Reading Slowly

"Mom, have you started the book I gave you for Christmas?" Mom replied, "I finished it yesterday." I have been reading my copy of the book for about a month, Mother finished it in a day. I am a slow reader!

When I was in high school my parents had me take a speed reading course. It was a really good idea in preparation for college. They gave some really good pointers like don't move you mouth when you read, not even your tongue. For years I've tried to follow this advice, however, who am I trying to impress I am the slowest reader I know!

This month while reading through the minor prophets I decided to not only move my mouth while I was reading I decided to read it out loud. Not only read it out loud but with all the drama and passion I could find. Something happened, something wonderful happened. What I was reading came alive. I could see it, I could feel it. I could understand it ... better.

I could feel the agony of Habakkuk when I read "How long, LORD, must I call for help and You do not listen, and cry out to You about violence and You do not save? Why do You force me to look at injustice? Why do You tolerate wrongdoing? Oppression and violence are right in front of me. Strife is ongoing, and conflict escalates."

At the same time I was dramatically reading this passage in Habakkuk I was also reading the book I gave Mother for Christmas. The title of the book is "The insanity of God A True Story of Faith Resurrected," by Nik Ripken. A description of the book read, "How does faith survive, let alone flourish in the places of life that are overcome with the darkness of sin, despair, and hopelessness?"

On the back of Nik Ripken's book in red letters is this question, "Will you follow Jesus even when it doesn't make sense?" The truth is anyone who wants to follow Jesus no matter who they are, or where they live must decide how they will answer this question. I have decided to use the words I find in Habakkuk. "Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines,though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, through there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stall, yet I will triumph in the LORD; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation! Yahweh my Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like those of a deer and enables me to walk on mountain heights,  

What Does Your Soul Magnify?

I had been going through a dry spiritual period and I was hoping the Christmas season would help me and then it happened. I woke with a hot searing pain in my back. I manged to get partway out of the bed after about an hour and then found myself on the floor unable to move. My husband Steve called to our daughter to come help but they could do nothing.

The plans I had had of the things I would do the week before Christmas became unattainable. My highest goal became getting out of the chair. In fact, my husband told me, "I'll help you but please don't scream in my ear!" So there I sat looking at an undercoated Christmas tree and a very untidy house.

I was being held captive by the exquisite pain in my back. But then I realized that though my body was held captive my soul was free to make the choice of what I magnified. To be honest it was a struggle because when I looked around me all I could see was what I was unable to accomplish. Yet, because I was unable to do anything I was free to meditate on what God did for me at Christmas.

I thought about what Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior, because He has looked with favor on the humble condition of His slave." (Luke 1:46-48) I thought about the broken hearts and broken families that are represented in genealogy of Jesus. He chose to be born into poverty. He came to a people who had been invaded by a foreign nation. Yet, Mary's soul magnified the Lord and her spirit rejoiced in God her Savior because God did for her what she could not do for herself.

Lord Jesus, thank You for healing the dryness of my spirit with the pain in my back. Thank You, for entering my brokenness so that I could enter Your fullness. Thank You, that when You came You brought with You peace and goodwill. Please let my soul magnify You even as my spirit rejoices that You are my Savior!

Mimi, I Miss JB

"Mimi, I want to meet JB.” JB is my grandson's biological father. Since it's Jack's Christmas break he is spending the day with me and we decided to write a blog together.

JB died before Jack got to meet him. This year on Jack's birthday we walked past were JB is buried. Jack felt sad as he looked at the grave. He felt sad about all the things he would never share with JB, except in Heaven.  Jack has always wanted to know what JB's voice sounded like. Jack has wanted to see him face to face. He wishes he could see him smile.

Jack wanted me to write this about JB not only because he misses JB but because he wanted Gran and Grandpa, JB's parents, to understand the way he feels. Sometimes it's hard for an eleven year to put into words the feelings that are in his heart. Jack wants his grandparents to know that he loves them and he loves JB.

Sometimes at Christmas it's especially hard. Sometimes Jack feels a sadness in heart that won't go away. Sometimes he pretends he's not sad because some people don't understand. After all it's Christmas; a time when children are supposed to be happy and so he tries to do what's expected of him. It's hard, but Gran and Grandpa understand.

(Jack's Prayer)
Dear Jesus, thank you for people who understand. Help me to grow up to be someone who understands when other people are hurting. Please be with Gran and Grandpa this Christmas.

To See,To Hear, To Know

Sometimes I am aware of the vast difference between who I want to be and who I really am. My desire to do the right thing and the battles that go on in my selfish mind could drive me crazy. One thing that is a great comfort to me is that I have been blessed by those who have gone before me carrying the torch of truth. I have been blessed not only by the footsteps they have left for me but also because they were honest about their struggles.

Last night I read a prayer that my mother-in-law and dear friend wrote in 1993. "My thoughts - do You hear them all? I think You do and that's embarrassing! But I remember that You no longer condemn me. I am before You, shielded by the righteousness of Jesus Christ. But still I wish all my thoughts were pure and loving. I wish I wouldn't be selfish or critical." I was comforted by what she wrote because all day yesterday I was wishing and praying the same thing.

There was something else she wrote that made me smile she said, "Sometimes I wonder about the future." I have to pause here to say that the future she wondered about is the present I now live in. What was hidden to her in 1993 has been revealed to me in 2013. She wrote, "It is foolish to think that we will live here in this same way and then both of us die at the same time!" But that is exactly what happened. They were able to live together until one week in April of 2012 when they both slipped into eternity.

She was a woman of great faith yet she wasn't afraid to admit that there were things that she struggled with. Her habit was to daily come before the throne of grace and focus her mind on the God who loved her and then in the presence of His perfect love she would bring before Him her frustrations and fears. She never left His presence with her thoughts captivated by her inadequacies but in the end she always turned her attention back to the one who listened lovingly to her prayers. "I know that You already see our future and that in Your love You have provided for us." 

Father, I am comforted to know that I am not alone in my struggles. Please let my life be transparent so that those who see my struggles also see the One who walks beside me and hears my prayers.

Seeing Through the Correct Lens

I saw a disturbing video of men who were in Argentina praying outside a cathedral while a mob attacked them. The next morning I read:

"Look! The Lord comes with thousands of His holy ones to execute judgement on all, and to convict them of all their ungodly deeds that they have done in an ungodly way, and of all the harsh things ungodly sinners have said against Him..

These people are discontented grumblers, walking according to their desires; their mouths utter arrogant words, flattering people for their own advantage.

But you, dear friend, remember the words foretold by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; they told you, 'In the end times there will be scoffers walking according to their own ungodly desires.' these people create divisions and are merely natural, not having the Spirit.

But you, dear friends, building yourselves up in you most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, expecting the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ for eternal life. Have mercy on some who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; on others have mercy in fear, hating even the garments defiled by the flesh.

Now to him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, blameless and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, Majesty, power, and authority before all time now, and forever. Amen"(Jude: 14-24)

Lord Jesus, my natural inclination is to be angry. It is only when I see what is happening around me through the lens of Scripture that I understand how to respond. You tell me to build myself up in holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. My natural inclination is to retaliate but You tell me to keep myself in the love of God and to show mercy. O Lord, only You can keep me from stumbling! Please help me to represent you correctly!

If there is anything worthy of praise

I was seven years old when I made the discovery. One moment I was looking at various shades of green the next moment I discovered to my delight that the green was made up of individual blades of grass. This transformation took place when I looked at my world for the first time through the corrective lens of my glasses.

There is a transformation that takes place in my spirit when I look at life through the lens of praise. The Psalmist experienced this when he said, “O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer; And by night, but I have no rest. Yet You are holy, O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel. In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You delivered them.” (Psalm 22:2-4) God is enthroned and inhabits our praises. When I choose to see my life through the lens of praise my spirit sees what my flesh cannot see and I experience the God of peace.

Daniel was a young man, a captive in Babylon, condemned to death or at least that was how it appeared through the eyes of flesh. But through the corrective lens of praise another story was being told. Nebuchadnezzar had had a dream and he had ordered the diviner –priests, mediums, sorcerers, and Chaldeans to tell him not only the interpretation but the dream itself. They failed to do what the king requested saying, “What the king is asking is so difficult that no one can make it known to him except the gods, whose dwelling is not with mortals.” (Daniel 2:11) The king responded by giving orders that all the wise men be executed, Daniel was one of those wise men.

The mystery was revealed to Daniel not through eyes of flesh but in a vision at night and Daniel praised the God of heaven. Daniel wasn’t held captive by fear even though he had been given a death sentence by the most powerful king on earth instead he offered praise to the one to whom wisdom and power belong. “He changes the times and seasons; he removes kings and establishes kings. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding. He reveals the deep and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness and light dwells with Him.” (Daniel 2:21, 22)

Father, as I lift my eyes to You the God of heaven I find the world around me translated by the lens of praise. Through this lens I see clearly how You the God of peace are with me. 

If there is any virtue

The day felt bleak the sky was gray. The building I went to was as gray as the sky and encircled by a barbed wire fence. I was buzzed into the building and told to wait. I waited in the cold room surrounded by unfriendly signs for over two hours. While I waited I thought about the verses I had been meditating on in Philippians. In Philippians there is a list of things we are told to think about. On this day I was filtering my thought through the part of the verse that says, “If there is any virtue.” I looked around at my depressing surroundings and wondered how anyone could see any virtue in a place like this.

My meditation became a prayer. I had two hours to wait I had two hours to ponder and to pray. The promise I find in the verses in Philippians is that when I think about the things God tells me to think about I will experience the God of peace. Can the God of peace be found in a prison?

Finally, the woman behind the desk called my name. I sat in front of the monitor, pick up the receiver and our visit began.  The message I brought was simple, “I care about you.” I had come to bring a message of hope. I had come to remind her that there is a Savior, there is a Redeemer.

As I drove away that day I realized that the answer to my prayer was in the realization that when Jesus came He came to set the prisoner free. He came not to those who were well but to those who were sick and needed a physician. He came that we might have life and have it abundantly. “God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (1 John 5:9, 10)

Lord Jesus, when my mind becomes clouded by the sorrow that I see help me to meditate on what is truly virtuous that You came to seek and save the lost.

Whatever is of Good Report

Have you ever wondered what your legacy will be, how you will be remembered? Alfred Nobel was one of the few people who got a preview of how he would be remembered when he read his own obituary in 1886. It was titled “The merchant of death is dead.” The French newspaper had made a mistake it was actually Alfred’s brother Ludvig who had died but Alfred was given a preview of how his life would be summed up.

Alfred Nobel was a trained chemical engineer and had become wealthy as a result of his scientific discoveries. His inventions included dynamite and the ballistic company; however, he did not want to be remembered as the merchant of death! In his will he left a large amount of his money to be used for prizes for those who had bettered mankind. One of the prizes is the Nobel Peace Prize.

“The outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state...Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” –James Allen, As a Man Thinketh. The Bible teaches that,” As a man thinks in his heart so is he” (Proverbs 27:3). There is a strong connection between what a person thinks about and what he does.

The book of Philippians tell us that we are to think about,” Whatever is of good report.”  Filling our minds with what is noble, laudable, reputable will affect who we are. If this is true then even what we entertain ourselves with will eventually affect who we are. Our thoughts, like seeds in a garden, will produce a crop.

Lord, help me to fill my mind with reputable thoughts. Please let my mind and my life reflect You. One of Your promises to those who choose to think on whatever is of good report is that You, the God of peace, will be with them.  Please let my reputation be that my life reflects a relationship with the God of peace.

Whatever is Lovely

In Philippians there is an admonition to think about whatever is lovely. This is the only place in Scripture where this Greek word occurs. It means pleasing, acceptable, grateful, worthy of personal affection; hence, dearly prized, worth the effort to have and embrace. This call to focus our minds on what is lovely is part of a passage that begins with, “Rejoice in the Lord, and again I say rejoice.” (Philippians 4:4)

We are not told to try to rejoice or to try to focus our mind on things that are lovely. I believe this is because as 1 Peter 3:18 says we have been, “made alive in the spiritual realm.” On the day of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit came a divine reinforcement took place. The gift of grace has been freely given, an invitation to have our heart bathed in joy, our minds washed by thoughts that are pleasing and acceptable. We have been invited to know a life that is blanketed by peace.

However, I know Christians who suffer from melancholy. Sometimes it’s a chemical imbalance sometimes it’s because of painful things they have experienced in their lives. Are they exempt from joy or a mind that is filled with lovely thoughts?  Are they doomed to have their minds flooded instead with gloomy, woeful, wretched thoughts? Are they destined to live joyless heavy- hearted lives?

Yesterday I heard a story that helped me understand the relationship between the gifts we’ve been given and the lives we live. The story was of a young man who received a gift from his mother. The gift was in a big box and at the time he received it he was very busy so he put it on the floor of his closet and forgot about it. The gift remained hidden in his closet for the remainder of the time he lived there. He never benefited from the gift because he never opened it. I think this is a picture of the relationship of the gifts God gives us and faith. It takes faith to live a life that is not based on what I see or feel but is instead based on the gifts and promises of God.

William Cowper was a man who suffered from melancholy. He fought to embrace what was lovely and to know the joy of the Lord. I do not fully understand the struggles that he had but I am grateful for the insight I have been given when he by faith could see the light shining in the darkness.

Light Shining in the Darkness

By William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way               

  His wonders to perform;           

He plants his footsteps in the sea,           

  And rides upon the storm.        

Deep in unfathomable mines            

  Of never-failing skill,    

He treasures up his bright designs,         

  And works his sovereign will.   

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,     

  The clouds ye so much dread           

Are big with mercy, and shall break        

  In blessings on your head.        

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,      

  But trust him for his grace;        

Behind a frowning providence           

  He hides a smiling face.              

His purposes will ripen fast,        

  Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,             

  But sweet will be the flower.            

Blind unbelief is sure to err,       

  And scan his work in vain;         

God is his own interpreter,         

  And he will make it plain.            

Whatever is Pure

They inhaled deeply the breath of life, the breath of God. They were innocent and pure and every evening they listened for His voice. In the cool of the day He would come to them and walk with them in the garden. Then one day He came but they hid.

Sin had entered the garden innocents was lost. In their defilement they could no longer look upon the Holy face of God. The sin of man became like a cataract obscuring his vision. Paradise was lost.

Like sheep they had gone astray and when they lost their way they lost their purity. But God provided a sacrificial lamb the symbol of purity.” But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth.…”(Isaiah 53:5-8)

 “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world!” (John 1:29) With these words John proclaimed Jesus’ mission on earth. Our innocence and purity was lost by our sin but by the death of the Lamb of God we are once more invited to look upon the face of God and enjoy sweet fellowship. Through the sacrifice of the Lamb of God Paradise has been restored!

Lord Jesus, thank You for inviting me to think about whatever is pure so that I can enjoy the God of Peace. 

Whatever is Right

I simply felt wrong, somewhat like a derailed train. Since this is not the first time I have had this problem I used the same diagnostic tool I have used before. Just as I would go to the doctor to discover a physical illness I went to the Scriptures to reveal the source of my spiritual dis-ease.

I began by asking the Holy Spirit to show me truth in my inmost being. I went to the passage in Philippians that lists the things we are encouraged to think about and do with the promise that, “the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9) I realized that I had begun to think obsessively about things that were bothering me. These negative thoughts left no room for right thinking.

Realizing what was wrong was the first step, fixing my thoughts on what is right was next. It’s more than just choosing what I’m going to think about it’s really a choice to trust the promises I find in God’s word. “You keep him in perfect peace those whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you.”(Isaiah 26:3)

When I choose to think on what is right my dis-eased thoughts are replaced by peace. My feelings of discomfort are are replaced by a quiet confidence. But that should not be surprising since Isaiah 33:17 says,” The result of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quiet confidence forever.”

Lord Jesus, in You, “righteousness and peace kiss each other.” (Psalm 85:10) You offer me perfect peace when my mind is stayed on You. As I open my mind to You , You fill my heart with quiet confidence. When I look at You instead of my negative thoughts I find both healing and wholeness for my dis-eased spirit.

Whatever is Honorable

“Honey, why have you set the timer?” “When the timer rings it will be time for Mommy to come for me.” The grandmother’s eyes stung with tears, her heart stung with the knowledge that this precious child had been abandoned. Gently she explained his mother was not coming back. “Oh, you mean I am like Moses, adopted by a princess and raised in a palace?” The grandmother had cast a vision for her grandson teaching him that one day he would grow to be a mighty man of God. She had bound his broken heart with honor and taught him to see his life through the lens of God’s love.

There is a village in Paraguay called Cateura it is a town perched on top of a mountain of garbage. Everyday 1,500 tons of solid waste is dumped in a landfill in Cateura, where 2,500 families live. The children living among the piles of garage had little hope until one day Favio Chaves came. He looked beyond their dirty faces and the stigma of their filth. He taught the children how to recycle the garbage and make musical instruments. He recognized the beauty of their souls. He cast a vision for them and bound their broken lives with beauty. He said, “The world sends us garbage, and we send back music.”

She was in the attic when she found the notebook. The notebook contained the pictures of the Jewish children Nicholas Winton had rescued from the Nazis during World War ll. Winton found homes for 669 children, many of whose parents perished in Auschwitz. It all began just before Christmas 1938 when Winton chose to cancel his skiing trip to Switzerland and go to Prague, Czechoslovakia, to help a friend who was involved in Jewish rescue work.  He was honor bound to look beyond his comfort and recognize the value of a child’s soul.

It is a different way of seeing things. To look at others through the lens of honor, to recognize what is noble in the outcast. To look past the packages that have been torn and broken by the world and be filled with awe at the majesty of the soul that is within. I am filled with a since of wonder that I too can cast a vision for the broken hearted and bind their wounds with honor.

Father, You have taught me that I am to fill my mind with “whatever is honorable.” Please show me how to look at those around me through this noble lens. 

Whatever is True

A child is frightened by an angry adult. "Did you do this!" The child stands there in sheer terror until suddenly there is way of escape. The thought comes, "You know you don't have to tell the truth." The lie is spoken, anger is defused, and the child escapes. A valuable lesson has been learned, you can find asylum in a lie. But the child cannot see the delicate, transparent strands that begin to entangle her.

He always felt awkward, not quite good enough. He was afraid if anyone really knew who he was they wouldn't want to be around him but he found a solution. He began when he was a child on the playground wanting friends; he made up stories about himself that he thought would make him more appealing. It became a habit but he didn't consider it a bad habit he considered it a social lubricant, just something he used to make him feel more comfortable in social settings. The silken web wound round and round him an unseen prison bound him.

Fear whispered in the night and she awoke with a smothering since of panic.  In her terror she sought solace. He came as an angle of light with arms wide open offering refuge. But the comfort offered was a lie and spider silk, the gossamer threads, wrapped round, and round, and round, and she became imprisoned, bound.

The child, the man the woman imprisoned by lies have heard the lullaby that Satan sings. He offers asylum, a shelter, protection from danger but anyone lured by his songs finds the asylum he truly offers is imprisonment. The Father of lies now injects his helpless victims with the venom of hopelessness.

"If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free...If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." (John 8:34-36) The one who puts his faith in the Truth and chooses then to keep his mind on whatever is true knows what life is like when the God of peace abides with you.

Luminaries

There is a mansion on a hill in the small town I live in. During the Christmas Season the pathway that leads to the mansion is lit by luminaries. These luminaries are simple paper bags weighed down with sand. A candle placed inside the bag gives light and illumines the path.

When I awoke in the night my soul felt smothered. Oppressed by dark thoughts I blanketed myself and went outside. The moon light was so bright that it cast moon shadows. I stood staring up into the night sky. The light from the celestial bodies were luminaries. The darkness that had oppressed me was lifted.

"Sharpen my sight, Lord, so I can see the beauty inside of the people I know. Blind me to their faults and imperfections and let me see the good that You have put in them! Let me see the hurts that I might console and encourage. Please let this kind of sight grow sharper even as my physical sight diminishes." This is the prayer of a woman who became blind, however, in her blindness she became a luminary.

I have found the pathway that leads me to God lit with guiding lights. Sometimes the light in the night's sky is bright enough to cast moon shadows. Other times it is like the light of a candle in a simple paper bag weighed down with sand that shows me the way to go. The lights that lead me home all have the same source.

Father, thank you for the luminaries you have placed in my life. Please let Your light shine brightly in my life and may I become one who lights the path home for others.

Choosing a Life Based on Mystery

"By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen has been made from the things that are not visible."(Hebrews 11:3) There is mystery. I belong to a world that I can experience with my five senses but I also belong to another world. One world I see with my physical eye the other is not visible except by faith.

In the physical world Able's voice was silenced when he was murdered by his brother Cain. Yet, because he saw beyond the temporal to the eternal he offered his sacrifice to God and he was approved as a righteous man.  Even though he is dead he still speaks because God approved his gift of faith.

The warning came, to see not with physical eyes but with eyes of faith. He responded with reverence. He acted on not what he saw but what he believed. Noah built an ark to deliver his family. "By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith."(Hebrews 11:7)

He was called and he responded. He didn't know where he was going but he trusted the One who was leading him. He stayed as a foreigner in the land of promise, he stayed there by faith. "He was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose architect and builder is God." (Hebrew 11:10)

I choose to live my life based on this mystery. By faith I understand that the world I see was spoken into being by the breath of the Spirit of God. I ,like Able, by faith recognize a lamb was sacrificed for my righteousness. Like Noah I too have heard the warning. By faith I understand the promise given to Abraham that though he was in the world he was not of the world. By faith I choose to to not throw away my confidence in the things I can't see because I hear the voice of God saying, "For in yet a very little while, the Coming One will come and not delay. But My righteous one will live by faith; and if he draws back, My soul has no pleasure in Him."(Hebrews 10-38)

Sanctuary

Life was loud when I was a child. In my childhood home there were eleven people living under one roof I was one of sixty pupils in my class. But there was a place where I experienced a quiet that penetrate deep into my soul. Once a week I would walk through the doors and find a holy hush a place where my soul could find rest.

This was a place were I began to learn the otherness of God. In this room a candle was kept burning. I was taught as a child that the light was there to remind me of God's holy presence. It wasn't that God was confined to this place but that this place, this time, had been set apart. It was set apart from the rush of daily life so that I could enter into to God's sacred silence and listen for His voice.

I was trained by my Father's example to genuflect before I took my seat. "Daddy, why do we kneel before we sit?" "This is because we are here to worship a Holy God." My Father taught me by his example that the correct response to a Holy God was to bend my knee and bow my head.

Many years latter I learned about the Holy of Holies. This was the innermost area of the ancient tabernacle of Moses and the most sacred. There was a veil that existed as a barrier between man and God. The holiness of God could not be accessed by anyone but the high priest, and that only once a year. The day Jesus died on the cross the veil was ripped from top to bottom and man was given access to a Holy God.

I no longer go to a church where the candle always burns nor do I genuflect before I take my seat. Yet, still I am filled with a since of wonder that I have access to a Holy God. Once a week I take my seat and let the quiet of His presence penetrate my soul. Once a week I set aside time for sacred silence to listen for His voice.

The Gift of Receiving

We have been friends now for most of my life. We have tasted both the joys and sorrow of life together and my respect for her has grown with each passing year. In the Spring of this year my friend became a widow and a mantle was placed on her shoulders that she never had to bear before. I have watched as she carried this new burden with both dignity and grace.

Because she is my friend I want to do more than just watch I want to help, but how? This has become a theme in my prayers, "Father, show me how to help." Today as we walked together I listened and through listening came up with some practical things I could offer to do. My friend is highly capable and very independent, accepting help does not come naturally.

I shared my prayer with her and she shared what she had been praying with me. She had been asking God to show her how to carry the load she'd been given. We talked about how sometimes God sends His answer in human form. God didn't create us to be independent but interdependent.

I have been doing a study on Spiritual Gifts. When I look at Spiritual Gifts I think about how I can use the gift God has given me to serve others, but today I saw something else. Today I saw the grace of God extended to me by my friend as she allowed me to participate in her life.

Father, thank You for the special gift of grace You have given each of us so that we can serve one another. And thank You for the precious gift I have received by giving me a friend who allows me to be part of her life.

Anxiety or Peace?

"I have trained myself not to feel emotions," he said. I responded by asking,"What are you afraid of?" Emotions are a natural instinctive state of mind responding to circumstances, mood or relationships with others. Anxiety or fear is a common emotion that is experienced when we are not in control of the circumstances of our life.

I have found in my life that the pathway that leads me to experience inexplicable peace and intense joy is a pathway that without God would lead me to paralyzing fear. Often in life I have come face to face with my utter vulnerability. How I respond determines the path I take.

How can circumstances that cause my knees to buckle in fear ultimately bring me to a place of inexplicable peace and intense joy? It is because these are also the same places that I am invited to bend my knees in humility and call on a God who has promised to answer me and show me great and wondrous things that I do not know.

I find as I walk through life that I am often humbled by my vulnerability. To be honest my natural inclination is to be anxious. But I am learning  that the very thing that causes me to be anxious can lead me to an intimate encounter with God. This happens when I choose to humble my heart and bend my knees and listen to the voice of the Spirit. When I do this, this is what I hear; "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let you gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-7)

Lord Jesus, thank You for bringing me to places where I encounter the truth. I am not the god of my circumstances but You are. Thank You for giving me access to You through prayer. And thank You for giving me emotions so that I can experience peace that passes understanding and joy that is a foretaste of eternity!

The Faith that Produces Joy

Her heart was heavy, the path she had been forced to walk was not of her choosing. She was the mother of young children and they looked to her to see the pattern they were to follow. With quite resolve she spoke the words,"I am a woman of faith." Because of her faith she chose to rejoice, because of her faith she chose to join in the celebration. She celebrated life, her life. She celebrated because she was sure of what she hoped for confident of what she could neither see nor feel.

There is a joy in this journey of life that is found in the determination to lay hold of that for which we were laid hold of by Christ Jesus. This is a since of joy that is found by those who are willing to press on toward "the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."(Philippians 3:14) It is the joy of believing that God is at work in the trails and the sorrows.

While peering intently through a veil of tears until we see His face we discover He has given us endurance. Choosing to rejoice in His promises and His love a miracle begins to take place within us. The storm is raging but the anchor of hope has firmly gripped the solid rock. The power of the Holy Spirit is revealed as joy and peace are poured out into our hearts.

The one who is willing to trust in God even when what they see causes them to tremble will become strong. "Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."(Nehemiah 8:10) The one who is willing to let their heart's joy be based on the hope of receiving God's promises finds safety. They discover, "The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him."(Psalm 28:7)

My Lord, today as I rejoice in You I ask that others would be refreshed by my joy. Thank for Your Spirit that produces joy and peace in my heart as I trust in You.

Forty Years Ago Today

What I am about to tell you is not logical. What I am about to tell you makes no since at all but I know it's true because it happened to me. Forty years ago today at 9:30 am I saw a stranger framed in the doorway of the church and I heard in my heart, "This is the man you're going to marry." Okay, that seemed a little weird even for me so I tried to shake off that feeling but it wouldn't go away.

A few weeks before I had read about how Abraham had arranged a marriage for his son Issac. It was such a beautiful story that I responded to it by asking God to do that for me. The next day I met Mr. Jones. Mr Jones prayed a heartfelt prayer for his grandson and I was so moved by his prayer that I went up to him afterward and told him I knew God would give him what he had requested. He looked at me for a moment and asked, "Who are you?" Suddenly, I was completely embarrassed and thought, "Who do I think I am that I can come up to this elderly man and tell him that I know God will answer his prayer?!?"

He recognized my discomfort and when on to ask,"Who is your mother?" As soon as we established the fact that he knew both my mother and my grandparents he quickly added, "I have a grandson I want you to meet!" The stranger I saw framed in the doorway of the church was Mr. Jones' grandson. He had come to church that Sunday on a blind date that his grandfather had arranged. After dinner that day Mr. Jones talked about how when you marry someone you bring two families together. I learned latter that Mr. Jones had encouraged his son to write my mother when he had enlisted. He had tried to bring the families together then but he was a generation off.

On our first date we were together from 9:30 am to 11:30 pm. We shared on a level I had never experienced before. Part of our evening together involved talking to a hurting friend of mine. After we finished talking to her Steve said to me, "Some relationships are exclusive so that when the couple is together if anyone come they feel like they are intruding. Other relationships are inclusive so the people they encounter feel welcomed. Lets make our relationship be inclusive."

Forty years ago today I met the man that I was to marry. Forty years ago today God answered my prayer and the desire of Mr. Jones to bring two families together. Forty years ago today God gave Steve a vision of a relationship that would be inclusive and reach out to others and welcome them into our love for each other.

The Maze

We walked beneath the deep blue of the Autumn sky. My granddaughter and I were finding our way through a maze of corn. The tall stalks blocked my ability to see anything except the path I was on. From my perspective all I could see were tall corn stalks but my granddaughter showed me an aerial view of the maze. I was stunned by the detailed picture that had been created by cutting different paths into the crop of corn.

There are times when I feel like my life is a maze, a puzzle with complex and confusing turns. I get confused and unsure of the correct path to take. I can't really see the big picture and sometimes the path I'm on makes no since to me at all. However, I believe their is an eternal view to the life I live.

In God's word I am given a glimpse of eternity which helps bring meaning to this complex passage I find myself on. There is a sanctification process that occurs on this journey as I rely on faith because my earthly vision is blocked. My lack of understanding could cause me to walk in fear except for the promise I have found in God' word.  "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."(1 Thessalonians 5:23)

I believe that I have been invited to be a part of the story of redemption. Living out my part in this story must be done by faith, being sure of what I hope for and confident about what I do not see. If this journey I am on depended on my own understanding I would be lost in the maze. But I believe in the promise given me that, "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."(1 Thessalonians 5:24)

Lord Jesus, thank You for leading me on this journey and giving meaning to my life.

Exercising Vision

I was twenty one years old she was ageless. One day when we were walking together she paused and stood quietly looking into the distance. I asked her what she was looking at and that was when she taught me how to exercise my vision. "Find the farthest place on the horizon,' she said, 'and focus on it."

Now that I no longer measure my life by years but by decades I often exercise my vision. I look intently to the horizon where time and eternity meet. It is there I see the One who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand. "God is enthroned above the circle of the earth; its inhabitants are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a thin cloth and spreads them out like a tent to live in...He brings out the starry host by number; He calls all of them by name. Because of His great power and strength, not one of them is missing." (Isaiah 40:12,22)

When I was twenty one I learned that in order to exercise my vision I needed to be willing to pause, to quiet myself, to look beyond where I was until I could truly see. I learned then that focusing on the farthest point on the horizon not only exercised my vision it also gave me perspective. By exercising my vision I have leaned the perspective of place of time and of eternity.

I sit by my grandchild's bed. I gently place my hand on their closed eyes. Their days are filled with sight. Now that they are still I pray that they will have vision. I close my eyes until I can see the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named. I quiet myself and pray. I pray that they will be rooted and firmly established in love and that they, "may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God's love."(Ephesians 3:18)  I also pray that God will give me the opportunity to teach them how to exercise their vision.

To Be Seen

Her shoulders were bent, her head was bowed, her spirit was broken as she walked into the church. She sat as one in a crowd of many and tried to prepare herself to listen to what was being said but round and round in her mind the same prayer kept circling, "Lord, help me! What am I supposed to do!" She was a prisoner of circumstance.

As she tried to focus her thoughts on the melodious voice of the preacher suddenly he paused in his message and began to talk about Hagar. Hagar was the female Egyptian servant of Sarai. Sarai gave Hagar to Abram in hopes of obtaining children through her. The preacher explained how Hagar became a prisoner of circumstance when she became pregnant. The Lord found her alone in the wilderness and gave her hope. "So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, 'You are the God who sees me.'"(Genesis 16:13)

The words the preacher spoke became a ray of light to her darkened soul. After the service she timidly stood in line to speak to the one who had given her hope. When her turn finally came she slowly lifted her eyes to the preacher and asked with quiet voice, "How did the fact that God saw Hagar help her in her circumstances?"

He looked at her and smiled. "So you are the reason I told the story of Hagar. It had nothing to do with the message I had prepared but I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to tell the story about the God who sees." Then he paused and looked kindly into her tear washed eyes and said, "The answer to your question will come as you meditate on what it means to be truly seen by God."

And so the lonely prisoner of circumstance became a prisoner of hope. The truth of being fully known by God became her meditation day and night. She discovered that her true identity was not found in what others thought of her but in the reflection of the eyes of God. All her life she had wanted to be known, to be understood, to be seen. The circumstances didn't change but she did. The timid hurting woman became a beautiful woman of inner strength because as she meditated on what it meant to be seen by God she also received the quiet confidence of one who is seen, understood, known and loved by God.

The Perfecting Storm

Storms happen.

The storm struck. The ship was caught and could not face the wind, there was no choice but to give way to it and be driven along by it. Since they were so violently storm-tossed they jettisoned the cargo. On the third day of the storm the ships tackle was thrown overboard, after all what good is tackle if you're fighting for your life? When neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small tempest lay on them, all hope of their being saved was at last abandoned. This is a description of a storm at sea that Paul encountered in the book of Acts.

Storms happen.

Storms in life show me my true vulnerability. Yet, in the book of James I am told, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing."

Storms happen.

The storms I encounter in life test what I really believe about the power of God. It was during a storm that Jesus' disciples began to understand that Jesus was Lord of the wind and the waves. The storms invite me into a more intimate relationship with God. Job's response to God after the storm in his life was, "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you."(Job 42:5)

Storms happen.

Often with the storm comes a deep feeling of confusion. The book of James not only tells me to consider these storms joy but also invites me to ask God for wisdom in the midst of my confusion. I am invited to ask for wisdom yet there is the stipulation that I must ask in faith and not doubting because the one who doubts is looking at the waves of the storm and not the Lord of the storm.

Lord Jesus, when the storm clouds gather, when the winds blow me in direction that I did not choose, when the sky becomes dark and I can no longer see to navigate and I feel nothing stable beneath my feet remind me to count it joy not panic. Help me remember that You are the Lord of the storm inviting me to know You in a more intimate way. Help me to pray for wisdom with my eyes on You and not on the waves so that I can know the thrill of walking with You on the water in the midst of the storm!

What Would It Look Like?

I've been thinking about something lately and wondering what it would look like if I really put into practice what I'm reading.

I'm studying in Philippians and I came to the verse that says, "You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." From there it goes on to tell how Jesus didn't cling to his equality with God. Instead he gave up his divine privileges and took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. It didn't stop there because he humbled himself in obedience to God and died. He died a criminal's death on the cross. So, what would it look like in my life if I had this same attitude of humility?

Yesterday as I continued to meditate on, "What would it really look like if I had the same attitude as Christ Jesus?" I read Isaiah 53. I read it in the morning and right before I went to bed last night. This morning I woke thinking about it. "Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God's path to follow our own. Yet the LORD laid on him the sins of us all." (Isaiah 53:4-6) So, what would it look like in my life if I had the same attitude as Christ Jesus and I was willing to love my enemy and do good to those who hurt me?

This is another thing I've been thinking about, one of the themes in Philippians is joy. So where was Jesus' joy when, "He was led like a lamb to the slaughter...unjustly condemned...struck down for the rebellion of my people...buried like a criminal...crushed." (Isaiah 53:9-11) I found the answer in Hebrews 12:2 "Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding the shame." So what would my life be like if I had the same attitude as Christ Jesus and I looked beyond the moment and lived my life based on eternity?

There are those in history who have chosen to live their lives this way. Hebrews 12:1 says the world wasn't worthy of them it also says they are a "huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith." I find in Hebrews 12 what it would look like if I really chose to have the same attitude as Christ Jesus. It would mean that I chose to run with endurance the race that God set before me just like Jesus did. It would also mean that I kept my eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects my faith.

Lord I want to obey Your word and have the same attitude as Christ Jesus. I am not naturally humbly, I don't find it natural to love my enemies but I do believe that if Your words commands me to do something You will give me the ability to do it.

During the Fourth Watch of the Night

It's interesting to me how I can be so tired that I can hardly wait until bedtime and then find myself fully awake at 3 A.M. I don't want to be awake at 3 A.M. Not just because I'm not finished sleeping but because usually if I wake at 3 A.M. it's because my subconscious has brought to the surface the stuff I didn't want to think about during the day.

So this morning at 3 A.M. when I woke up with the feeling of being drowned by the things I couldn't control I was reminded of something I read. When Jesus had fed the five thousand he made his disciples get into a boat and go before him to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. "And when evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. And he saw they were making headway painfully, for the wind was against them. And about the fourth watch of the night he came to them walking on the sea." (Mark 6:48) The fourth watch of the night is between 3 A.M. and 6 A.M.

In the darkness that accompanies the fourth watch of the night I often feel like I am fighting a losing battle. I winds of life are blowing me off course, I can't see where I'm going nor do I have control over the boat I'm in. It was during the exhaustion of the fourth watch when the disciples saw Jesus walking to them on the water and they were terrified. Jesus spoke and said,"Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid." (Mark 6:50)

Two thoughts came to me during my own early morning hours. First, the disciples were utterly astounded when Jesus got into the boat and the wind ceased. He was able to both walk on the waves of the storm and make the storm cease. My other thought was that their plan was to go to Bethsaida but the wind blew them off course but not off his course, "When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret and moored to the shore."(Mark 6:53)

Lord Jesus when I am struggling with the storms in my life during the fourth watch of the night help me to remember that I have a Savior that is able to not only calm the storm but walk on the waves in the storm. Thank You also for using the storms to put me at the destination of Your choosing.

Being Part of Someonelse's Story

In the front of her journal she wrote,"God takes the garbage of our lives and makes it into the compost from which to grow others." -unknown-

My friend carried around the weight of so much garbage. She had always felt unwanted. Maybe that's because her mother had told her she was an accident and that her birth had ruined her life. Maybe she felt that way because when she was twelve her mother had sent her off to live with her mentally ill, abusive father with a note that said, "I don't want her anymore. It's your turn to deal with her."

If often happens when a child is thrust out into the world feeling unloved and unwanted that they make choices that others who have known the tender love of a family would never think to make and so it was with my friend.

When my husband and I first began our home we took to heart the words from Psalm 68:6 "God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy." We asked God to use the family He was giving us to be a family where He could place the lonely. That is how Loraine became Aunt Loraine to my family.

Loraine came to a Bible Study I was teaching. She had already become a Christian when I met her but still she suffered with the garbage of her past. She also suffered from trust issues because she had been abandoned and abused as child by those who should have protected her.

One day when Loraine was in my home she asked if she could talk to me. We sat together on a swing in my backyard and she began to tell me things that had plagued her, things she believed that if anyone knew about them she would be forever driven away. As I listened to her I felt like I heard the Holy Spirit telling me to wash her feet. I thought this was odd but the idea would not go away so that evening I knelt before her and washed her feet.

After Loraine died I found her journal. I could hear her voice as I read,"Who am I. who is Loraine, without family identity--who am I? What can come of this quest for healing? Is healing really possible for someone questioning the power that heals? Oh God, I don't know what to believe."  But something happened on June 28th I obeyed an odd urging from God's Spirit and I washed my friends feet.

June 28th Amazing things happened to me today. This afternoon Sarah and I sat in the swing talking and sharing and I shared, risking our friendship(in my mind) I felt dirty and awful, and shamed but I needed to have someone close, besides my therapist, that I could say these things to and not be rejected by them. Sarah listened, comforted and shared some things of her own. I cried and then we went on with our activity. Later she said there was something she wanted to do after everyone went to bed. After supper I asked her what it was she said, "In response to what you told me, I'm going to wash your feet." I was flabbergasted, totally, and then so touched  I began to cry. It was an act of love I have never experienced before and I was totally humbled by the experience-- there on her knees my dear sweet friend, washed my feet. It was an experience I will never forget. It reached in and crumbled a wall of distrust I never expected to end in this life. I went to bed in tears and awed by such an act. But God blessed it because I saw a person loving me, honoring me, caring as no one ever had. It softened my resistance and broke my heart toward God. I went to bed praying praising and thanking God." 

Heavenly Father, thank You for letting me be part of another person's story. Thank You for placing the lonely in families. Thank You for setting prisoners of guilt and shame free to experience joy. And thank You for being a Redeemer who takes the garbage of our lives and for using it as compost from which to grow others.

Humbled by the Mystery

"There are those hearts, reader, that never mend again once they are broken. Or if they mend, they heal themselves in a crooked and lopsided way, as if sewn together by a careless craftsman."--Kate DiCamillo, The Tale of Despereaux So what do you do when you find your heart has become scarred?

Every year when I read through the Bible I find myself invited into the throne-room of Heaven on the day when the sons of God come to present themselves before the LORD. Every year I find myself ease dropping on a peculiar conversation. "And the LORD said to Satan, 'Have you considered my servant Job, there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?'"(Job 1:8) And every year I watch as the heart of Job is broken.

I don't really understand what's going on. I find this book uncomfortable and to be honest a bit painful. There are things that have happened in my own life that have broken my heart. Things that I don't understand. I look at Job's friends trying to make since of what has happened by blaming Job and hoping to put a little distance between who they are and who he is. They want to assure themselves that what happened to him could never happen to them.

I finished the book of Job today. I read carefully what the LORD said when He answered Job out of the whirlwind,"Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?"(Job 38:2) I'm always intrigued that the LORD doesn't tell Job what we read in the first chapter of this book. What I do see in God's response to Job is that healing, true healing can only come with humility. What I see is that I have been invited to be part of a mystery that is bigger than I am.

LORD I come before You today and acknowledge that I don't really understand everything that is going on in my life but I trust You. I want to walk humbly before You so that when my heart has become broken it won't become hard and scarred by my pride. I believe that when You heal my heart I can say like Job, "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you."(Job 42:5)

The Story Behind the Picture

It was a small black and white picture in a little photo album but the story it told was so very powerful.

Once upon a time a little girl went to live with her Aunt Rubye when she was eighteen months old. She was cocooned by the love of Aunt Rubye and Uncle Ralph. On Sunday Uncle Ralph would preach and Aunt Rubye would gently whisper to her niece while turning her to face the pulpit, "Listen, God is wanting to speak to you." In their home the little girl was safe and secure and happy but she couldn't stay there.

The small black and white picture in the little photo album is of Aunt Ruby standing in front of the little girl's picture praying. If Aunt Rubye could have kept her niece in the safety of her own home she would have, but she couldn't. The same Aunt Rubye who taught the little girl to listen to God also spoke to God on her behalf. She understood what it felt like to have your heart broken but she also knew what it meant to turn you face to the only one who could help.

Aunt Rubye rejoiced in hope praying while the tears flowed freely. Her confidence and expectation were solidly based in the God to whom she directed her prayers. She had learned long ago to hear his voice. She had learned to be patient in tribulation and to be constant in prayer and so night after night she kept her vigil.

I too am part of this story because that little girl grew up to be my friend. She has shared her story with me in small doses because with the story came the memory of so much pain. But the story I see in my friend is one of redemption. I marvel at the grief my friend encountered as a child because today she is one of the most godly women I know. For almost forty years we have walked together as friends. I am a witness to God's faithful answer to Aunt Rubye's prayers.

Father, thank you for Aunt Rubye. Please help me to follow her example. When I am faced with the things that break my heart help me to remember to rejoice in hope and be patient in tribulation. Please remind me Father to always be faithful to lift my face and my prayers to You because You are faithful to hear.

The Honor Challenge

"The cinnamon challenge is a viral internet challenge. The objective of the challenge is to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in under 60 seconds without drinking anything, then upload the video to the Internet. The challenge is extremely difficult and carries substantial health risks because the cinnamon coats and dries the mouth and throat, resulting in coughing, gagging, vomiting and inhaling of cinnamon, leading to throat irritation, breathing difficulties, and risk of pneumonia." This is what I found on Wikipedia when I typed in cinnamon challenge.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a Bible verse going through my mind, actually I've been thinking about it for sometime now, but yesterday it was like a challenge. "Outdo one another in showing honor." (Romans 12:10) I decided to take the challenge, I mean how hard could it be to outdo someone in showing honor and for that matter how hard can it be to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in under 60 seconds? Some challenges are more difficult than they appear.

The first problem I encountered in my "Honor Challenge" was that no sooner had I decided to did it out of nowhere a parade of people who have offended me appeared in my mind. This was very frustrating because the very thought of them made me angry! Then into my negative thoughts came, "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."(Romans 12:9,10) My simple prayer response was, "Surely, God this can't apply to them!"

This morning I watched someone I know taking the cinnamon challenge. I watched as his face turned red and tears shoot out of his eyes, I didn't know tears could shoot out of someones face like that! This morning I have had the opportunity to put someones needs ahead of my own and I identified with the young man swallowing the cinnamon. As I continue with the "Honor Challenge" I continue to recognize my need of the transforming power of God.

Lord, I thought my love was more genuine than it is but when I try to honor others above myself the truth comes out. I can't do this in my own strength, anymore than I could swallow a spoon full of cinnamon without water in 60 seconds. Thank for Your promise that if I ask anything according to Your will I can be sure that You hear me and will give me my request.

Healing the Brain's Tranquility System

"Every body better memorize and remember this." He spoke with such authority he caught my attention. The man speaking was Archibald Hart, Dean Emeritus and Senior Professor of Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary. He was talking about the function of cortisol also known as the stress hormone. He explained that the function of cortisol was for "flight or fight" when we are being threatened. However, he went on to say that when levels are to high it results in depression and can also cause panic and anxiety disorders because it blocks receptors in the tranquility system of the brain.

So what can you do when life seems out of control when your brain is being bathed with cortisol and you know with certainty that the tranquility system is not only blocked but feels like it is broken?!? The answer made me smile. It made me smile because I have found this to be true in my own life. What brings healing and restoration are the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude.

When life seems out of control how can you find silence and solitude?  God gave us an invitation to "Be still, and know that I am God."(Psalm 46:10) The stillness and peace you can experience when the world around you is at rest is not what this psalm is talking about. Instead this psalm refers to not being afraid, "though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling." The tranquility that is offered in this psalm is in spite of  a time when, "the nations rage, the kingdoms totter."

The Hebrew word for "be still" is rapha. It means to be weak, to let go, to release. In this Psalm I find an invitation to surrender in order to know that God is in control. I have to give up trusting in myself before I can experience the glory of knowing God's all sufficiency. Sometimes God takes me into the heart of my greatest fears and there He shows me that He is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Father, you have taught me that in all things I am to give thanks. I confess that when You lead me to places where the earth I stand on gives way and the mountains I use for navigation are moved my first response is fear. Thank You that because You are my refuge and my strength I can find stillness in the midst of the storms of this life. Because the LORD of hosts is with me I can experience tranquility of mind and a peace that passes understanding.

When Winters are Turned to Spring Yet Every Moment Holds It's Sting

"I walked one morning with my King and all my winters turned to spring, yet every moment held it's sting. It's a long road to freedom winding deep and far but when you walk in love with the wind on your wings and cover the earth with the songs you sing the miles fly by."

I learned to sing this song about the same time I began walking with my King. I was young then. I sang the words without comprehension. I was then in the springtime of my life. I smile as I hear the echo of the words in my mind. Today I now understand what it means to have my winters turn to spring.

"As for man, his days are like grass--he blooms like a flower of the field; when the winds passes over it, it vanishes, and it's place is no more."(Psalm 103:15,16) "...yet every moment held it's sting." There are those whose friendships I have cherished whose faces are now only a memory. My heart holds both the joy of our walks together and the sting of their passing.

I live my life in daily increments but the sum of my days are measured by eternity. This "long road to freedom" finds it's culmination only in eternity. As I walk in love, I see Him. "He wraps Himself in light as if it were a robe, spreading out the sky like a canopy, laying the beams of His palace on the waters above, making the clouds His chariots, walking on the wings of the winds His messengers, flames of fire His servants."(Psalm 104:2-4) These Psalms are the songs of my pilgrimage and the miles fly by.

Thank you, my King, for walking with me and teaching me to interpret my days in the light of eternity.

What Am I Supposed to Do?

The acoustics in the room were terrible! The room was filled with talking people, music being loudly played while at the same time instructions were given over the loud speakers. My eardrums vibrated with the sounds but I found it difficult to really comprehend anything that was being said. Sometimes when I tying to understand God's will I feel the same way.

"In quietness and in trust shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15) I often find that in order for me to discern what God is saying I need to find a quiet place. I make the conscious choice to withdraw. Because I believe God is speaking I step away from the noise so that I can hear His voice and in the silence I find strength.

"And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." (Isaiah 30:25) To be able to discern the will of God I need to be able to hear His voice. In the cacophony of voices how can I distinguish which one is God's? In order to discern the good and acceptable and perfect will of God I must make the choice not to be conformed to the world but instead transformed by the renewing of my mind.

I step outside the noisy room and wait with expectation. My spirit vibrates with the sound of His voice and I begin to understand. The will of God is so much bigger than time and space. I ask for wisdom concerning with way to turn. I hear in response not only the answer to my question for direction but because of His merciful kindness He shows me the depths of the riches and the knowledge of God. "How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Romans 13:33)

When the Path is Blocked

Yesterday I couldn't get the computer to connect to the internet. I couldn't find my wallet. I could find all the birth certificates but not the one I needed. All these circumstances pushed me into places I didn't want to go. Suddenly I had a picture in my mind of Balaam beating his donkey and I fully understood his frustration.

Balaam was on his way to take advantage of a lucrative opportunity but his donkey balked. Every time it happened he beat his donkey. I really can identify with Balaam because yesterday I wanted to respond to the obstacles in my way by beating something. Because I so completely identify with Balaam's frustration it makes me pause when I think about what the angel of the Lord said to him. "Why have you beaten your donkey these three times? I have come here to oppose you because you path is a reckless one before me."(Numbers 22:32) Is it possible that God puts obstacles in my path to block my way so I can go His way?

I believe that honest emotions are a tool God has given to me. The honest emotion I had yesterday was anger. It was not a pleasant feeling, to tell the truth it was extremely unpleasant. It was unpleasant because not being able to connect to the internet, not being able to find my wallet, not being able to find the birth certificate I needed underscored the truth that I am not in control! The honest emotion of anger that I experienced came because something or someone got in my way and messed up my plans.

I would have liked to hit something or at the very least to scream at someone or something and to be honest I may have done a little screaming. But at the same time I was wrestling with this unpleasant feeling because that very morning I had read,"A man's steps are determined by the LORD, so how can anyone understand his own way?"(Proverbs 20:24) So I told myself the truth that I am not in control and that when I find something or someone standing in the middle of the road I'm trying to take I need to either take a different path or wait and listen for further instruction from the only One who is in control.

Lord, my pride does not like it when I can't go where I want to go and do what I want when I want. Please help me to humble myself today and remember that if my way is blocked it might be You sending me in a different direction.

How Do You See Him?

"To come into the presence of the living God is to be changed. You cannot come before the high and holy one and stay the same. So change me Lord. Remake Lord. Conform me to the image of Your Son." I heard this song over thirty years ago but I often hear it in my mind when I come to worship.

A.W. Tozer said, "No one can know the true grace of God who has not first known the fear of God. Always there was about any manifestation of God something that dismayed the onlooker, that daunted and overawed them." I have experienced this sense of awe and wonder in the presence of the Holy God but I've also seen Him with the eyes of a child.

When I was a little girl I was drawn to the stories of Jesus. As a child I would pretend that I was one of the children who lived during the time Jesus was on earth. I would lay my head on the pillow and image I was laying my head on Jesus' lap then I would pour out my heart to Him. I learned the awe and respect for God as I grew older but I never lost my childlike since of intimacy.

When I read the story of John who at the last supper was leaning on Jesus I smile because that is where as I child I often saw myself. I love this relationship John had with Jesus but I also love the other way Jesus revealed Himself to John. "The revelation of Jesus Christ God gave him to show to his servants the things that must soon take place." This time when John saw Jesus He was, "Clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white like wool, as white as snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength."(Revelation 1:13-16) This time John could not stand in his presences but fell at his feet as if though death.

Lord Jesus, thank You for drawing me to yourself when I was a young girl. But Jesus thank You for also allowing be to worship You in the spender of You Holiness. As I humble myself before You I do pray that You would change me, and remake me and conform me into Your image so that I might represent You correctly in my generation.

Do You Measure Your Life By Days Or Years?

It was about a year ago that I began to have trouble with the vision in my left eye. My son was visiting because my daughter Elisabeth was getting married. When I told Andrew about my vision he looked at my eyes and noticed my pupils were different sizes. I really wanted to just ignore the problem and keep going because the wedding reception was going to be in my front yard and I had way to much to do to fool with a health issue. But then again, I realized I'd be a fool to not deal with it.

So three days before the wedding I was scheduled to have an MRI. Three days after the wedding I was in the doctors office being told I had a brain tumor. I was reassured that the tumor was not life threatening. The tumor is on a nerve that effects my balance and my hearing, however, it had nothing to do with the fact that my eye was going in and out of focus several times a week. During a visit to a doctor at Vanderbilt to discus my brain tumor he asked what I had found out about my eye. When I told him that nothing had been determined he told me that I needed to keep looking until I found an answer.

Before I tell you the rest of my medical journey I want to share the spiritual journey this has caused me to take. My spiritual journey has been about how I measure life. This year while trying to find answers to my medical problems I have had to said goodbye to three close friends. Two died suddenly one died after a long battle with cancer. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

While sitting at the funeral of one friend I was reminded that, "It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of everyone; the living should take this to heart."(Ecclesiastes 7:2) I began to realize that I had always measured my life by years or even decades but when I thought about what God's word says I began to notice that He measured man's life by days and even though all the days of my life are written in His book before any them came to be still they are days.

So I have spent a year contemplating my own mortality. I have to say it has been a very freeing exercise. Freeing because I believe the promise of eternal life and because Jesus said, "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."(Matthew 6:34)

I wasn't anxious when I went back to Vanderbilt to hear what the doctor had to say about my eye because my peace was not contingent on my diagnosis. However, I do confess I heaved a deep sigh of relief to find that my problem was ocular migraines and nothing life threatening. I've learned a lot this year about how I want to live out the rest of my days.

"Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." (Psalm 23:6)

When Dark Shadows Flee

I could see it happening. I could hear sound of the door being locked. I could feel the panic rising within me. Then I awoke and the dark shadow of fear that had been shrouding my mind fled. At first my mind was hazy but consciousness reigned. I remembered that this was the night of the meteorite showers; this was the night of shooting stars.

I went out into the darkness spread my sleeping bag and lay down staring into the vastness of the heavens. I breathed in the night air and let the spender and the majesty of the great expanse engulf my spirit. Gazing up I heard, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words; Their voice is not heard..." (Psalm 19:2) So as I lay there watching heaven's display; my spirit awake to hear the voice of God revealing knowledge.

"Splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary. Ascribe to the LORD you families of peoples, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength. Ascribe to the LORD the glory of His name; bring an offering and enter His courts. Worship the LORD in the splendor of His holiness; tremble before Him all the earth." (Psalms 96:6-9)

When the morning came traces of the dark shadow whispered into my ear. In dream like fashion I again saw the door locking. When I was younger and I would run crying to my mother in the night having been terrified by a nightmare. She would wisely have me tell her exactly what I had dreamed. In the unwinding of tangled thought the night mare would loose it's power over me. In the light of morning I realized my fear had come with the locking of the door. I didn't know if I was being locked in or locked out but it didn't matter. Being locked in or locked out had no power over me because I knew the one who held the key and in His presence dark shadows had to flee. I was set free.

The Microphone

She was walking through a crowed mall when she saw the microphone. Timidly she picked it up and began to sing the song that was in her soul. At first her voice was barely audible and the people rushing by took no notice of her but the longer she sang the stronger her voice became. Suddenly she was engulfed in the song and oblivious to the people rushing past her. She lifted her hand to her heart closed her eyes and for a brief moment those around her paused to listen. Then as timidly as she had picked the microphone up she put it down her moment was over and the whirl of humanity engulfed her.

This scene reminded me of another young woman who said, "When I was younger I always felt like there was something special about me but as I have grown older I realize there is nothing that sets me apart." I remember listening to her sing when she was a little girl. She had a beautiful voice and with her songs she would magnify the spender of God's holiness. But as she grew up her vision dimmed and her song changed.

These two young women remind me of something I read in the Psalms. "What are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God and crowned them with glory and honor. (Psalm 8:4) However, I think until we worship the One who dwells in unapproachable light and is seeking to have communion with us we see ourselves as just one of the crowd.

My youngest daughter is engaged and I've noticed that something happens to a girl when she knows she's loved. When she looks into the eyes of the her fiancee she sees herself more clearly. When God invites me to lift my voice and face to Him in praise and I begin to recognize the one who loves me I cease to be a faceless person.

O Lord, I have discovered that it is only when I worship the spender of Your holiness that my eyes can clearly see.

"This is an extreme ride with sever turns and an abrupt stop."

Standing in line at the amusement park to ride "White Lightning" I heard over and over, "This is an extreme ride with sever turns and an abrupt stop." This is a good description of life in general. The sever turns in life so often take me by surprise and my response to them can be internal screaming if not external screams. And then just as abruptly as the ride begins it ends.

With a cry of life the ride begins. No one can know what twists and turns will make up an individual's story. Then as abruptly as it began it ends. "We end our years like a sign. Our lives last seventy years or, if we are strong, eighty years. Even the best of them are toil and sorrow; indeed, they pass quickly and we fly away."(Psalm 90:9,10)

When King Jehoshaphat encountered a "sever turn" and was suddenly faced with a vast multitude who were coming against him he resolved to seek the LORD. This is what he did: "Then he consulted with the people and appointed some to sing for the LORD and some to praise the splendor of His holiness. When they went out in front of the armed forces, they kept singing: Give thank to the LORD, for His faithful love endures forever."(2 Chronicles 20:21)

The next "sever turn" happened the moment they began their shouts and praises. "The Lord set an ambush against the Ammonites, Moabites and the inhabitants of Mount Seir who came to fight against Judah, and they were defeated." (2 Chronicles 20:22) Praising God in the splendor of His holiness they were reminded of the truth that His faithful love endures forever. Jehoshaphat only lived to be sixty and his life was full of toil and then his years were over like a sign. However, when Jehoshaphat's life was over he entered into the splendor of the LORD's holiness to receive the faithful love of God that endures forever.

Father, sometimes when I encounter the "sever turns" of life I loose my balance. All of my attention is drawn into my confusion. Please help me to follow the example of King Jehoshaphat and to praise you in the spender of Your holiness and to keep singing and giving thanks for you faithful love that endures forever even when life comes to an abrupt stop.

"Everything's Gonna be Alright"

When his mother died the foundation of his world cracked and a deep since of insecurity held his heart captive. I shared a CD with him that was filled with songs of promise and praise but there was more to the CD than that, it also acknowledged that there was a struggle. He favorite song was the one where the singer's fears where conquered by the promise given in a deep melodious voice, "God's still there, He cares and even though weeping may abide for the night everything's gonna to be alright."

"A great multitude is coming against you...Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the Lord...'O Lord, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might so that none is able to withstand you...We are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We don't know what to do, but our eyes are on you." (2 Chronicles 20)

God's response to Jehoshaphat was, "Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's...Stand firm hold your positions, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf." On the day of battle, " He appointed those who were to sing to the LORD and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and said, 'Give thanks to the LORD, for his steadfast love endures forever.'" Jehoshaphat put the ones who sang songs of praise in the front. When the army got there they found that God had done what He had promised. He had fought the battle on their behalf and it took them three days to carry away the spoils.

My young friend was suffering the terrible grief of having lost his mother. The grief was real. But the promise in the song was real too. "God's still there, He cares and even though weeping may abide for the night everything's gonna to be alright."  The threat to Jehoshaphat was real, but when he chose to give priority to God's steadfast love the victory was given.

Lord Jesus, the struggles in my life are real but I choose to begin my day by giving You thanks and reminding myself that Your steadfast love endures forever. I know Your still here and that You care and even though weeping may endure for the night everything is going be alright.

On the Last Page

"Mimi don't,' his voice pleaded, 'don't finish the last page!" We had begun a tradition of reading one book in the Chronicles of Narnia series every Summer. Before I would begin reading I would whisper, "Do you want to go to Narnia with me?" This was the seventh Summer the seventh book and now we were on the last page.

He left for camp on Sunday the last page still unread. He still doesn't know the how it ends but I do. This is not my first time to read these books. I have visited Narnia many times with my children and now I go there with my grandchildren. The last thing he let me read to him was, "The light ahead was growing stronger." What he didn't let me read to him was, "And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story."

"It was only the beginning of the real story." That echos the feeling I have when I read the last book in the book of books. "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more." (Revelations 21:1) The first book told the story of creation which thrilled the soul until evil was introduced with marred the beauty. In the final book evil is done away with and there is a new beginning.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."(Revelation 21:3)

Lord Jesus, on the last page of Your book I read Your promise, "Surely I am coming soon." I add my voice to those who say, "Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen."

In the Clefts of the Rock, In the Crannies of the Cliff

She was hiding behind a wall of self consciousness even though he had sought her out with words of love. She wanted to be loved but like a dove she hid herself in the clefts of a rock. She was afraid and weak and timorous. Because she was more aware of who she was than who he was, she hid.

"O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." ( Song of Solomon 2:14) Whenever I become to self focused I find it hard to leave my hiding places. Yet even in my secret places of self contempt I hear the voice of Jesus inviting me to come boldly to the throne of grace.

"Let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet" and I respond, "It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night." (Psalm 91:1-2) Whenever I respond to the love that God has lavished on me by turning my eyes away from my unworthiness towards Him my heart is lifted. I become like one who has been set free.

I woke this morning while it was still dark. I sat in the pre-dawn coolness letting my heart respond to the steadfast love of God with praise. My thought and words of praise became a lamp shining in the darkness waiting for the day to dawn. Wrapped in the awareness of God's love through praise I was aware of the morning star arising in my heart.

Lord Jesus, You have invited me to begin my day with words of praise and thanksgiving drawing my attention away from my unworthiness to look instead at Your unfailing love. In the evening You call to me to remember Your faithfulness and rest in the shadow of Your wing. Forgive me for the fear my self focus brings. Help me today to lift both my face and voice to You in praise.

" but who can survive a broken spirit?"

It happens. Sometimes it happens. The wall is breached or something inside shatters and suddenly the questions and the doubts come unbidden, unwelcome and yet they come. "What if there is no God? What if it's all just a farce, a fairy tale, make believe?" With these questions comes a smothering darkness. A darkness so great that it is able to break the spirit of a man. "Who can survive a broken spirit?" (Proverbs 18:14)

When the spirit is broken the light of the eyes is extinguished we find ourselves stumbling in the darkness, shrouded by a since of hopeless futility, groping for something to hold onto. This is the place where the spirit is broken and the heart is sick and the question is asked, "Is there hope?"

A heart and spirit that has been bruised and broken needs a physician. Someone who is lost needs to be found. When Jesus came to seek and to save the lost he also came as the great physician but he came gently as a man of sorrows who was acquainted with grief. He reached out and touched blind eyes. He found those broken not only in body but in soul and mind and healed them.

I am one who has been found. I am one who has been healed. The message I bring is one of hope. The hope I have I have been given. I did not find God but He found me. He spread His healing wing around me and comforted by His presence I rested in His love and breathed in His Spirit.

Thank You Jesus for coming and finding me when I couldn't find You. Thank You that You did not stand aloof appalled by my sin and the sickness of my soul but instead You came and brought healing. Please show me how to represent You well in my generation reaching out a gentle hand to those in need. Please let me be a vessel through which Your light can shine.

An Invitation Not an Obligation

I volunteered to make a chart for the prayer vigil at camp this year. The prayer vigil covered from 9 PM til 7 AM. A teenage boy signed up for 5 AM and asked me a very honest question, "How do you wake up to pray at five in the morning?" I told him my understanding of the invitation we have to come into God's presence.

"The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son." Matthew 22:2 When I consider the invitations I find in scripture to come into God's presence through prayer I see myself invited to come into the presence of God to participate in a feast He has prepared. "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock ad the door will be opened to you." (Luke 11:9)

In the parable Jesus told that those who were invited to the feast were unwilling to come. I see a similar problem concerning prayer, "You do not have because you so not ask." (James 4:2) In both cases the lack of desire for communion with God seems to be because the invitation is viewed more like an obligation, an unwanted obligation that interrupts plans that have already been made.

"How do you wake up at five in the morning?" Sometimes I am awaken by the words of the Song of Solomon, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me." I wake while it is still dark with a since of anticipation. I have been invited to have communion the lover of my soul, my Redeemer,Savior, High Priest and friend.

Lord Jesus, thank You for inviting me to be Your guest at the banquet table.

Part of a Bigger Story

I was asked to lead creative writing at camp last week. The theme of each session was that we are part of a bigger story. The last assignment came from my reading about Hezekiah. "Hezekiah trusted in the LORD God of Israel; not one of the kings of Judah was like him, either before him or after him." (2 Kings 18:5) Yet, when he was thirty nine years old he became terminally ill and the prophet Isaiah came to him with this message from God, "This is what the LORD says: 'Put your affairs in order, for you are about to die; you will not recover.'" (2 Kings 20:1) The question I asked was, "How would you respond if this was a message you heard from God?"

When I picked up my pencil to write the memory flooded back into my mind;

Whenever I went to visit my little sister I would smile at her three sons who were four and under. They had the ability to make the room seem more like a three ring circus than a living room. Ah, but then Steve, their daddy, would come home. He would change from his suite into clothes suitable for a romp on the floor with his boys.

"Ya'll go out and enjoy the evening they're mine for the night." A backward glance was all I needed. The Daddy was covered with his children and his face was covered with a smile.

He was a picture of health, so much so that he had been asked to be a model. He was keenly intelligent and at the age of thirty three he was already a partner in a CPA firm. He was thirty three. He was only thirty three. It was a fast growing cancer. I had seen him that Spring laughing, a boy riding on each of his legs and one in his arms, but in August two weeks before his wife, my sister, turned thirty he was dead.

I was with Trisha when she came home. I watched as she walked to the refrigerator and took the postcard someone had sent her. The postcard read, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11) I held my breath and wondered how she would respond. She paused and the said, "The plan God had for Steve was Heaven but I believe that the plans He has for me are for wholeness and not evil, to give me a future and a hope."

Lord, there are somethings that happen that I just don't understand and I believe can only make since with an eternal perspective. Please help me to follow my little sister's example and trust in Your promise even if my heart is broken.