of the interstate. My husband was attempting to explain over the phone what she needed to do but she was tired,cold and frightened. That's when he showed up. An older man stopped to help her and within minutes he had changed the tire for her and she was on her way. I thanked God for the kindness of a stranger.

"I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do,or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." Ettiene De Grellet I believe kindness is a reflection of the love of God and a gift of the Holy Spirit.

This morning I read the book Jonah. In it I saw the precious loving kindness of God inviting all men to take refuge in the shadow of His wings. Jonah was to be God's messenger of kindness but he didn't want the job. He rebelled against God and received the judgement he thought the people of Nineveh deserved. But in the midst of judgement God extended kindness to Jonah the kindness He also wanted to show to the people of Nineveh. I learn from Jonah that when I extend mercy to others I position myself to receive mercy from God.

"In my distress I called to the Lord. and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry...To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God." The mercy God extended to Jonah was a picture of the kindness he wanted to share with the people of Nineveh as well.

I wonder sometimes how I represent the God I serve. Do I neglect or defer opportunities to show kindness to those around me? The truthful answer is yes. I am often like Jonah passing judgment on others. I am often self centered and cling to my agenda like a god and do not want to interrupt my plans to be bothered by the needs of others. Not just the needs of strangers but the needs of those I supposedly "love".

Lord Jesus, your word teaches that love is patient and kind. I confess I lack this kindness but I also believe that it is a gift of your Holy Spirit. Your word also teaches that,"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8 Lord Jesus, I confess my sin of clinging to the idol of my time,my things, my value. I lay them down before you and ask that I might receive the grace to show kindness to my fellow creatures today,for I shall not pass this way again.

I Can't Do This!

I can't do this! It's just to hard! I feel overwhelmed!

These are feelings I am very familiar with. I have felt them at every stage of my life. When I was a student and exams were approaching I would often feel panicked and overwhelmed. As a mother it started when I was in the delivery room and the contractions became seemingly impossible to bear. Then surrounded by my children I was constantly confronted with situations where I was supposed to be in charge and I didn't know what to do.

"I can't do this! It's just to hard! I feel overwhelmed." I always see pictures of Mary as being calm and serene, but God used real people not actors. When Mary's honor was brought into question because of the pregnancy, when she had to go to Bethlehem when it was time to give birth, when she had to flee to Egypt in the night to save the life of her child, I think she was stressed. She was a young woman given a task that was to big for her to do.

What was it the angel had said to her? "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you." As I meditate on this I wonder, is this true for Mary alone? Hasn't God also promised to with me. When Mary wondered how the things the angel told her could happen the angel said,"The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you." God was not calling Mary to accomplish this task apart from Him but empowered by Him. This isn't really different from the things God is calling me to do.

When Jesus was preparing to leave his disciples he gave them this promise. "If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you." John 14:15-17 This is the same Spirit that overshadowed Mary and made the impossible possible.

The last words the angle said to Mary were,"For nothing is impossible with God". Mary humbled herself and responded, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said."  This reminds me of Ephesians 2:8-10 "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works,so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared before-hand, that we should walk in them." So I choose to say with Mary," I am the Lord's servant. May I walk in the good deeds you prepared in advance for me to do."

Lord Jesus, you know that when I am faced with tasks that overwhelm me my human response is to panic. When I feel my children are in harms way I feel frightened. I think Mary must have shared these human emotions as well. Help me to look at the responsibilities you've given me with eyes of faith and not with eyes of flesh. When my flesh screams,"I can't do this! It's just to hard. I feel overwhelmed!". Help me to anchor my hope in your promise that you have given me your Holy Spirit and with you nothing is impossible.

Power Made Perfect In Weakness

She is many years my senior yet she is my friend. I have walked beside her as the light in her eyes dimmed and her vision faded. Her world has become closed in by silence. Her brilliant mind can no longer retain the information given her and she asks again and again the same questions. Her body has become frail and like a child she needs help with simple tasks. In all of her frailty she has taught me the truth of power made perfect in weakness.

When her strength first began to fail she shared with me her prayer. "I have prayed and told the Lord if He could use my weakness to bless my family that I am willing to be weak." Truly this prayer of surrender is a prayer of love. "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends." John 15:13 I have seen a reflection of the love of God in her sacrifice for her family and those who know her. Grace and been poured out and many have been blessed.

Recently her son received a call in the night,she had fallen. I watched as he gently lifted her in his arms.   He placed her lovingly in her bed then sat beside her, his arm wrapped around her frail shoulders. I couldn't help but ask myself, "Who lifted whom?"

When the Bible describes love it begins this way, " Love is patient and kind." 1 Corinthians 13. In an attempt to define patience I found,"Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness." When I read this definition it made me smile because it reminded me of becoming a mother and taking care of my newborn children. God used my children to teach me how to love. Now I also see it in reverse. I see a mother who is willing to be used by God to teach her children how to love.

In attempting to understand kindness I found that kindness means to do good to others in thought,word of deed. If I am kind then my goal is to be an instrument of God in the lives of others. This is the loving kindness I have seen in my friend. By surrendering her weakness to the grace of God she has taught us one by one to learn in turn to treat her with loving kindness as well.

Lord Jesus, thank you for putting people in my life that light the path that leads to you. Thank you for giving me an example of what power made perfect in weakness looks like.

Who Controls the Trajectory of You Life?

"Surely the Sovereign Lord does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets." Amos 3:7 But did he know this sitting alone in his cell? His brothers had betrayed him, when he had responded to temptation righteously he had been slandered, and now he sat in his cell forgotten. But was he truly forgotten? Could Joseph have known that the course he was on had been chosen for him from the beginning of time?

"Know for certain that your offspring will be sojourners in a land that is not theirs and will be servants there, and they will be afflicted for four hundred years. But I will bring judgement on the nation that they serve, and afterward they shall come out with great possessions." Genesis 15:13-14 God had determined the trajectory of Abraham's descendants before any had been born. He knew they would go to Egypt how long they would stay and that he would deliver them.

In the fullness of time Joseph stood before Pharaoh. His trust in God had been fully tested. What Pharaoh saw before him was a man in whom the Spirit of God dwelt. Because Joseph had chosen to trust God he had entered into a place of rest in the midst of turmoil. It was rest for his soul. A place of surrender to an Sovereign Lord.

After four hundred years, just as God had foretold, Israel called out to Him in their distress and He delivered them. According to Psalm 81 he answered them in the secret place of thunder; and tested them at the waters of Meribah. He tested them to see if they would trust Him. He brought them out of slavery and promised them that if they would only open wide their mouth He would fill it. But they wouldn't listen,they wouldn't submit, they chose their own counsel over God's counsel. The path God had chosen for them would have lead them to inter into His rest. In their rebellion they chose a different way.

Lord Jesus, sometimes life is hard and I do not understand what I see. Please help me be like Joseph and put my faith in you. I do believe it is your will to bring honey from the rock,sweetness from the hardest places of my life. Lord please don't let me by lack of faith alter the trajectory you have chosen for my life.

A Truth That Cannot Be Hidden

A truth that cannot be hidden, a light that cannot be extinguished and a thirst that cannot be denied, these were the things I thought of while I listened to her story.

I listened as a beautiful young woman from China told me her story. She had been taught that all things could be accomplished by hard work. She had been taught that there was no Spiritual truth that it was all a myth. She said with eighty percent of her mind she agreed yet there was twenty percent of her that wondered. The truth could not be hidden, when it found her it set her free. I saw on her face pure joy, she had experienced a spiritual birth.

I meet the young man on a university campus in the Czech Republic. "Tell me how you became a Christian." He told me that he had been raised in a Communist home. He had been taught that Christianity was foolishness. Yet, when he came to the University he saw something different in the lives of those who followed Jesus. He was drawn to the light and the warmth that he found when he was around them. The light shone in the darkness and the darkness could not extinguish it. He came to the light and experienced a spiritual birth.

I knew she would be my friend from the moment I met her. She had been part of the Romanian Communist party. She told me how she had come to know Jesus as her Savior and in doing so a deep thirst in her soul had been satisfied. She had a passion to share Jesus with any who would listen. Being with her reminded me of Isaiah 55:1 "Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money,buy and eat!"

When Nicodemus came to Jesus at night with his questions Jesus responded by saying,"Truly,truly,I say to you unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." Nicodemus found this very illogical and Jesus went on to say,"That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit." Jesus drew the parallel between the Spirit and the wind. "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3 My friends had been told to ignore the wind that it didn't exist yet they found they could not deny it's reality.

Lord Jesus, when I meet those to whom the truth has been reveal, upon whom the light of Your glory shines and who have experienced the quenching of their thirst my heart sings the words from Hosea 6:3 "Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord;his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains water the earth."

This Wasn't What I Expected

The year was 1988 I was expecting a baby Christmas week. As I thought about getting into the car for a forty five minute drive to church I groaned. That was when I began to imagined a conversation between Mary and God. This is what came to mind:

Go to Bethlehem, what is he talking about Lord! I'm about to have a baby. Everything seems so confusing it's not at all like I had planned. Yet the message You have given me again and again through these nine months has remained the same. You have said,"As you go, step by step, I will open the way before you."

O Lord, it was such a short time ago I heard your angle telling me that I was most blessed among women because I had been chosen to be the mother of the Son of God. I knew from that moment on my life would never be the same but I could not fathom at that time the changes that were to come.

When I first told my family I thought they would share my joy but instead it was shame I read on their faces. They didn't understand it was the Son of God I was carrying within me. I cried out to You in prayer and heard Your gentle reply.

"Child of my love, fear not the unknown morrow. Dread not the new demand life makes of you. Your ignorance holds no cause for sorrow, since what you do not know is known to Me."

With Your words of assurance I went to my cousin Elisabeth's. At last I found someone who understood the miracle that was taking place within me. Oh the joy of praising You together for what You had done in each of our lives.

I wanted to stay Elisabeth but the time came when I had to go back to Nazareth. Would they understand now that the child within me was from God? I cried out to You for direction, I did not understand all that happening to me. You didn't explain but Your answer sustained me.

"Child, you do not see today the hidden meaning of my command, but you will gain light. You must walk on in faith leaning on my promises. You can only see one step now that is far enough for faith to see. Take that step and you next duty will be shown you. It is step by step that I am leading you."

But Lord, I was so sure that even if all my family had misunderstood surely Joseph would know I was carrying Your child. It was shortly after my return home that heard Joseph was planning to put me away quietly. Oh how I cried that night to You. Thinking I was all alone with such a large task ahead of me. It was during that long night I heard Your encouraging words.

"My child, do not stand in fear counting your adversaries. You must dare every peril except to disobey. You will march on all obstacles surmounting. For I, the Strong, will open up the way."

How overjoyed I was to find the next morning that You had revealed to Joseph that this baby was from God. The wonder and the joy that Joseph and I have shared knowing that we are part of Your plan has filled me with delight. Now I knew everything was going to be okay. Except--- expect now the word has come that we must go to Bethlehem. How can I travel so far feeling the way I do? Where will this child, Your son, be born? Once again I hear Your voice.

"My daughter, go gladly to the task I have assigned you. Having My promise, needing nothing more, than just to know, wherever the future finds you. In all your journeys I go before."

It was twenty three years ago that I wrote this. Life as been full of unexpected twists and some heartbreaking turns. Yet I still find it true that following God requires faith to believe that He is leading me step by step. I have the same assurance that Mary had that wherever the future finds me in all my journeying He has gone before.

And Then What?

My sister rides bicycles. She rides them up and down mountains!

My sister and I have the same parents. We share the same genetic background. We have the same number of muscles in our bodies. But we are not the same. What's the difference? My sister has disciplined her body and exercised her muscles so that she is able to do things I wouldn't even try.

I have another sister who gave me an amazing electronic reading device. It wasn't my birthday. It wasn't Christmas. There was no occasion that would make me think I deserved this gift. It was given to me simply because I have an extraordinarily generous sister. Now the gift is mine and I am trying to figure out how to use it.

I see a parallel between my sister who has exercised and used her the muscles to the point that she is able to ride up and down mountains and what Paul teaches about athletes in 1 Corinthians 9:24-26. "Every athlete exercises self-control in all things." This is true of my sister with her bike riding. But there is also the athlete of the spirit who who exercises spiritual discipline. What difference does it make? I think that just as the physical muscle is strengthen by physical exercise the spiritual life is strengthened by spiritual  exercises.

I have an confession. When my sister first gave me the electronic reader I was intimidated by it. It took me a while to begin to even figure out a little of it's capacity. This reminded me of Paul's instruction to Timothy,"Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you...practice these things,devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress." When I became a Christian I was given spiritual gifts. I have the option of developing my spiritual gifts or neglecting my spiritual gifts.

Lord Jesus, all I have I have received by your grace. Please help me be an athlete of the spirit so I can develop spiritually. Help me not neglect the Spiritual gifts you have given me but learn to use them for you glory.

Free To Be Who God Created You To Be

Sarah, will you upholster my car?

A little back ground check on this question would reveal two facts. One, I had never upholstered anything in my life and two, the question was asked by my young husband who believed I could do anything. There is something about knowing you are loved that enables you to do more than you ever imagined you could do. I did upholster his car and when it was finished it looked pretty good.

"Love was when God became a man locked in time and space without rank or place. Love was God born to Jewish kin. Just a carpenter with some fishermen." This song reminds me of Philippians 2:6 "Christ Jesus,who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing ,taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." What a picture of love! But how did his love change the people he loved?

Who did Jesus chose for his companions, not the wealthy highly educated people of his day. He went to the ordinary but when they were exposed to the love of God they were never the same. In John 8 Jesus said, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Again he said,"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." This truth of the saving love of God sets the captive free.

Down through the ages this amazing transformation has taken place in those who have accepted the love of God. Ordinary people doing extraordinary things. How? "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:16 What an extraordinary truth! It is a truth that sets you free to be the person God created you to be.

Lord Jesus, as I meditate on the gift of Christmas I am full of wonder. You are the perfect gift of love from the Father. Your love sets me free. Your love gives power meaning to my life.

A Prayer For Mercy

"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your mercy. O Lord, listen! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, hear and act!" This was a prayer of Daniel. Maybe it's because I read these verses on the first day of December that it seemed to me God answered this prayer on Christmas.

Daniel was a prophet who sought the mercy of God. In the Christmas story there is another prophet who was sent to proclaim God's mercy. "And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before the Lord to prepare his ways,to give knowledge of salvation to his people in forgiveness of their sins,because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace." These were the words of Zechariah concerning his son John.

There was darkness the night of Jesus' birth. I know this because the Scriptures teach that the shepherds were out in the field,keeping watch over their flocks by night. I wonder if any of these would have been used as a sacrifice for the sins of the people? A Christmas carol portrayed it this way:"Hark! the herald angels sing, "Glory to the new-born King; Peace on earth, and mercy mild; God and sinner reconciled." This came to pass not because we were righteous but because of God's mercy.

I know many people suffer from depression this time of year. My prayer for them is similar to Zechariah's. I pray that they would become aware of the tender mercies of God. I pray that those who sit in darkness would be visited with the sunrise from on high and be given light. Again using the words of a Christmas carol: All ye, beneath life's crushing load, Whose forms are bending low, Who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow, Look now! for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing: O rest beside the weary road, and hear the angels sing!

Lord Jesus, truly it was not our righteousness that brought you to be our Savior, it was your tender mercy. My heart sings with the angels. You, O Lord, listened! O Lord, you forgave! You heard and you acted! You are Emmanuel, you are with us! You are Jesus who takes away the sins of the world!
That is Mercy!

What Were the Chances?

When I was younger I often saw my life like a smooth stone cast upon the still waters. I erroneously thought I had control over the number and direction of the ripples that would be formed. Now I stand on the shore watching the ripples cover the face of the water and all illusion of control is gone.

There is great comfort in knowing that the God who loves me is in control. One of the ways I know he is in control is when I ponder the probabilities of the prophecies of Jesus' first coming being fulfilled. The Old Testament, written over a 1,000 year period, contains 300 references to the coming Messiah. All of these were fulfilled in Jesus. One web site I visited said that," By using the modern science of probably in reference to just eight of these prophecies--the chance that any man might have lived to fulfill all eight prophecies is one in one hundred trillion!

To illustrate this: If we take 100 trillion silver dollars and lay them on the face of Texas, they would be two feet deep. Now we mark one of these silver dollars and stir the whole mess thoroughly---all over the state. Now blindfold a man and let him travel as far as he wishes, but he must pick only one silver dollar. What chance would he have of picking the right one? The same chance that the prophets would have of writing just eight of theses prophecies and having them all come true for any one man--if they had written them without God's inspiration!"

What were these prophecies about? They were about a God who loved us so much he that he sent his son to be our Savior. This is the Sovereign God of the Universe who wanted to leave no doubt that this was not done by chance.

Lord Jesus, again and again you tell me not to be afraid. Yet fear comes so naturally to me. I am constantly aware that I am not in control of my life or the lives of those I love. During this Advent season help me to rest in the truth that you have left nothing to chance.

You Did Not Wait For Me To Draw Near To You

This morning I woke up to these words being sung on the radio,"You did not wait for me to draw near to you but you clothed yourself in frail humanity. And I'm forever grateful for you and I'm forever grateful for the cross. I'm forever grateful for you. You came to seek and save the lost." As I prepare myself for Advent I wrap myself in this truth like a warm cloak on a winter's day.

This truth of a love that was initiated not from me but from the heart of God is all through the Scriptures. The book of Jeremiah was written to a rebellious nation. They refused to obey God's precepts they, would not heed His law, they refused to pay attention to the prophets God sent to cause them to repent. God pronounced judgement on them and they were sent into exile to Babylon. Yet, that wasn't the end of the story. In Jeremiah 31:3 it talks about God's everlasting love,"Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee." Everlasting love that comes to seek and save the lost.

One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 119. In it I hear the heart of someone who is truly seeking God. "I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word." My heart echos the rejoicing and delight in the word of God. I also fully identify with the last verse of this Psalm." I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek your servant, for I have not forgotten your commands." My relationship with God is not because I have a tight grip on him but because he has loved me with a love that doesn't let go.

Sometimes when I come to God in prayer for the ones I love my heart is heavy. I see hopeless situations. I see people who seem to be straying so far from God and I see no chance that they can ever find their way back. Then I am remind of the words of Jesus. "If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray?"Matthew 18:10-14 Who is seeking whom? It is not the lost sheep that is seeking the shepherd. It is the shepherd that seeking the sheep. If that shepherd is also the Sovereign Lord of the Universe I can trust he is able to find what he looks for.

Lord Jesus, as I think about how you fulfilled all your promises to be our Savoir by coming to earth in frail humanity I am forever grateful. Thank you for not waiting for me to come near to you. Thank you for coming to seek and save the lost.

Far as the Curse is Found

I noticed this year that all the figures in my nativity scene seem to be looking down at the baby in the manger. I was trying to arrange them but I had a problem the animals got in the way. I didn't know where to put them. I began to wonder what they really had to do with the story of the Savior's birth anyway.

Often I see cattle, lambs and perhaps a dove in the rafters as part of the manger scene. As I pondered the animal's presence at Jesus' birth I thought about why he had come. When Jesus began his ministry John the Baptist announced him by saying,"Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world." I moved the lambs a little closer to the manger.

When sin entered the world the curse entered the world as a result. God saw what he had made at creation and it was very good. When man sinned the ground was cursed thorns and thistles were brought forth. Man was clothed with a garment of skins. It was the first sacrifice made to atone for sin.

This sacrifice was a picture of something innocent dying for one who was guilty. Leviticus shows that sacrifices were not done in an impersonal way. The one who brought the sacrifice had to lay his hands on the head of the animal to be sacrificed. All of creation was waiting for the Savior, the one who came to take away the sins of the world. I found a place of all the animals, they too are part of the story of Christmas.

While setting up the Nativity scene a verse of a carol was going through my mind. "No more let sins and sorrow grow, Nor thrones infest the ground; He comes to make his blessing flow far as the curse is found, far as the curse is found. And heaven and nature sing."

Victory Over the Darkness

There is an old faded photo of a little girl sitting on concrete stairs. Her eyes are dark her hair is short but the most distinguishing feature about her is the halo of sadness that surrounds her. That little girl was me.

From my earliest memories I struggled with depression. I would feel it coming like a case of the flu. One moment everything looked wonderful the next moment I would experience an eclipse, darkness would shroud my thoughts. I look back at that picture of that sad little girl and am reminded of the lessons I have learned in the dark.

Because of my struggle with darkness and depression I began to seek the light. I read in James1:2 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." I do consider my struggle with depression to be a trail but I also count it as a blessing. The battle with darkness has caused me to crave the light. Jesus said,"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

I cannot say that I no longer struggle with depression but I can say that that I do not walk in darkness. Morning by morning I wake before the Sun rises. I open the Word of God and I open my heart, my spirit, and my soul to the light of the world. I write verses on 3X5 cards to carry with me. I take each dark and negative thought captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ. In the night when anxiety threatens to suffocate me I remember the one who came to save me. In his light the darkness cannot remain.

James also says,"and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." The trail of darkness sends me seeking light. In his light I see truth, I find wisdom, I find healing, I find joy. I see the faded picture of the sad little girl and I whisper,"Don't be afraid your Redeemer lives. The light of the world has come to take away the darkness."

Lord Jesus, because of you there is victory over darkness. May your redemption of my struggle be to the glory of "the only Sovereign, the King of kings and the Lord of lords, who alone has immortality,who dwells in unapproachable light.." 1 Timothy 6:15,16

Trust

She wore sorrow like a mantle. Her eyes were cast down. She was a picture of hopelessness. How could someone so young see themselves with no future?

I listened to her story, my heart felt her sadness. I realized what she needed was hope. She needed to know there was something to look forward too. I wanted to help her lift her down cast eyes to the horizon and see the rays of the Sun. I longed to share that God is good and worthy of her trust.

I shared the Scripture that been an encouragement to me so many times. "Trust in the Lord with your with all your heart,and don't lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6 There was an angry flash of light in her eyes. "This has nothing to do with trusting God", she said.

What does it mean to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart"? For me this has been at life long journey. When I have faced disappointment "Trusting in the Lord" meant to let go of my dreams and believe that the Sovereign Lord who was my shepherd had a better plan than I could see. When I have looked at the future with fear and anxiety "Trusting the Lord" caused me to remember Jesus' promise to never leave me or forsake me.

My concern for the people I love takes me to a whole different level of trusting God. I have learned the peace this trust brings with it and I want them to have it as well. However, I cannot make someone else choose to trust God. This reality brings me to the question, do I believe God will teach them to trust him the way he has taught me?

Lord Jesus, you have taught me to trust you by the difficulties you've taken me through. Trusting you has taught me how to rejoice in hope and be patient in affliction. Help me to be faithful in prayer as I walk with others who are learning to trust you.

The Hidden Problem

They were everywhere! A swarm of little fruit flies suddenly appeared in my kitchen. They were unwelcome guests and I was determined to get rid of them. So my quest began.

I got out my computer and typed "how to get rid of fruit flies". There were many creative solutions. There was only one problem they didn't seem to work. My husband came to my rescue, he got out the vacuum and in a short time he vacuumed up most of them. Then a week latter there was another swarm.

This battle seemed to go on forever until I decided I needed to find the source. I started in the laundry room totally cleaning everything. That's when I found "it". "It" at one time had been a bag of potatoes but had fallen behind a box. The potatoes had changed into a black gooey incubator for fruit flies.

As I was vacuuming up the remaining flies I thought about how this parallels something that happens in my spiritual life as well. I am often disturbed or bothered by things in my life that aren't the way I want them to be. Self improvement becomes almost a hobby but it seems that no sooner do I clear up one bad habit than another one appears.

One of the names given to Satan is Beelzebub, it means lord of the flies. Flies are drawn to dead and rotten things and they can be so irritating that they become the focus. What I have discovered over the years is that I need more than self improvement I need a Savior. When I humble myself before God and pray with the words of the Psalmist I find relief,"Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" Psalm 139 23,24

Lord Jesus, thank you for coming as the "Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world." Thank you also in my daily battle with the world the flesh and the devil you are there as my Savior. Help me to continually humble myself before you in prayer. Exposes my secret sins and set me free.

The Gift of Gratitude

There are different ways to open and receive gifts. I have observed both. I have watched children rip through a pile of beautifully wrapped expensive gifts and then sit among-st the littered paper with an expression of disappointment and ask, "Is that all?" I also had the privilege of watching a woman whom my family adopted, Aunt Loraine, open gifts.

Aunt Loraine took her time opening gifts. We would gather around her and be her audience as she would carefully examine each package. Each child wrapped their own gift to her. She would compliment them on the wrapping paper, noticing how they thoroughly covered the gift with tape making it shine. When she got to the gift itself she would fully explore all it's benefits. Aunt Loraine savored the gifts she was given and showered the giver with gratitude.

"Give thanks in all circumstances,for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thessalonians 5:18 I have discovered in life that until I receive gifts with a grateful heart I don't fully receive them at all. If my heart is full of gratitude not only do I look  I also see, not only do I touch I am able to feel. I not only listen to what is being said I am able to hear what is meant. Not only do I eat the feast before me I also am able to taste and savor the flavors.

From my earliest memories I have struggled with depression. One of my weapons in the battle is gratitude. "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise-the fruit of lips giving thanks to his name." Hebrews 13:15 Sometimes being grateful is a sacrifice. I find it's not a feeling as much as it is a decision. There are other verse in this chapter that help me make this decision. "'Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you.'  So I say with confidence,'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid...'" Through the sacrifice of praise and thanks giving my spirit is able to see more clearly the gifts that surround me.

Lord Jesus, thank you for all you have given me. Help me to take the time today to fully appreciate your gifts.

I Can't Protect Them

Suddenly I was awake! What I had seen was so clear that even now almost thirty years later I can recall every detail. I saw a car with my daughter looking out at me from the rear window driving away from me. With my mind washed with adrenaline I stumbled as quickly as I could in the dark to her bedroom where she lay sleeping peacefully. She was asleep but I was wide awake.

The dream represented the truth that I was not sovereign in my child's life. I could not protect her from all evil. I also realized that God does allow painful things into the lives of those who belong to him. It wasn't only the reality of my inability to protect my child that kept me awake most of the night, it was my inability to trust God.

That night I paced the floor for hours praying. My mind was reviewing the horrors children and their parents endured. Children are kidnapped, abused, and suffer with terminal illness. I believe in a Sovereign God how could I reconcile this in my mind? What if the child who suffered these things was my child? My prayer was basic,"Lord, I want to trust you. Show me how!"

The truth was that in my own strength I was unable to trust God. As I wrestled with my lack of faith I realized that faith is a gift of God. I asked God for the grace to trust him with the possible harm that could come to my child. What I heard in response was,"I will give you the grace you need for the trials you will face today. I will give you the grace to trust me for the future."

I was finally able to sleep when I began to turn my focus away from the "what ifs" and look at who God is. The anxiety I was experiencing was about things over which I had no control. In prayer I was able to bring it all into the presence of a loving God. The assurance I received was that not only was there grace for today but for every tomorrow I would face.

My children are all grown and have left my home. I have experienced the grace of trusting God on their behalf many times. I have learned that God doesn't give grace for the "what ifs" for that he gives me faith.  Being a mother has taught me time and time again that only God is sovereign and he is worthy of my faith. I have also learned I can trust God to give me the grace I need for each day.

Lord Jesus, thank you that your mercy is new every morning great is your faithfulness. Please help me rest in your love for both myself and my family. Thank you that when I am blindsided by anxiety I can bring it to you in prayer and find the grace that leads to peace.

Humility

"You are not the boss of me!" These words were spoken with great conviction by my three year old son. However, at that time I was the boss of him. His statement represented clear lack of understanding about our relationship.

I have begun the practice of daily asking God to give me the spirit of humility. Many people think that I am crazy for doing that. When I pray for humility what I am really seeking is to live my life with a correct view of my relationship to God. The first time I heard humility explained to me was in connection with 1 Peter 5:6,7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." If I am relating correctly with God I am resting in Him. This for me is a picture of humility.

I also see humility as having a correct relationship with the gifts God has given me. When humility is spoken of in 1 Peter and in James 4 there is a warning to resist the devil. Why? "You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering...You were an anointed cherub...You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you." What was the unrighteousness? "Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor." Ezekiel 28 Pride is the opposite of humility. Whenever I focus on what God has given me instead of focusing on God pride enters my heart.

When I clash with those around me it is often because I find it more natural to be prideful than to relate to others with humility. I see their problems clearly while I find my own more difficult to detect. I'm quick to tell others what I think but slow to hear what they are trying to say.

Lord Jesus, I find in your word that I am to clothe myself with humility. Help me to live my life based on your grace, casting my cares on you. Help me to have a heart of gratitude and not pride and help me to consider others more than I do myself.

God Loves a Cheerful Giver

The smell of bread being baked filled the house. Every week my grandmother would bake twelve loaves of bread. How much bread could three people eat in a week?

In my mind those loaves of bread were symbolic of my grandmother's generous heart. On the days Grandmother baked I would be sent out all over the patch (the neighborhood) delivering her gifts of fresh baked bread. The Bible teaches that God loves a cheerful giver and I never doubted that God loved my grandmother.

Grandmother remembered every one's birthday. For some of her friends she would be the only one to remember. Grandmother delighted in writing letters. What joy it was as a little girl to receive a letter from my grandmother written with her phonic spelling that expressed her French accent. I never received a letter were she wouldn't write at the bottom, P.S. I joint you a hanky, or I joint you a dollar.

Grandmother's life had not been a life of great wealth and ease. She was born in France on November 10, 1891. When she was eight years old her mother died. Every year she would send me for her box of treasures. She would take out the postage stamp size picture of her mother and kiss it. She was a young women during World War I. It was during this time that she met and married my Italian grandfather. Her infant son died in Italy.

She came to America and became a citizen. While her husband worked in the coal mines my grandmother worked at home raising her family during the lean years of the depression. When World War II started her two sons enlisted. Grandmother fully understood a life of sacrifice. Grandmother, however, didn't spend her time focused on what she gave but on what she'd been given.

When I reflect on the lessons my grandmother taught me I think about the joy she found in giving. It was in her last years, however, that I discovered the secret of her generosity. She had sold her home and was living with her daughter. A hospital bed had been placed in the downstairs living room. When I would visit she was always overflowing with joy and would tell me that she was the richest woman alive because she had all she needed. Her life of giving had been an overflow of a grateful heart.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the example my grandmother gave me. Thank you for letting me see a life that overflows with gratitude for what you have done for them by giving to others. Thank you for the lesson Grandmother taught me that no one is ever poor who has something to give.

Lessons Learned in the Storm

I picture the scene as I read the words. "When the ship was caught and could not face the wind, we gave way to it and were driven along” (Acts 27). I can picture it because I have experienced it. Not a storm on the sea, but surly in the storms of life. In the storms of life I discovered how vulnerable I really am.

"Since we were violently storm tossed, they began the next day to jettison the cargo." In my mind's eye I can see an ark surrounded by a watery darkness. There is no light to indicate if it is day or night. There are no stars to guide East or West. The ark is tossed by the hands of a monster awakened by the storm. What once seemed precious is now just cargo to be jettisoned in hope of survival.

When all hope was extinguished, Paul spoke and said,"Do not be afraid." How could he say that? He too was experiencing the storm. His words were based on his faith in a Sovereign Lord. Storms often seem to expose a contest of strength. Who will win? To whom will we bow as victor?

In the first chapter of James I read, "Count it all joy, my brothers. when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."  What is steadfastness? The definition I found was, “Fixed, unchanging, steady." This is the quality I see in Paul when he says during the storm,"Do not fear." A storm will not only show you how vulnerable you are it will show you how strong God is when you put you faith in him.

"And let your steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." What is valuable what is real. The enemy of my soul comes with darkness. Shrouded by the storm produced confusion I loose my way. "You are lost and at my mercy,” fear whispers in my ear. By faith my spirit seeks what my eye cannot see. I call out in faith for wisdom! God gives it generously with out reproach. He knows my frame that I am weak.

Lord Jesus, I call to you in faith when the storms have caused me to loose my way. I do not want to be like the waves of the sea tossed by the wind. Please create in me a steadfast heart. And please let my life be a beacon of light to others who struggle in the dark night of the storm. A light that points to you.

Removing the Labels

Labels are something you begin receiving in childhood. The first label I got was when I was in the first grade and riding the school bus. The older children gave the label "cute" to some of the first grade girls, I wasn't one of them. My label was "not cute". In class I received my next label. I had difficulty reading so I was given the label "not smart". Although these labels hurt there was a label that was far worse than any label I received it was "not wanted".

When I became an adult I opened my home to children who bore the label "not wanted". I understood what labels do. They hang invisible over your head and become a prison for your heart. They limit your hopes and dreams. No matter where you go you believe that everyone knows the label that has been placed above your head. I welcomed the "not wanted" children into my home I wanted to share with them what I had learned about how to remove the labels.

The way I receive my labels was when I saw myself reflected in the eyes of other people. I accepted their assessment of me as truth. Then I learned to see myself reflected in the eyes of a loving God. In the words of Jeremiah 33 God says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness I have drawn you." God's love gave me value this is the same value I tried to share with the children who came into my home with their heads bowed low with the burden of the "not wanted" label.

From the perspective of my peers and my teachers I was "not cute" I was "not smart". But when I read God's word I received a different perspective. I learned in Psalm 139 that God formed my inward parts; that he knit me together in my mother's womb. I was made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. The knowledge that I was a reflection of God's creativity gave me value. This was the value that I longed to impart to the children who came into my home. I whispered it to them in the morning and tucked them in bed with it at night.

Lord Jesus, in your word I find that I am God's workmanship, created in you for good works, which God prepared before hand that I should do.  Thank you for redeeming the pain of the labels I received in my childhood. Dear Lord, please let me help other's see themselves reflected in your loving eyes.

The Secret of Contentment

The very idea that there was a secret to being content made me angry!

When I was eighteen I knew that my life would begin when I left home and went to college. At college I was restless and longed to be married. Once I was married I knew if only I had a child I would be satisfied. After the birth of my first child I waited for more children to make my family complete. Then I knew it was having a house that would bring contentment to my life. I didn't ask for much, just a little bit more and a little bit better.

One Christmas morning I observed as one of my children opened gifts with their head turned. This child was completely unaware of the gift they had received because all the attention was on the gift their sibling was unwrapping. That was a picture of my discontent. I was totally unaware of the value of what I had received but I was keenly aware of what the people around me were receiving. However, that was only part of my problem.

During one particularly dissaticfing chapters of my life I encountered Philippians 4. It was in this chapter that I found that Paul had learned the secret of contentment. I was puzzled. If God wanted me to be content why would He choose to make it a secret? I decided to go on a quest to find out what this secret was. It began with prayer followed by study and meditation on Philippians 4. This is what I discovered.

First, Paul wrote Philippians while he was imprisoned in Rome,therefor his contentment wasn't based on his circumstances. Paul wasn't looking at the gifts other's had been given, he wasn't even rejoicing in the gifts he had received. He was rejoicing in the giver. Because his joy was in the Lord he had learned to rejoice in hope. From the things he suffered he received the gift of endurance. With the gift of endurance came the gift of character. Focused on God's faithfulness he experienced joy. Suffering with Christ he began to know the power of the Resurrection. Going through both plenty and hunger he found that he could do all things through Jesus who strengthened him.

Lord Jesus, forgive me. Not only have I been like a spoiled child who didn't appreciate your gifts. I have not appreciated the giver of every good and perfect gift.  The secret wasn't that hard to understand when I finally looked up and saw that everything I had ever received I received from your loving hands. When my heart surrender to the love of your heart I knew contentment.

How Can I Tell You Why I Believe What I Believe?

"Think fast!" These were words I heard shortly before the ball smashed into my body. I was never good at thinking fast as a child nor am I good at it now. When I am put on the spot and asked to give a defense of what I believe my brain stutters and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. Why? Maybe it's because sharing my faith and what I believe is about more than just quickly spewing words.

In a class on apologetics the teacher helped me a great deal. He did it by giving directions on how to share what you believe using a pattern found in 1 Peter 3: 15,16. Looking at my problem through the corrective lens of God's word somethings became clearer to me.

As I meditated on these verses I saw the place to begin was in my own heart. I was to, "regard Christ the Lord as holy". Jesus said of himself, "I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except by me." In this statement Jesus proclaimed his holiness. If in my heart I regard him as Lord and as holy it means I place myself under the authority of his word.

"Always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you." Hope is an anchor for the soul. It is a confident expectation of good. Hope often becomes evident to others when we go through suffering. Hope in Christ causes us to endure. Endurance changes our character to be more like the one we've put our trust in. When people see joy in the midst of suffering they want to know it's source.

There is more to it. The teaching of the Bible often clashes with our culture. We are told to share what we believe with gentleness and respect. I remember as a child being bludgeoned with the knowledge of children older than I was. The result wasn't that I leaned what they knew. The result was that my ignorance became a spectacle. To share what I believe with gentleness is to be respectful of the one with whom I am speaking. Respect also means I am not doing all the talking. I have often shared what I believe with others as if I'm shooting at them with a machine gun, never giving them a chance to say a word.

If I just stop with these thoughts I would be taking these verses out of context. I think the context of these verses help explain why I get nervous when I share the things I believe that are politically incorrect. The next verse says, "when you are slandered". It doesn't say "if" it says "when". I don't really want to be slandered. I want people to like me I want people to think I'm smart. Yet being slandered in this passage of 1 Peter 3 goes with being zealous for what is good and regarding Christ in my heart as holy.

Lord Jesus, you came as the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. You came that I might have life and have it abundantly. You gave me this great gift this anchor that holds my soul secure during the greatest storms of life. You also commissioned me to go into a hurting dying world with words of truth, comfort and salvation. You also said that no servant was greater than his master and if they persecuted you I should not expect to be treated differently. Jesus, grant me the grace to love you more that I love myself and share what I believe with gentleness and respect.

What Does it Mean to be Heard?

It is a character flaw that drives my husband crazy. I am a bad listener. I think of it every time I read in James that we are to be quick to hear and slow to speak. My problem is that I get it backwards I am quick to speak and slow to hear.

I was thinking about this yesterday. What is my core problem that causes me to be more apt to speak than to listen? It didn't take to much pondering before the truth bubbled to the surface. It is my old nemesis Pride. Because of my pride I want to be heard, I am more interested in expressing what I have to say than to patiently listen to what others say.

How different this is from the way Jesus was when he encountered the people who came to him. Over and over he would ask, "What do you want me to do for you?" Their needs seemed obvious me when I read the gospels. If someone is blind give them their sight, if someone is paralyzed get them on their feet and move them on. But Jesus wasn't doing assembly line healing. His healing touch went deeper than their physical needs.

"What do you want me to do for you?" I picture Jesus pausing and looking at the person who had been brought to him. In Jesus' presence each person was heard. Time no longer mattered. By his penetrating question they were invited to let their deepest pain be heard. When one responded, "Lord that I might receive my sight." I wonder what kind of sight he gave them. I think that after he healed them it wasn't just their physical blindness that was removed.

When I read in James, "You have not because you ask not." I feel Jesus inviting me to be heard. It takes time to unravel the tangled mess in my soul. For what should I ask when I am invited before the throne of God? Some things seem so obvious but there are other things that are buried so deep within my soul I can't put words to them.

What does it take for me to heard? I have the invitation. But it takes more than the invitation it takes time. By faith I come into his presents morning by morning. I read his word, I meditate on it and I wait. I wait for his Holy Spirit that comes like an warm anointing oil. A penetrating oil bringing clarity where once there was nothing but confusion. When my quiet time with God is over I know I have been heard.

Lord Jesus, I want to be more like you. This morning again I hear you inviting me to bring before you the deepest requests of my heart. Please grant me the grace to put to death my pride so that I can hear what others around me are really saying.

To Be Somebody

Maybe it's because I was one of nine children born within ten years. Maybe it's just human nature. Maybe it's the reason Jesus' disciples kept the argument going about which one of them was the greatest. It is the haunting question, "Am I significant?"

As I wrestled with this question again this morning I started thinking about Jesus' example. "Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the from of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men." Philippians 2:5-7 Why? Why would Jesus humble himself to the point of death even death on a cross? It wasn't because of my love for him it was because of his love for me. If the one who calls forth the day from the womb of the dawn has chosen to love me can I find my significance in his love?

Again I think of Jesus, "When he knew his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end." John 13 This verse is followed by Jesus laying aside his outer garment, taking a towel, tying it around his waist, and beginning to wash his disciple's feet. In their quest for greatness none of them would have thought to stoop before the others and wash their feet. Yet Jesus said, " For I have given you an example, that you also ought to wash one anther's feet." Can I find my significance in taking up the basin and the towel and following Jesus' example of being a servant?

Lord Jesus, forgive me for my pride. I identify with your disciples desperately wanting to be recognized for being somebody. Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you Lord for knowing who I am. Thank you Lord for seeing me. It's so easy to get lost these days in the shuffle and the noise. Please help me to find my identity in your love and service.

How to Begin the Day with Strength and Courage

I opened my eyes but it was still dark. The darkness felt like a heavy cold blanket wrapped around my heart. As my hand reached for the light switch my heart reached for the light as well. With spiritual light came spiritual truth,"This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it."Psalm 118:24 I made the declaration, I spoke the word of God and suddenly I saw a scene in my mind.

As a young man Joshua had been one of the twelve spies to go into the Promised Land. What he saw confirmed the promises God had made, it was indeed a land flowing with milk and honey. He also had seen the giants and the walled cities. With Moses at the lead he had encouraged the people to believe that God was able to keep His promises. That was forty years ago. Moses was gone now. It was his job to lead the people into a land inhabited with giants. It was his job to take possession of the walled cities.

How did he overcome his since of inadequacy? Joshua was called by God to trust Him. With the calling came the promise,"Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will never leave you or forsake you." With the promise came the command, "Be strong and very courageous." Strength and courage were bi-products of Joshua's belief that God would keep His promises.

When it came time for the first battle Joshua encountered a man standing before him with a drawn sword in his hand. "Whose side are you on? Are you for us or our adversary?" The problem was Joshua was asking the wrong question. Joshua was not only given an answer he was given perspective. "No; but I am the commander of the army of the Lord. Now I have come."

Lord Jesus, I often begin my day weighed down with a heavy heart, unsure that I have what it takes to face the day. Yet your word says to rejoice because it is a day you have made. You also promised that you would not leave of forsake me. My eyes do not see the "commander of the army of the Lord". But you said that the Father would send the Helper, the Holy Spirit, to teach and to guide. Lord Jesus, you have given me your peace and with a heart of faith I receive it. Knowing you are worthy of my trust and your promises are true, I begin the day with courage and rejoicing.

Rejoicing in Hope

As we sat eating lunch my sister told me about giving her testimony the day before. The theme of her story was one of hope of joy and of worship. As she spoke my mind went back to the day her husband died.

Two weeks before my sister turned thirty her husband died leaving her a widow with three little boys four and under. That day the colors of the world blurred and the earth tilted throwing everything off its base. Coming home from the hospital I watched as she picked up a card that someone had sent her. On it were printed the words of Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you,declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." I held my breath wondering how she would respond.

In a whisper, her words choked with tears, she said, "The good plan God had for Steve was Heaven". Her response was one of faith and worship. Hope that is seen is not hope. During her time of intense grief my sister often repeated the verse,  "I would have despaired if I had not believed that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13 "We hope for what we do not see,we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness." Romans 8:24 I watched as my sister grieved deeply but not without hope upheld in her weakness by the Spirit of God.

The verse my sister used in her testimony was 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit." This is the essence of worship. To submit your life in hope to the love of God. To trust that if He chooses to crush the grape it is to produce the wine of joy. To believe that His plans are good and not evil even when worship involves a broken heart. This is true worship this is pure joy.

Lord Jesus, I know that through you I obtain by faith grace to stand in all situations. Because of your grace I am able, like my sister, to rejoice in hope. I believe that our suffering produces endurance. I have watched as this endurance produced character in my sister's life. Thank you Lord that the hope my sister had in You did not put her to shame. You have been faithful to shed your love abroad in her heart and mine  through the power of your Holy Spirit.

To Be Set Free

I'm sure it is a universal desire. When I became a mother I wanted to be the perfect mother. There was one major thing that stood in my way. It was me. I couldn't be the perfect mother because I was flawed. As a result of my imperfection I inflicted all my faults on my children.

When my oldest daughter came to live with me she invited me to watch several movies with her. Each movie had a similar theme. They depicted daughters who began to understand who their mother really was. Watching these movies together opened up communication between us. It gave me an opportunity to ask my daughter to forgive me. Our bond of love deepened as she gave me the gift of understanding. In her forgiveness I was set free to become who I had wanted to be, someone who loved her.

One piece of advice I offer to all who stand on the threshold of adulthood is to forgive their parents. When you are a child your parents are godlike in their relationship to you. They have control and in my childlike mind they were to be all knowing and all powerful. However, because they were not God they failed. If a child refuses to forgive their parents the relationship between child and the parents is crippled.

When I think about the prayer Jesus taught his disciples to pray I think it is interesting that the one part he illustrated was that of forgiveness. The warning that we would be forgiven as we forgive is strong. I often see children who have been hurt by the flaws of their parents. If there is no forgiveness the parent's flaws become the children's flaws as well. When someone becomes a mother or father and is bitter towards their parents the pattern of bitterness is reproduced in their children even if they go into parenting with resolve to be perfect.

Lord Jesus, thank you for knowing me and loving me. Thank you for setting me free from my sins by your forgiveness. Please help me to set the ones I love free and not to bind them and myself by unforgiveness.